The Thing About Pain

Gerard stormed out of the room, leaving me crying on the floor. I know he never meant to do that. When Gerard was in a state of rage, there was no telling what he would do, and this was one of those times. He was just worried about me, and that was understandable, however, I didn't want him to tell, and then have it delay my recovery. I was about to leave after four years of this hell, and it was going to be with Gerard.
I sat alone, and was left to my thoughts in this stark white room, for another few minutes. I listened to my uneven breathing, and the footsteps of the oblivious passerby's. I listened, because it's what I do best. Why? Because nobody ever asks me about anything. I listened to the unimportant conversations that took place right beside my room. They were mainly about either Bert threatening them, or about the freak new kid. They described him as tall, lanky, and vampire-ish. What hurt most wasn't that it was about Gerard, and that this talk hadn't died down since the month he'd been here. They also said that he hung out with the anorexic, crazy, tattooed freak. They were talking about me.
There was a time that I used to not give two fucks, but now, now I'm just broken. Gerard's the only one who's trying to fix me and hold me together. I'm not crazy. Or maybe I am. How come only I see Timmy, and Joker Boy? How come they hurt me, but when I wake up it doesn't hurt and I don't have bruises or anything hurt or fractured? Maybe I am crazy.

I was thirteen, and I went home from school with a new friend, his name was Matt, and he played drums. We hit it off during first block and I couldn't wait to introduce him to my mum. She'd be so proud of me.
I invited him over after school, still getting insults thrown at me, like I had no friends, was talking to nobody, freak, emo, fag. All the usual. Matt told me to ignore them, and so we kept walking to mine. Once we arrived, I unlocked my front door and called out for my mum into the emptiness.

"MUM! I'm home, and I want you to meet a friend." I yelled out, happiness filling my voice. I looked over to Matt, who was in return smiling huge. Mum walked out of the basement smiling bigger than I'd ever seen her smile.

"Oh, Frankenstein, I'm so happy for you! Where is he?" This confused me, but I carried on.

"He's right here!" I pointed to Matt. "His name is Matt. We met during first block, and he plays drums! Mum we can start a band!" I squealed excitedly. Concern was etched across my mum's face at this point. She looked between Matt, and I.

"Frank, there's nobody there." My smile disappeared.

"Mum, Matt is right there." I looked over at him, and he looked unfazed that she couldn't see him.

"Frank, listen, there's nobody there. Come now, lets go to the doctors. Please. You have an appointment." I couldn't remember having one, that's weird. I just listened to her anyway. I just didn't know that a few weeks after my birthday that my life would change forever.

"Sorry Matt. We can chill tomorrow, yeah?" I asked him. He just nodded sadly and walked out of my house and down the block.

I was snapped out of my thoughts by Gerard voice. He was screaming at some oblivious patients for calling me a freak and crazy. When all I heard was silence, I figured they had fled the situation, and a fuming Gerard walked into our room. His facial expression softened when he saw me in a pool of my own tears, and ran up to me, and nearly threw himself onto his knees. He then wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to him. His skeletal, yet spider-like fingers from his right hand entangled themselves into my hair. I snuggled my face into the crook of his neck, and gently kissed it, earning a small, barely audible groan from Gerard.

"I'm so sorry I just walked out. I didn't mean to." I softly, kissed him again, earning another groan. "F-Frankie, please don't do that. It makes me want to kiss you, and now's not the time." I nodded and pulled away. "I got Dr. Williams. I ran into her office, said, 'It's Frank.' and ran out." I just continued to stare at him. "She should be here soon." He leaned in and kissed my forehead, which in a way, reassured me that everything would be fine.

"Frank?" A female voice called. "What happened?" The voice was laced with concern. Dr. Williams walked up to the two of us and sat down, on her knees.

"Frank was raped by his supervisor. Dan." Gerard replied, but put so much hatred and venom into the supervisors name, that it could've shot anyone dead, if it was directed towards them.

