The Thing About Pain

I had basically tackled Gerard, just to hug him. I didn't want to be a part of this nightmare any longer and I surely couldn't stand what was about to happen. I squeezed him tighter in hopes that maybe, just maybe this was a nightmare, and in hopes that tears wouldn't spill over my eyes. My knuckles were turning white and I knew it. I had a death grip on his shirt, while he held me tightly against his chest, but gently. My body was shaking at this point, as all the anxiety in the world came to me. Every ounce of it. I hope this doesn't go on.
I felt one of Gerard's hands wander up to my hair, and entangle itself there. He was soothingly running his fingers through my hair, and it felt wonderful, but it wasn't something I could focus on for long. They were coming after me, and they would get Gerard no matter how hard I tried for them not to.
That was when I broke down in tears.

"Hey, Frankie, it'll be okay in the end. I've got you and you've got me." He whispered to me. We all knew that was stupid though. He can't rely on me for any of this shit. He shouldn't rely on me for this shit. Once he's dead it'll hurt me less, because he's the person I fixed. I helped fix him, while he's still looking for my pieces. If I die first, it'll be the end for him. He'll be heartbroken, and his bipolar will get worse, along with the depression he has that's tied into it.

"It won't. One of us will be dead." I choke. With that being said, Gerard shushed me and kissed the top of my head. A gesture he did when I was in need of comfort. A gesture only he could make so beautiful and well known to me, that it was kind of scary.

"I'll prove you wrong, Frankie." He whispered to me. I relaxed and was put at ease by his words, which surprised me. Nobody could do this to me. My one question was the following; why are they getting worse when Gerard's around? It doesn't make sense to me, but oh how it does. If Gerard's close to me, they'll use him to destroy me even more. It's what they live for. It's all they've ever lived for.
Gerard slowly peeled away from me, allowing the room's temperature to engulf me, rather than the warmth that was only Gerard. He looked me in the eyes with worry painted onto his face. His big hazel orbs piercing into my own, his eyebrows knit together. His eyes looked sunken in and it just added to his character. It showed how truly worried he was. Then he did what was least expected, and most out of character of him to possibly do; he smiled in admiration. Was I seeing correctly? I had to be. I had glasses.

"Try to. I know one will die." He shook his head and laughed while directing his gaze to the floor.

"No. You're wrong." I truly wish I was wrong, but in these cases I wasn't. "I know you are, Frank. You can't argue. And I swear, we're getting you out in less than a week. I don't need to be here, and neither do you. I swear to you, once we leave, they won't be able to find you." He cupped my face gently with his hands and placed a tender kiss on my lips. I melted into his kiss, and kissed him back with just as much passion, and l-
No. I jerked back from the kiss. It was too soon, and too fast. I didn't even know him for that long. What's wrong with me. I can like him, but love? No. There isn't any room for that.

"I'm sorry." I whispered. I knew I hurt him. I always hurt everyone. I'm just afraid of what happens with love. It was horrifying and I couldn't believe I was falling in love with someone again. They were going to die. I knew it. They would die. They all die, like Jamia died. "I'm just afraid of myself, and my emotions." I told for the first time.

"Hey, it's okay. I understand. Take your time on certain things. But what was it that made you jump back?" He asked sympathetically, however, sadness was laced within every word.

"The 'L' word." I breathed.

"Lesbian?" Gerard asked me.

"No, the other one." A small nod.

"Lesbians?" I shook my head and let out a small laugh as he guessed.

"No you dumbass." I shook my head and let another small chuckle tumble off my lips and into the silent room.

"Lo- Oh fuck. Frank." Gerard was about to cry and I knew it. I looked at him and he just broke down. "Oh fuck, Frank. Fuck... I don't deserve that though. I just... I can't begin to even imagine that you'd feel such a way about me. I still can't believe you're with me." He cried out.

"But that's where you're wrong Gerard Arthur Way, I most certainly do see you that way, and I do feel like that about you. I just feel like it's too soon, and I need tome to figure it out. I don't want it to be a false misconception. I want to love you with every piece of my heart. No lies, only the truth." I explained and I earned a nod.

"Good, because I want my Frankie to love me with his whole heart." Gerard leaned in and gave me a gentle peck on the lips, that I returned. "Now, lets get to bed, and talk a little more, and cuddle before lights out shall we? Tomorrow we will go talk to Mrs. Williams." Gee made me a promise, whether he knew it or not, that we would cuddle, and that we would talk to the shrink. After that, getting out would be much easier, and I think I'd like to go to one of those parks that I remember being by my old home. They were fun, and maybe I can share this with Gerard, because he means as much to me as those happy memories do.

Notes