Until the End of Everything

It’s dark when I finally get fresh air. It’s been about three hours since I had gotten here and for those three hours I don’t think I’d gotten a deep breath in. I’m not complaining or anything, it’s not every day Smashing Pumpkins comes to a small town in New Jersey.
I walked down the street a little ways to get away from the venue where people were still filing out. A lot of them were drunk and high off of adrenaline, not a good combo for a fifteen year old kid to be around…and my mom told me to get away from the venue after the concert so it would be easier for her to pick me up. When I reached the street my mom told me to meet her at (a safe distance away from the venue or at least safe enough to stay for the few minutes it would take my mom to come pick me up…right after I called her first.) I sat down on the curb and pulled out my phone. Dialing my mom’s phone number and waiting for her to pick up, I looked around making sure no one was coming my way.
“Frankie! How’d it go? Did you have fun?” my mom practically screamed in my ear, I jumped on to my feet, startled slightly. I pulled the phone away from my ear a bit while my mom kept firing questions at me.
“Mom! Pull the phone away from your face a little if you’re going to shout into it. Yes I did have fun and it went great,” I yelled over my mom’s yelling. Lots of shouting.
“Sorry, I’m just excited. Anyway, it’s great that you had fun! See any cute guys?” Ahh twenty first century parents, so accepting yet still so embarrassing.
“No…” I trailed off because just as I had said that, a guy around my age walked over and stood waiting only a few feet from me. He had shoulder length black hair framing a pale skinned face with equally pale skin that seemed to glow in the street lights.
“Umm…never mind,” I mumbled. My mom laughed into the phone then said
“I’ll be there in a few minutes,” still giggling she then added, “and say hi to the cute guy for…” I hung up the phone before she finished. I was pretty sure the guy heard the whole conversation because he was now looking at me with a slight smirk. I didn’t want to embarrass myself further in front of this guy before I even met him. The stranger’s smirk grew wider when he noticed me staring back at him. He looks at me from head to toe and I can feel my face heating up. I’m getting checked out by a complete stranger, am I okay with this? I then did the same to the slightly taller boy, yeah I’m okay with it, he’s freaking sexy. The boy finished his browsing and gave me an approving look, his smirk turning to a small smile. He suddenly looked a little self-conscious when he noticed me looking at him still, I rose an eyebrow and he looked away. Almost like we were having a silent conversation. He looked back at me and I met his eyes, they were a very pretty hazel. The staring contest broke when the other boy got up a few ounces of courage and smiled again (much more flirtatiously this time) and winked at me. I know I’m blushing now, as I look away from the dark haired stranger. He giggles slightly…he freaking giggled! You have no idea how adorable (and sexy) that was! I’m about to say something when the boy is joined by a very excited blonde/brunette with glasses pushed as far down his nose as they could be without them falling off. The blonde had the biggest smile on his face as he pulled on the other boy’s arm in the direction he wanted to go. Before they disappeared around the corner, however, the raved haired boy looked over his shoulder at me smiling, waving, and winking at me once more. Then he was gone and I was alone again. I waited for my mother for another five minutes.
What was taking her so long? She should’ve been here by now. I was starting to worry, I checked my phone for any new messages…nothing but the information that I had ended a call with my mom ten minutes ago. That was even more worrying. We live only a few blocks from the venue, I could’ve walked home if it wasn’t for the fact that my mom didn’t want me walking home alone at night. Mom where are you!? I sat on the curb again, waiting and worrying for another 10 minutes. That’s when a car pulled up right next to me, only it wasn’t my mom’s car and the man who got out of the car was dressed like a police officer.
“Are you Frank Iero?” The officer questioned, crouching down to be eye level with me. I was still seated on the curb of the street.
“Yes. Has something happened? I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong.” I couldn’t remember if I had done something illegal, I don’t think I had.
“No you haven’t done anything,” the police officer looked at me questioningly, like he wasn’t so sure but then his expression turned sad as if he remembered what he was really here for. “It’s your mother,”
“What about my mother? Has she done something wrong? What’s happened?” I rapidly asked, feeling more and more scared. My mom was the only family I had left, with my dad gone. If something happened to her, I don’t know what I’d do.
“She’s been in an accident…it’s bad, I’ll drive you to the hospital.” The officer sad standing back up and opening the passenger door of his car for me to get in. I got up and got in. He closed the door and then got in himself, started the car and we drove to the hospital. Mom, please be okay!
