I had slept on the couch that night. Gerard Jr. was still ignoring me–if you consider insulting and spitting in someone’s face as ignoring. When we had gotten home he had kind of fallen down the stairs to the basement yelling ‘don’t you ever step in here again, bastard’. And there I was, going downstairs to check on him at eight AM, and basically risking my life by ‘stepping in here again’.

I walked down to his room, making sure the stairs didn’t creak under my feet and placed my hand on the doorknob, turning it slowly and silently.

“I heard you, idiot,” Gerard Jr. spat, making me jump a little.
I opened the door completely and what I saw wasn’t any worse than what I had expected.

He lay face down on his mattress, surrounded by empty bottles of alcohol and bags of cocaine. Hell, I wasn’t even sure if my vision was blurry because it was early or if it was because cocaine was actually floating in the room.

I sighed.

“Gerard,” I said, biting my lip. “Gerard, where did you find all of that?” I asked. “You said you’d get better…”

“What’s the fucking point? Frank will never ever fucking love me-“

“-To save our brother is the fucking point! If you don’t want a good future, well so be it. But at least, allow Mikey to have a future. You’re going to destroy his fucking life if you stay on that track. The worst part is that you won’t even be able to fucking know if he forgave you. But you don’t get that, do you?”
He sighed shakily, allowing one single tear to run down his cheek.

“It’s hard,” he started. “Quitting, I mean. And you in the whole world should know it. I just can’t get over this, it’s a part of me. Whenever I’m down, it’s the only fucking thing actually helping me up.”

“It’s most likely pulling you deeper, Gerard.”

“Well it certainly doesn’t feel like it. I just can’t decide to stop and be able not to touch any of these things anymore just because you said so. I can never get rid of this addiction. And I know, I know that it’s killing me slowly, but man, this death just feels too good.”

I was still at the door, listening to his every word, and obviously understanding every single feeling. He didn’t even have to tell me. I knew how fucking hard it was. But I had quit. I had quit too late, but I had anyway. I had to make him quit sooner. Because I would never forgive myself if Mikey wasn’t saved from his horrible fate.

“I know. But isn’t Mikey’s life one good hell of a motivation? Don’t you think that knowing that if you don’t quit, you’ll never see Mikey again after you send him to the hospital? You can get through this, and you fucking know it. You just don’t want to, you don’t even try. But Mikey needs you to try, and succeed. And you will.” I walked to the bed, and knelt down next to him. “Trust yourself, you’re able not to fuck up. Do it for yourself, for Mikey, for mom and dad,” I paused, “for Frank.”
His eyes rose up to meet mine, and he nodded slowly.
“Good.” I rubbed his knees comfortingly. “Let’s go upstairs, and get some coffee, yeah?”
He nodded once again.
“All right.”

I stood up and helped him up, making sure he wouldn’t fall. Hell, he really was fucked up right now, more than I remember having been.
“Did you drink and take drugs all night long?” I asked, a little bit worried. He could overdose anytime, or faint while climbing the stairs.
Wait, would I disappear if he died?

“Can we just, not talk about it, please?” he snapped, and it was my turn to nod.

We fought our way up the stairs, and I helped him sit on the couch. “Stay here, I’ll go make coffee, all right?”

“Not like I could actually get up by myself,” he said, sarcasm ringing through his voice.
I shook my head and went to the coffee maker.

Once it was done, I poured two mugs and put two spoons of sugar in each.
I walked back to the couch where a sleeping young me was lying. I put the coffee down on the coffee table and sipped mine silently.

“Good morning boys,” I heard beside me.

“Hi mo- Mrs.Way.” I really needed to remember not to call her mom.

“Partied hard yesterday, I see,” she laughed at Gerard Jr.’s sleeping body on the couch. “Poor boy, never knows when to stop. I hope he didn’t cause any trouble,” she mumbled, getting herself a mug of coffee.

Nope, he didn’t. I did, though. “No, he was fine.” I smiled. “We honestly had a good time,” I lied.

“That’s good to hear. Oh I better wake Mikey up, I don’t want him sleeping all day,” she said and rushed to Mikey’s room.

I heard her opening the curtains and Mikey groaning, pleading for one more hour.

*

It was Saturday, and Frank was supposed to call us but hadn’t yet.
“You need to call him yourself,” Mikey stated.

“What? Have you gone insane? I don’t want to annoy him, if he didn’t call it’s because he probably doesn’t need help at the store,” Gerard Jr. retorted.

