Trick or Treat

Gerard Way is sobbing openly on his mattress, and Frank Iero has no idea what to do about it.

He’s never really seen Gerard cry before. Maybe heard it or glimpsed him tearing up, but never this open wailing.

“I -- I just wanted some attention from you so much sooner than this.” Gerard blurts out, and Frank resists the urge to roll his eyes.

“Well, I’m really sorry, and this might sound harsh, but um... how was I supposed to know that Gerard?” Frank points out.

“I thought you of all people would notice!” Gerard yells at him, a high pitched shriek that Frank is sure is going to leave him with a migraine later. “I thought you of all people would reach out to me! But you did the opposite! You fucking ignored me ever since--”

“Ever since what, Gerard?” Frank has to interrupt. “Ever since you shut yourself out from us? Ever since you picked up the bottle again and stopped even trying to eat? Ever since you decided to pretty much give up on everything just because that bitch left you?!? Yeah, you weren’t exactly making it easy for us to help you. But you cannot fucking say we didn’t try. Mikey --”

“Mikey isn’t you!” Gerard yells back.

Frank bites his lip.

It is true that Frank was never one of the people that participated in operation “Fix Gerard”.

But forgive him if he felt Gerard should be in charge, and in turn responsible for his own actions, right?

Still, it never meant he hadn’t been worried about his old friend.

Thinking back on it now, Frank does see how he may have seen callus towards the whole thing. When Gerard announced the news, Frank hadn’t even said so much as a “sorry to hear that”. He supposes he just hadn’t known what to say to him. He was always bad at providing comfort, and what made things a little more awkward was Gerard’s status as an old beau.

A former fling.

This was why Frank’s solution just a moment ago was only to give him a tender kiss.

He didn’t really know what else to do with Gerard.

And on the flip side, how was he ever supposed to know that Gerard craved his attention most of all? Gerard seemed to avoid him just as much.

Isn’t he just as much to blame then, if they hadn’t done much talking?

You can’t receive what you don’t ask for.

Or even hint at.

Yet Frank decides to try to be the bigger man here.

“Okay, Gerard.” he starts off. “I apologize. I had no idea you wanted my attention so badly. I think I may have given you the wrong impression in my reaction to your divorce. I have been really concerned for you, actually. I was just..scared to approach you about it I guess. You know I’m no good with this touchy-feely stuff. But I do totally want to talk things out with you, if that’s what you want to do. You can just talk, and I’ll listen. You can talk about whatever you need to. Just give me that chance.”

This speech seems to calm Gerard down, as his sobs finally ebb. There is a pause before any further noise is made.

“I love you.” Gerard says, completely out of left field. Frank blinks.

“I...love you too?” Frank returns with hesitation. But Gerard shakes his head, his long red locks swinging back and forth across his face. He bows his head sheepishly, and they cover his expression.

“No, Frankie.” he says, “I love love you.”

Frank has to take a minute.

He closes his eyes and rubs his temple with his fingers. That headache he had been dreading is fast approaching. He hadn’t really been expecting that one, but now that its happened he’s surprised at how not surprised he is.

Still, what a fucked up scenario this is, eh?

But hate it though he does, he knows he has to nip this in the bud as quickly as possible.

He’s scared of fracturing Gerard’s heart any further, but what else can he do?

He’s not going to play games with the boy and lead him to think that there might be a chance for them.

Because yes, he fucking loves Gerard. So much.

He loves him in the way that brothers do. He loves him in the way that he would take a bullet for Gerard, he loves him in the way that he would always try his hardest to protect him. He loves him the way he’d want to be his best man at his next wedding.

But he doesn’t love him back in the way that Gerard is implying.

He loves Jamia that way now.

True, perhaps that wasn’t the case once upon a time.

But life happened, and people separated ways.

“Babe...” Frank starts off, but then flinches at what he just said. “Babe” is a nickname he had called Gerard during that same “once upon a time”, and admittedly he still sometimes calls Gerard “babe” of habit to this day.

