The Thing About Pain

Gerard words hit me hard. I shut my eyes tight and breathed out with my fists clenched. When I snapped my eyes open I just turned away from Gerard and walked towards the visitors room. What pissed me off, wasn't that Gerard had just completely changed his mood and yelled at me, but that Mikey never told me he had a brother, and that Mikey visited me instead of his own fucking brother. The twats followed me down to the room to ensure that I won't punch a wall, trust me, I wouldn't come to think of it. As I walked through the door, I immediately spotted Mikey.
It wasn't that hard. His mousy hair fell into a fringe and his rectangular black glasses were awkwardly sitting on the bridge of his nose. His sweater was covering an Anthrax shirt and he wore worn out blue jeans with giants rips at the knees. His red beanie really made him stand out. Plus he's the only one in the room with awkward knees. No, really. His knees naturally bend inwards. It's kind of adorable. But not today.
I marched up to him, and he seemed perfectly peachy. I sat across from him and waited for an answer. He smiled and sat back down on the mustard yellow couch. The people here needed better colour coordination. The only room with colour is the visitors room, so it makes it that much worse.

"Hey, Frank." Mikey finally spoke. I just shot him a glare, that he evidently ignored. If he valued his life, he wouldn't continue. "Look, I need to tell you something important." He sighed out. He looked down at his hands. His fingers laced together. I scoffed and crossed my arms over my chest. "Don't be difficult about it okay? Look, Frank, my brother is in here now. It means I visit you both." I grabbed the paper and pencil from the little table that separated us from one another, and began writing.

You could have had the decency to visit him first. Or maybe inform him that we're friends.

"Fuck, you met him already?" I nodded in response. "Sorry I didn't tell him about you. He was in college and he got back and," Mikey's voice broke. "Look, I know he's probably pissed off right now. I know that much. When he came home, he didn't talk to anyone. He went straight to his room and wanted to be alone. This caused episodes, Frank. There was a lot he wanted to get away from. It just fucked him up more. We knew it was time for him to get better and this is where he shall be until he gets better." I uncrossed my arms and looked Mikey dead in his light brown eyes and listened carefully. "Frank. There's one thing I want you to know about Gerard. He has bipolar disorder." My question had just been answered. Bipolar disorder, it made sense. His emotions aren't stable. I nodded in understanding. "Fuck, Frank, it's been so hard without him. I'm going to ask for Gerard okay? I want you to stay." He got up to talk to one of the employees. "Oh and one more thing. Have you," He hesitated. "spoken yet?" I gave a small nod, that Mikey must have caught before he went to talk to the employee about bringing Gerard in.
Gerard wasn't all that bad. His few quirks defined him in the best possible ways and I had to hand it to him, to have bipolar, its tough. I just hope it doesn't come between us. His cheeks are slightly sunken in but not in a bad way. It was just beautiful and that's a rare case. The more I thought over this, the more I realised that this sounds like a watercooler romance. It's not the case. Gerard seems pretty cool, but I just want to know the little things about him. Sure, big things are crucial sometimes, but it's the little things I live for. For example, how one falls asleep, and the flutter of their eyelids when they wake up. That type of thing. Great, now I look like an idiot, smiling to myself.

"Earth to Fronkeh." Mikey laughed. I shot my head up and gave him a quizzical look. "Gerard's here." I look up and just about die. He's changed clothing again. How long was I out if they had time to alert Gerard, let him change, and bring him here? This time he was wearing a 'The Smiths' shirt. The one where the band name is written in red and there is a picture of the band underneath. Hi black ripped jeans were a little too tight, and he was wearing beaten up Converse on his feet. His hair fell down to near shoulder length, but it wasn't really there yet, it would take maybe a six months to a year, depending on how fast his hair growth is. Did I mention he looked like one of those band member girls would spend hours crying over? Well, he did. "Frank?" Mikey questions. That makes me snap out of my trance and I slightly upturn the right corner of my mouth into a small smile, and let it drop.

"Mikes, just let me leave, you'd prefer to see your little boy toy." My eyes drop to the floor as Gerard says that.

