Crossing the Line: Chapter 3 (Mikey's P.O.V.)

I yawned loudly as I sat in my chair at the table, waiting for breakfast. Gee gave me a fluffy pillow to sit on, which helped a little. He also gave me some painkillers for my backside, and a few for himself. It served him right for drinking. Hangovers were nature’s way of telling you alcohol was not your friend. Well, I guess he learned his lesson. Raping your brother while intoxicated was probably the worst thing that could ever happen. My existence was going to be an everyday reminder to my brother of what could result from drinking. Hopefully Gerard would never drink again because of it. That thought made me smile as I sipped my first cup of coffee of the morning.

I looked over and saw him trash my dinner from last night. My Mac & Cheese went bad from hours of sitting untouched on the table. Oh, well. It was not like I was slaving over a hot oven for hours for it to go to waste. I pushed up my glasses, which were slowly slipping down my nose. They always did that, but it never really bothered me. I had such a habit of pushing them up, I rarely noticed myself doing it.

“What’s for breakfast, Gee?” I asked after he tossed yesterday’s dishes into the kitchen sink. Man, those dishes were really piling up and it was only Saturday. I made myself a mental note to clean those later, or else we would run out of things off which to eat. What? I hated ending sentences with prepositions, even if they were in my head.

“Eh, what are you in the mood for? I can make pancakes,” Gerard offered, stretching his arms above his head. I took notice of his flexing muscles before flicking my eyes back to his, acting as if I were staring off into space.

“Pancakes it is,” I smiled, which made my brother smile in return. He began gathering the instruments needed to make the food. This required him to look through the bottom cabinet for the frying pan, causing him to bend over, and giving me a great view. Hey, I was allowed to check out my older brother. I confessed my love for him, for God’s sake. I was definitely going to take advantage of the situation. I may have been raped while he was drunk, and yeah, sure, my ass hurt something fierce, but that did not stop my libido. I was in love with my big brother physically and emotionally; it was immutable. And the fact that he was only clad in a pair of MY boxers only made him even more enticing in my eyes.

I was so lost in staring that I did not notice my brother look over his shoulder. The second our eyes met, I knew he was aware of what I was doing. I quickly looked away in embarrassment. I felt my face grow hot and I could bet money that my cheeks were a bright red. Gerard just caught me checking him out! Way to go, Mikey.

“Like what you see, Mikey?” he laughed, which died when he turned back around to find the elusive frying pan.

“Obviously,” I muttered to myself, not audible enough for him to hear. I rested my head in my left hand and looked everywhere but Gerard. I did not want him catching me again…. Oh, who was I kidding? I had to look! It was kind of like a train wreck; you wanted to look away, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do so. I opted to steal quick glances, opposed to my earlier staring at the beautiful form that was my older brother. At least there was no one else in the room to see what I was doing… besides Gerard.

My brother soon found the frying pan, which made him stand up, sadly on my part. By this time, all the red color had left my cheeks, thank god. I let my mind wander (quickly finishing my mug of coffee) as he finally gathered everything he needed for the chore of making breakfast. I still hardly believed I told Gerard my true feeling for him. I was so sure he would automatically reject me, call me a sick freak, and hate me forever. Oh, how wonderfully wrong I was. Although he does not share my feelings now, he promised he would do his best to return them. Wow. After years of longing, jacking off to him (by the means of a photograph or a picturing him in my head), and having wet dreams about him, Gee was going to be all mine. I sighed dreamily at the thought.

The only way my dreams could fully come true was for him to love me completely. I had to be patient, though. I smirked to myself. I had been harboring these incestuous feeling for as long as I could remember; a little longer wouldn’t kill me. Despite the events of last night, I was the happiest I had been in a while time. I yawned again and settled my head in my arms on the table. It was going to be a bit until Gee finished cooking (he wasn’t that good in the kitchen to begin with), so I shut my eyes for a quick and needed rest.

I did not know how much time had passed, but Gee was now gently nudging me awake. I sat up and the smell of pancakes attacked my senses. I open my eyes and was greeted with kiss on the forehead. I flashed my brother a full smile for the kind gesture. He placed a plateful of pancakes in front of me, and sat down in his chair adjacent to mine, a plate of his own in front of him.

“Thanks, Gee,” I said before adding maple syrup to the confection. Chocolate chip was my favorite form of pancake EVER! I saw the time on the clock located on the stove. 9:00 a.m. Was it really that early? Wow.

“No problem, Mike-Mike,” he grinned, cutting his stack into sixteenths, like he always did. OCD much? We ate in silence, for we were both really hungry. I stole a few more quick glances at my brother, before staring back at my plate. His shoulder-length black hair was more unkempt than usual from sleep, and his eyes were still a little red from crying. I don’t think either of us had cried that much… well, ever. I was glad everything was okay now. I just hoped Gee didn’t think it was his fault. I forgave him, but he sometimes does not know how to let things go.

