Forget About The Dirty Looks.

Gerard's POV
I don't know where I'm going, I just wander around aimlessly. I've passed countless faces, and nearly all of them gave me an expression of sympathy. Some even went to say something, but I shot them a dirty look and they looked back down. I didn't realize I was crying until somebody stopped me and gave me a tissue. I gave them one of the smallest smiles you could imagine and wiped at my cheeks. My eyes still hadn't lost the red tinge from the past crying episodes, so they must be really red now.
I walk down the main strert, and my feet take me in the direction of the alleyway. I try to go in the opposite direction, I try to stop myself, but I can't. I check my pockets for money, and see that I have around $20. Enough to buy me something... Maybe some weed or some ecstasy. What am I thinking? I can't go and buy drugs, I have a promise to keep. Well I've already kind of broke it anyway, so I should just completely break it.
There's one person that I can see in the alley, but I don't know him. Should I ask him for some? I don't know him, what if he's a cop? My mind wanders to the fuzz that wraps around your brain when your high, and I practically run forwards, eager to forget. I stop in front of him and get out a pen.
'Do you have any drugs?' I decide to just come out with it, I've never been too fond of beating around the bush. He looks at my arm, surprised, but when I hold out my money, his face breaks into a grin.
"I sure do, what do you want?" I grin back at him. I find space on my arms to write down my response.
'Honestly, I don't give a damn. Just make me forget, okay?' He nods, and reaches into his pocket. He pulls a bag of something green out of his pocket, weed, I suppose. Next, he pulls out a bag of white powder but then shakes his head and puts it back in his pocket. He hands me the weed, and gives me four small, round tablets that have different pictures on them. Ecstacy. Just as I'd hoped.
'How much? I've only got a twenty..' I'm seriously running out of space on my arm...
"Normally, they would be $25, but I'll give you them for $20." I thrust the money at him, give him a small thumbs up, and run off.
I make my way to the graffiti spot that I showed Frankie. I've never gotten high there, so I wonder what it'll be like.. I walk through the bushes, trying not to trip. When I get there, I notice something new on the walls. It's beautiful, it has what looks like the Virgin Mary, or somebody like that, and there are gunsgoing over her head. I think the woman is called something like Our Lady Of Sorrows, we learnt about her in school once I think. I sit down, staring at the piece of art on the wall. It has automatically become my favorite, and I'm sure Frankie will love it when he sees it. If he sees it...
I sigh, trying to shake the thoughts out of my head. What shall I start with? The pot, or the tablets of ecstacy? I decide, because I haven't had any drufs in a while, to start with the pot. I get out my stuff and roll one up. I light it, and after a few drags, I feel the effect already starting to set in. I smoke it within three minutes and sit back on the wall. I still haven't forgotten, so I should take some of the tablets. I dry swallow two, and wait. Ten minutes later, I start to feel happier, more energetic. I feel like runnin home and jumping on all furniture, and then eating everything in the house. My stomach rumbles at the mention of food, and I can feel my insides eating each other. For the first time in days, I'm hungry. Not just hungry, but starving. If I'd have jnown the drugs would make me feel like this, I'd have taken them in the fucking first day.
I jump up, and bounce on my feet. The graffiti on the walls have gotten more colorful and they seem to dance slightly. I smile at them running my hands down the walls. I feel all of the textures on the concrete more, and it feels great. I laugh, giddy with happiness. I jog toward the exit path, and run through the overgrown bushes, not caring if I get scratched. I run through the streets, bumping into at least five people. I fall over a few times but I just jump back up again. I probably look like I've just escaped from a mental asylum, and that I'm hyped up on the drugs. The latter is correct, I suppose. I reach my door, and enter, startling my mom and Mikey, who are watching a movie in the living room.
"Gerard, where have you been? We've been worried sick!" Her tone is angry, but I don't care, all I want is food. I grab the paper from off the couch and scribble down my thoughts.