He should probably stop doing that.

“..G.” he says, and draws in a deep breath.

But Gerard shakes his head again, and then puts a finger up to Frank’s face to stop him.

“Its okay, I know what you’re going to say...” Gerard says softly, his voice already full of heartbreak, and hopelessness, and everything Frank wants to quash with a giant hammer and never hear coming from Gerard again, “Its not fair for me to cause trouble for you and Jamia, just because things didn’t work out for me... I know you love her more than anyone.”

Frank bites his lip again, but is unable to correct him, no matter how much he itches to just to make Gerard feel better.

Because he’s right.

At least, he thinks so?

“I just... I just wanted to tell you that.” says Gerard. And finally, he brings his eyes up to meet Frank’s. Eyes that looked pleading before, looked determined now. He saw a flicker of light in them, where there had been emptiness for as long as he could remember in recent weeks.

“And.. hopefully, maybe now I’ll be satisfied. I guess.”

Frank only nods.

Maybe he could still spare Gerard just one kiss, he thinks to himself.

He feels his own face moving closer to Gerard’s, with all that beauty staring back him. Gerard isn’t moving away this time. And Frank gets so close he can smell that familiar coffee scent that Gerard’s hair always seemed to carry.

The smell that reminded him of memories in tour buses -- Gerard cuddling with him on the couch, watching all their favorite horror movies. Gerard helping him pull little pranks on Mikey, who was always easy to scare. Gerard silently sketching next to him, looking like some cliche, handsome starving artist that you read about in books or see in movies. Gerard smiling with a homemade cake in his hands, wishing him a happy birthday whenever they spent his birthday together.

His cakes always kind of sucked, but Frank would always eat them. He wasn’t sure why, but always pretended to like things Gerard made or did -- even when he really didn’t. It was strange because Frank was always so brutally honest with everyone else. But especially in their earlier days, he had always been kinder to Gerard’s feelings.

Perhaps he isn’t surprised by Gerard’s love confession because he always sort of knew. And that, he figures now, is probably why.

In his own heart he begins to feel a twitch of doubt.

Is he making a mistake by turning him away?
Is there maybe...some small chance?

What if this was the only way to save Gerard Way?

Suddenly, theres’s a pounding at his front door that causes him to jump.

Nervous that it might be Jamia, he makes the quick decision to answer it. He grimaces as he tells Gerard, “hold on for just one second.” Gerard nods slowly and turns away, withdrawing into a fetal position. He seems disappointed, but Frank figures he’ll deal with that later.

He runs downstairs and opens the door, which was pounded on continuously on his way there.

Whatever this was, it better be good.

Frank is surprised to find Ray standing on the other side of it, with Christa hanging back behind him. Ray looks extremely frazzled.

“Get your shit.” Ray tells him, “We have to go to the hospital.”

“Why? Whats wrong?” Frank asks, panic rising in him.

Had something happened to his family?

Ray pauses for a minute, as though he wants to avoid saying what he’s going to say next.

“They found Gerard dead last night in some shack. Murdered.”

Ray stops like he physically can’t bring himself to speak further. He walks away, and mumbles something along the lines of “I’ll wait for you in the car.”

Frank stands at the doorway, unable to move. Shock overpowers him, his mouth gaping open stupidly. He can feel his hands shaking.

It can’t be.

He’s right upstairs.

Christa stares at him, seeming less troubled by the turn of events than Ray is.

She raises an eyebrow and asks:

“You alright, Frankie? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

When he finally finds his muscles again, he says nothing but bolts back into the house, up the staircase. He lunges into his bedroom.

But its empty.

The TV set is running the credits for Hocus Pocus. A half eaten bowl of penne pasta rests on his night stand.

But no poncho on the sheets.

No boots lying on the floor.

He goes to the side of the bed where Gerard lay just hours before. He picks up the pillow that Gerard rested on and buries his face in it.

There, at last, is that wonderful smell of coffee.

Just no one else there to connect it to.

END.

Notes

Happy belated halloween!