I downed my glass of milk and wiped the corners of my mouth with a napkin. I sighed in contentment and slowly leaned back against my chair. I had to take everything slowly, or else my body would protest with a searing pain from my backside that would run up my spine. My brother saw the discomfort on my face and noted the bruising upon my wrists. He looked down at his plate guiltily.

“We have talked about this already, Gerard. You weren’t in the right state of mind at the time. It’s not your fault. You do know that right?”
He was still looking down at his plate when he answered, “I know it’s not my fault, but that doesn’t change the fact that I did it to you. I didn’t think I was capable of that, especially since…”

“What?” I asked curiously.

He looked up from his plate and connected his eyes with a mine, a slight blush rising to his normally pale cheeks. “Well, I’ve never had sex with anyone before.”
My eyes widened in surprise, “Really? I thought you were with that bitch for a year. ”

“Yeah, I was, but I never did it with her. I didn’t think I was ready, although she pushed the topic on me all the time. I’m glad that I didn’t fuck her. She cheated on me… probably because I wouldn’t have sex with her. I don’t want a relationship built on something so superficial.”

“So, you lost your virginity to me?”

“Technically I guess, but I forced you into it, so I don’t think so. Rape doesn’t count as sex. Sex should be a pleasurable and consensual act. So, yeah,” he finished lamely.

“I see what you mean. So we’re both virgins. Yay!” I cheered with my arms above my head like a little kid, which brought a smile to my brother’s face. He ruffled my already disheveled hair before standing up to throw our dirty dishes into the sink. We would have to clean the dirty stack eventually, but what was the rush? The weekend had only just begun.

“What do you want to do now?” he questioned as he sat back down, obviously in a better mood after our recent chat.
I thought about it for a minute. We could not do too much, since I was currently disabled. Then it hit me, “Wanna watch a movie in your room?”

“That sounds cool. Oh, I need to clean down there a bit first. Just sit here and wait till I get back, okay?”

“Yeah, sure thing,” I said, knowing full well what he was eradicating. Besides the artwork he destroyed yesterday and the vodka and orange juice containers, he had to dispose of his sheets. We both knew they were stained with come and my blood. It was yet another thing he had to clean up before he could feel completely clean with himself. I sat on the pillow in my chair for about ten minutes or so until Gee came back upstairs.

“You ready?”

“Yeah,” I replied as I took his hands. He gingerly pulled me up out of my chair. I let out a small grunt of pain as I stood up. He wrapped one arm around my waist and the other took my hand to rest on his shoulder. I stiffened slightly from the action. Although the rape was done and over with, I still felt tense when Gerard touched me, even after our therapeutic conversations. I loved my brother, but could not feel completely comfortable with his hands coming in contact with me. I hoped these feelings would not linger. I wanted him to touch me in more than a brotherly way. I had desired it for so long.

We slowly made our way downstairs to his room. Just as I suspected, the damaged artwork and orange juice and vodka bottles were in the trash. Also, the bed was freshly made with the satin black sheets Gee knew I loved. He carefully placed me down on his bed and went over to his movie collection on the floor by the television. I knew every movie he owned.

“Which one do you want to watch?” he asked, facing the various VHS tapes.

“Um… pop in ‘The Brave Little Toaster,’” I requested. I liked how Gee was babying me; I was usually not the one being catered to.

“If you say so,” he smiled as he turned on the TV and VCR, putting in the tape. It had been a while since I had seen that movie. It may have been one for little kids, but come on; ‘The Brave Little Toaster’ was timeless. Gee turned off the lights; then covered the window with a spare blanket to prevent any light from shining through. The glare it always created on the screen was so annoying; he really needed to get curtains or something. Gerard grabbed the VCR remote and sat next to me on the bed. He fast forwarded through the boring previews and hit play when he reached the beginning of the movie.

“Uh… Mikey?” he said, a little nervously. The way he spoke my name intrigued me. Why would Gerard be acting apprehensive? He seemed fine a few minutes ago.

“Yeah?” I retorted, taking my eyes away from the screen to look at him. The television lit up the side of his face in an eerie light, accentuating his pale features even more so in my opinion.

“Do you want to sit in my lap like when we were kids? I think it would be more comfortable for you and just for old time’s sake,” Gerard proposed. I had to think about it for a moment. I did want to become less tense around him, yet my body was not agreeing with the logical part of my brain. I was torn until I looked up at my brother. I could see his eyes were filled with hope as he waiting for my answer. I didn’t want to disappoint him. I never wanted to disappoint my big brother. Alright, I guess I could ignore my body’s natural reaction and go through with it. It was better than not doing anything at all. I needed to get past a simple touch from my brother if I were to move on.

“Okay. Smart thinking, Gee,” I commented, which caused him to smile. Oh, how I loved that smile. He shifted his legs so they were spread wide as he maneuvered me into his lap as painlessly as possible. My brother pulled the ebony colored blanket over his shoulders and around both of us, creating a make shift cocoon. He then secured his arms around my waist and laid his head on my left shoulder. I warily placed my own hands on top of Gerard’s, which made me feel a warm sensation in my stomach. This wasn’t so bad. I could feel my body relax into his touch, although it was not fully.