"Shit." Dr. Williams hissed. "Fuck, those bastards, are fucking-" She cut herself off. "I told them he was a creepy asshole. By the way, call me Emma." Gerard and I exchanged glances, and nodded. "We need a DNA test, but we can't do that because you were showering. We are fucked when it comes to that. Our other option is move him, and get you the fuck out of here." I smiled at Emma. She made a pretty fucking awesome shrink, and I couldn't help but smile. "Now, I'll talk to the staff, and Gerard, take him to your therapy session." Gerard nodded, and he helped me up. I felt so drained, I didn't want to go to therapy, but I did.
We got there, and it was music therapy today. It meant that we had someone come in and teach us music. It rarely happened so this was a treat. We walked in, there was at least four guitars, a tambourine, a few microphones, and some percussion. I ran in and grabbed a black Epiphone Gibson Les Paul. It resembled Pansy, but not quite. Pansy was white, and well, much more beautiful. I wondered if I remembered how to play, after all it had been four years. I glanced over at Gee, who was walking towards me and laughing.

"Really, Frankie?" He laughed but my smile faded. I was confused. "A guitar over me?" I laughed and nodded. There was nothing he could do about it. I stuck my tongue out at him, and sat cross legged on the floor, the guitar in my lap. I began to play a few notes here and there, and soon it turned into a whole intro to a song I didn't know. I looked up at Gerard who seemed mesmerised. "Play it again." So I did, and this time he joined in, his voice flooding the room.

"Hand in mine, into your icy blues
And then I'd say to you we could take to the highway
With this trunk of ammunition too
I'd end my days with you in a hail of bullets

I'm trying, I'm trying
To let you know just how much you mean to me
And after all the things we put each other through and

I would drive on to the end with you
A liquor store or two keeps the gas tank full
And I feel like there's nothing left to do
But prove myself to you and we'll keep it running

But this time, I mean it
I'll let you know just how much you mean to me
As snow falls on desert sky
Until the end of everything
I'm trying, I'm trying
To let you know how much you mean
As days fade, and nights grow
And we go cold

Until the end, until this pool of blood
Until this, I mean this, I mean this
Until the end of...

I'm trying, I'm trying
To let you know how much you mean
As days fade, and nights grow
And we go cold

But this time, we'll show them
We'll show them all how much we mean
As snow falls on desert sky
Until the end of every...

All we are, all we are
Is bullets I mean this
All we are, all we are
Is bullets I mean this
All we are, all we are
Is bullets I mean this
All we are, all we are
Is bullets I mean this

As lead rains, will pass on through our phantoms
Forever, forever
Like scarecrows that fuel this flame we're burning
Forever, and ever
Know how much I want to show you you're the only one
Like a bed of roses there's a dozen reasons in this gun

And as we're falling down, and in this pool of blood
And as we're touching hands, and as we're falling down
And in this pool of blood, and as we're falling down
I'll see your eyes, and in this pool of blood
I'll meet your eyes, I mean this forever" And so we had a whole song. I played the guitar and Gerard sang. We were so into it, we didn't realise the whole therapy group had walked in and was intently watching us. Sure it was depressing, but it was sure as hell beautiful. I was playing for Gerard, and Gerard was singing for me. It was perfect. We barely even realised the people clapping. Once we did, we both blushed hard, and found ourselves a comfy spot and sat there, and only then did I realise this was the song Gerard sang to me when we first found out we shared a room. He didn't dare continue it though, and now I know exactly why. However, it brought a feeling of beautiful, happy, nostalgia back to me, and I had never had this happen to me before.

"Alright!" Mrs. Lark's voice filled the room. "Today, we have musical therapy, as most of you won't shut up about it. So I brought in a guest, and you'll all be working on something, and presenting at the end of the session. You do have three to four hours, so knock yourselves out. Not literally." She smiled at us all and so our guest came up front to begin to speak. I couldn't help but grin, knowing that our guest was Mikey Fuckin' Way.

Notes