even if you stop believing

I’m sitting in our school cafeteria now.
I’m just drinking water, since I’m still not eating very much.
Ray is sitting across from me, eating some kind of salad.
The lessons went very quickly.

I’m thinking of the boy.
The conversation the girls had was so confusing.
I feel like wanting to punch them straight and hard in their ugly faces.
How can someone be so childish?
We’re in high school, please grow up already!

I really can’t stop thinking of the boy.
What am I going to do when I see him again?
I have to do something.

I can’t just shout something like ‘hey dude, why you tried to kill yourself last Friday?’ at him.
Hell no. I’ve been in the same situation as him so I know what it’s like.
I want to get to know him, I want to help him.

I turn to look at Ray, who’s obviously just as lost in his own thoughts as I’m most of the time.
“Ray?” I say. He winces a bit, and then looks at me.
“Gerard?” He asks.

“What do we have for the next lesson?”
“We have our optional lessons; I’m in the music group”
“I took music as my optional too! So we both have music” I say. I love music lessons, they’re always so relaxed and we get to play any instrument we want to and I just love it.

“We better hurry or we’ll be late” he says.
We get up from the table, return our dishes, and head to the music class.

We get to the class quickly; it’s just a floor below the cafeteria.
As we enter the room, I immediately notice that there are few more students than before.
I also immediately recognize one of them.
He seems to recognize me too, as he stares at me incredulously for a moment.
My life is so full on surprises, and strange coincidences.

But why is he here?
He can’t be the same age as the rest.

I sit on some empty chair and Ray sits on a chair next to me.
I stare at the boy, who is sitting alone on the little sofa we have in the class.
Our seats in the music class is just some randomly placed chairs and a little sofa, you can even sit on the floor if you want to.
Our teacher usually just says something pretty pointless quickly before he lets us to play the instruments, so we don’t have to sit very long.

The boy turns his head towards me.
I smile at him.
He looks startled.
He quickly turns his gaze back to our teacher as he notices that I’m looking at him.

“Gerard what are you doing” I hear Ray asking.
“Just wondering why that one kid is here since he looks so much younger than us” I tell him quietly, since the teacher has started his pointless talk.

“The principal just put a few freshmen year student’s to our music group since they seemed so much better than the others, I think that was nice from her” Ray tells me quietly.

“Oh, okay” I mumble as I still stare at the boy. It’s nice that he’s here; maybe I’ll get a chance to talk to him now.

The rest of the lesson, after our teacher’s pointless talk, I just played the guitar with Ray and every now and then I took a look at the boy and a few times he was also looking at me.
But he always immediately continued playing his guitar as if nothing happened.

Now the lesson is almost over and we’re all collecting our stuff and putting the instruments back to their places.

The school is over for today.
I could try to talk to the boy now.
He’s already left the class, but he can’t be that far away yet.
I run out of the class, and look around as I run towards the main doors.

I’m out now, it’s pretty cold.
I see him poking around his bag about ten meters from me.
I walk towards him.

He notices me and looks scared.
He quickly lifts his bag and tries to run away.
Soon he decides to just walk fast since he almost slipped because the ground is still a little bit icy from winter.
He turns his head and looks at me.
He starts running again.
“Don’t run! You might slip and hurt yourself!” I shout at him and start running carefully, I don’t want to slip either.
He quickly takes a look at me, still running.
We must look pretty retarded as I’m chasing him and we’re both running somehow ‘carefully’, which probably looks very stupid.

“Why do you e---“ he starts shouting, but then it happens.
He slips.
“OH FUUCK!” he screams.
He falls violently on his back to the cold ground.
I know I shouldn’t laugh but I just can’t hold it.
It looked so funny.
If anyone saw the whole chasing and all, the guy is so laughing now.

“Oh holy motherfucking god..” I hear him mumble as I reach him.
“Does it hurt?” I ask as I offer him my hand.
“Thanks, but I don’t need your help or anything” He says as he gets up and starts to collect his books and other stuff.

“Why are you so mean?”
He looks me in the eyes, then turn and start walking away.

“Hey! That’s not polite!” I shout at him as he walks, ignoring me.

“Could you even tell me your name!?” I shout at the one whose life I once saved.
“It’s Frank, now leave me alone!” he shouts without even looking at me, just walking away and ignoring me as much as he can.

What’s wrong with him?
What have I done to deserve this?
What did I do wrong?

I start walking home.

Notes

I'm so sorry for not updating this in two weeks D:
please forgive me, I just lost my motivation for a while but i thinks it's back now :D

I've also been pretty busy with my band, we have a gig in less than two weeks c:
I'm the second guitarist and i'm also the vocalist :D
We're gonna play (manson's) sweet dreams, our lady of sorrows and 21 guns, i'm so excited! :'D

anyway, i'll be updating as soon as i can~