Is he your brother? No,he is my wife.

There aren't many options when you plan to run away with your brother to a completely different sate with a car for three months. And more if you had to do what we were planning since two years.
We really needed this to happen though,we were tired of living at the place we called "home". If a shithole in the bad side of town is what we could call home. Not that it was bad or anything [if we ignored the obnoxious Mexican neighbor who liked to sing in the shower at fucking 4 in the morning at the top of his lungs to then hear the whole building groan simultaneously. The guy lived upstairs and his bathroom happened to be above my room,fucking fantastic.]

So as said,we started planning this for years,two to be exact. I remember it as if it was yesterday. Which is really fucking crazy cause we were high as hell that day [and that year]. Our parents were barely home and when they were they would fight which each other all day or with us or the neighbors or they were drunk [that would end up with me or my brother being beat up],my brother and I got high to forget about it and play deaf. Most of our school days were us and some friends being high all day because we couldn't stop. We had a lot of shit going on at that time and that was our only way to cope. It was a way to forget my own thoughts,and for him,I never really knew,but we had that same thing in common,bullying and depression. I know I know,I lot of people have better ways to deal with that but we were young and so fucking stupid.
We clearly dealed with it in other ways,which were really wrong ways and we are now both marked with them for life,sometimes we notice that we still have the old habits,and we are there to stop the other.

Let's go back to what I was telling. As I said me and my brother were really high at that time,and sometime we would really embarrassing thing with each other. One of them was the handjob we gave each other,when sober we knew that was fucked up, but like we really cared,right? We did more things,but I won't tell them now,this is not a dirty flashback of our high years locked in our rooms alone.
Well,that one day we were sitting in my room on the floor against my bed,we were laughing at some stupid joke one of us must have told,what it was? Fuck if I remember,but it had something to do with mountains,hot dogs and mustard. Then I think we made out for twenty minutes [we were high,I wasn't even getting hard(I think) fuck you] and there is where the idea came out,with Mikey pulling apart,with the most serious expression I've ever seen [if that was even possible with his already serious face] but also like he just discovered the secrets of the universe [he did] and said full of grace:

"Dude,bro,we should,like,you know,run away,man."

And I answered with almost as much finess than him:

"Holy shit man,we should totally do that shit,dude,and we could like steal dad car and shit ya know?"

And he then said:

"Fuck yeah dude."

And with that we both highly [pun intented] agreed to do it. And made out again. As you can see,me and my brother were really spiritual in that state.
I was really surprised to see that both of us were still serious about running away even being sober. Well he was more serious about it than I was,he suffered more about it than I did.
Being younger,he didn't had enough time to cope,and he was born at the time my dad started drinking and the fights were becoming more frequent. Our mother was what we could call "normal",but no completly fine either. She still made the effort to take care of us as much as she could,and I will always be grateful of that. She truly loved us,but she was always tired and in a horrible mood,or fighting.
He grew up in a bad time,I won't blame anyone for this. I wasn't my dad's fault if he started drinking,it wasn't my mom's fault if she couldn't take care enough of us,it wasn't my fault if I couldn't do anything to make things better,it wasn't Mikey fault to be there at that time.
I stopped caring,but my brother always got upset about it and tried to change things,but always got slapped and told not to get involved.
At fifteen he gave up and learned to take care of himself. It was for the best,anyway.

But anyways,let's stop talking about our old problematic love and focus and what I was telling. Like I said he was really serious about this whole runaway thing,enough to make him stop smocking and focus in that. I didn't stop smocking,but I did took it rather seriously too. I listened to everything he planned,changing them the other day with something new,and so on. I never saw him so involved in anything since he learned how to play his bass and forced me to sing along with him.
I knew things would get better after that,and slowly stopped smocking too,and helping him out. I told some of our friends,they told us how fucking crazy we were but gave us ideas anyway. [Really dumb ideas,but ideas anyway]. And it gradually became some kind of game between us,we would give each other really fucked up ideas and laugh at them. It was really fun to me,but not so much to Mikey,at first. He would get really mad because for him,it was a really serious deal and hated how we made fun of it. But after sometime,he joined us. He would consider some of the stupid shit we said,but dismiss them if he found a flaw in them.
But then,it cliqued. The idea came when Bert was drunk,he wasn't meaning it but for Mikey,it made sense.
We were in my room,Bert,me,Mikey and two other dudes,Dan and Geoff. They were really drunk and talking shit about some chick we couldn't stand. And Bert said it out of nowhere and it was really fucking stupid.