* * *
She wasn’t going to be okay. No matter how many times the doctors told me she was going to be just fine, the expressions on their faces told me she wasn’t. I sat by her bed, hearing the steady beep of a heart monitor that was going much too slow for someone who was going to be just fine. Her breathing was ragged and unsteady. I just felt so fucking helpless. There’s got to be something I could do to help. But there isn’t and that’s that fucking worst feeling ever. It’s all my fault, if I had just ignored what my mom said and had walked home instead of waited for her to pick me up or if I had just talked to her a little longer on the phone and not have hung up on her, she would still be here.
“It’s all my fault, mom, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have gone to the concert like you said.” I said out loud. I knew she couldn’t hear, but it helped to pretend.
“You got hit by a fucking drunk driver, probably going home from the same concert you were picking me up from, it’s my fucking fault, no matter what anyone says.” I could feel tears starting to build in my eyes and sobs in my throat, but I choked them back.
“I promised dad I would protect you, you remember? Before he died at this same god damn hospital he made me promise I would protect and take care of you,” I paused, taking a moment to keep the tears from falling.
“I’m so fucking useless, I couldn’t protect you, and dad would be so disappointed. Fuck, please be okay mom, I don’t know what I would do without you, where would I go? Please don’t leave me alone! Mom!” With that I couldn’t keep the tears away any longer. I broke down sobbing, head resting on my dying mother’s bed. I tuned everything out but far off in the distance I could hear that steady beep of a heart monitor flat line.
That’s when the nurses and doctors rush in, pushing me out of the room and surrounding my mom’s bed. Doing anything and everything they could think of to bring her back to life. I stood at the doorway, numb to everything. Black hair hanging over my eyes so no one could see the tears that were falling. My mom was gone, I was alone. The doctors wheeled my mom’s bed out of the room she was in and towards the operating rooms. I went back into the room and sat down in my chair, staring at the open space where my mother was only moments ago alive and breathing.
It’s another two hours before the doctor in charge of my mom finds me in the same position as he left me two hours ago.
“Frank, I’m sorry son,” he started, he didn’t have to finish, I knew where he was going with this, I could already feel the tears running down my face, “We tried everything we could but your mother has passed away. I’m so sorry for your loss, we’re going to have to move you into the sitting room so we can use this room for another patient coming in,”
“My mom’s dead?” I asked, it was more of a statement though. I knew from the moment I got in the hospital and saw her that she was dying. Her normally pale skin looked like a corpse’s and her brown hair looked dead and stringy.
“Yes, I’m so sorry, you have my deepest apologies.” The doctor says, stepping closer to me. I jump up from my chair quickly and suddenly and the doctor jumps back a bit.
“I can’t believe…No I won’t believe that!” I shout, crying openly not caring who notices anymore. My mom’s dead, there’s no one left who cares.
“Frank, calm down, everything…” The doctor begins
“Don’t you fucking tell me everything is going to be alright, because it’s fucking not!” I shout.
“Please Frank, everything will be fine, please calm down,” The doctor said stepping closer to me, that’s when numerous nurses come into the room.
“No! Don’t fucking touch me!” I scream as the nurses literally drag me out of the room and into the sitting area down the hall, with me screaming and kicking the whole way down.
“She can’t be dead, I have no one else! Mom! Please don’t leave me alone!” I scream, the people in the sitting area look at me and the nurses in horror, as they sit me down in one of the chairs and start saying calming words.
“Please just sit here, Frank, everything’s going to be alright, you’re not alone, you’re going to be…” but there words fell on deaf ears, I wasn’t listening anymore. I curled up in the fetal position in the chair with my head buried in my knees, silently crying to myself.
I calm myself down after the nurses leave, feeling numb. I can’t believe she’s gone, she can’t be, who’s going to care for me? A worthless waste of space? Where am I going to go? No one would take in a broken teenager.
“Excuse me?” I hear a male voice say to the lady at the desk at the entrance to the hospital.
“Can I help you, sir?” the nurse working the front desk asks clearly very annoyed with how the night has been going for her.
“Yes, umm, earlier this evening a woman came in from a drunk driving accident,” I start listening more intently now, how does this guy know my mother was brought to the hospital. Looking up from my feet that I’ve been staring at for an hour now, I see a guy that looks to be in his mid-forties. He looks terrible, hair stringy and looking like it hadn’t been washed in years, eyes sunken in and skin a yellowish color.
“Yes, that was Linda Iero, are you family?” The nurse questions
“No, I-I just want to know if she’s going to be okay,” the man asks
“Umm, no sir, I’m sorry she’s passed away,” the lady says
“What! No, no, no, this wasn’t supposed to happen, I’ve killed someone!” the man shouts and I’ve heard enough. This fucking bastard was the one stupid enough to drink and drive and my mom paid for it! I got up off the chair and ran at the man.