"Gerard, he's not my boy toy. He's my friend. What the hell makes you say that about him, or me?" Gerard sits across from me, and Mikey next to him.

"I don't know, the fact that you visit him before your own brother who was forced into this hell?" He snarls at his younger brother.

"Frank was admit when he was sixteen! You're twenty-four, and barely been here a day. Frank, he's been here a good four years of his life. Why do you think I visit him first? I'm the only person who's bothered to visit him for these four years. His parents don't come. Nobody." Mikey nearly yells at his older brother.

"Is that true Frank?" Gerard turn his attention towards me. I look at him through my hair and glasses and nod. His expression somewhat softer than before, then just like you flicked a switch it turns cold. "So why is this psychopath in here? Why am I here more importantly, Mikey? I'm not a psychopath like the rest of them." His venomous words stung, as if someone ran me through with a blade covered in lemon juice.

"Look, he's not a psychopath. And the reason you're here is for you to get better. We're all worried about you. This isn't my solution but-" Mikey got cut off.

"But what? You're okay with it? You want me to get better? From what exactly? I'm not sick in the head."

"Gerard, you know why. I hope it's okay that I told Frank... Gerard you're admitted here due to your severe bipolar disorder." As soon as those words left Mikey's lips and reached Gerard's ears, something registered inside of Gerard. Depression consumed him. It began to eat him alive. A feeling I knew all too well. I was on Zoloft for it. Fifty milligrams a day. Same with Zyprexa, although, I'm not sick in the head! Gerard must have been on something at one point and just stopped on his own. Shit choice.

"He's going to think I'm fucking crazy! He probably already does." His voice was strained and was on the verge of cracking, and it would all become too much, and the tears would start flowing. I got up and moved next to him, hesitantly reaching to rub his shoulder as a sign to show that what he was going through is okay. At first he flinched, then he began to relax into my touch. At that moment I broke my promise that he wouldn't hear me speak for a few months. I knew what I was doing was right, and I knew I'd shock Mikey, but it needed to be done.

"I don't think you're crazy." Gerard and Mikey shot their heads my way. I shouldn't have said anything. That's when I realised Mikey had tears in his eyes, and Gerard was trying so hard to smile through his tears. I didn't realise my words strung together had an impact on anyone, much less these two.

"Frank, Gerard is the one person you'll speak to isn't he? He was the first person you've spoken to?" I nod blushing. Gerard's a little confused at the questions. I give Mikey the signal to go on and he looks over to Gerard. "Consider yourself lucky Gerard. You're something to Frank because, for you, he broke his four year silence." Gerard was agape.

"Four years, Frankie?" I sheepishly smiled and nodded. "Do I mean something to you then?" He asked me.

"Something beautiful." I whispered back to him.

"Is that why you're here?" Gerard asked me politely. I might as well tell him now. As I began to open my mouth, the security called out, and said visiting hours were over and that we had to return to out rooms, to get our stuff, and shower. The thing is, I couldn't get clean no matter how hard I tried.

"I'll see you guys soon enough." Mikey called out as we were leaving.

"Bye, Mikes!" the enigma called back to him. He was on such a happy high right now, I hoped nothing ruined it. Then again, it's what bipolar does to you isn't it? "So, Frankie, is it why you're here?" I shake my head. What do I say? He'll think I'm a psychopath. "Why, then?" I stop and shut my eyes as I say the next word. It's not true and it can't be.

"Schizophrenia."

Notes

Watercooler Romance: When you love somebody you barely know, or don't know at all.

Bipolar Disorder symptoms

• Feeling unusually “high” and optimistic OR extremely irritable
• Unrealistic, grandiose beliefs about one’s abilities or powers
• Sleeping very little, but feeling extremely energetic
• Talking so rapidly that others can’t keep up
• Racing thoughts; jumping quickly from one idea to the next
• Highly distractible, unable to concentrate
• Impaired judgment and impulsiveness
• Acting recklessly without thinking about the consequences
• Delusions and hallucinations (in severe cases)