The position we were in reminded me of a time when we were little. Gee and I would sit like this when watching TV or movies; our parents thought it was so cute. As time went on, I relished the feeling of sitting in his lap and just being close to him. That was when my feelings for him became stronger and less innocent. Then one day, Gerard thought he was too old to be doing this sort of thing with his brother, and knocked me out of his lap. I missed it so much.

Gerard and I were entertained when the appliances came to life and began cleaning the house in the movie. I laughed when the vacuum made his appearance; he looked so pissed off. My favorite character was the electric blanket, though. He acted like such a little kid, and I felt sad when he started crying, holding a picture of their master. The character I hated from the beginning part of the movie was the air conditioner. He acted so smug and had the creepiest voice.

“What are you going to do, Kirby, suck me to death?” taunted the air conditioner toward the vacuum. I was overcome with laughter, which caused my body to shake in my brother’s lap.

“What’s so funny?” Gee asked from his place on my shoulder.

“Didn’t you hear that? ‘Suck me to death’? Isn’t this a kids’ movie?! What has become of society today?” I tried to catch my breath from all my laughing. Man, the aching in my sides felt good.

“It is kind of weird to see the things you pick up in a movie when you’re older. How did you catch the double entendre? Michael James Way, you have such a dirty mind!” he accused of me in a fit of giggles.

Our laughter died down after a couple of minutes and we focused our attention to the television screen once again. At this point, I felt safer in Gerard’s lap than uncomfortable, and I leaned my back against his chest. The skin on skin contact was somewhat distracting, and I tried my best to ignore it. My body seemed to protest less and less as the movie went on. The pain in my backside had subsided for the time being and I felt overjoyed with the massive improvement from being in close contact with my brother.

Man, I forgot how depressing “The Brave Little Toaster” really was for the most part. It had a happy ending at least. I was glad I chose this particular movie to watch. I sighed as the credits began to roll; nearly covering us in darkness, for the black screen was only lit with small, white letters of people’s names and roles.
Gee had not immediately gotten up to turn on the lights, which surprised me. He was still holding me around the waist, his head on buried in the crook of my neck. He seemed to have gotten even closer during the course of the movie. I had not noticed this until just now. “Gee?” I said as I turned my head to the left to look at him.

“Mikey… I want to try something,” he whispered, his face still hiding from me. He lifted up his head and carefully shifted me around until I was seated in his lap facing him. My heart started to beat fast, thumping loudly in my chest. “Try something.” What did he mean by that? What was he going to do?

He placed his hands on either side of my face, which made me flinch slightly, but not drastically enough for him to notice. He stared at me for a moment, silently searching for something to which my face could somehow answer.

Gerard shut his eyes and slowly leaned in, capturing my lips softly. My eyes widened in shock. THE GUY I WAS IN LOVE WITH WAS KISSING ME! Gee was not drunk. He was doing this on his own and completely sober. I nearly pinched myself to see if I were dreaming. I knew I was not, but it was too good to be true. I closed my eyes to cherish the feeling of his soft lips on mine. It was not violent or aggressive like the night before, but more of a shy and gentle exploratory kiss. A fire went through my body as he kissed me and I kissed back. Our lips slowly moved against each other in a sort of dance. This felt so much better than anything I had ever fantasized, and our mouths were still closed! Just the feeling of our lips touching was overwhelming. I could feel a blush rise to my face and I didn’t care.

After about a minute or so, Gerard pulled back and gazed into my eyes, and I gazed back. I once heard somewhere that the eyes were the windows to the soul, and the way Gerard was looking at me, it felt as if he was truly staring into my soul. He spoke after a moment of our staring contest, “How was it?”

“Incredible,” I replied sheepishly, looking down. I didn’t know why I was embarrassed all of a sudden. He chuckled as he embraced me tightly and began stroking my hair in a loving manner. My face was hidden in the crook of his neck.

“I’m not sure when I can fully love you, Mike-Mike, but I am going to work on it like I promised. I know I feel something for you, so I guess that’s a start… kissing you has told me that much.”

I thought I was going to explode from happiness. I had just shared my first real kiss, which was utterly mind-blowing, with my brother and he said he felt something for me! My God, my lips were still tingling.

“I love you, Gee,” I smiled into neck. I knew he could not return the favor at this moment, so he instead held me closer, if possible. He then released me from the hug and gave my lips a peck. My smile widened and I pecked his lips back. It was now a battle! We began giving each other quick kisses and giggling at our shenanigans. I was overjoyed that I did not feel tense around him anymore. Things were really looking up.

“Um… Gerard? Could we, uh…” I began. I hated being awkward, but asking what I was going to ask made me blush.

“Could we what?” he questioned, tilting his head to the side.
I built up all my courage to just say it, “Could we lie down and… hold each other?”

