The Thing About Pain

There was knocking on our door, and its what I woke up to. Afterall, that's what the employees do on the days where you need to go see your therapist, shrinks, or whatever and whoever else you need to see. It was hell when you needed to sleep though. They woke you up at seven in the morning, got you to go to whomever, then you went to eat breakfast, and that was followed by the dreaded shower. You had an hour or two of recreation, where you go out in the courtyard and socialise or exercise, followed by lunch, group therapy, dinner, then brushing your teeth and bed. I hate the schedule so fucking much. It's basically trying to get you better but it won't fucking work. It never does. That's why I've been stuck here so long.
Another knock brought me to my senses and truly woke me up. I went to roll out of bed when I realised I couldn't due to the strong arms wrapped around me. I turned to face Gerard, and gave him a small peck on the lips. A groan escaped his mouth, and I couldn't help but smile. I kissed him again but a little harder, and for a longer period of time.

"Frank..." Gerard breathed out. This time, I shook him awake. His eyes shot open and he looked terrified. "What the fuck, Frank?" I gave an apologetic smile but he didn't seem to buy it. "Seriously, you fucking woke me up by shaking me?" He sat up and rubbed his eyes, and I did the same. "How about you just don't do that next time? Yeah? It would do us both some good." He got out of bed, grabbed some clothes from the drawer and walked right into the washroom, door slamming behind him. I couldn't help but feel as if I had committed so many wrongs, and I began to sob. I sobbed for what seemed like an eternity, but in reality, it was until Gerard came out of the washroom, dressed in a 'Smashing Pumpkins' 'ZERO' shirt, tight black skinny jeans, and Converse, of course, with the laces removed. A green and black flannel hung off his frame loosely. "Shit." I heard him hiss. He ran up to me, and cupped my face in his hands. "I'm so sorry, Frankie. I never meant to make you cry." He kissed me tenderly, with so much love, or at least what seemed like it. "Don't cry. I'll come to your shrink with you." I hugged him and reluctantly peeled away after a minute or so. I decided it was time for me to get dressed, so I pulled on a pair of light blue jeans, ripped horribly at the knees, a 'Jaws' shirt, and a sweater.
Once I was ready I walked up to Gerard, who was sitting on my bed, and sat next to him. I grinned big, and just to tease him, I whispered in his ear.

"I'm ready when you are." I let a devilish smile paint itself onto my face, as I pulled him up, and out of our room. I dragged him down the twisting halls, and into Dr. Williams' office. She was a tall woman, who seemed to like to wear her lips painted red, and her blonde hair up in a pony tail. Her bangs shaped her face perfectly, and were a little longer on the sides. She was fairly young, and freckles travelled across the brim of her nose. She had piercing blue eyes that were hard to decipher, and she enjoyed wearing wool cardigans over a stylish collar shirt. Oxfords were always on her feet and she typically wore light skinny jeans.

"Ah, Frank, you've actually shown up this time." She smiled. "With Gerard." Her smiled faded. She liked to be professional about everything and she had copies of DSMs littered across the shelves and she kept one on her desk at all times, open to a new page every day. "Frank, it's just you and I, Gerard's session is later. He can't be here."

"He won't stay if I don't." Gerard spoke for me, I simply just nodded.

"Gerard-" Dr. Williams began, but never finished.

"He won't see you, if you make me leave." Gerard spoke through his teeth. She sighed out and accepted.

"Take a seat." We both made ourselves comfortable in her crowded office space. "Frank, we recently got a call, to try to get you out of here. I'm trying, but the hospital says you'll have too many episodes. you've been here four years, and you're growing tired of this, I'm fully aware. You haven't seen things in a long time," Lie, I guess. I don't see things, I just haven't had them visit me in a long time. "so I'm working on getting them to let you leave, as you seem to handle things a lot better. With your release, will come Gerard's, as you're friends with his brother, and Gerard does better with you by his side. He always has. We don't do this, Frank. I'm making an exception. Don't make me regret it. I think all Gerard really needed was someone like you, and his medication. When we release you, you need to take your daily dosage of medication, and we will give you a prescription. Do you understand?" I nodded my head. After a life in here, I'm free to leave. I was eager to leave, and live a life with Mikey, and Gee. "Now, have you had any nightmares? Visions?"

