gerard
I couldn't sleep.

I thought about how I was a failure. I wondered if I had an alcohol addiction. Songs were stuck in my head. Anticipation of seeing Frank next both excited and scared me. Images of Jessie Iero were burned in my brain.

I didn't know what I had against her. She was talented and kind, and I just made her resent me. Why did I do the things I did? God, I hate myself. I was exasperated with my constant urge to fuck things up.

I checked the clock by my bed. 3:57. Late nights were normal on days when the guys were over, days when I went to a bar to see some shitty local band play. Late nights were not normal and not appreciated when I only had my conscious bugging me and the only music I heard was the album I already saw to flop.

As I started to doze off at last, images of the blood-drenched couple (whom I nicknamed my Demolition Lovers; I thought they fit well with the pair from our album) soared through my half-awake dreams. He took her hand and ran with her, treading across city streets and eventually into dirt paths, the soles of their shoes wearing down with every demanding step. I was simply watching them, observing how they fled from someone, or something. They finally stopped running, facing away from me. He handed her an object, which I made out to be a gun, wrapping her delicate fingers around it. She smiled at his gift and kissed his lips softly.
The blinding light and deafening blair of sirens flooded the scene. The woman then turned to me, and to my shock, it was Jessie. She smiled and gave me a graceful wave. She aimed the gun to where I was standing, and fired.

I woke up with a jerk, on the floor, tangled in the quilt that was now ripped off the bed. I briefly considered staying on the floor forever. It seemed so much better than returning to my shitty excuse for a life. Except for the fact that I might go back to sleep and have those dreams again...

jessie
"I never remembered you hanging out with them this much before," I twirling Ramen noodles around my fork.

"Do you mind?" Frank asked. "I can tell them not to come." He cocked his head to the side and leaned on the counter. He had invited Ray, Gerard, and Mikey over for the third time this week.

"Nah, it's fine," I shrugged. It was Friday. Exams were finished and I could finally relax. I did
have a speech to write for graduation, though, and I hadn't written anything besides 'we are the future' and a lyric from the new Jimmy Eat World single.

"Aren't your little friends spending the night, too?" Frank wondered. I nodded. I saw a worried look flash through his eyes and could almost hear Aunt Linda tearing her hair out at the mob of people in her house. "Well, have you cleaned up?" he asked mockingly. He didn't care, I knew, so I rolled my eyes and slurped a curly noodle into my mouth.

I washed off my bowl and climbed the stairs to my room. Taking a seat at my desk, I pulled out a crumpled sheet of paper. "We are the future." How cliché. Audiences seemed to eat cliché up though, so maybe I had that going. I wished I could see other valedictorian speeches, maybe take a lead from them, because I was totally lost.

A car pulled up outside. I recognized it immediately--Kayla. I packed up my papers and tried to beat Frank to the door to answer it, but I was late. He had already opened the door, seen who it was, and regretted it. As I raced down the staircase, I could see her put on her cutest flirty face.

Kayla has had a crush on Frank for years, but he's always been slightly creeped out by her. Be it her tendency to shamelessly throw herself at him or simply the fact that she was my best friend, the world may never know.

She greeted him, her body language turning into a Romance language. She dressed like she always did when she came to my house--"grungily sexy," as she often said to describe it. That basically meant low cut tops and black skinny jeans.

I grabbed her wrist, preventing her from continuing to make romantic advances towards my cousin. She scowled at me, but then pulled me into a quick hug.

"Hey, babe," she said to me. "I was just telling Frank here how good his new haircut looks."

Frank scoffed, his eyebrows furrowing. "I haven't had a haircut in six months."

"Oh," Kayla said. She looked a lot less embarrassed that I would have been. She ran ring-clad fingers through her blue hair. "Are Michelle and Laura here yet?"

"Nope, you're the first to the party," I said.

"Why don't you guys go upstairs so my friends don't have to run into your friends, Jessie?"
Frank asked. His eyes darted to Kayla and some kind of disgusted grimace crossed his face. "Please?"

I glanced out the window. "Well, Laura's here, so you can wait ten seconds." My friend came to the door and said her hellos, with a shy nod to Frank, and the three of us went upstairs. I heard the doorbell ring a few minutes later, and because I didn't hear anyone call up to me, I assumed that it was either Ray or Mikey and Gerard.

Not much later, I saw two more cars pull up within thirty seconds of each other. A knock on the door came, and I waited for Michelle to arrive in my room. She never did, though, so I went downstairs to investigate.