'Yeah, it looks like you were worried.. You're watching a movie? Anyway, who cares, I just want something to eat, then maybe I'll talk..' I've finally got something other than my arms to write on.
"Gerard, are you fucking high? What the hell!" Seems like everyone is angry at me today. I just laugh at him and walk away.
"Gerard, are you high? How the fuck did you even get the drugs? Jesus christ.." I giggle at them and start making a sandwich. I pull out some cheese, ham and nutella. Never tried the combination before, but my brain tells me it will be nice. I make it and take a bite out of it. Whether it's the drugs or my brain talking, I don't nknow, but this shit is delicious. Igroan at the taste, the flavors dancin on my tongue. All of senses have been heightened, and I love it.
'Want some? You should try it, it's amazing!' I write it down and I offer my sandwich to them, but they both shake their heads and sigh at me.
"No, Gerard. Where did you get the drugs? What drugs have you taken?" I shake my head at them, making out like I'm zipping up my lips. My mom grabs me nby the shoulders and turns me to face her. She stares into my eyes, making me giggle.
"Gerard, answer my fucking questions. Where did you get them and what have you got?" I roll my eyes, and my hand enters my pockets. I pull out the little bag of leftover weed and hand it to her. She wrinkles up her nose in disgust and hands it to Mikey.
"Get rid of it, Mikey, please. Don't even think about trying any." Mikey walks of, throwing me a glance of annoyance and disgust. I giggle and that seems to be the only sound my vocal chords will let me release. A fucking giggle; I sound like a fucking girl.
"Gerard, this is fucking serious. You can't just go out and get high. It won't solve any of your problems. Fucking take things seriously for a change!" I think this is the most I've ever heard my mom swear. She sounds weird saying it, the words don't seem to suit her. I gigle again, thinking about how strange she sounds. I hear a sigh, but that makes me laugh even more. It's not even very funny, I don't know why I'm laughing. The thought of laughing makes me laugh harder, but unlike my giggles, my laughter hails no sound from me. I'm silent, tears runningdown my face, my shoulders shaking. I'm pretty sure that if I wasn't smiling, I'd look like I was crying. I feel a sharp pain on my cheek and my laughter gets cut off suddenly. My hand's fly to my cheek and I stare wide eyed at my mom. Her face shows no emotion, except for anger. It burns brightly in her eyes. She opens her mouth, but then closes it again. A laugh bubbles up my throat and I have to bite my lip to keep it in. I can't laugh now, I'll end up being cucked out or something. She takes a deep breath and straightens up.
"Now, Gerard. Can we talk about this, together, like adults?" I nod my head, my cheek still slightly burning. She nods too, and takes a seat on one of the chairs. I decide to stay standing up, knowing I'll be able to run away easier.
"Where did you get the drugs?" I hesitantly scrawl where on my piece of paper. I show her and she clucks her tongue.
"Okay, and what did you get besides the pot? It doesn't make you go this high, I'm not stupid, Gerard.." I sigh and write it down, when I show her she sighs. She doesn't even look annoyed, she just looks.. tired. Tired of everything, I guess.
"Have you got anymore? If you lie, I'll know.." I give an inaudible sigh and reach into my jean pocket, my fingers trying to find the last two tablets. I find them and debate on whether I should give her both or just one. I end up giving her both, and she washes them down the sink.
"You're not allowed to go out unaccompanied anymore, Gerard, not until Frank is back at least. You can't just go out and get high everyday, it won't solve anything. I can't handle it, Mikey can't handle it, and you obviously can't handle it. Now, go to your room and I'll call you down for dinner." She spins on her heels, ending the conversayion and dismissing me, both at the same time. My half eaten sandwich lies on the counter top, but for somw reason it doesn't look all too appetising anymore. I leave it there, and head down to my room, sighing at myself. All too soon again, I'm sat by myself, lost in my dark and deprseeing thoughts.

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