“You want to cuddle?” Gee grinned as he looked at me with amusement. I nodded, looking at my lap. I could feel my cheeks rise in temperature for the third time that day. It seemed that only Gerard could get me all flustered, which he had been doing a lot lately.

I felt him slowly shift his body to a horizontal position, taking me with him. Gerard moved the blanket so it was covering both of us. I was lying on top of him and moved my fingers to lace behind his neck, while his remained locked around my waist. I sighed in contentment and closed my eyes. The steady sound of his heartbeat at my ear was enough to make me feel sleepy, which I supposed Gerard figured out. He then removed my glasses, setting them on the nightstand, judging by his movements. My eyes were still closed, remember, so I couldn’t see what he was doing. Before he lied back down, Gee kissed the top of my head lightly and began running his fingers though my hair yet again, his unoccupied hand around my waist. I had never experienced such an intimate act before; I wanted to be awake for it! Sadly, I gave in to my body’s demands and fell asleep in my brother’s arms.

I was unsure of when exactly I had woken up, but I was greeted with warmth engulfing my entire being. When I opened my eyes, I noticed, even in the dark room only lit by the blue screen of the television, that I was not in the same position in which I had fallen asleep. Instead of my head being located on Gee’s chest with my arms wrapped around his neck innocently, we were in a much more compromising position.

I was flat on my back with my arms pinned to my sides, while Gerard was fully on top of me with his cheek caressing mine. Our legs were tangled and I could feel a certain part of my anatomy in a hardened state and pressed firmly against my brother’s hip. I bit my lower lip, a nervous habit of mine. Jesus, why did teenage boys get hard ons while they slept? I sighed to myself, cursing my body for doing things without my permission. I guessed guys grew out of the waking-up-with-a-raging-hard-on-every-day phase, since Gee did not have one. Man, that would have caused an even greater problem if he was aroused as well.

I did not feel violated or anything in this situation really, quite the contrary. Although I desired to stay in the current sleeping arrangement, I did not want Gee to wake up and freak out or feel strange around me. He had just begun developing feelings for me and my heart ached at the insinuation of this pushing him farther away and out of my reach.

My eyes gathered tears from the terrible thought, but they disappeared quickly. I had to push my emotions aside to focus on the situation and ignore the possible repercussions of my failure. How was I going to get out of this one? I tried my best to will my problem away, but to no avail. Then an idea struck me. Thank you for finally waking up to help out, brain! I had to somehow get up and slip into my older brother’s bathroom to take care of this. It was the only way, or else Gerard would wake up with a surprise.

I gently moved his body off of mine, which I executed quite easily because of Gerard’s light weight. Ha ha! Everything was working out perfectly. There was no way something could go wrong, right? Crap. I had spoken in my head too soon; for when I attempted to shift myself out of bed, a pain shot up from my backside up to my spine. Damn it all. I usually did not curse, even in my mind, but now was one of those exceptions. It had been several hours since I had taken my painkillers and the effects had worn off. I was stuck on my back in bed and could not move.

What else could I do? Wait… No, no way I could do that. How could I even think of such an outrageous idea? I looked over at my brother who was still sound-asleep, completely unaware of my internal battle. I sighed in defeat and ripped my eyes away from his unconscious form. I gulped nervously before moving the black blanket on to my lap. I knew there was no other way, so I might as well get it over with.

I shamefully slipped my hand underneath the covers and into my boxers. I had to make my erection go away by any means possible, even if it meant jerking off while I was lying next to my sleeping brother. I hoped to God he would not wake up.

I checked once more to see if Gee was still sleeping. He was and with a little bit of drool trailing from his lips, I might add. I would normally think it was cute, but now was definitely not the time. Seeing that the coast was clear, I put my right hand into overdrive, stroking my length as fast as I possibly could. Mmm it felt good. Under normal circumstances, I would go slow and tease myself, but giving myself the most pleasure was not the priority. I just needed to get off. I continued my quick paced mission with my eyes screwed shut. The infamous “fapping” sound filled the mostly dark room.

I had to clamp down on my tongue to hold back the moans that were dying to escape my throat, but it still was not enough. This was taking way too long, so to speed things up a bit, I visualized my brother kissing me, but with our mouths open, unlike earlier that day. Yeah, that was REALLY moving things along. My toes clenched and unclenched repeatedly in fits of ecstasy. After another minute of hard work, I finally came, arching my back and alleviating my problem. I was forced to bite my lower lip painfully so I wouldn’t make a sound.

“Oh, Gee,” I whispered to myself, my hand now motionless beneath the blanket.

I was panting softly as I pulled my hand out of my now damp boxers. I had to wipe said soiled hand on the inside of the material first to clean it off. I could not be caught red handed (or white handed, more specifically) with the liquid evidence of my doings. I caught my breath after a few seconds and sighed, totally relieved. It was not until I opened my eyes did I realize that Gerard was now awake and staring at me, his face shown by the blue glow of the television. My eyes widened in horror.