All of Frank's buddies were here, lazily sitting on the barstools while Frank fixed them something to eat. There's where I found Michelle, sitting next to Mikey, already talking to him like they were the best of friends. And she was blushing profusely. It was actually kind of cute. I gave a wave in her direction, hoping she would notice me. Eventually she did, and I beckoned her over. Reluctantly, she left her place next to the younger Way brother to join the Kayla, Laura, and me in our slumber party.

"What was that for?" she asked when we were out of their earshot. Her voice was harsh and hushed. "He was cute."

"And twenty-one," I noted. Upon entering my room, she immediately flopped on the bed, dodging my other friends.

She rolled her eyes and propped herself up on an elbow. "Says the girl who's crushing on the twenty-five year boozer."

I glared at her, not sure if I should retort or let her get away with saying that. "It's not a crush," I said defiantly. "And he's not a 'boozer'. Why do you feel the need to bring that up every time we're together?"

"Um, if you say so. But he totally is an alcoholic. The way he smelled, the flask in his jacket, the way he asked for a beer..." She stopped, noticing my disproving look. I knew that her crime show-style deductive reasoning was always right. "He gives me a bad vibe."

I wanted to protest--say something about Mikey, but I couldn't. Michelle barely knew him; it wasn't my place to talk about it.

"Hate to interrupt," Laura interjected, "but what?"

I gave Michelle a sly smile. "Someone has already found her soulmate."

"We talked for what? Five minutes?" She didn't sound amused. I knew better than to involve myself in her romantic endeavors.

"Sorry," I said sheepishly. "I just think it's cute. You never really open up about this kind of stuff, Michelle." She didn't. The last time I heard about her having a crush was from Rachael Simmons, who made it up just to get us feuding. It's what the prick lived for, to be quite honest. Besides the point. Michelle never spoke about any of her relationships.

"Well, let's just put it behind us," offered Kayla. "I have to tell you all about detention last Thursday."

gerard
Who was that bitch? Why was she in the kitchen? Why was she talking to my brother?

I must've painted a disgusted look on my face, because when Frank looked at me, he chuckled softly. "That was just Jessie's friend," he explained. "The cool one--not the creepy one who stares at me." I smiled. It was indescribable, but I was strangely proud of him for having a little stalker.

I pulled a flask out of my pocket and brought it to my lips. A hand stopped me, though, and pulled it down before I could drink. Ray. He shook his head and held out his hand, to which I reluctantly gave him the alcohol. Mikey, next to me, sighed. "What?" I asked, irritated.
His lips thinned. "When's the last time you went a day without drinking?" I didn't know the answer. I just put my head down and another sigh came from my left.

Frank, whose worry was plastered on his face, tried to change the subject. "Why don't we do something else besides eat?" he asked. "I think there's a marathon of CSI on." He gestured to the living room. I shook my head. I wasn't in the mood.

"I think Mikey would rather bother the girls," Ray laughed.

Mikey's eyes seemed to glaze over. "Yeah," he said dreamily, "let's bother the girls..." He pushed up his sliding glasses as the words trailed off. Frank hit him in the arm.

"No," he said. "I don't want them down here. They're annoying." Mikey scowled at him, rubbing the sore spot on his shoulder, and Frank stuck out his tongue in response.

"Wow, Frank," I said. "That's the most big brother-ish thing I've ever heard you say. Join the club."

"I'm not a big brother, dude," he said. "I'm not in any club either."

"Say that all you want," I said, stretching my arms over my head. "You're just like her brother. It's cute." His face flushed, protesting that he was in fact not cute. We went back and forth, me teasing him and he retaliating. Ray was watching the whole ordeal, smiling at every comment made. Until he realized what was wrong.

"Uh, guys?" Ray asked, our attention then directed toward him. "Where's Mikey?"

Frank rolled his eyes and cursed. "I'll go get him." He exited and we heard feet pounding up the stairs.

I looked at Ray pleadingly and he read my mind. "You're not getting it back," he stated simply. Before I could whine, he added, "In fact, you're not drinking at all tonight. You're on restriction, Gerard." I sneered, and not wanting to continue the one-sided conversation, followed Frank up the staircase.

I wandered towards the sound of his voice. He was leaning on the doorframe, probably begging Mikey to stop talking to the chick. I snuck behind him and grabbed his shoulders, causing him to jump and squeal. I just laughed.

"Not cool, man!" he exclaimed. He shot a glare through me, then looked into the room. Jessie's room? "Would you please tell Mikey that he needs to leave them alone?"

