The Thing About Pain

I was melting inside. Gerard's kiss was perfect, and his lips were rough, and chapped, but soft at the same time. He was perfect. Every aspect was amazing and I wish I could be with him in every possible way. After the kiss, I pulled him in a hugged him tight because I wanted to still be close to him, and I wanted to apologize for being a complete asshole, because in reality, we were both to blame for what had happened between us. I felt his hands push away my waist and I let go of him. My expression was laced with confusion, but soon replaced with one of understanding as he began to lean in to peck my nose. I chuckled a little, and watched him sit back and fumble with his pockets. He pulled out a stack of envelopes and stuck them out in front of me.

"I wrote to you every day." I smiled and took them, gently, from him. "Read it now. Please. With me?" He added in the last part quickly. I nodded, stood up and stuck my hand out to him. He gladly took it, and I pulled him up. He was a lot lighter than I remembered. I led him to my hospital bed and as we sat down, I placed the deck of envelopes on the bed, staring with the first one.

#1: Dear Frank,
I hate the fight we had. I shouldn't have said anything about your schizophrenia. I was being stupid, but it wasn't all me. Is it that easy to stay away from someone like me? I didn't know...
You'll never get these letters, so I guess it's okay to tell you that sometimes I long to kiss you like I did in my dream. I just wish that maybe I could feel your lips against mine, as I mumble that I'm sorry for fighting with you. I want that, and your hands tangled in my hair, and mine around your waist, as you try so hard to bring me closer to you, even though we couldn't possibly be closer.
If you knew how sorry I was.
XOXO Your Gee.

I smiled to myself because of the note he wrote. "You can have that you know?" I asked him, and he smiled at me, his eyes having some happiness return to them. I picked up the second letter and opened it slowly. I ripped the top of the envelope cautiously, and pulled out a thin paper.

#2: Dear Frank,
I was watching you this morning, and you seemed a little more than depressed, and I wish I could have helped you, but I didn't know how. You wouldn't want me to anyway. Nobody needs me. I'm too messed up to help anyone.
But you, you're flawless, and breathtaking. There's an ache in my chest because you're no longer here, or talking to me.
If you ever need me, I'm here. I'm always here.
XOXO GeeBear

Tears were splattered onto the page, and it made me feel so bad for what I had done to the poor man. I looked up at Gerard and decided to do something I couldn't imagine, and least not before today. I kissed him. Once again, I was kissing Gerard Way. The perfect, broken, masterpiece of a human being. Our lips moved perfectly and I couldn't help but notice the little hum of pleasure that came from Gerard. I moved my hands to his hair, and he moved his down to my waist. I tugged slightly, and he pulled himself as close to me as he possibly could. Slowly, I took my lips off of his. His lips were slightly swollen, and I smiled at that.

"Frankie..." He breathed. I smiled and turned, to get the next letter.

#3: Dear Frankie,
I'm so lost without you. Ray, he tries to cheer me up, but it's not the same. I miss your infectious laugh, how the sides of your eyes crinkle when you smile. I miss looking at the most beautiful person. At the most level-headed, sane person.
I apologize a million times, Frankie. I was wrong. I just wanted to let you know, I drew you a couple of times, and I hope to give it to you for your birthday. I also got you something else, and I asked Mikey, because he seems to know how to smuggle things in here for me. He recently got me a new sketchbook and new pencils. Even a pencil sharpener! You don't understand how happy that makes me. Then again, it doesn't make me as happy as you.
XOXO Gee

I decided that I would read the twenty seven other letter later on. I smiled at this letter and the many more I had beside me, then looked back up at Gerard.

"You don't know how fucking sorry I am." He whispered. I smiled at him and pulled myself up onto the hospital bed so by back was against the backboard. As soon as I did so, he curled up into my side.

"Trust me, Gee, I know. And so am I." He smiled up at me, and I smiled down at him. He was adorable, and I couldn't help but like him, very much. After a moment of silence, I felt little kisses being placed on my neck. I shuddered, remembering what had happened earlier on that month, the remembered this was Gerard. Gerard, who was afraid of himself, Gerard who I had known for over a month, yet we only talked three days, but in those three days of talking, and the month of knowing, I fell for him, and was still falling.
His little pecks continued, up and down my neck, until he got a slight little moan out of me. He then stopped, and buried his face into my shoulder. Hesitantly, I wrapped my arm around his waist, and slowly we drifted off to sleep, forgetting Mikey had given us only half an hour to talk.

Notes