jessie
I woke up the morning after I had been to Ray's to see Michelle sitting in my desk chair, spinning like a madwoman. It made me dizzier to watch her than to think about Gerard, and that was saying something. I blinked a few times and sat up. The sound of rustling blankets made her look at me and catch herself on my desk, ceasing her gyration session.

A stupid grin spread across her face. "Guess who got a date!" she exclaimed, far too happy for so early.

"The same person who snuck into my room early in the morning?" I guessed groggily.

Her eyebrows furrowed. "Morning? Jess, it's almost two o'clock."

I checked the bedside clock. It was seven minutes until the top of the hour, so Michelle was indeed right. "Oh, crap," I muttered, throwing the quilt off of me and hunting my drawers for a decent outfit. My hand immediately went up to my neck while I searched.

"What's wrong?" Michelle asked, seemingly undisturbed by my rush. She was staring at me evenly.

"I was gonna get lunch with Pete at one thirty," I explained. I pulled the baggy t-shirt over my head and Michelle looked away. "I knew I was gonna wake up late, why didn't my alarm go off?"

"I don't know," said my friend. "Why don't we go to lunch instead? Pete's kinda a loser and probably thinks that you hate him." She began twirling again, this time slower, taking in the colours of my room.

"Because Pete is my friend," I said. "And despite what you and Kayla and Laura think, he's not trying to get into my pants." My cotton shorts had been replaced for tight denim (hard to put on, much less get into, anyways) and my loose shirt for a high-collared one. I knew the day was going to be hot, like all July days were, but I couldn't really risk anything being flashed.

"I love the colour of your walls," Michelle commented. "It reminds me of dusk, like after the sun sets but before it gets too dark. And those--" she gestured to the white string lights that adorned the moulding, "are the stars. I love how they contrast. How they bring out each other." She didn't look at me once, but continued to study my dark blue walls and the bulbs that accentuated them.

I wasn't sure why she had changed the subject so suddenly, or why she had become distracted in the philosophy of interior design. "Why are you telling me this?" I wondered.

"Because I really love it. They're total opposites and I've never seen anything like it." As I was considering this, I swore she looked up and down me.

I shook my head. "You're a weird egg, Michelle, you know that?"

She smiled. "Yeah."

"I'm going to go, okay? You better go too. I think Aunt Linda prefers my company here when I am." Michelle stood up, agreeing. "Oh, and who'd you get a date with?" I asked, realizing that I neglected to previously.

"Mikey," she beamed.

"Mikey plus Mikey," I laughed. "That's cute." I had used Michelle's nickname less since meeting Mikey Way, but considering they had a thing, I'd probably stop using it all together.

We parted and I drove to meet Pete at a little restaurant off of Main Street. It was tiny and still cramped from the declining lunch rush, only making it seem smaller. By the time I got there, I was already an hour late. I noticed my friend sitting alone at a table, empty dishes in front of him. I immediately began apologizing as soon as I reached him.

His dark eyes narrowed. "I wouldn't expect anything less, considering you were probably with your boyfriend," he said sourly.

I took a seat, confused. "Boyfriend? Who, Gerard?" Pete nodded. "No, we're not together. Far from it, actually. I way overslept. I'm sorry."

"Oh," he said quietly. "Well, I already had lunch, and I must've looked like I was being stood up, so they gave me a free desert." He glanced down to a half-eaten piece of pie. I grabbed a fork and took a bite, instantly regretting my decision. I made a face and he laughed. "I know. It's gross."

"Let's ditch the nasty pie and go somewhere else," I suggested. I tapped the fork on the ceramic plate, thinking of where may be better than a run-down restaurant.

"How about the city?" Pete offered. "We can go and have some fun. I'll treat you to a real dinner and everything." He looked up hopefully at me. I had to admit, it sounded like a good time. I needed a day to relax and explore a little bit. And anyways, if I could get a free meal out of something, I was in.
I looked at his expression. He seemed so excited to have an adventure. "Yeah, okay," I said. "That would be lovely. Do you think we could stop by my house so I can get a bit of cash and tell my aunt where I'm going?"

Pete agreed and stood up, leaving a tip under his glass. I followed him out to his car and he drove me home, coming with me while I went up to my door.

"Hey," Frank called when I walked in. "Where were you?"

I found him sitting on the living room couch, Gerard close by, looking tense. "Oh, I went to lunch. Can you tell Aunt Linda that I'm going into Manhattan today, and I'll be home before curfew?"

