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Mibba

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Teenagers

Thoughts All Over

So mom called like three weeks ago. I told her where I was and that I didn’t want to come home. She made me feel bad about it by saying like “Oh you ungrateful little bastard.” And “You have no idea how much your father and I have suffered trying to hide the fact that you’re gay. We’ve had to lie to all our friends about where you’ve been the past years.” Oh, wow. Thanks for being ashamed of me.

Apparently everyone thinks I’ve been attending a boarding school, but I don’t quite understand how mom’s managed to trick her friends over the summer breaks. Guess I’ve just been at parties every time my parents have guests over or something. Wow. I’m imaginarily popular. But yeah, she let me stay.

Anyways, she makes it entirely my fault and the worst part is, when I lived with them, I believed the lies they’d tell me. I’d read into their stories and think that I was a worthless piece of shit, which Frank has shown me, I’m not. No one is. You just have to find your place.

The way Frank remembers to tell me every night that he loves me. One night he forgot, and he ended up waking me up in the middle of the night and telling me because he said that he couldn’t sleep if he hadn’t. It’s cute because it makes me think that I might finally have found someone who needs me as much as I need them. I like it.

A couple of days ago I got mad at him at school because he started touchingme in the hallway. No one was around, but I mean God, couldn’t we at least hide in the broom-cupboard or something? It was so embarrassing because I kissed him and it evolved and I got a fucking boner and it wouldn’t go away, so I had to enter the classroom with a stiffie.

Kids laughed, but Goddamn are they ignorant. I’m pretty sure no one has seriously considered the fact that Frank and I are together. I mean in a more than friends way that is. Well, except for the janitor. He fucking blushes whenever he walks past us, the poor guy.

Frank wants to be more daring and fool around at school because he loves the excitement. And fuck yeah would I like to do things to him in the boys’ bathroom, but I’m not sure that I’m ready yet. You know, after the incident. I still beat myself up about it.

The past week has been great! Living with Frank is great. Just everything is great and I want to do things again, see things again. I want to live again.

Although I love the nights when Frank does things to me in bed, my favorite nights are the ones where we just lay there and hold each other. When he holds me it feels like he’s patching up the festered wounds in my chest.

Some nights I cry. Not because I’m sad, but not because I’m happy either. Just because things in that moment are perfect and I don’t want it to ever end. But I know that I’m not fooling anyone. Crying won’t stop time. But I just can’t help it. It just happens, and Frank holds me tighter.

**************

“So Mikes, you wanna go visit Gerard this weekend?”

My heart stops as well as my legs. Gerard. Shit. I miss that boy. I’d almost forgotten him.

I haven’t talked to him in what seems like forever. I calculate that it’s been about a month, and I didn’t really tell him anything last time he called. Wow! He has absolutely no idea of what’s going on in my life anymore.

“Wh-What?”

“C’mon. Let’s surprise him.” Frank nags.

I want to see him. I really, really do. But what if he doesn’t want to see me? It’s been a month. Wouldn’t he have called if he missed me? I don’t want to be a pain in the ass and dig up all those emotions again.

I bring my hand up to my mouth, but Frank takes it instead because he knows that I start biting my nails when I get nervous. He holds it firmly and looks me straight in the eye, manipulative hazel, puppy-dog glare forcing its way into my soul.

“Fine.” I don’t focus as much on what I’m saying fine to as to the expression of an over-excited child that spreads across his face.

He jumps up and down in place, in the middle of the street-light lit road. We’re on the way home from work. He works at a guitar store and I work at the bookstore right next door. We have just about the same schedule because we go to school and can only work after school hours. That’s nice because then we can walk together. I ended an hour earlier than him today, so I stopped by and looked at guitars and waited. He appreciates that.

It’s dark out and fall has pretty much taken over by now. The orange, yellow and red leaves have abandoned their trees and are starting to rot on the ground. There’s that crisp smell and feeling in the air. I don’t know why, but I love fall. Well, it’s more like a love/hate thing. I love it, but I know that it’s only getting darker before it gets lighter. The darkness confuses me. Seasons confuse me.

Frank leans in and pecks my cheek, jumping up on my back and almost causing a concussion as I lose my balance and fall to the concrete.

“What the fuck Frank.” He’s like a fucking child.

“Sorry.” he laughs and rolls his eyes at me.

My top and jacket have slid up so part of my stomach is showing. Frank jumps to his feet, and runs over to me pushing me back to the ground, and sliding his hands up my shirt. I gasp at the coldness of them. He then retracts and sets off running full speed.

“Race you home!” His screams echo through the silent, empty neighborhood.

It all happens so fast that I just stay seated, baffled by that boy. What the fuck goes through his head when he does these things? I mean, don’t get me wrong; I love it, he just confuses me.

I slowly get to my feet and follow him into the dark night, first pacing, then jogging and eventually sprinting.

Notes

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Comments

This story was amazing. I cried. You're a fantastic writer, and I loved the fact that this was about Mikey. You don't get that very often.
Velvacora Velvacora
11/2/13
I lerved this so much.
Oh God. That was absolutely beautiful. It made me cry :") Truly, truly amazing and I hope you'll write more!!!
falloutlies falloutlies
4/28/13
THAT WAS AMAZING
This story was beyond perfect Jesus Christ *claps*