“Or maybe he thinks he is going to annoy you by calling,” I suggested.
Gerard Jr. threw me a look that screamed ‘are you fucking stupid’ and I guess I just shut up.

“He’s right though,” Mikey started. “You won’t know if you don’t try.”

“Drop it, I’m not calling him.”

*

“Hey Frank, it’s Gerard. Uh, like, you didn’t call so uh, I guess I’m calling you? I guess you’re pretty busy or else you would have answered, right?" He chuckled nervously. "Yeah um, you, do you need help or something at the store? Because I could come over to, well, help? I don’t know, call me back when you get this I guess?” He hung up. “God, why am I doing this again?” he asked Mikey and I.
We both looked at him but didn’t answer.
“That was so awkward. How many times did I say ‘I guess’? Fuck, I don’t know how I even managed to be that awkward on a voice mail.” he groaned, plonking down on the couch.

“Voice mails always are awkward,” I said, trying to somewhat reassure him.

“Call him again,” Mikey said.
Gerard Jr. and I both looked at him like he was crazy, then. This was just stupid, one call was more than enough.
“Do it,” he pressed, and Gerard Jr. pressed call obediently.

He put the phone to his ear and waited not even three seconds before he put his arm back down, his face as blank as fucking snow.
"Uh-"

“It didn’t even ring,” he cut me off. “Why is he avoiding me?” His voice dropped as he dropped his eyes to the ground, searching for an answer to his question.
I walked towards the couch and sat next to him, Mikey doing the same.

“Hey, his battery could have died down, or maybe he pressed the wrong key, you never know.” I stroked his back slowly before taking him in my arms. He seriously needed a shower. “You seriously need a shower,” I said as I let go of him.

He snorted, “Way to make me feel better.”

“Seriously though.” Mikey said after having sniffed him.

“Ok, all right, Jesus.” He stood up and went downstairs to his bathroom.

“I should probably go to the store with him after he’s taken that shower,” I stated. “So that he and Frank can talk.”
Mikey hummed.
“Why do you think Frank’s ignoring his calls?”

“O M F G,” he said. Literally. No, he really did. “Dude, you have no clue on what’s happening right now? I mean I know how blind my brother is but I thought that, since you were the older version, you would’ve had some brain updates or something?”

“What?” Because honestly, I was lost.

“I am so letting you figure this all out on your own,” he said.

“Seriously, I don’t even know what you’re talking about, Mikey.”

He nodded mischievously, stood up and walked backwards while whispering with a bit of an insane-tone to his words, “That’s the whole point.” And he left the room.

Sure then.

*

“You can’t be serious, I called him and he didn’t answer. Why would he want to fucking see me at the store?”

“You don’t even know if he ignored the calls on purpose, Gerard,” I said.

“You can’t force me to fucking go.”

*

“Why does this always fucking happen?” he asked as we were on our way to the store.

“Why does what always happen?”

“This,” he exclaimed. “Me surrendering and ending up doing what people tell me to?”
I laughed, but didn’t answer.
“You better not be laughing at what I just said.”

“Or what?” I chuckled.

“Whatever.”

We walked the rest of the way there silently, occasionally exchanging a few words about what he should tell Frank.
When we got there, though, we were welcomed by a closed door and no Frank to be seen.

Gerard Jr. sighed.
“Although I didn’t want to come, I kind of did expect to see him.”

“I’m sorry,” I offered. But being sorry wasn’t going to cut it. This concerned me too, I needed to get both of them together forever, I needed to get Frank. When I would go back to the year I came from, I would want to wake up next to Frank’s sleeping body and smell his hair, kiss his neck.

We turned around and were surprised to find a hungover Frank standing right in front of us, all still.
“What are you two doing here?” he asked, more like snapped actually.

“Well, you didn’t call and I thought-"

"Exactly,” Frank cut Gerard Jr. off. “I didn’t call. I think we can agree on the fact that this means I don’t need you here? You guys can go home.” He looked up at me for two short seconds before dropping his look back to Gerard Jr.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Frank?” Gerard Jr. asked firmly, with a sudden confidence I didn’t know he possessed.

Frank was taken aback a little but quickly regained his composure.
“What’s wrong with me? Are you serious?” Frank asked, eyes wide. “We’ve known each other for what, three years now?”
I saw Gerard Jr. nod hesitantly.
“Well it seems like you still can’t tell a thing about who I am, what I want, and what I don’t want to fucking happen under my fucking eyes,” Frank finished.
To that, he walked past us, brutally shoving Gerard Jr. in the process.