“Hey kid!? What-“ the man started but was cut off when I punched him as hard as I could in the jaw. “What the fuck?” he shouted at me, but I wasn’t listening I tackled him to the ground, fresh tears streaming down my face.
“You’re the stupid bastard who killed my mother!” I shouted at him as I punched his face repeatedly, shouting the whole time, “You were the one that was drunk while driving and my mother paid for it, you fucking asshole!”
“She’s dead because of you! It’s all your fucking fault!” I continued to scream but just as I was about to hit him again, I was pulled off the man and I came face to face with beautiful hazel eyes. Someone who was sitting in the waiting room must’ve pulled me off the guy.
“Let go of me!” I shouted at the boy who now held onto me. I recognized this boy though. He was the one from after the concert…though he looked absolutely terrible, now, like he hadn’t slept in months. His hazel eyes looked dead and so full of sadness. The familiar face though is what put me over the edge, I collapsed into the boys arms sobbing my eyes out.
“I’m sorry, it’s not his fault, it’s mine, it’s all mine, I’m sorry” I repeated over and over again in a chant.
“Shhh, it’s okay, you’re okay,” the boy said every once in a while, trying to comfort me. We sank to the floor with, me still in his arms only now he was holding me closer to him. “It’s not your fault, calm down, you’re okay, there’s no need to apologize” he continued.
We stayed like this for another few minutes, with me in this strangers lap, him comforting me and me trying my best to calm down as he was trying to get me to do. I did calm down eventually and when I did, he brought me onto my feet and sat me back down on the chair I was in previously. He looked me in the eyes and smiled, sadly. I didn’t have the drive to smile back, there was nothing to smile about anymore. He kissed my forehead lightly before walking over to the driver who was still on the floor moaning.
The boy kicked him in the stomach lightly, mumbling a “get up” before turning and looking at me again. Smiling still very sadly, that’s when the blonde from earlier came running at the boy, again with a group of nurses. Saying something about the boy running off and “come on, we need to get back to your detox,” So that’s why the boy looked terrible, drugs. Well, at least he’s getting help. The boy is then ushered out of the waiting room by the nurses with the blonde following. The raven haired boy waves at me as he walks by.
It’s another few hours before anyone says anything to me. I wish I knew what time it was, it had to be late…or early in the morning. All I know is that hours have passed, or what feels like hours, it could’ve been minutes since my mom died, though I doubt it.
The people who come up to me next are two nice looking ladies. They introduce themselves to me.
“Hello Frank, I’m Lindsey and this is Jamia my partner,” The blonde says to me.
“It’s nice to meet you,” the one called Jamia says.
“What do you want?” I snap, can’t people just leave me alone.
“We’re here to find you a new home, with the very unfortunate death of your mother and your father years ago, you don’t have anywhere to go,” Lindsey says.
It hits me hard then. I literally have no one. Absolutely no one, both my parents are dead, I have no other family that could take me in. Fuck.
“Okay,” I mumble.
“Come on, we’ll take you home so you can get whatever stuff you’ll need and then we’ll take you to a home that you’ll be able to stay at for a while.” Jamia says all too positively. How can she say all this after all that’s happened to me?
“Where am I going?” I question.
“It’s a group home, they’re going to try and find you a home,” Lindsey says
“Whatever,” I say and get up off the chair I was sitting at. Like those people at this “group home” are going to be able to find a teenager a home. So completely unlikely.
I follow the two ladies out to their car and they drive me to my home…or I guess I should say my old home. Once there, they tell me to go inside and get all the stuff I’ll need and/or want. I throw clothes in a bag along with my computer. I look over to the corner of my messy room to see the beautiful acoustic guitar my dad bought me for my twelfth birthday before he passed away. I put it in its case and picked it up along with my bag full of clothes. It’s the only thing I have left of my parents so I’m taking it with me whether they allow me to or not.
“I’m ready, let’s get the fuck out of here,” I say putting my stuff into the trunk and getting into the car. They pull out of the drive way and with that I leave all the good memories in my life behind. All that’s left for me for a while are bad ones.

Notes

Hey! So after being gone for what is it now...6 months? That's sounds about right, I decided to try my hand at writing another story! I've been planning this one for a while but never had the drive to actually write it soooooooo TADA? This one is so much more depressing than the last one but it's gets happier, I promise.
Don't forgot to tell me what you think, or what I could do better at. Also if you're interested and need something to do until I get the next chapter up you can read my other story, Unknown Identities. Leave a comment on that one too, I'd like to know what you think!