The Thing About Pain

He was getting me to love him. This was how he got me to fall for him. It was working very damn well. I couldn't really explain but it was happening quickly. It had been another few months since the incident and all was going well. Nothing really happened in those months. We stayed home, watched movies, applied for a few local universities and colleges, well, Gerard did. I couldn't. I hadn't really finished high school, but Gerard took me out a few times to play a few local shows with Pansy and apparently people enjoyed it. I didn't make a lot of money, but I made enough to buy myself essentials and help out around the house. I could buy myself clothes now and I was saving up for another tattoo. Call me crazy, but I love them. I don't know how Donna would feel, but I didn't really seem to care much. It was my body, and I was grown up. I'm sure Gerard would love it though. He finds art one of the most beautiful and intimate things and he called me artwork. That made me feel special. He makes me feel special. I wish I could make him see how much I loved him without saying those words. It's a death-wish for me to say that to him. He wouldn't feel the same.

"Frankie?" He asks as he pulls me closer to him. I snap out of my thoughts and I look over at him, love filling my eyes and I lick my lips.

"Yes, Gee?" I ask him carefully and scoot closer to his side. He pulled me into him further and laid back down, pulling me onto his chest. My heart started to beat harder and faster than before as I awaited what he had to say. What if he wanted to leave me.

"I had an epiphany last night when you wrapped yourself up in that blanket burrito and asked me to come sleep with you," I swallowed hard. "and it's rather important." I swallow hard and think about what it could be. I'm probably over thinking but telling myself that isn't going to fucking help me in the least. What if he leaves me? Will he? Why wouldn't he? I think that's the best question. Why wouldn't he leave me? "Frank, I've had this epiphany; I love you." I nearly choked on my own spit.

"You what?" I asked, surprise evident in my tone of voice.

"I love you. I don't care- I do care if you don't love me, actually, but you needed to know this. You fucking need to." I listen to your words carefully, trying to process everything. "I'm sorry if it's too soon, but I wanted to let you know before it was too late, before anything else happened. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you died and I didn't tell you how I felt." He ran a hand through his black hair.

"Gerard, I do love you. I've been so afraid to tell you that. I've been so scared that you'd freak out. A few months back when I asked you if what we did was how you got people to fall in love with you, and you answered no, it's how you got me to fall in love with you, well fuck, it worked. It worked so well." I answer. Gerard tangled his fingers in my hair and began to play around with it it was a regular activity, and I loved that about us so much. We fell into silence and he would play with my hair, and everything would fall perfectly into place. The silence wasn't defending like in the hospital when I was alone in my room. They needed to add colour.

"I'm glad it did." He smiled at me. The enigma was unfolding and becoming more open, slightly different, yet very much the same. "There's so much of my world that I want to show you, but not the bad parts. The bad parts are stories of the past that I will tell you, but refuse to relive. I hate that I thought you'd be like the others. I don't know. When you spoke for the first time in that ward, I didn't know what to think. I knew you were looking out for me. It felt different than when the others watched me. You watched me with these big hazel eyes, filled with fascination and wonder. Nobody ever looked at me like that. It was truly a first and I regret being so rude but I didn't know how to react. They told me to stay away from you, the Iero boy. Of course, they found out I was rooming with you and just told me to be careful. I think the only think I needed to be careful of if falling in love with you. I was afraid you wouldn't reciprocate the feelings. It's happened before. You weren't an open book, you were half open. You were open o those pages that held foreshadowing and questions with slight details, but the rest is for someone to find out if they care enough to stay around that long. You're a book that needs to be read, taken care of, and re-read, time and time again. You're like a classic. A timeless tale that everyone knows but only few fully read. You're this wonderful, adventurous, mysterious, melancholic story. I love every minute of it. I fucking love you, and ever little thing you are." He tells me, and I swear, it's the most beautiful way anyone has every described me. Tear spring into my eyes and I couldn't keep myself together. It wasn't possible.

"You make me sound so beautiful." I note.

"That's because you are." He tells me and I lay there, with him, for a while longer until it's time for us to make some food.
We made our way to the kitchen, me racing around like a six year old, and Gerard laughing as he skipped up the stairs, two at a time. I started to pull out ingredients for a pizza. I would make it from scratch. I learned how a while ago, before I was admit to hospital, I guess bows a good time to see if I remember. Gerard came up behind me, and wrapped his arms around my waist, and placed his head on top of mine as I mixed sugar, yeast, and water. He watched me as I made the dough and so he eventually started to cut up vegetables to help me. I smiled as I began to add the eggs and yeast mixture to the flour. I whisked it all together and started to roll out the dough. At one point i slicked flour into his face.

