The Thing About Pain
To The End With You
The funeral was the hardest thing to watch. I stood there not really knowing what to do. I didn't know whether or not to cry, or break down. I just stood off to the side, holding his hand, tears threatening to spill from my eyes. I couldn't understand, and I didn't want to ask in fear of getting the answer I dreaded. I shook as he held my hand and rubbed the pad of his thumb over my hand. I swore that if it was possible, it would be broken, or maybe it would be my frail wrist.
The day, the day was perfect for a fucking funeral, wasn't it? Fucking fantastic! It just had to happen this way! Of course it did, why the fuck wouldn't it? It was pouring, and dark. How we liked it. The only sound filling my ears was the rain hitting the earth, words I couldn't make out because everything sounded fuzzy to me, and his silence, and the sloshing of water when cars drove by. I couldn't stand it and I needed to say something. Anything. Lightning crackled across the sky and tore it apart, much like Frank did to me, and thunder rumbled, reminding me of Frank's laugh. His laugh came from deep inside him and when he burst into laughter, it was like this pleasant rumbling noise that you don't want to hear the end of. I am so in love with him.
People gave shitty speeches, and it showed that nobody truly gave two fucks except for my family, who cried and cried. I mean, of course they did. Why wouldn't they? This is beyond them, beyond Frank, beyond even me. That last one's a lie. It wasn't beyond me. I'm probably a big component, and had I stayed with Frank, this wouldn't have happened. It will be okay.
"Why?" He asks me quietly and holds my hand tighter. He places a hand on my face and turns my head to face him. "You need to talk about it. It'll help." He promises me. I know. His voice helps. Hearing it helps. Hugging him, holding his hand, kissing him, walking around town with him helps, listening to music with him helps, seeing him helps, and most of all he helps. He knows it's temporary and this pain will go away, and maybe I'll forget all of this. I let a small sigh slip off my barely tainted lips. They used to be tainted and stained, but Frank fixed that. I fumbled and shake slightly.
"I don't think this is the right time or place to talk about it. When we get home, okay, sugar?" I ask him quietly. He nods and stands on his toes, not much, but enough to make me melt due to how adorable he was, and he presses his lips to mine. I kiss him back without hesitation, like I used to. Unfortunately, he pulls away too soon for my liking.
"Go make your speech." He whispers. I nod and step away from him and face everyone. I swallow down the sick feeling in my throat and look to him. With a small nod, and thumbs up from the man I love, I start.
"Fuck- I-" My voice cracks. "Unscripted, thanks for that asshole." I laugh awkwardly. "There was nothing that could prepare me for this. I just- no matter who's with me, I still feel empty. I- Frank- he tore out a part of me. A big one and I completely fell apart without him, but I mean, I'm getting help. He's," I point to the man who was standing a few feet away from me, "helping me so much, because i now know that maybe this isn't all that bad. I mean, obviously the pain will go away, or maybe it won't. I want an answer from Frank, and I'm sure he wants one from me, but I- I can't- I don't want the answer I don't want to hear. Fuck, why do we always hurt the ones we love?" I choke out a sob. "He- He's my everything, and nobody could ever replace that. Never. He helped me feel clean, and he washed away the stains that littered my body. I can't thank you enough. I want to marry you, Frank, I do. It's my goal- was my goal. I want to quit and say I can't do this but I want to do this, and you'll hate me if I don't- no- don't say anything to that, please. I love you so much. Nothing can or will get in the way of that. You're my everything and you always will be." I finish and start to walk over to my love and hug him tight.
"I'm right here." He whispers to me and hugs me tightly. I didn't have inclination to let go of him. All I did was nod gently and smile.
"I don't want to let go of you, ever." I smile and kiss his neck. "I love you so much. Please never leave." He lets out a dry laugh.
"Right, because you don't love Frank far more." We both start to laugh hard and I can say that I'm actually happy with the moment that we're having right now. His hands around my waist, and mine around his shoulders, my head in his neck, and his in my chest, breathing in my scent. After a while of just holding each other he pulls away from me. "Gee?" He asks me quietly. I hum in response. "I love you, and I'm completely in love with you." I blush hard and my heart skips a beat.
"I love you, and I'm completely in love with you too, Frankie." I whisper. This moment made my heart hurt very much, even more so when Frank died. But after all, the thing about pain is that it demands to be felt.