"You would look good as a chick,dude,like really fucking good." He was looking my way with thoughtfull frown,eyes squinted in concentration [as much as someone could being drunk] and made us laugh loudly.

"You think so?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah dude,I mean,you're like prettier than half the girls at school." Geoff answered." I know some guys who thought you were a girl at the begin of the year,dude,that thought you were hot and shit." We laughed again.

"Oh my god that's so fucking weird,I'm not that pretty."

"You are,man,I'd fuck you if you were a chick,dude." Dan said after taking a large gulp from the vodka bottle.

"Eww dude,no." I scrunched my face in disgust. Is not that Dan wasn't attractive,he was,but the guy was in some nasty shit and I didn't know I was gay at that time. [make out with my brother don't count,it was for fun and didn't give a fuck.]

"Like, get up dude." Bert said as he got up [the best way he could] and I did as he said. He moved me to the miror I had and made take my sweater off. "You even have the curbs and ass dude,some work out and make up and guys would be at your feet."

"You could rule the world!" Geoff laughed."Even your hair is long." He got up and came next to us,styled my greasy hair and made me do a pouty face. We laughed again loudly, I was about to turn and look at Mikey and say how fucked up they were,when I saw his face. He was making a sober version of that face he made when he took the decision.

"Mikes?" I asked.

"I got it!" He jumped and for the first in a long time,I saw him smiling. A real,genuine smile.
He got up and hugged Bert and kissed he cheek,saying how much he loved him and thanked him a million time. Bert just played along,not getting what just happen.

"I know how we are gonna do it,god Bert I would kiss you if you smelled better." He then hugged Geoff and Dan and ran out of the bedroom and never came back.

We spend the rest of the night confused,until I realized what he was talking about. I couldn't stop thinking about it,did he really thought it was I good idea? Did he really took this drunk Bert idea as something serious? What was he thinking? Those were all the unanswered question running throught my mind that night,and they remained like that for a week,I never dared to ask,he never talked about it.
Of course,I assumed he realized how idiotic it was until one night when he came [more like barged in] in my room and yelled my name and started rambling something I couldn't make out at that moment,it was about 3 am and my parents were out doing god knows what. I just looked at him and his happy rambling until I made him stop,told him I need a minute and he was talking to fast. After a few minutes I was more awake,enough to understand if you talked slowly. I told him to start over,slower.

"Okay,so you remember last week with Bert,Dan and Geoff right?"

I blinked."Yeah."

"So I considered what he said and it makes a lot of sense,because you are really feminine but I never told you because I thought you knew,and you do act unconsciously feminine too."

"I-I don't-" he cut me off,ignoring what I was about to say.

"I know that at first,the idea is really dumb,but after a week thinking about it,I came to this conclusion: We can,or at least you,fake our indentity and start over,but not as brothers."

"As what then?" I didn't like where this was turning.

"As a married couple."

"Mikey,no. I know more than no one how much you-" he cut me off again.