I stepped halfway into the room and got a good look at it. The walls were a dark blue and there were Christmas lights around the moulding. There were ribbons and certificates and trophies everywhere. And in the corner was a rack of scarves, twenty maybe. All different colours.
Jessie sat on the bed in her pajamas--a hoodie and very short shorts--next to two girls. One was very pale and had electric blue hair, one was Hispanic and wore a Pink Floyd shirt, and the last, next to Mikey, was the black-haired girl that was in the kitchen not too long ago.

"Come on, Mikes," I said. "Why don't you come downstairs? They probably don't want you to interrupt."

The black-haired girl raised an eyebrow, obviously disagreeing. But it was the Hispanic girl that spoke up.

"Jessie, is this Gerard? He is hot!" She smiled at Jessie, oblivious to the fact that her friend had turned a brilliant shade of red. I felt my cheeks go hot, too, and willed them to chill out. The girl with Mikey looked at me, seeming to know what I was thinking.

"That--is Gerard, Laura," Jessie managed, not even acknowledging me. She was most likely suppressing the urge to strangle the girl, Laura.

In the meantime, Mikey seemed puzzled, but Frank looked absolutely disgusted. "Mikey. Gerard. Out. Now," he said.

"There's a CSI marathon," Mikey said suddenly. "You four should join us." Frank was beginning to get pissed, but the black-haired girl and the blue-haired girl appeared excited and more than willing to tag along. Before Frank could stop them, the four--Mikey, Black Hair, Blue Hair, and Laura--had already disappeared downstairs. He followed after.

That left me alone with Jessie. I didn't know why I didn't just move, but I felt frozen, like I had to say something, do something, anything. When she realized I wasn't going anywhere, she cleared her throat.

"Gerard?" she asked, almost inaudible.

I snapped back to reality. "Yes? What?"

She shifted on her bed, pulling a bare leg up so she was sitting with her legs crossed. "You've been standing there for a while and... um..."

"You want me to leave?" What was I saying? Of course she did. She hated me.

"No--I mean, i-if you want to... but you can always stay... it's up to you, but um, you can talk..." She couldn't finish her sentence. God, she was really cute when she was flustered.

"Why don't we go downstairs?" I stepped back, which knocked me into a shelf. The whole thing tipped, and two framed pictures went down.

Jessie scrambled off the bed as I made some sort of strangled apology. I bent down to pick them up and handed them to her. The glass was cracked on both photos. Taking a better look at them, I saw that one was of a woman with Jessie's same olive skin and dark hair. She had the same full lips and chocolate eyes, too, and was almost as pretty as Jessie. The other was of Jessie and a dark haired boy with skin almost as tan as hers dressed in what seemed to be marching band uniforms. They were both grinning broadly, and the guy had his arm around her. I felt a sudden rush of jealousy.

She waved my apologies off and sighed at the broken frames. Placing them on her desk, which was strewn with papers and binders, she turned to me.

"Don't be sorry. Those are old pictures, anyways. I shouldn't be holding onto them anymore." I could hear her voice pang with hurt.

"Was that your mother?" I blurted out, not bothering to bite my tongue. I could almost taste my foot in my mouth.

She nodded solemnly. I apologized again. Was I ever stupid. There was a moment where neither of us spoke, when she studied the floor and I studied her face. The worried lines on her forehead began to form again, and I prayed to God that she wouldn't cry.

"Gerard?" she said suddenly. I would have been frightened if her voice weren't so delicate and quiet.

"Yeah?" I replied. For some reason, my heart started to beat a little faster.

"Why did you become a musician?" Her dark eyes met mine. They were swimming with complexity.

"I, erm, saw something that made me want to take control of my own life. I always wanted to follow my dreams, but I, uh, didn't really know what they were. I tried so many different things before that day, but I had a kind of epiphany, and I knew music was what I had to do. It took me years to figure it out, but I know I'm doing the right thing." I looked down at my feet. They hadn't changed.

Jessie nodded again, considering my answer, understanding it. "So one day changed your whole life?"

"Pretty much," I said. "If not for that day, I wouldn't be here."

"I'm glad you're here." Her voice was even softer now, if that was possible.

"I'm glad I'm here, too," I whispered. A few moments of silence passed again, before we heard a noise downstairs. "We should go," I suggested. She agreed, sliding past me and through the door.

She smelled like perfume.

Notes

So...

I know this might be dragging right now, but it'll pick up, I promise. Questions will be asked, secrets will be revealed, flirting will be... flirted?

Also! Thank you guys so much for bearing with me. I know where this book is going, but any suggestions and/or feedback for anything is greatly appreciated.

Comment and vote maybe? It would be super sweet of you :)

Love y'all!

xoxo
gerweird