“Frank wait! I don’t understand,” Gerard Jr. tried in vain as Frank didn’t turn back and got into the store.
I put a comforting hand on his shoulder, feeling sorry for him, for me.
“Maybe I’m not meant to be with him, then. Maybe that’s why you don’t remember him,” he said.

“I hope this doesn’t mean you’re giving up, because I’m not letting you,” I said. “And I’m sure a part of why I was sent here was to get Frank in our fucking life, so don’t you fucking give up on him, you hear me?”

He shook his head, “Whatever you say.”
We walked back home, defeated, me following behind. Things were going to be really hard.

Frank was mad for only God knows why, and Gerard would do drugs whenever he’d feel down because of Frank. And I was supposed to find a way to put an end to this mess.
But what if all of this was just a dream? What if I actually was sleeping in my hotel room in Chicago? Then I couldn’t wait for Matt to wake me up.

We reached home, and got inside an empty house. There was a note placed on the door of Gerard Jr.’s basement—because it was just plain sure he wouldn’t see it if it were placed anywhere else—that said:
“Hey honey,
Mikey and I are out at the grocery store downtown.
Ring me up if you need anything!
Love.
PS: Tell Arthur I prepared the guest room upstairs for him, if he needs a little privacy from time to time.”
Gerard Jr. sighed and got the paper off his door. Turning it over, there was an angry note—judging by the caps and messy writing—from Mikey, shouting:
“DUDE, GERARD, MOTHERFUCKER I HATE YOU. WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME ALONE WITH HER?
SHE ALWAYS FORCES ME TO COME WITH HER WHEREVER SHE GOES WHEN YOU’RE NOT THERE TO FIGHT WITH ME AGAINST HER FUCKING ‘Oh sweetheart, you never do things with your mom anymore *PUPPY-FUCKING-LOOK*’
Fucking done with our brotherhood.
YOU TOO ‘ARTHUR’.”
This actually managed to get a small chuckle out of Gerard Jr., and ease the atmosphere.

*

We were sat on the couch, watching TV when I decided I would voice my current thoughts to him. “So, I’ve been thinking,” I started. “What about we throw away every illicit substance you have down there while nobody’s home?”
I was kind of unsure about that. He didn’t even get the time to slow the doses yet, and I was telling him to just, stop right off.
He froze, his eyes widening as if there was an arm growing on my face. But then, he simply, slowly nodded.
“Really?” I asked. He definitely had more confidence and faith than I remembered having. Maybe things would turn out to be easier to change than I thought they’d be.

He exhaled slowly, “Yes,” he said.

“Let’s go then.”

*

“Xanax? Seriously? I don’t even remember taking that,” I said, shocked.
It felt like someone had played with my memories, and had erased or changed a part of my life. This was a horrible feeling, really.

“Well I, yeah,” he stammered. “Let me take care of that one.”
He took the little box and walked to the bathroom before kneeling in front of the toilets.
“Can I,” he paused. “Can I take some one last time?” he asked, hope filling his voice.

“It’ll only make it harder, believe me.”
He let out a shaky breath before opening the box, and spilling its contents in the bowl.
“See, you did it,” I said.
He turned to me, displaying a weak smile on his face. The hardest was to come though. His pack of cocaine was still on the bed, and I could see him eying it, mentally pleading me to let him keep it.
“Gerard, don’t you think- I mean, it’s hard for me too, you know? I can’t just sit in front of a pack of coke and not have my thoughts drifting from ‘maybe just one snort’ to ‘why did I ever fucking stop’.” I said. “Everybody says that we can only trust ourselves, well there, you can be sure I’m never going to let you down. We’re going through this together.”
I grabbed the pack and threw it at him. He caught and looked right into my eyes, looking so lost.
“Do it, Gerard.”

He slowly turned and knelt down again, opening the pack in the process. I could hear him sniff in the powder that had escaped the plastic bag and was floating in the air, before hearing the noise of the block of powder meeting the water of the toilets.
“Ok,” he said. “Ok I did this, but what now?”

“Now you carry on with the very same faith that gave you the strength to throw all that junk away.”

*

We were both sat on the bed, talking about Frank, when we heard the front door open and our mom shouting at Mikey for dragging the bag on the ground instead of holding it up.
“You’re going to bruise and ruin all the vegetables,” she exclaimed.

“Good,” Mikey muttered.
We heard steps getting closer to the basement door and Mikey appeared in the room a few seconds later.
He started glaring at Gerard Jr. then looked up at me.
“Someone out there wants to talk to you,” he mumbled, pointing upstairs and drifting his eyes back on Gerard Jr.

