Life On The Murder Scene

The conversation had only just begun, and in 'Bert's' eyes, seemed like it was never going to stop. I couldn't explain it.....he was meant to make us feel comfortable. This was meant to be a relaxing session which didn't make me want to go to my cell more than i did when entering the room at the start.
Ok....so his name definitely wasn't Bert, he made that clear when Jimmy nicknamed him. Now i just had to wonder why he stuttered his name out than decided against revealing it.
"Who's gonna tell us a story, eh?" His no longer slumped back bone was replaced by him craning forward, back hunched high in the air. "Hellooo?"
"I'll go next B-......Bert." The Afro-headed boy spoke from next to me. Yet again, another one to stand up shakily and slowly, almost as if a minor tremor had rattled through the room and set everyone going like spinning tops.
"Name?" B-......Bert spoke.
"Ray, but you can call me R-....that's the only name or nickname i have really." No laughter or sarcastic applause followed.
"I was in a gang....like Jimmy said....wait, that's weird." He brought his hand to the back of his neck. "It might of even been the same one. A-anyway, one day we were going on a raid. We did it a couple of time's every few months....i cant lie, it was fun. One day though, we got caught-
"We were heading to a popular bar around ten in the evening, early drinking time. Saw many people there, tried to get some money from the bar tender and staff, miserably failed. Two people were killed that night.....the first time for me in one of the raids i'd experienced-
"The first one killed was one of our men.....not to paly with, but all the same, upsetting. And then there was a young girl, chubby face, wacky hair. That still makes me think....what if i knew these people really well, like what if they were all close friends? It's like Jimmy's situation really.....sorry Jimmy." He looked over at Jimmy for a second, a sigh leaving his mouth.
"Do you regret any of it Ray?"
"That's a silly question...that's a stupid question. Do you regret anything you've did in your life Bert Benjamin?" Then it seemed like Bert had to answer; all eyes on him, Ray's set tone being everyone's attention.
He probably hated people seeing him like this.Speechless. Than again, it was a talking point. Maybe he'd answer way after the question...maybe next week....maybe when we're all squirming in our death beds.
"I asked you first smart guy." Bert muttered under furrowed bushy eyebrows.
"Aren't you meant to make people feel comfortable here? It's a support place after all." Ray sat back in his chair, eyes still on Bert. "You have no answer....smart guy."
"Anyway....sorry for that everyone." It wasn't a fair apology, everyone staring at Bert and questioning why he was such an idiot. "Pete, your next."
"How d'you know his name dude?" I leaned forward slightly, the chair tilting, built improperly. "Use to date?"
"Shut up, faggot!" Pete spat, standing straight after Bert had called him. "I don't even know."
"Carry on then..Pete." Bert let Pete suck in a string of words, obviously held back by the throb of his Adams apple.
"I'm a good guy. That's what people thought until i killed them. I had lots of friends, including older ones like Patrick's parents....sorry for bringing it up." Patrick looked over at Pete then, eyes rolling like he was fed up of hearing the same thing.
"It's fine...can't forgive you though."
"...I-i didn't mean to kill them." The raven headed boys attention was now set on a space on the white-wash wall, almost looking like a maniac, eyes widened and a puffy pink, the result of endless nights of sleep. "I-i can't do this." Then he ran out suddenly, the door slamming, deafening behind him.
What was Pete like before all of this, a nice guy? Could i believe him when he said that it wasn't his fault and he was sorry?
His apology to Patrick was so calming, almost as if he'd shriveled in his skin and became a different person.
What a faggot.
Coming off as innocent would do him no good.
What if he was?
It seemed like i shouldn't be thinking about him like this. I was making fun of him almost, that made it no better.
Then, i remembered what he was like when we first met...
Asshole..
I'd prefer to smash your face in..
I find everything funny now..
Then, i considered the stuff i'd said to him...
It's about how much of a dick you are...
Your shit at fighting, and puny...
Sometimes, i wanted to get to know people, others i hated the idea of it.
No wonder i hate myself sometimes, i am constantly changing my mind on things.
Never Gerard though...I've always liked him.
Strange that...
"I am VERY sorry about that everyone. Pete can be a struggle sometimes i'm sure." Bert's voice woke me from my thoughts. "Ok, your last boy." He pointed to me, now all my thoughts vanishing.
It was my turn to talk.
Sometimes i wished Gerard was here...

Notes