The Thing About Pain

I have spend many months with Gerard. Everything got better but then plummeted down into an abyss of darkness. My nightmares came back, and I'm sure they scared everyone around me. I couldn't begin to fathom how the Way family felt about my episodes. They progressively got worse, and the medication wasn't helping, but it kept the monsters under control. I couldn't help but feel bad, especially now, as I cried in Gerard's arms in the early hours of the morning, on his birthday.
Speaking of his birthday, I got him a small black book that he could write and draw in. I know he loved his art, and he was a genius lyricist. I loved that about him so much, and wanted to see more of it, so this was my solution. The book had engravings that were filed in with red and the little bookmark was a deep scarlet, I was hoping to god that he'd love it.

"Frankie, it'll all be okay. I have you." He whispered into my hair as he kissed the top of my head and made sue I was okay. The gesture reminded me of my mum, and how she would do that to me when I was six and would wake from night terrors. She'd run into my room and hold me gently and kiss my head. "Calm down, lo zucchero." He soothingly rubbed my back and kissed my head once again.

"I don't want them to get me." I cried against his chest. His shirt was wet with my tears, and there was nothing attractive about this.

"I won't let them hurt you, I promise." And he was right. He wouldn't let them hurt me, they'd hurt him. I didn't want that to happen. "Just sleep." He pulled us down so we were laying back in his bed, engulfed by his sheets, and the sweet smell of each other to keep us company in the darkness. Well, other than each other.
I don't think I'll ever get used to sharing a bed with someone. It's so intimate and loving. It's such an odd feeling. One I've never really had before. With Gerard it felt right. He'd hold me and I'd hold him. Our legs would be entangled and my breath would fan his neck, while his nose was buried in my hair. It was loving and warm, like a cup of hot coffee mid winter while your nose is freezing off. It was beautiful and special. It gave me a euphoric feeling.
And so I closed my eyes for Gerard and soon fell asleep in his arms, feeling a lot better, and a lot happier.
When I woke up, the smell of coffee filled my nostrils and I sat up carefully, noting that Gerard had his arms around my waist. Fuck, I love him. I gently nudge his shoulder and wake him up, looking over his face lovingly, and with such passion that I never thought I'd ever have for anyone. I hear him hum gently, and I watch as he cracks his eyes open.

"Happy birthday, Gee." I whisper and bend over to kiss him. He meets me halfway as he pulls himself up and places a hand on my cheek. He pulls away after a small, loving kiss and looks me in the eyes.

"Good morning to you too, Frankie. Sleep better?" He asks and I nod before hopping out of bed and grabbing his gift.

"I got you something." I tell Gerard as I slip back into bed and hand him his present. I watch as a small blush rises from his neck up onto his cheek. He very gently places his hands on the wrapping and I let him take the notebook. His skeletal fingers make an effort not to rip the paper, and a small gasp topples out and off his lips as he see's what it is.

"Shit, Frank." He breathes and runs his fingers along the cover, "It's beautiful." He opens it to the first page and reads my writing out loud. "Dear, Gerard, I love you, and you love art. The way you talk about it is captivating, so I got you a small notebook so that you can capture all your favourite things, and lyrics in here. I couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend than you, and I can't help but love more and more every day. Yours, forever and always, Frankie." He blushes harder as he reads the small letter and kisses my cheek after. "You're perfect." I grin. I did something right.

"Shut up." I blush and kiss his cheek in return.
Soon we got up and grabbed our coffees and sat around the table to eat breakfast. The whole Way family brought their gifts to their son and brother and I was glad to finally meet a few cousins, but they didn't stay for too long. It was respectable.
Gerard ended up getting some albums, some expensive artists pencils and pens, and he even got high end paints. He obviously thanked everyone and once they left, we settled for a movie. This day was all about him.

"I want to go out with you." He blurted out. "I wish we could. Even just the yard." He sighed.

"Want to ?" I asked quietly. "The yard, I mean." I finished. He looked over to me with widened eyes. "I would be happy to. It can't be that bad, right?" I asked quietly.

"You mean that?" Was the only question that left his lips. I nodded. Of course I meant it. It was a sunny day in April, and there was no snow anywhere in sight. We could have a water balloon fight if we wanted to.

"I do." I whispered, and with that he jumped up off the couch and puled me along to the kitchen.

"Iced tea first." He pulled out two Arizona's from the fridge and handed one to me, and took one for himself. He grabbed his cigarettes, and opened the door to the backyard after promptly shutting the fridge. "Après vous, monsieur." He spoke fluently, making a giggle escape my lips. If only we could escape the fate that was written for us. "You know," He began once we sat down on the emerald grass, that blew through the wind gently. "if we live to see the day, I want to marry you." He told me as he pulled a cigarette from the package and lit it gently, and with elegance. "I really do." He took a long drag and blew it out gently, making the smoke curl in the air, and float off. He made art out of cancer.

"As do I." I smiled to him. "It's something I haven't thought of too much, but I think it would be perfect, don't you?" I asked and turned to him, plucking the cancer stick from between his lips, and I took a drag of my own.

"It would be far from perfect, depending on your definition of the word, but if you define it as two men, utterly fucked up, and in love, then yes, perfect." He agreed as I blew the smoke across his face. I couldn't help but grin gently at his words.

"Perfect to me is being with you." I admit sheepishly and turn to look at the old oak tree in the yard. "It's odd for sure, but it's perfect to me. I don't need a whole lot, but what I do need is you." I handed the cigarette back to my lover and opened my iced tea, taking a sip, and letting the flavour set on my tongue before swallowing it down. I hardly noticed when Gerard snaked his arm around my waist, that's how much I was focused on everything.

"I don't really think of anything as perfect, but then you came along." He turned to me and grinned, putting out his cigarette to kiss me until we were both out of breath, and in need of far more.

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