“Oh, y-you’re awake,” I stuttered, sitting up on my elbows, which was the only vertical position I could manage. How was I going to explain myself?

“Yeah I am. I didn’t want to miss the show,” he smirked knowingly, cocking an eye brow.

“Uh, h-how much did you see?” I was definitely blushing like a mad man. It felt so deep that my brother could probably see it in the dim light. What was more embarrassing than a family member catching you jacking off? Nothing, that’s what.

“About all of it, I think. Bravo,” he chuckled, clapping his hands. “I had no idea your hand could move that fast.”

“I can explain!” I defended desperately.

“No need. I think we both know how your hand got so quick. Practice, right?” he said with a dirty grin.

“Not that, you know what I mean,” I glared. God, my brother could be so perverted sometimes.

“Okay, okay. Then go right ahead,” Gerard urged, never breaking eye contact. Those hazel pools were just swimming with amusement. He sat up and gave me his full attention, waiting for my answer.

There was no way I could lie myself out of this one, so I opted to tell the truth. He could always tell when I was lying anyway. “Well, you see. I woke up and had a… problem. I tried to get up to take care of it, since I didn’t want to freak you out, but-“

“You decided to do it in bed instead?” he interrupted.

“No, well, technically yes. I mean, I had to because the pills wore off and it hurt to move, so I…” I trailed off. We both knew what happened next, so there was no point saying it.

“Okay, Mikester, I’ll let it slide, but only this once because you were paralyzed,” stated Gerard with a smile. I smiled back when something came to my attention. Gee had moved earlier so he was sitting Indian style, but I now noticed that his hands in his lap. Was he…?

“What do you have there?” I questioned, pointing to his hidden lap.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Don’t you want more painkillers?” he asked, changing the subject.

“That may be true, but stop avoiding the topic. You’re hard, aren’t you, Gee?” I giggled. Ha! Now Gerard was the one in the awkward situation. This was for all those other times he made me feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. Ah, revenge was so sweet.

“Fine, I am. So what? How couldn’t I when I saw your orgasm face?” he gasped, slapping his hand over his mouth. Gerard sometimes said things he did not mean to say out loud, and judging from his reaction, that was one of them.

My laughter ceased instantly and my eyes widened after he spoke. Did my brother just admit to getting aroused… from looking at me? I knew he would have gotten hard from hearing me jack off directly next to him. Who wouldn’t, right? But he really got hard from looking at my pleasured face? Now that was something completely different.

I shrugged off my shock by smirking wildly, “You tented your boxers for me? Aw, Gerard, I’m flattered.”

“Shut up or I won’t get you your pills,” he threatened, jokingly of course.

“Alright. I’m sorry,” I said, doing my best to sound sincere, although I could not sustain a straight face.

“Okay. Apology accepted. I’ll be right back,” he smiled and kissed me on the lips quickly before climbing over me. Oh, god his… you know, brushed against me as he got out of bed. I did not know if it was accidental or intentional, to get back at me for teasing him earlier. I was leaning toward the latter; for as he walked away, I noticed a small spring in his step. He turned on the lights without looking back and headed upstairs. The tease!

He returned soon after and was still obviously aroused. I guessed he really did not care about the fact he had a hard on, since I formally discovered it. There was no point in acting shy. I took the proper medication and a glass of water out of his hands. I had to sit up to take the pills, so I moved back to lean against the headboard, my legs remaining directly in front of me. The pain was terrible and I had not realized how dry my throat was until I saw the tall, refreshing glass of water. I sighed and handed Gerard back the now empty glass, which he put on the nightstand adjacent to the bed. Things were finally feeling back to normal, or at least as normal as they could be. Incest could never be classified in the normal category, could it?

“Now that we’re fully rested, I was thinking about inviting Frankie over. Is that okay?” I asked my older brother, although I already knew he liked my best friend almost as much as I did. Frankie was just a likable kid, his sometimes over hyperactive personality included.

“Yeah, sure. I was going to give Ray and Bob a call. It’s going to be a party!” he shouted enthusiastically, making me laugh. Gerard was always entertaining when he acted like a spazz.

“Could you get my phone, please? I still can’t move yet.”

“Of course, but I suggest you shower before anyone arrives,” Gerard smirked, motioning toward the dampness that permeated the boxers I was wearing. Gee’s boxers, to be exact, which made a feeling arise in my stomach.

“Thanks for reminding me. I’ll get in after I talk to Frankie. You should take care of your problem before they come over too,” I giggled, looking at his tented boxers. My brother stuck out his tongue childishly and left the room once again to retrieve something for me.

“Here you go,” he said, cell phone in hand, before leaning down to capture my lips with his. I had a feeling he was going to make it a quick one and leave. Knowing this, I held the back of his head in place with both of my hands, which threaded themselves into his messy, raven hair. I even surprised myself with the dominant action, but I just wanted the kiss to be longer.