I frowned, who could be asking for me? I didn’t exactly know anyone in here.
I made my way to the front door, getting a little nervous as to who it could be. What if it were that guy who’d given me the necklace? What if I’d done something wrong and had just wasted my unique chance to fix myself?

I cracked the door open and let out a sigh of relief. Frank was there, his hood up and his earphones on, head banging with his eyes stuck on the ground. I opened the door wider and got out before slightly closing it behind me.
He quickly looked up and put an earphone out before smiling slightly and saying a soft “Hi.”

I frowned. “Um, hi?”

He rubbed his neck. “Uh, so I finished my shift at the store and I thought that I’d stop by to uh, clear things up?”

“Go on,” I said, leaning against the door frame.

“It’s about the kiss, yesterday.”

“I’d figured that much out, Frank.” I smiled. “What about it?”
I saw his cheeks heat up slightly as he shifted from one foot to the other, nibbling at his lip ring.
“Come on, don’t be afraid to break my little heart by telling me it didn’t mean anything,” I started in a warm tone, trying to get him more at ease. “If it can get you started, I didn’t mean anything either by kissing you back,” I said, my lips crooked in a soft smile. He looked up.

“Oh,” he said, looking back down. “Cool, I guess.”
And oh, had I hit his ego? Was he expecting me to be all into him?

“No offense,” I tried. “It doesn’t mean that I didn’t enjoy it.”
He tried to hide the smile that crept his way on his face but failed miserably.
“Is that all you wanted to tell me?”

“Yes, no, I- Remember that Gerard had kissed that girl yesterday at the bar? And like, that might be the reason why I kissed you in front of him? Because, I appreciate him, like, a lot and the kiss they shared just got me bummed, you know? I don’t- I think I might’ve gotten a little jealous and, Christ… I’ve been leaving hints here and there for months to try to make him see that friendship is way too far from what I want from him. And I know he likes guys, and I just, I can see how he looks at me sometimes, you know? But I can’t get myself to make the first move because I don’t know if he really likes me or if I’m imagining things, and he will never make it either because he’s so oblivious to what I’m feeling.” He sighed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to talk that much,” he said, looking up at me and frowning when he saw my grin.

“It’s ok,” I said, biting my lip. “You know, I think Gerard might-- No hey, never mind, it’s all good.”
It was Gerard’s business to tell Frank about how he felt, not mine.
“I’ll try to investigate on Gerard’s feelings.” I winked.

He bit a smile, “Thanks.”

“Do you want to come in?” I asked. It really was cold outside; I couldn’t not invite him inside, could I?

“Oh, no, I’m going to head home.” He nodded to his own sentence, his look dropping to the ground again. He turned and over his shoulder he said, “Thanks again, Arthur.”

I smiled as I got back into the house and closed the door behind me. Gerard Jr. got out of the kitchen, holding a toast between his teeth—managing to smile without dropping it—and asked as clearly as he could who was at the door.

“It was Frank,” I said and his smile vanished as he took the bread out of his mouth. His eyes got lost in the images from the memories of what had happened yesterday night, and I could see him hurt again.

“What--” he started, “What did he want?” he asked softly.
I walked towards him, brushing some strands of hair out of his face and letting my hand linger on his cheek.
He looked into my eyes, desperate to know, but fearing what he’d hear.
I let my hand fall to his neck, brushing my thumb on the base of his jaw slowly.

“Cheer up, Gerard, he’s only got eyes for you,” I murmured.

“I-is that what he said?” he asked, his eyes dropping to my lips for a short time. That’s when I realized that we were way too close.
I took a step back and let my hand fall to my side, trying to stay subtle.

“No, but trust me on that one, will you?” I said.
His eyes left my lips to meet my eyes.

He nodded, “Ok.” He smiled and brought the toast back to his mouth. “Ok,” he repeated, grinning then, staring into nothingness.

Mikey cleared his throat and glared at the both of us. “This is so fucking cheesy, what’s the use of love anyway?”
I shook my head at his ignorance.

“You’ll find out when you feel it.”

*

We had moved to the living room and sat down on the couch in front of the TV, Gerard Jr. between Mikey and I, his head resting on my shoulder and his feet nudging under Mikey’s thighs.
This felt so good, so familiar. Mikey was there, and I actually got to see him again and spend time with him.
Everything felt so normal—although really, no, it shouldn’t feel normal. I had time-travelled, goddammit—and right, and yes, I had missed those TV afternoons I used to spend with Mikey.

Notes

GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH.
Probably lost all of the readers but I just don't want to drop this story. Even if I write it for no one.