Frank gestured to Pete. "With him?" His face showed doubt and distrust.

"Yeah, why?" I really wanted to go. Pete had promised he'd take me before, but the plans always fell through.

"Could you please give us a minute?" Frank asked Pete. Pete obliged and stepped out of the house. Gerard was still in the room, sitting stock-still. "Jessie, you're seventeen. I don't want you going there with someone on a date, all alone." His normally joyful eyes had filled with fire. I knew there wasn't any getting past that.

"It's not a date," I informed my cousin tersely. "And anyways, you're not my mother. You don't know what's best for me." I was feeling strong and rebellious. This was a simple thing to ask for, and I didn't need his permission.

"I know enough to know that he thinks it's a chance to get with you, Jess," Frank explained. "What would my mom say about it?"

Aunt Linda would probably say no, but that's because she didn't know Pete as well as she did my other friends. If it were them, I would have been allowed. "You're so bossy. I don't need your consent."

He called for his mom. Aunt Linda appeared out of seemingly nowhere--also known as her office--and inquired about the dilemma. Her response: absolutely not. I fought the urge to roll my eyes and counter back, but I instead went to tell Pete. He was upset but understanding. I saw his heart break in his expression but promised to go another time.

I knew sulking wouldn't do any good, so I went upstairs and read in order to get my mind off of things. The Red Pony by John Steinbeck. My favourite.

gerard
Our awkward encounter with Jessie and that boy that I met at their graduation revealed a defiant side of her that I've never seen, and it also left Frank fuming.

"How could she expect to be allowed to drive to the city--Manhattan of all places--and us be perfectly okay with it? I've met Pete once, twice maybe, so I hardly know him. Oh yeah, of course you can drive around with this guy! Why not hitchhike to Vegas and elope while you're at it?" He was making these hand gestures that curled and stiffened with rage as he talked. The frustration was apparent all over his face, his body; but to me, it seemed unwarranted.

I considered what he had said, though. Potentially dangerous cities and underage, irresponsible teenagers did not mix well. Jessie wasn't characteristically reckless, but when given the right circumstances, anyone could be. Still, I knew she was probably getting fed up little by little at her tight reign--one she probably put on herself.

"Don't you think you're being a bit harsh, Frank?" I wondered aloud. "She's not a child."

"I don't think she should be dating someone that she hardly knows and hasn't spent a lot of time around or that wants to take her out of state." Frank sighed, looking down, obviously thinking of his cousin. The big brother in him came out. He didn't want her to get hurt, but neither did I.

I raised an eyebrow at his comment. "What if she knew him a lot better than you thought? Even if they aren't solo most of the time, that doesn't mean anything."

"Why does it fucking matter so much to you, Gerard?"

"Why does it fucking matter so much to you, Frank?" I retaliated and shrugged. "Let her make mistakes. You've gotta stop being her dad."

Frank's expression went dead and he looked at me in the eyes. "If she had a dad to keep her safe, I wouldn't have to. Unfortunately, he did the opposite. I'm all she's got most of the time."

"What happened to her dad?" I asked quietly.

Blinking slowly, Frank merely stated, "That's a story for a different time." He looked his feet, almost ashamed. "I.. just don't want her getting hurt. Not again."

I pitied the way he felt. I remember the first time Mikey got a girlfriend. She was a wild thing, and no one ever knew what she was going to do. One day she would be the kindest person you've ever met; the next, she was smoking marijuana and taunting children. Whatever Mikey saw in her remained a mystery to me, and for that matter, vice versa.

"I know, Frank. Believe me. She's got to someday. And whether it's her dad or her boyfriend, it's going to happen. And you're not always going to be right next to her." I sighed, stood, and put a hand on his shoulder. "Why don't you see if she's okay?" Frank nodded and went upstairs.

He returned a few minutes later and said, "She'll be fine. I think she's more worried now about the fact that Pete may think it's a date." I must've looked confused, so he continued. "She's weird about relationships. Won't get in 'em unless she knows it'll turn out well, and this guy just doesn't appeal to her."

I thought for a minute. Being picky about relationships meant it was fucking difficult for other people to understand them. Being me, I knew this best of all. I wouldn't date anyone unless they really felt right. It minimized my chance of a broken heart. "Do you want me to go talk to her? I may have some advice; I'm the same way." I was reluctant in asking this, in case Frank realized I was kind of into Jessie. Of course, I purely wanted to help her in this situation. I'd never really make romantic advances.

