I'm not Okay

School persists. I guess it always does.
The assholes, they persist too. I guess they always do too.
I’m late for school on Thursday and have to run to my locker to get my French books. Frank is just standing, staring out the window when I get there, “Late?” he asks as I throw open my locker.
“Really fucking late,” I say pulling out a text book and copy, “you will be too, you should go to class.”
I turn my back and run toward the classroom. The final bell rings as I skirt around the corner and fall against the closing door. I thought the door was closed and all my weight was to aid my opening of it. Unfortunately it wasn’t and I end up falling in the door, the weight of my bag knocking me right onto the floor. The smack of my head on linoleum stings like a bitch. Almost everyone is seated when I look up, and all of them are staring at me.
“That was a beautiful entrance, Mr. Way. Please stand and take your seat,” my teacher says from his desk.
I nod and pick myself up, only to trudge over and sit in the very front. I can literally feel how red my face and neck are and the silent taunts are really only feeding the flush. “What was that Way Gay”, “don’t hump the floor”, etc.
French class passes in a flurry of “Oui oui oui” and “je ne sais pas”. Yes that is the extent of my French, at least I can say I don’t know. My teacher reprimands me for doodling all over my note book. At least I managed to cover the elaborate drawing I did on a spare sheet that just happens to look like Frank’s face surrounded in stars and swirls.
When class is over I shove the page into my pocket and walk quickly to the door, I need to get some books before the next class. Just as I make it out into the corridor, a leg comes out of nowhere and I go sprawling across the ground, again. Someone steps on my hand, probably by accident, and someone else kicks me in the ribs. I curl up and try and rise when I feel the page being pulled from my back pocket.
“What’s this then,” says Tyson, a friend of Chase and Logan, uncrumpling the page. His eyebrows rise and he begins to grin. “This your boyfriend then Way Gay? Do you take French so you can serenade him is it?” he laughs. I stand up and walk away towards my lockers, leaving the taunts and jeers of everyone who must now believe I have a boyfriend. Fab.
I get my books and am late to math anyway, I don’t really care. My teacher says nothing just stares at me until I sit down. She explains an equation quickly and then gives us five others to do while she goes out to photocopy our homework. The second she leaves the room everyone begins to talk to their friends. I hear rumours behind me about some sophomore called Jessica who got pregnant and then an abortion. It’s likely that that’s bullshit. I can also hear someone talking about “that junior gay couple”. I don’t get it, I’ve never actually had a boyfriend and everyone hates my “gayness” but Mikey’s friends Jack and Alex are openly gay and everyone loves them. I don’t want people to not like them, just maybe not be so hypocritical. It’s probably just because they’re not total emo losers.
“Yo, Way,” a whisper comes from my left. I look over. “Can I borrow your eraser?”
“Yea sure,” I hand the guy, Bob, my eraser and he nods in thanks. I am quite fond of this guy Bob. I wouldn’t call him my friend, just one of the few people who ever stuck up for me. Last year chase was kicking the shit out of me and Bob pulled him away, punched him in the face and told him not to be “a fucking cunt”. Chase has only ever tried to beat me up on days Bob is not in school.
I manage to get passed three notes before the teacher returns. One is the drawing I did with dicks drawn all over it, nice. Two are just people simply asking “If I have a boyf yet” and if they need to “help me fuck him”. I hold the notes up in the air and announce, “That is not very catholic of you.” The teacher comes in before I get a response.
I’m one of the first in line at the canteen, thankfully, and manage to escape without my meatloaf decorating my shirt.
On my way toward the door Mikey flags me down. “Hi?”
“Want to eat with us?” he offers, gesturing to the seat beside Jack. I smile and nod. The sooner I eat the less chance of me wearing my food.
“Don’t think I’m rude,” Jack says to me before bending down to pick up a fry with his teeth. Alex next to him laughs and tries to bite it. I look down and pick at my own chips. “Alex,” jack shrieks. I look up and see Jack trying to eat all Alex’s chips at once as Alex lies across him to eat his.
Jack arches his back and Alex coughs as his side catches him in the throat. Alex drops his weight and the two boys end up falling to the ground. Mikey rolls his eyes, grinning. Rian and Zack are smiling down at them too, Rian showing off his straight white teeth. He had braces until like yesterday and now his teeth could blind you.
I finish my lunch and make my way towards the physics rooms. I never asked Frank how he got in my locker that first day.
Thursdays is when the halls are at their safest. The football team and the cheerleaders are practising so I can usually make it around without adding to my collection of bruises.
“Hi!” Frank chirps as I walk into the physics room. “How was your day so far?”
I sigh and drop onto a desk, “I got floored trying to enter and leave my first class.”
He winces, “ouch, are you okay?”
I nod. “No you’re not, you’re covered in bruises.”
I sigh. Yes I am covered in bruises but my bruises are covered in clothes. “They’re not even sore anymore, I’m used to their pain.”
He sighs, “That’s not a good thing. Can I see your shoulder?”
Ah my shoulder, the part of my body often rammed into a locker. “Uh I’m wearing a shirt, and blazer,” I point out.
“Take ‘em off,” he shrugs.
I laugh at him, “Want me to do a fucking strip tease,” I scoff. Frank’s blushing at this makes me go red too. Way to go Way and make everyone uncomfortable. No one wants to see you attempt a strip tease. I pull off my blazer looking at the ground and unbutton the top buttons. I shrug out my shoulder and leave the bare skin exposed in all its green and purple glory.
“Fuck,” Frank murmurs getting a closer look. “Ha, same locker patterns there,” he runs a cold thumb lightly over the tip of my shoulder, “as I had-have.”
I rub my shoulder roughly so my skin won’t tingle under his touch, “Yea douche bags are all into patterns,” I grumble, pulling my shirt back up.
He sits back slowly onto the desk beside me. Neither of us speak for a moment but it’s not awkward. Frank picks up his tie and swings it around his neck, humming. After about four circuits he stops and looks at me, “Are we friends Gerard?”
I look up at him taken aback. “I dunno are we?”
“I don’t have friends so I don’t fucking know,” he says crossing his legs.
“Well me neither,” I shift positions uncomfortably. It’s not that I don’t want to be his friend he’s just so… so… weird. His mannerisms are like those of a kid off the nineties TV shows that make you cringe. “Want to be friends,” I find myself saying with a dumb smile.
His face lights up, “Totally! Whatever friendship is let this be it!”