"No,no no,Gerard listen. I know you think this idea won't work,I thought it too but it will work,we can get papers done to make it seem more realistic,you-you change your name,and gender and everything and get married,like for real,not in a church,but we can get the official papers,It can't be that hard!" The more he talked the more desespaired he sounded until I saw a tear fall of his eye."please" he begged."please believe me." His voice was wobbly and quiet,but loud enough so I could hear him. I never saw him as confident and despaired about this,he started sobbing and I hugged him.
It was the first time I saw him crying in years,it broke my heart in a million pieces. His cries were becoming louder until I couldn't take it anymore and cried too. We cried our pain away,all those years of depression,problems and bad,horrible decisions were flowing away from us. That's when I decided to believe him. I wanted to believe him. I wanted the same thing as him. I wanted to get away from everything.
After two hours, we calmed down,we were laying in my bed under my covers, he was pressed to my chest,sniffing softly as I caressed his hair.

"When are we doing it?" I said,my voice raspy and quiet,I startled him,but remained calm.

"After my nineteenth birthday."

"That's in two years..." I said confused. I was nineteen at that time,I would be legal and old enough to work a long of things by then,i thought,I would be twenty one.

"It gives us time to get everything done properly..." He said quietly,I didn't answered I knew he had more to say,and he had. "Like Bert said,you could work out,and get slim enough to fit in girls clothes,learn how to put make up on,train your voice to make it sound more women-like,learn how to cook,how to walk on heals,get your hair longer,I could change my appearance too,I could stop wearing glasses and use contacts,get some muscles,change my hair,my clothes,get the paper work done...there are so many things,we could get help from the guys..." I hummed softly in agreement,slowly touching his face.

We stayed in silence once again,he hugged me tighther,burying his face in my chest and I kissed the top of his head,now what he asked wouldn't have surprised me,but back then,I did.

"Gee?" He whispered,looking up at me.

"Yeah?" I answered using the same tone.

"Can you kiss me?"

I remember how my heart stopped beating for fraction of a second and didn't knew why. I remember I didn't answered,I just leaned in and kissed him,shy and soft on the lips. We kissed like that for a few moments until he pulled apart eyes closed,and snuggling back in my chest.

"We'll have to get used to it." And I chuckled quietly.

"It's true. We're gonna get married." And it was his turn to chuckle. "You didn't ask me properly tho,and I want a nice ring,simple but nice." And he giggled more.

"Gerard?" I looked down at him,he had an amused grin playing on his features.

"Yes,Mikey?" I knew what he was about to ask but I wanted to play the game,faking ignorance but still grinning.

"Would you marry me?"

"Yes,I do." And we kissed again,softly and innocent and fell asleep in each other arms.

It felt almost normal,i remember that. I liked [and still do] to keep him close in my arms,he once told me he felt safe in my arms at night,like nothing could hurt him. The kisses? Nothing weird,even sober. All the things we did high seemed normal to me then,and I'm sure it was the same for him too. When our parents weren't there,we played couple,trying to get comfortable with it,and did rather fast. We stopped sleeping alone,it was always together,his room or mine,but never alone.
When my parents were out,I sneaked in their room and tried my mom's make up or took some cash to buy my own and I hide them.
I would go to the gym,I started a diet,but I forgot about it a lot,but I tried anyway. I looked for some advices on internet,women's haircuts that could fit with my head shape,I bought heals,high and walked around with them at every occasion I had. I looked out for make up tips and everything I would need,and I was loving it. I loved playing woman,Mikey felt it and smiled everytime a unconsciously did something very woman like or forgot to get my make up off.
Then we told our friends and decided they wanted to threw a party,but never did,not that we cared,but it was better that way,the came more often,Dan tried to help me,asking things to his girlfriend for me. Geoff helped me cooking sometimes and Bert helped Mikey with legal stuffs,he had an uncle who was a lawyer. He accidentally told him about me and my gender changes to him,his uncle didn't mind,and explained him how it worked. But that off course if they were sober,but they helped any way,and we were grateful.

About a year later,I was finally getting the figure a wanted and my skills were improving,and Mikey was getting all the papers,but Bert or Dan made the important calls,they were older,just turned twenty one and finished school,like me. Dan got sober and Bert was slowly getting there,as well as Geoff.
I started to look throught women's clothes with the guys and choose things that would fit me. I was honestly having so much fun at that time,playing dress up in malls as the guys called pretty things,I never this good. I loved how skirts felt,how light dress felt,the pretty blouses that hided the fat I had,the hugging jeans and how nice they made my legs look.