He shrugged. "Go for it. You're probably better with this shit than I am."

I walked up to Jessie's room and knocked softly on the half open door. Jessie was sitting up in her bed, reading. She didn't say anything, but turned to face me. I took that as an invitation to come in.

I pushed open the door and said, "Hey."

Looking a bit puzzled, she smiled. "Hi, what's up?"

I leaned against the wall, careful not to bump any bookshelves. The colourful room contrasted greatly against my dark jeans and black jacket. "Frank told me you're having boy troubles." I tried to sound gentle. Jessie groaned and rolled her beautiful brown eyes. "No, no, it's fine. I think I could help," I added.

She set the book down and waved me over. I perched on the foot of her bed in an attempt to not take up too much space. "I guess you could call it trouble," she began. "I've had a friend--Pete--for a while, and he's super nice to me. But everyone's been saying that he wants to be more than friends or whatever, and... God, I don't know. I don't want that. And I'm not upset about not being able to go with him--I could if I really wanted to--but I guess I realized how oblivious I am to the situation." She kept tugging on her hair and looking down nervously, as if it were such a horrible thing to be in the situation.

What was I doing? I didn't know a goddamn thing about girl problems or relationships. "Why wouldn't you want to be with him?" I asked, curious.

"It just doesn't feel right. And I'll mess everything up." That was exactly what I thought about dating.

"Well, you're bound to fuck up. But don't pressure yourself and become uncomfortable," I offered. "I know what you mean about getting the right feeling in your gut. It's not easy to come by." I imagine I must have sounded ridiculously awkward. I began tapping my fingers on the bedspread, willing the conversation to end soon.

Jessie nodded. "Thank you, Gerard," she said. Hearing her say my name was like listening to my favourite song. I never wanted it to end. A small smile danced across her lips. "You're smarter than you give yourself credit for."

"Coming from you," I chuckled, "that's saying something."
She brushed a lock of fallen hair out of her face. "I'm not socially smart, I'm school smart. But I guess that won't matter much for the time being."

The time being? "What do you mean?" I wondered.
"I'm taking a gap year," she explained. "I want to focus on other things for a while." Somehow I got the feeling this involved the band.

My heart nearly leapt out of my chest. Taking a year off meant that Jessie would be around a lot longer than I thought. She would probably play shows and maybe even make another album with us if the time came. Maybe she would stay with us permanently. My conscience reevaluated itself, though; her future was in something that could be found at Yale, not my basement. As talented as she was as a drummer, her academics probably surpassed that tenfold. I didn't want to hold her back.

This ambivalent thought process happened in a split second. As conflicted as I was, I did not know what to say. Thankfully, Frank walked in and said, "How're you doing, Jessie?"

Jessie turned her attention to her cousin. "Great. Gerard just gave a little insight, is all."

Frank appeared relieved to not have to deal with a hormonal adolescent. "Cool. Hey, I'm gonna go to the store for my mom, so just let yourself out when you're done, man." I nodded and thanked him, suppressing the urge to call him a mama's boy. As tough as he tried to be, deep down, he really cared about his family. I knew bits and pieces about how rough they've had it, and it was obvious that he wanted to be there for them.

"So how do you know it's right?" Jessie asked once Frank left, now directed at me. Her expression was inquisitive and borderline daring.

I was honestly taken aback by her question. This wasn't exactly the right time and place for a heart-to-heart on romance, and it certainly wasn't with the right person. As much as I liked Jessie, discussing feelings wasn't a strong suit of mine. "It's hard to explain," I confessed. "What's right for you?" I sounded almost challenging.

Looking me in the eye, she smiled. Not sarcastically, not aggressively, but kindly. As if we both knew something. "Understanding, I suppose. Initial connection, too."

Sirens went off in my head. We had understanding, we had an initial connection, right? But as soon as I became hopeful, I began to doubt it. She was probably far too inexperienced to know what that was compared to high school sweethearts. I was talking to a teenager about love.

I kept my cool. "That makes sense." The room grew quiet and I stared at my hands. I was fairly certain she was doing the same. Deciding that it was time to go, I stood up. I mumbled something like I have to leave, and she stuttered out a thank you of sorts. The endings of our conversations were always pretty uncomfortable.

But they were right.

Notes

Thanks so much for all the positive feedback! I'm really glad that little issue got sorted out and The Paper Kingdom will be continued as normal. Remember kids, if you like a story, read it! Don't claim it as your own. :)

xoxo gerweird