Sometimes I Think I'll Die Alone

Frank’s P.O.V.

The band and I were setting up at The Loop Lounge in New Jersey and getting ready for a show that was starting in a short while. Pencey Prep. That’s our band on Eyeball Records. Yes, it is also named after the school in ‘A Catcher in the Rye’. Well... It is a great book. Anyway, we’d played quite a few shows recently so it’s not like we were all hysterically nervous... But I get kinda shy being the singer... I mean, I play guitar too, pretty fucking immensely if I do say so myself, but singing live just isn’t the most comfortable thing for me, I much prefer screaming, I’m good at that too. Don’t get me wrong, I love it, it’s just the pressure of being in front of all those people and having to be the front man. But I love what I do, that’s what matters.

So, we were just about finished setting up when people started coming into the Lounge, and there were quite a few. Then I saw the few people I wanted to see here, Gerard, Mikey, Ray and Bob. They were in a band called My Chemical Romance who were also on Eyeball Records. I’d met those guys at one of the house parties, they were most probably my favourite band, and they hadn’t even released a record yet. I hopped down off the stage to greet the guys and noticed someone as I got closer. A girl. A pretty hot one at that... Since when did any of these guys know any chicks?! I mean, I love those guys... But come on!

Gerard saw me when I flagged him down, and walked in my direction, followed by the guys... and this girl.

“Hey man! How’s it going?” Gerard said as he bro hugged me.

“Hey guys. I’m doing pretty good... You excited for your first show?” I looked back to the girl again while Gerard answered me. Fuck she was cute... Wait. No... Frank, you promised yourself you wouldn’t do this again. Not after Melissa.

Oh, right. Melissa was my high school girlfriend, sure I’m still in high school, but I’m talking about earlier on. Yeah, so, in short, I was in love with that girl. We were together for about three years, when she suddenly decided to fuck this douche that goes to Belleville High before the summer. I go to Queen of Peace, so I don’t know him but I know his name was like, Harry, or Harrison or some shit like that. I don’t need to know his name, I fucking hate him. So, naturally, I broke up with her just before school ended. That was one lonely summer...

So there. You know the story of the worst fucking heartbreak so far in my life. Hence why I’m trying to keep my eyes and thoughts to myself. Which... Actually wasn’t working as I only just realised that I was still looking at her... Damn.

She lifted her head to look at me and our eyes locked for just a few seconds, then she put her head down and on Mikey’s shoulder. Oh...

But there was something about her that wasn’t quite right... She looked... Broken. Her deep blue eyes showed next to no emotion in them... She really just looked like she wanted to cry. But it also looked like that was the way she was supposed to look...

I was snapped out of my thoughts when one of the guys tapped me on the shoulder, “Hey, Frank! We gotta do our thing now, man. Come on.” I nodded and bid a farewell to the guys. Guess which blue and blonde haired girl was still lingering in the back of my mind... You’ll never guess...

* * *

Grey’s P.O.V.

Well... I guess his name was Frank... I mean. What? I wasn’t just thinking about him. No. Never. Fine. Maybe I was... But that didn’t mean I wanted to. I didn’t like getting involved with guys, I’d never even had a boyfriend. I just didn’t want one, I didn’t feel like I could trust anyone who had that kind of access to my personal life. Besides Mikey. But that was it. Mikey was the only one I trusted, and the only one I wanted to put my trust into.

But his hazel eyes were so pretty...

What?! No.

I got nudged in my side by Mikey, “Hey Blue, come on, we’re gonna go watch Pencey Prep.” I guess that’ll be Frank’s band then. Mikey and I were led by the guys to stand in front of the small stage, and as there weren’t many people here, we were stood at the very front. Then the lights dimmed just enough to get a proper ‘gig’ feel from this place, and Frank strolled up to the mic, guitar over his shoulder, Thursday t-shirt on, and spoke.

“Hey guys. We are Pencey Prep and we just wanna say thanks to all you for coming here, and our friends, My Chemical Romance that are here tonight, for actually bothering to watch us.” He cleared his throat and nodded to his fellow bandmates.

“Alright, this one’s called ‘8th Grade’.”

There was a moment of silence before the first long set of notes were played and Frank sung into the mic the first verse of the song, “Caught staring again, like a deer in the headlights. When I can't move fast enough, I take a hit for the team.”

His voice was raw and angry... Fuck I liked it. He looked so intense and focused while he sang and played, I literally couldn’t take my eyes off him.

As the songs progressed, I don’t know, about three more had gone by, my neck was hurting and I had my head laid on Mikey’s shoulder. The songs were beginning to get softer now, and one really caught my attention, I believe it was called ‘Lloyd Dobbler’. I thought it was beautiful. I listened intently as Frank sang the words,

“Why are you so far away?

Even when you're standing next to me

Your eyes give you away

Telling secrets when your mouth don't feel like talking,

And I'll be your Lloyd Dobbler

With a boombox out in the street

And I'll be there if you need someone

Even if he isn't me.

Lying in your bed

As lights dance across the ceiling

I listen to you breathe

Toss and turn in your sleep

And I wish that you'd believe,

That I'll be your Lloyd Dobbler

With a boombox out in the street

And I'll be there if you need someone

Even if he isn't me.

There's a Norman Rockwell painting

Two kids sitting on a bench

It reminds me of all the stupid things

I'd like for us to share

But I don't care.”

Man, this guy was deep... This was by far my favourite song of theirs. One thing that bothered me slightly was how, when his eyes weren’t closed, they were looking in my direction. I mean, I’m not sure, but that’s just what it seemed like...

When they had finished their set with one more song they all smiled weakly and tiredly, thanked the audience and walked off stage. Wait... Oh fuck... We were on soon... Damn.

I can’t close my eyes, can’t shut my eyes to you. I can’t close my eyes, I won’t shed a tear. Heartbreak is forever.

Notes