By the end of the year,everything was almost done. Me and Geoff talked about breast packing and things he saw on tv,I needed it after all.
The work out and diet made me go thinner,finally getting the figure I was looking for,my curves were more visible now,but still a bit man like,I didn't cared,I looked around and saw a lot of girls and women with almost the same body as mine,my hair reached my shoulder still jet black,but I wanted to change it,and I did,but that's another story that happened later. I saw on a few website about t-shots,but never wanted it. I felt comfortable how I was,and needles scare the living shit out of me,I never took them and still don't plan on it,I like having a junk,so does Mikey.

One day Mikey called me to the living room,our dad was sleeping and our mom was out,so he took the opportunity to do some more paper work. When our parents were here,he did them in his room and said they're were homework,not that our parents cared but you never knew with them.
He was sitting on the sofa,a bunch of papers and his computer in front him. He looked up at me and gestured me to sit next to him.

"What's w-"

"What's your name?" He asked.

"What? Gerard,what was-"

"No no,your name,you know,if you know what I mean."

I took a minute to understand."I...I don't know I never thought of that..."

"I need it,okay? I can't finish this if you don't give me a name."

"We can use the female version of mine."

He arched a eyebrow looking at me.

"Geraldine."

"No,to supsicious,and it doesn't fit you." He said making a face to prove his point.

"I really don't know,Mikes...I-I never thought about it before."

"Maybe with some help?"

I noded and he called the guys to come over. They came twenty minutes after laughing at something and we tried to quiet them down,telling them our dad was sleeping and really didn't want to see him awake.
We explained them the situation and told them that we needed help,of course they wanted to help.

"So guys,ideas?"

Their expressions became thoughtfull for a second.

"You should look up for some names in the internet and we can help you choose there." Dan said,pointing at Mikey's laptop.

"I was going to say Ginny but Dan's idea is better." Bert said.

And we did it. It took us two hours to finally decide on something,there were a lot of really cute names I liked but they all insisted with something begining with G,so that reduced most of our options. We looked out for those names,but they were not as cute,they fought a lot,they couldn't decide between "Gemma" and "Gwen",so as they were fighting I went looking for more until i found it,it was simple and I liked it,so I said it out loud and they stopped fighting to look at me.

"What?" Said Geoff.

"Genna,I like Genna."

"Genna?" Mikey said.

"Yeah,Genna."

"Are you sure?" He asked,not convinced.

"Yeah,it's cute and short,simple to remember and you can still call me Gee."

"I like." Geoff said."it fit you."

"It's better than Gemma,i mean,who the fuck call their kids Gemma?" Bert said making a face to prove his point,I giggled at that and started again,talking shit about the others name.

Mikey was grinning at whatever they were saying as he completed whatever he had to do.

"Yo,Bert,you know if we can make a birth certificate?"

"I don't know,Steve never told me anything about it,should I ask or something?"

"Yeah...wait no,no,why add more shit when I'm almost done anyway? No one expect the archives have to know right?"

"I think so..." I said doubtfully.

"Except maybe for medical stuffs you know,I heard about it and shit,a guy got an infection after they gave
him the wrong medication because we didn't want to say he was a guy."

I got scared when Dan said it,Mikey noticed,he squeezed my shoulder comfortingly and smiled lightly.

"Like he said,only doctors and stuff,yeah?"

"Yeah." I smiled shyly.

"So,Genna?"

"Genna." I smiled.

"Guys,we sould hang out,but with Gee,dressed...as Genna and see how many people we can fool." Bert
said like it was the revelation of the year.

"What? No!" I objected.

"Dude yes!" Geoff said."We never saw you full costume."

"But..." I tried to think of something." How to hide from my parents? How am I supposed to come back like that? What if the see me?"