"He's had a nightmare." Gerard spoke up. "It was about losing me though. He doesn't have many people, and both his parents recently died." He clarified and thank fuck it's how he covered, otherwise, I never would have gotten out.

"That's understandable. As long as it doesn't get any worse." Dr. Williams smiled. "Any visions though?" I shook my head in response and she made a note of it. "Excellent. You may be able to leave in the least, a month, the most, three." She smiled, and I couldn't help but grin. "Now Gerard. I'll just talk to you about your bipolar. How has it been?"

"Better. I was depressed for the past month, but then I sorted stuff out with Frank and I'm feeling better. I'm a little crabby in the mornings, but other than that, I think I'm fine." Gerard stated, but in the middle of his statement, he looked straight at me and smiled.

"Glad to hear. " She jotted more notes down. "And you're feeling better about yourself? No thoughts of being dirty, unclean, or ugly." Gerard swallowed hard, and shook his head in response, and we both knew that was one of the biggest lies ever told. "Good. You're free to go." With those words, we both ran out, and headed to breakfast. I walked into the cafeteria with Gerard by my side. People shot us odd looks, but one person in particular caught my eye. Dan. He looked pissed off. I shrugged off his look, grabbed my cereal, and pills, as did Gerard, and we sat at our far table. We ate in silence, holding hands, and exchanging small smirks. However, shower time rolled around too soon, and we had to part ways.
I entered the showers, clothes in hand, and towel around my waist, feeling uncomfortable and dirty, when Timmy stopped me.

"Alright, fag. Dan is going to give you what you deserve, I'll take care of your boy toy." A knife danced around in his hands, and with a cold laugh, he shoved me into the shower. I turned the water on and let the cold liquid, turn warm. I tried to scrub myself and get it over with as fast as possible, but clearly not fast enough. I felt another presence enter the shower and they brought their arms around me. They harshly whispered into my ear.

"You cheating on me with your boy toy?" Then, Dan slowly moved his hands down to my crotch. He nibbled on my ear, and the removed his teeth from it. "I'll ensure you never do that again, or maybe, I'll make you a deal. " I could feel his devilish smirk sprawl across his face. "You can keep him, but you're mine." He growled and began placing harsh kisses onto my neck. He stroked me slowly, not stopping as I whimpered and tried to back away from his touch. He kept kissing until he found my sweet spot and began to suck and lick it, and he started to rub faster, until I got hard. He let my moans fill the showers, and I couldn't take it anymore, I turned around and shoved him away from me. As soon as I did so, I knew I'd have to deal with the problem I had myself, and I missed the contact, because all I wanted was to rid myself of this. "What? No deal?" He pushed me against the wall and connected our hips, causing me to groan. "Oh, wait, you like that too much." He started grinding, causing me to whimper and pant. I didn't want this, so I shoved him but he kicked me and let me fall to my knees. He knelt down and began to kiss me, hard and hungry, and then he stood up. "Suck, faggot." He hissed at me. Before I could do anything, he started to fuck himself into my mouth, until he came. He left me like that and just stood there. "Well, fag? What are you waiting for, jack off for me, or I will hurt you even more." And so I sat there, on the ugly tile flooring, feeling dirty, and jacking off to save my own self.
This cycled around twice, because it was my fault for giving his a problem because he forced me to jack off in front of him. He left me there with a kick to the ribs, and laughing.
I got up and went to my room once I finished cleaning myself to the best extent I could. I didn't want to go to recreation, so I ditched, hoping Gerard would walk through that door to save my soul. And after a few minutes he did. All I did was break down and cry. I thought he was dead, I thought Timmy had gotten him.

"What did the bastard do to you, Frankie?" Gerard whispered in the most broken voice I have heard. The word that fell off my tongue was the word rape. "I'm getting him fired." Were the words that left Gerard's mouth before he stormed out.

Notes