The day, the day was perfect for a fucking funeral, wasn't it? Fucking fantastic! It just had to happen this way! Of course it did, why the fuck wouldn't it? It was pouring, and dark. How we liked it. The only sound filling my ears was the rain hitting the earth, words I couldn't make out because everything sounded fuzzy to me, and his silence, and the sloshing of water when cars drove by. I couldn't stand it and I needed to say something. Anything. Lightning crackled across the sky and tore it apart, much like Frank did to me, and thunder rumbled, reminding me of Frank's laugh. His laugh came from deep inside him and when he burst into laughter, it was like this pleasant rumbling noise that you don't want to hear the end of. I am so in love with him.
People gave shitty speeches, and it showed that nobody truly gave two fucks except for my family, who cried and cried. I mean, of course they did. Why wouldn't they? This is beyond them, beyond Frank, beyond even me. That last one's a lie. It wasn't beyond me. I'm probably a big component, and had I stayed with Frank, this wouldn't have happened. It will be okay.
"Why?" He asks me quietly and holds my hand tighter. He places a hand on my face and turns my head to face him. "You need to talk about it. It'll help." He promises me. I know. His voice helps. Hearing it helps. Hugging him, holding his hand, kissing him, walking around town with him helps, listening to music with him helps, seeing him helps, and most of all he helps. He knows it's temporary and this pain will go away, and maybe I'll forget all of this. I let a small sigh slip off my barely tainted lips. They used to be tainted and stained, but Frank fixed that. I fumbled and shake slightly.
"I don't think this is the right time or place to talk about it. When we get home, okay, sugar?" I ask him quietly. He nods and stands on his toes, not much, but enough to make me melt due to how adorable he was, and he presses his lips to mine. I kiss him back without hesitation, like I used to. Unfortunately, he pulls away too soon for my liking.
"Go make your speech." He whispers. I nod and step away from him and face everyone. I swallow down the sick feeling in my throat and look to him. With a small nod, and thumbs up from the man I love, I start.
"Fuck- I-" My voice cracks. "Unscripted, thanks for that asshole." I laugh awkwardly. "There was nothing that could prepare me for this. I just- no matter who's with me, I still feel empty. I- Frank- he tore out a part of me. A big one and I completely fell apart without him, but I mean, I'm getting help. He's," I point to the man who was standing a few feet away from me, "helping me so much, because i now know that maybe this isn't all that bad. I mean, obviously the pain will go away, or maybe it won't. I want an answer from Frank, and I'm sure he wants one from me, but I- I can't- I don't want the answer I don't want to hear. Fuck, why do we always hurt the ones we love?" I choke out a sob. "He- He's my everything, and nobody could ever replace that. Never. He helped me feel clean, and he washed away the stains that littered my body. I can't thank you enough. I want to marry you, Frank, I do. It's my goal- was my goal. I want to quit and say I can't do this but I want to do this, and you'll hate me if I don't- no- don't say anything to that, please. I love you so much. Nothing can or will get in the way of that. You're my everything and you always will be." I finish and start to walk over to my love and hug him tight.
"I'm right here." He whispers to me and hugs me tightly. I didn't have inclination to let go of him. All I did was nod gently and smile.
"I don't want to let go of you, ever." I smile and kiss his neck. "I love you so much. Please never leave." He lets out a dry laugh.
"Right, because you don't love Frank far more." We both start to laugh hard and I can say that I'm actually happy with the moment that we're having right now. His hands around my waist, and mine around his shoulders, my head in his neck, and his in my chest, breathing in my scent. After a while of just holding each other he pulls away from me. "Gee?" He asks me quietly. I hum in response. "I love you, and I'm completely in love with you." I blush hard and my heart skips a beat.
"I love you, and I'm completely in love with you too, Frankie." I whisper. This moment made my heart hurt very much, even more so when Frank died. But after all, the thing about pain is that it demands to be felt.
Notes
HOLY SHIT IT'S DONE! NO THERE WON'T BE A SEQUEL BUT I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS ARE THINKING ABOUT LITERALLY EverythING.Also, I'm going to Europe tomorrow so I can't update Alive Again for a while but I'm still writing the chapters. :) I'm almost done a new one and it'll be long because that's almost done too, and then on to a new story!
xxxSoulless Vampirexxx
See, it seemed like Gee was "killed"in Frank's delusion again. Then, suddenly, Gee was at Frank's funeral, sad but seeing get his ghost. That's why I was confused. So, is this supposed to be a happish ending? Like in Titanic, they both live on together after bc they seem unhappy. At these Gee does.
3/6/17