"Hey!" He laughs and repeats my actions, throwing flour into mine, and now it's a full out flour war, which ended in making a huge mess, a beautiful pizza, and eating it on the floor as Donna came back to find the whole kitchen covered in the white cooking powder.

"What the fuck?" She laughed out.

"I got carried away. We'll clean it." I promise. She shakes her head.

"No, I'll clean it. I have nothing to do anyway. It's okay guys." She smiles gently at us both and places the groceries on the floor. "Tell me when you guys are done." She smiles and leaves the room. I laugh and attack Gerard by throwing myself at him and kissing him hard. I wanted him to know I loved him and I meant it. I pulled him on top of me and laid on the ground. His hands ventured to my waist and mine to his face. He straddled my hips as he kissed me and I tugged gently at his hair. He let out a small moan at my actions and lowered himself into me a little more, nearly letting our chests touch. I let out a him of content, and then he moves his lips across my jawline, and down my neck, causing little moans to escape my lips. I started to get a little panicky but let it slide, it was Gerard. He wouldn't hurt me. He wasn't like anyone else. My eyes went wide and I let out a longer moan as he gently bit into my soft spot. A very vampire like nature, but I guess he was sort of vampire like. I don't mind. I never did. I love him and that's all that matters.

"Gerard-" I moan out and then my eyes widen. He stops kissing my neck and I turn completely red. "Shit- sorry. I didn't mean to-" He cuts me of with a chaste kiss on the lips.

"Frankie, it's okay. You make it beautiful. You make everything beautiful." I lazily smile at him and nod. "I mean it, Frank. I don't want this to go anywhere. I know that seems a little odd despite my actions, but hell, I still find that beautiful. I've never found that so beautiful with anyone. You just make it sound- I don't know. You make it seem right." He truthfully admits to me.

"I think you just need to find the right person." I tell him as he lies down on my chest, our pizza forgotten. "That person, Gee, is you." I smile and tangle my fingers into your hair.

"I'M HOME, AND BROUGHT RAY!" Mikey yells and walks into the kitchen laughing. "Holy shit. Ray don't step further." I let out a chuckle. It sounded too girly for me.

"Why not, what's so-" I hear Ray cut himself off. "Jesus... What the fuck happened in here?" He asks quietly.

"We made pizza." Gerard answers happily as he lies on top of me. His hands are placed on my chest and one of mine is in his hair, the other is slipped under his shirt, and placed in his waist.
"Why are you guys on the fucking floor? And where's this- PIZZA!" Mikey runs is forgetting everything and tackles the pizza we made.

"And I thought you loved me." Ray laughed and walked over. "Hey guys. Haven't seen you since the institute. How are you?" He asks us carefully.

"I've had few episodes. One was really bad, but now it's good." I answer. "I'm egging better, and Gerard knows exactly how to help. I don't know how, he just does." I laugh and hold on to my boyfriend better.

"Yeah, I'm getting back into my art and all that. Franks a great help, fuck- I love him so much. It's so painful. I love him. I love him more than words could say. He's my muse for some work. He just doesn't let anything go unnoticed. By that I mean, all this beauty, he shows it to me on levels I haven't thought of before. We balance each other out. God, I love him." I hum in contentment and hold him better.

"Yeah, and I love pizza, stop being sappy, you don't see me going on and on about the pizza." Mikey retorted.

"Frank made it." Gerard informs and I swear Mikey nearly choked on his spit.

"Holy shit. This is the best pizza I've ever tasted." He hums in content and takes another bite.

"Ray, try this!" He shoves a piece in Ray's face, who walks over and sits on the flour covered kitchen floor. He gladly takes a bite, then agrees with Mikey. "You guys are making me want to puke, you're too cute together." I blushed at his sincerity and Gerard buried his face into my chest.

"You know, you could tell him." Gerard suggests, refusing to get up.

"You're fucking crazy!" Mikey yells. Ray right beside him, looking puzzled. "I can't do that. He'll hate me."

"He won't. You don't see how he looks at you. Just do it. Do it now. Go!" Gerard instructs. "DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!" He chants and I join in, laughing.

"Fine! But I'm doing this my way. The Mikey way." I laugh at his stupid joke. When I look over, Ray's face is in his hands, and his lips are on Ray's. From what I see, Ray is kissing back, but I'm not even sure anymore. Mikey ten pulls away, says sorry, and runs away.

"Mikey! Wait!" Ray calls and runs after him. What will the future hold for them?

Notes