"Weren't you going to run away?"

"You got a point there." I laughed."but the thing is,Genna is an alibi,someone I hide behind,someone to start over with,if my parents saw me as her,everything would go to shit."

"But you guys can come over at mine for a sleep over or something,if you care so much about not being seen by your parents."

"Yeah,I like the idea." Mikey said. That was what I needed to hear.

"When?" I looked up at Bert.

"Tomorrow I can,'s my day off." He said.

"Nice." Was all I said with a smile.

The rest of the day passed like a blur,laughing in my room all together,making me act as Genna around them,it helped me practice too so why not? I loved and love Genna,she was a part of me who was slowly taking her side of me. She was a sane and sweet version of me,but the base was me,Gerard. We liked the same and said the same things,but her manners are better than mine. But we are the same person anyway.
The guys liked her a lot,they said they would me me and her and Mikey,we promised them we would stay in contact when the day came and had to go.

The next day came and I stuffed everything I'll need [my make up,clothes,cute shoes I bought] in a large bag and waited for Mikey at the main door. Once he was with me I yelled something at my parents about going to a friends house and coming back tomorrow. I didn't got an answer,of course we would get an answer.
We walked out,closed the door and walked to Bert's. It was twenty minutes away walking,we could have called him but we didn't.
As we walked,Mikey took my hand in his and kept walking,in silence. I looked down at him and saw he wasn't even blushing. He was eigtheen at that time and his features were changing along the year,but I only then took the time to observe it properly. His expression was more stern,but relaxed,his cheek bones were even more marked and sharp,as well as his jaw line. He everything about him was maturing,his dorky self was going away,letting place to a atractive young man. If our mother could see him now,she would feel so proud.

He let go of my hand when we arrived and didn't even have to knock that Bert shoved us inside and told to go change myself. I looked at him confused but did it anyway,I said I would do it the day before.
I remember I chosed a really ligh black dress,grey thighs,a leather jacket and combat boots. I loved how good I looked in that dress,the breast packing was natural [it was something I purchased on the internet,the same color as my skin,they were some prosthetic breasts,they costed me a lot of cash but it was worth it]. I proceed to put my make up on,hiding the flaws,but still looking natural. Who would have know that some eyeliner made you feel so pretty? I do now. I brushed my hair and styled it with my hands,until I felt it looked good enough.
Once ready I walked out of the bathroom still stuffing my male clothes in the bag and walked to the living where everyone was.
I never laughed as much as I did when I saw their faces,it was such a unique expression,I still can't describe it with words. They couldn't believe how nice I looked like that,and when I started talking with my woman-like voice they lost it too and laughed together. Bert never felt so proud about himself,Dan couldn't believe that I was prettier than his girlfriend and Geoff gaped like a gold fish. Mikey,well,he smiled gently at me and mouthed "beautiful" and I blushed and smiled.

Once out to town,we all accorded that I was Genna,Mikey's girlfriend,they tried to get used to call me "she" and it was fun how they yelled at each other everytime they used the wrong pronounce. They treated me like a real girl and like gentlemens,even if they were only playing.
Mikey took my hand in his again and smiled at me,I smiled to and kissed his cheek. The guys catcalled us at that and we laughed loudly.
We went for ice cream and to the mall to fuck up with people,Mikey never living my side it was a really good day. No one suspected who I was,and so I knew we would succeed. I knew we were ready. It felt like the weight fell off our shoulders. I felt free,at that moment I knew,everything was going to be okay.

Notes

Yaaaaay Bert not being an asshole! Isn't that fantastic? I like when people makes Bert like someone fucked up but nice.

Anyway this took me three days to write and idk how many words are there but that's the longest I ever wrote.

Please,tell me if you like it or not,I really wanna know. I know I have a bunch of stories already but the inspiration of a writer is weird and a lot of you knows it.

anyways tell me whaddaya think about this.

see ya~

xoxox