Gerard did not object by any means, yet I could tell he was in an awkward standing position, hunched over his bed. I released my grip on his hair to wrap around his pale neck, giving him room to move freely. Without breaking the closed mouth kiss, Gerard dropped my phone on the bed and slowly shifted my body until I was completely lying down on the black, satin sheets. The move hurt a great deal, but I did my best to focus on the affection my brother was demonstrating through the kiss. Being on my back was a much more comfortable anyway.

My brother moved onto the bed, placing his knees on either side of my hips to keep himself from falling on me. Gee took my hands (that were previously around his neck) in his, weaving our fingers together before putting them down against the mattress. My God, this was way better than this morning; probably because I was still tense when he touched at the time of our first kiss. That fearfulness did not apply to the current situation whatsoever. It was as if the horrors of last night were only a fleeting nightmare.

I did not know that my bold actions would result in a make out section, but I was so glad I did not let him leave with a quick peck. I loved the feeling of his lips on mine and never wanted it to stop. The intensity of the kiss was almost to the point of smothering me. My body was hot all over and I could feel myself stiffening for the second time that day. Gee broke the kiss after he felt little Mikey accidentally brush against little Gerard, who had been hard since before. The contact sent a type of electricity through my body, but it only lasted for a second when my brother moved back.

“We aren’t going that far just yet, Mike-Mike,” he lectured as if I were a child. He swung his right legs around me so he was standing next to the bed, which made me let out a small whine. “You better call Frankie. Otherwise, it would probably be dusk by the time he hears from you.”

“Fine,” I sighed. Gerard was right, though. If he had not stopped, there was no telling how far we would have gone. We were most certainly not ready to take it to that level. I grabbed my phone that had been abandoned on the mattress to my left and selected my best friend’s number. I laid there, waiting for him to pick up when I noticed Gerard was still standing there.

“Uh, could I have some privacy, please?” I requested. Besides asking Frankie to visit, I was dying to tell him of the escapades that took place so far. There was no way I could say anything with my brother standing there.

“Okay, I guess I’ll go upstairs, then,” he said, feigning sadness. Gee gave me one last, long and tender kiss, just as Frankie decided to answer my call.

“Hello?” I heard my best friend’s voice in the earpiece and attempted to respond, but Gerard would not let go. His hands had a firm hold on the sides of my face and his mouth kept mine hostage under a death grip. I tried to speak again, which only caused my words to be muffled against my captor’s lips. Gee finally moved back a bit and I opened my mouth to yell at him. To my surprise, Gerard slipped his tongue into my mouth, touching my tongue for a mere second before retreating. He laughed at the look on my face, which was most likely adorned with shock, before he exited the room.

“Mikey, are you there?” Frankie asked uneasily. I blinked slowly and it took me a moment to come out of my astonished induced stupor.

“I’m here,” I finally replied.

“It took you long enough. I heard some noises. Is everything okay?” I could practically see the concerned expression on his face. Frankie was extremely overprotective of his friends. The fact that I was his closest friend made him even more worried, even if the situation was no big deal.

“Yeah, everything’s okay. It is better than okay, actually. Oh, my God. Frankie, I have so much to tell you!”

“Then spill! You sound really ecstatic. What’s happened?”
I inhaled and exhaled deeply, trying to calm down enough to confess everything. I could tell the wait was killing Frank; he couldn’t handle anticipation of any kind. I laughed a little, picturing Frankie fidgeting and waiting for me to say something. Aw. Thinking I had tortured him enough, I began to speak.

“Okay, remember that guy I’m in love with?”

“Yeah! How could I forget? You were so nervous when you told me you were gay and loved some guy. I guess the fact that I’m bisexual made you feel better, huh? Anyway, what about him?” Frank was speaking rather quickly, which only happened when he was very excited or happy about something. We were friends for so long that I became used to his fast speech enough to understand him, unlike most people.

“Well, today I told him how I felt and… he likes me,” I retorted, a smile tugging on my lips.

I could hear a high pitched squeal on the other end of the phone. “Are you serious?! Holy crap, that is awesome! No more of this mystery man! You HAVE to tell me the name of your new boyfriend!”

“Yeah, about that…” I trailed off, having second thoughts. Could I really tell him the identity of the person I loved? Would Frankie still be my friend if I confessed this to him? I could not keep this from him, could I? This was the only thing I had ever kept from him and it made me feel so guilty. The weight of my guilt was bearing down on me. I had to come out with it.

“Is something wrong?” he asked in a small, serious voice. I supposed some time had passed while I was thinking, leaving Frank hanging on the other line.

“No, nothing’s wrong. Frankie, this is really hard for me to say. Um, do you promise to stay my friend no matter what?”

“Yeah, of course, Mikey. Nothing can stop me from being your friend. You know that.”

“Alright. Here it goes. Frankie… I’m in love with Gerard,” I finally stated, closing my eyes in fear of my best friend’s reaction.

There was a silence before he spoke up, “Gerard? As in your brother? That Gerard?”