Frank isn’t in Mikey’s year. Mikey asked his sophomore friends and they say their new student is a girl called Andrea and there’s no way that Frank is a freshman. I resolve he must be a senior only not in any of my classes. The only classrooms I ever see him near are the physics ones so maybe he’s a returning student just looking to do physics. I always mean to ask him these questions but I never remember to when we’re together. My brain just kind of melts away any time I’m around him. Not in a gay way… well maybe in a gay way.
I’m late leaving school on Wednesday. This was a very bad mistake. As great an honour as it is to have my art teacher hold me back and ask if he can display my work for the schools “open night”. That same day I had made the mistake of looking down Miranda, Logan’s girlfriends top. I also walked backwards into a trashcan and I fell in gym. This is all a great mixture of humiliation that assholes like Logan feed on.
I’m walking through the almost empty parking lot alone. I can see Frank still in the window smiling and waving. What a dork.
I walk quickly through the labyrinth of nice cars the rich kids dads got them for some birthday. “Gay Way!” someone calls behind me. I twist my head around, still walking forward at a fast pace. Logan is walking behind me. When I look forward again it’s too late to stop myself and I walk straight into a rear view mirror.
“Oh my god you fucking cunt!” he screeches as I try to recover from the fucking car I just hit. “You hurt my car!”
“Excuse me?! Your car just fucking hit me!” And those were words I immediately regretted as Logan’s fist collided with my jaw. I knock over immediately into a neighbouring car, sliding down along it till I hit the floor. My vision returns to normal just to see an expensive Nike sneaker swing full force into my stomach. I lie winded on the ground, seeing stars. The car I ran into opens, engine starts, and it’s gone. After about five minutes and I can see again I try leaver myself off the floor. My head hurts and my ribs hurt and I just want to leave. Leave forever.

Notes

UGHHHHHHHHH I've had a horrible, weird day. I had no school (striking teachers) but instead i randomly passed out around my house becasue i'm so constantly tired. And my friend is flirting with me and i don't like him like that in slightest (instead i kind of like his best friend) and then he told me something personal and i told him something personal back and ARGH the awkwardness has set in.
Sorry personal ^
But yea, thank you for reading, I will continue writing this for sure now because i've planned out the story completely :)))) hope you enjoy X