Sometimes I Think I'll Die Alone

As Mikey was 2 years older than me, naturally, we were split up at school. That was bad. I missed him. But lessons were usually okay I guess, I just sat in the back corner alone, being one of the only ones actually paying any attention to anything. I liked being alone though, it made me feel more... like me I suppose. The first few lessons went by pretty smoothly and luckily, it had come up to lunch. I hadn’t been harassed by Harrison like I thought I might have been... sad to admit I couldn’t say the same for Mikey though...

Mikey and I always sat outside below the huge oak tree at lunch, mainly so Mikey could avoid everyone that hated him. As I walked up to the tree, I saw Mikey there, as usual, but he didn’t look as great as I’d hoped.

“Yo Mikes! What’s Up?” I yelled. He didn’t say anything, just sat there, cross-legged and looking at the food in his lap. I got closer to him and saw that he’d been given a black eye on the left side of his face. “Oh Mikes...” I gasped, sitting down next to him and smoothing out the hair from his face. His big hazel eyes looked at me and a small single tear slid down his cheek. I sighed, “Mikes... What happened?”

He leaned his head on my shoulder and sniffed slightly, “Harrison, the asshole... He- he Hit me... As you probably guessed... But he made me mad... And I mean really fucking mad.”

I stroked his hair, trying to calm him down, “What’d he do Mikey?”

He cleared his throat, “He was talking shit about you.” I was slightly surprised, not because Harrison was talking shit about me, that much was bound to happen, but the fact it made Mikey so upset.

“Don’t worry about me Mikey, Harrison’s a dick. He barely classes as human, he’s not worth your anger.”

He looked up at me with those dark, glossy eyes, “I always worry about you Grey... You’re my best friend... My only friend besides the guys and Gerard...” This wasn’t it though... I knew that there was something else...

I pulled his head to face me, “Mikes... What else happened?”

He placed his head back and sighed, “He also... Talked shit about Gerard... You know, the stuff about... His bad times...”

Now that made me angry. Gerard went through a tough time with depression before he finished school, had a bit of a drinking problem too... With a few other things here and there. And those assholes always fucked with Mikey, constantly bringing it up.

“What did they say?” I kept calm, for Mikey’s sake.

Mikey sniffled again, “Um... I don’t know... Something along the lines of ‘Your gay fag brother... Slitting his wrists... Popping pills...’ All that fucking shit. I got mad... and tried to hit him... Being me of course that didn’t go well... That was when Harrison hit me...”

I hugged him tight, “It’s okay Mikes... At least you’ve got people that care about you, unlike him. You’ve got friends that would do anything for you because they love you, Harrison doesn’t.”

He hugged me back, “I love you Blue.”

I smiled, “Love you too buddy. But come on Mikes, we’ve gotta go back now.”

He sniffled and stood up, pulling me up with him, “Oh yeah, meet me outside school okay? We need to rehearse before tonight... If you’re still cool with it?” He smiled weakly.

I started walking, dragging him with me, linking our arms, “Of course I am Mikey.”

Yeah. I was cool with it. Doesn’t mean I wasn’t scared as fuck...

* * *

I waited for Mikey after school like I said I would. It didn’t really surprise me how he was five minutes late, that’s pretty normal.

I smiled when I was greeted by a hug around my waist.

“Hello my baby unicorn.” He doesn’t even like unicorns... Whatever, I still call him that.

I heard Mikey’s high pitched giggle and turned around to face him, “You ready to go to Ray’s?” I smiled and nodded. Mikey looked sympathetically at me, he knew how nervous I was. And really, I knew he was just as nervous... I mean, I’d never played guitar in front of anyone, and the guys hadn’t played in front of a proper audience... So of course they’d be just as nervous as me... But then, they’d had a lot more time to practice than me.

We started to walk down the road to Ray’s, arms linked when a voice called over,

“Hey fag! Nice eye!” We didn’t even need to turn around to know who it was, so we just carried on walking, turning the corner.

Mikey sighed and I squeezed his arm, “It’s okay Mikey, he’s just a pathetic invalid.”

He chuckled, “Bit harsh?”

I frowned, “Oh, and what he did to your eye wasn’t?” I asked sarcastically.

Mikey just smiled and held my hand. This boy didn’t really get angry much. Nor did I really, I was just really pissed at those fuckers.

* * *

We arrived at Ray’s and went through the garage door, being greeted with a hug by Gerard, Bob and, of course, the man, Ray himself.

Gerard was the first to speak, “Aw man, Blue! Thank you so much for helping us out with this, it means so much to us!” I smiled back at the beaming chipmunk,

“It’s no problem Gee, just shitting myself about it, but... I guess I gotta get over that soon...” I smiled awkwardly.

Mike came and hugged my waist, “ I told you, you’ll be great.”

The guys all smiled warmly at me, actually managing to comfort me somewhat. Then Ray spoke, “Okay! Come on guys, let’s play some music!”

I picked up my guitar, ‘Cassie’. Yeah, I named my guitar, what of it? I actually was going to call her ‘Cassandra’, meaning; she who is ignored. But it was a bit long... so I called her ‘Cassie’ instead.

We all set up ourselves and our instruments in our designated areas; Bob at the back, Ray to the left, Mikey just in front of Bob, Gerard at the front, and I was taking my place on the right.

As Ray played his first few notes, I immediately came in playing pretty much the same part, recognising the song as ‘Skylines and Turnstiles’. The band only really needed a second guitarist for two of the songs so far, so for the rest, I just had to mimic what Ray was playing, besides his wicked solos. And so far, I was feeling pretty good about this.

Bring it on suckers.

Bold enough to fall flat on my face but I walk as they crawl.

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