I could feel fresh tears sting my eyes, “Yes, my brother. That is why I didn’t want to tell you who I was in love with. I know it’s wrong and everything because we’re blood related, but I can’t help it! I have felt this way for a long time, and I understand if you think I’m sick and want nothing to do with me.”

“No, Mikey! When I said nothing can stop me from being your friend, I meant it. You are my best friend and I love you. I was just shocked when you said it was Gerard is all. I’m totally fine with it.”

“Thank you so much, Frankie. I love you too,” I sighed in relief. I thought for sure he was going to be disgusted and would never talk to me again. Wow. Frank was the best friend I could ever have. I should not have underestimated him like that.

“So, how did you tell him, anyway? Were you like, ‘Gerard I love you, have my babies! Rawr!’ or what?”

“Um… that is much harder to explain, actually. Okay, something bad happened yesterday. You know how it was Gerard’s one year anniversary with his girlfriend?”

“Yeah, what about it? Did Gerard dump her to have a relationship with you?”

“No, Gee was the one who was dumped, probably because he wouldn’t put out. He was so pissed when I saw him after school. I didn’t find out about the break up until he told me later. He locked himself in his room as soon as we got home. When I went to check on him, he was completely wasted. I’ll save you the details, but he…” I choked on my tears and couldn’t finish the sentence. I didn’t even notice I was crying until now.

“Mikey, it’s okay, I’m right here. What happened?” Frank questioned in a low and soothing voice.

“He raped me, Frank. Gerard violated me in a drunken haze,” I finally got out.

“What?!” he shouted on the phone, hurting my right ear, which had the phone pressed against it.

“Yeah, that’s what happened,” I sniffed. “But it’s okay.”

“How the FUCK is that okay?!” I could tell Frank was becoming enraged, and I had to explain before he ran to my house to murder Gerard for what he did. That would not have been good.

“Well, you see, he didn’t mean it. Gee was drunk at the time. He nearly had a mental break down when he woke up this morning and I told him what had happened. He did not even remember doing it. Anyway, I told him I deserved to be raped and he made me clarify why I said that.”

“What did you say?” Frankie seemed to have calmed down since his last outburst. He sounded more tearful than angry.

“I said God was punishing me for my incestuous feelings. I told Gerard I was in love with him.”

“And he was totally fine with that?”

“I don’t think he was right away. He said that I wasn’t sick, but he was the sick one for raping me. We both cried for a while and he cleaned me up. I felt a much better after that. Gee then promised he would do his best to love me the way I love him,” I concluded.

“Wow. I can’t believe it. Are you really okay, Mikey?”

“Yeah, it’s a little tough talking about the rape, but the whole incident is behind me now. I think I finally got Gerard to stop feeling guilty too. He still felt awful, even after I forgave him. I had to make myself clear again. I think we’re okay now… I’ve even kissed him.”

“Whoa, hold it right there, mister! My little Mikey kissing a boy? Details!!” he giggled into the phone. His giggle was similar to Gerard’s, except his was more childish compared to Gee’s feminine one. Yeah, I had never kissed anyone before, so I knew Frank would make it a big deal. My eyes no longer dripped with tears as I smiled, thinking about the kiss.

“Okay, okay. Don’t badger me, Iero!” I laughed. “After Gee made me pancakes, we went back down to the room and watched ‘The Brave Little Toaster’. M-”

“Why the hell would you watch that?” he interrupted.

“Because Gerard asked me what movie I wanted to watch. I haven’t seen it in forever and I wanted to see it, okay? Just let me tell you what happened.”

“Okay, whatever. Continue,” he sighed.

“Anyway, my brother covered the window and turned off the lights for the movie. He asked me to sit in his lap for old time’s sake, so I did.”

“He wants your body!” he shouted into the phone.

“Hey, what did I say about interrupting?”

“Whoops, sorry.”

“It’s alright. So, we watched the movie and afterward Gee said he wanted to try something. I had no idea what he was talking about. He turned me around in his lap and kissed me on the lips.”

“Awwww. How adorable! Then what?”

“I kissed back, of course. God, Frankie, it felt so good. After a while he pulled back, and then we cuddled! We both feel asleep like that.”

“Wow. I wished something like that happened to me.”

“Oh, no you don’t.”

“Why’s that?”

“Waking up was not the best experience,” I vaguely explained.

“Jesus, what happened?”

“For one, Gee was asleep on top of me. And two, I had a boner.” I could hear Frank’s incessant laughter on the other end. “And that’s not even the half of it?”

“What could be better than that?” he wheezed, trying to catch his breath.

“I woke up first in that predicament. I didn’t want Gee to see I was excited or he might have freaked out. I pushed him off of me and tried to get up to take care of it, but my ass was killing me. I couldn’t move.”

“Uh oh. What did you do, then?”

“I jacked off,” I stated bluntly, causing Frankie to burst into another fit of giggles. “I thought I could take care of it quickly-”

“Did you?”

“Yeah, but Gerard just so happened to be awake and saw me.”

“Why didn’t you check to see if he were asleep or not?”

