Making It Up

I sat there, sobbing in to my hands, I couldn't bring myself to look at him, out of shame of what I had done. I may as well of put that bleach in his hands, all it took for him to go back to his dark place was to look at me. But the thing is when I did realise it was him, that night, god I was happy. I couldn't believe it, he was meant to be in my life, as a friend or probably as something more confusing, and he hated me. Moments before, he had actually screamed at the sight of me, because I bought it all back.

"Why are you here?" I heard a small raspy voice ask. He had been watching me whilst I was having this breakdown.

"I needed to stay with you, I couldn't not be here, this is my fault" I croaked as I continued to stare at my hands, still feeling his eye's on me.

"Why did you chase after me? Why were you there in the first place?" he asked weakly. Fuck,why did I chase after him? Maybe that had been a bad move.

"I don't know, I panicked. But I really didn't know it was going to be you, all I knew was the thing about the tattoo's" I explained as I lifted my head slightly, still rubbing my eye's but letting him in to my vision. He looked bad, not his old self that I remember, but he was quite beautiful still.

"Okay" he said slightly more confidently "why did you agree to go on a date with a guy? Haven't you got a wife and kid's or something?" he asked coldly, he wanted answers, I had a feeling the conversation was about to go to a place where I only go in my mind, I stared down at my hands again.

"I have three kids, you've met Lily of course, another girl and and boy, Cherry and Miles" I explained, my heart warming at the thought of them, I had to leave them with a sitter to come and do this, I felt fucking terrible, last thing they need right now it their dad fucking off. But I couldn't leave him either, I did this to him. "and well, the wife is no longer around" I sighed.

"But that still doesn't explain why you agreed to it?" he pushed at the subject, I decided to change it. I wasn't ready to explain it to him, I hadn't really worked it all out yet, even though he deserved the truth.

"Can we talk about the past? If you're okay with it?" I asked as he scoffed, he was angry, and I deserved it.

"Where do you want to start?" he asked in a small voice, looking down at his IV.

"I'm sorry, that's the first thing I want to say, I know I said it earlier, I'm not just talking about this, but everything, every emotional scar and every physical one too. I was a boy, I was processing some shit which obviously doesn't give me an excuse, that's just the only reason I can think of why I pinpointed you and no one else" no it isn't, you fucking liar "but, you can still hate me, you can want to kill me or get someone else to try, I just need to know that you heard this, but of course I'd like you to not hate me, because, well, I don't think this was just a coincidence" I breathed, I looked back up at him and he was staring at me with wide eye's.

"I don't hate you, I never could"

Notes

eyyyy guys, gossip sloth here, a lil fronk and gerd chapter here 4 u, hope u like xoxo

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