“I did, but he woke up after I got started, and I didn’t realize it until I was finished. Now don’t make fun of me, I got enough of that from my brother. I did get my revenge, though. I teased Gee because he had a hard on. He accidentally let it slip he got it from looking at my orgasm face. Can you believe that?”

“Oh, my god. That’s friggin’ sweet! Did anything happen after that?”

“Yes, actually. Gerard gave me my phone to call you and was going to leave me curt kiss. Now, I did not want it to be so brief, so I grabbed the back of his head and forced him to stay where he was.”

“Wow, Mikey. I didn’t know you had it in you. You struck me as the submissive type, not that that’s bad or anything. I’d probably bottom with a dude, since my height doesn’t really help me any.”

“Yeah, I surprised myself with that one as well. I had to let go of him, though, so he could move. I was still sitting on the bed and he was standing, talk about uncomfortable. While he was still kissing me, Gee moved my body so I was lying down and he moved onto the bed so he was leaning over me.”

“Now we’re talking. Give me all the juicy stuff, Mikes,” Frankie ordered excitedly.
I laughed at the request, since I was going to tell him anyway. “Okay, so we’re kissing and all, you know. Then guess what happens?”

“Um… I give up. I really don’t know what to expect.”

“I got another boner, lucky me.”

“What’s so bad about that? It shows Gerard he turns you on.”

“Duh. It would have been better if he wasn’t still hard.”

“You mean?”

“Yeah, they touched, which was a huge surprise to both of us, but it felt so good. Gee pulled back then and got off of me. I knew it was too soon for that sort of thing.”

“Do you still have one?”

“Nah, it went away sometime during this conversation.”

“I’m a turn off? Oh, no! How will I go on? I thought I had such a sexy voice! You don’t find me sexy anymore, do you? Well there goes our late night phone sex.”

“Shut up, Frankie.”

“Wow, Mikey. I am being amazing with each passing second. My little boy is growing up,” he said in a sad tone and pretending to cry. He could not hold up the charade, though, because he started giggling.

“Do you know why I didn’t talk into the phone right away earlier?”

“No. You said everything was fine, but didn’t explain. What was it?”

“Gerard was kissing me. I wanted to push him away since you picked up the phone, but he kept my head in place. You know how much stronger he is than me. When he finally removed his lips from mine he swiped his tongue into my mouth, laughed and left. It was only for a second, though. It was the first time I’ve been tongued before too. So that is why the beginning of our phone conversation was weird. The end,” I concluded.

“My, my Michael. I cannot believe you have yourself a boyfriend. How does it feel?”

“I know how cliché this response is, but it’s more than words can describe. I am totally serious here. It’s just… wow. Are you sure you are okay with this? I mean, he is my brother after all. You’re not grossed out or anything?”

“Nah, it’s cool. I thought I had heard wrong at first, but now after you’ve told me everything, I think it's okay.”

“Thanks again, Frank. It really means a lot to me,” I said sincerely.

“Don’t mention it, dude. Does anyone else know?”

“Nope, I have only told you. Gee might tell Ray and Bob later, but I don’t know. We haven’t really discussed it. I seriously doubt we’ll be able to tell our parents. I can see it now ‘Hey, mom and dad. Everything was fine while you were gone. By the way, Gerard and I are gay and we’re dating. Just so you know, later!’ Can you imagine that?”

“Not at all. What are you guys going to do when they get back?”

“Hide it, I guess. There’s not much we can do. Our parents could probably accept us for liking boys, but an incestuous relationship? No way. We’ll just need to be careful, and maybe when we’re out of the house, we won’t have to keep it behind closed doors.”

“Hmm… that does sound smart. You two don’t really look alike, so no stranger will make the connection that you’re brothers. Passersby will think you guys are a totally hot gay couple swapping saliva on a park bench. Oh, yes. There will be people watching and taking pictures of the orgasmness.”

“Orgasmness? That’s not even a word, Iero,” I laughed.

“I know. Whoever said I couldn’t make up words?”

“You’re so weird. Oh, do you want to come over? We need to hang out! You canceled last weekend, jerk!”

“Hey, it wasn’t my fault my mom made me attend a wedding. I didn’t even know who it was for!”

“Okay, you are forgiven. So, are you coming?”

“Yeah, but only if I get to see Gerard and you kiss.”

“What the hell?”

“Hey, I’m not the only one who thinks that guys kissing are hot. Give me a break! I am single and alone. Please, Mikey?”

“Fine, I’ll see what I can do. You are so creepy, Frankie.”

“That’s why you love me!”

“Yeah, I know. I’ll see you then?”

“Oh, yeah. I can’t wait. See you!” I clicked the end button, hanging up the phone. I felt better after talking with my best friend. Everything was out and on the table. I hated hiding things from Gee and him, and now I was completely released. I felt a weight lift from my chest and I sighed deeply. Man, today was actually looking up. I sat up, noticing that the painkillers had kicked in, and walked up stairs to find my brother.