Not So Very Normal

Have you ever felt to numb that even harming your self doesn’t feel so good anymore, have you even want to die all the time, feeling like everyone’s either talking about you or laughing or throwing insults but turns out it’s not actually you feeling it, it’s actually happening the words hitting you like your falling in to a pool size of broken glass and hot metal, that you actually believe things you make your self throw up every day, not eating for days on end living on water or energy drinks, lying on your bed thinking about going to the kitchen and swallowing every pack of pills you can find i bet you haven’t well i have and honesty? It fucking sucks
I just wanted to say i’m sorry and goodbye, i really did love you, i wanted you and only you but you never wanted me, you didn’t want anything i though you were special i bought a ring its black with a single diamond in it, with something on the back i hope you like it i love you and i’m sorry

A week earlier.....

“frank wake up you’re gunna be late and gerard’s waiting!” i heard my mom call from below the stairs i groaned and quickly got up wrapping my bandages over each arm covering the old scars and cuts i had done, i felt my stomach let out a loud groan telling me it’s hungry i chose to ignore it and get on i jogged into the bathroom to brush my teeth, after 5 minuets i grabbed my bag and ran down stairs met my gerard i smiled and kissed him before pulling back
“hey, you’re late yano”
“sorry not sorry” i giggled making him smile
“ready?” he asked locking out hands together
“yeah” i smiled wider kissing him on the cheek

During school gerard wouldn’t come near me, i got why because our relationship was a secret but usually we’d meet around back for a smoke and a few kisses but not today, today was different he seemed fine and happy this morning but now he won’t even look at me, after fifteen minuets on waiting he didn’t come around so i walked back inside the hall i walked to my seat not even a second later someone threw spaghetti at my head i felt the sauce run down my back soaking my shirt i looked to who threw it and it turns out it was greg one of gerard’s bestfriend
“why are you even here fag!” he yeld at me i gave him and dirty look and looked out the window, more small foods were shot at me
“kill yourself fag” that voice i knew that voice i looked over seeing gerard laughing and threw a cooked potato at me, my eyes watered i couldn’t do this i jumped up leaving my bag and ran out the hall to a bench down the bottom of the field, i sobbed loudly sniffing and cleaning myself off until i heard my phone vibrate, i cried a little as i saw the message 5 unknown numbers and one i knew clearly
Text 1: where’d you go to blow some old guy for more eyeliner
Text2: hey come back we wasn’t done with you fag ass
Text3: i know where you house it keep the window unlock i wonna fuck your ass i have 3 bucks would thar cut it?
Text4: gaaaayyy!!!!
Text5: gone to make another noose? Lol XD
Gerard: i hope you reopened them cuts emo faggot

I screamed in frustration and anger throwing my phone at the tree i put my head into my hands and sobbed until i heard a faint shout
“there he is!” fuck sake
I got up and began to run i tried to climb the gate but i wasn’t fast enough greg and andy grabbed my legs pulling me down i ended up letting go cutting my lip open but a piece of the gate sticking out i screamed in agony, greg pined me down as andy, matthew, josh and gerard began laughing out of breath
“p-please” i cried
“i though y-you loved me” i sobbed turning my head
Gerard laughed along with the others circling me
“you were a bet cum fuck” matthew laughed
“what thats not true we we”
“had sex? No we never the reason why i made you do it on all fours was because you couldn’t see the dildo, i wouldn’t fuck you, emo fucker” gerard laughed
“you loved me” i screamed
“shut the fuck up you’re so fucking whinny!” andy shouted kicking me in the side
“let me go i didn’t do anything!!!” i cried
“oh but you did. Didn’t you little little frankie” josh spat he sat on top of me and layed my bag on my stomach he pulled out a tape, a black book, a razor and a bag with powder
“was all this frank?” josh spat in my face
“what’s on the fucking tape dip shit!” greg shouting
“it it’s”
“it it it” gerard mocked
“why do YOU have a tape on gerard in the school shower and drawing’s of him” josh snapped
“they aren’t mine i swear!2 i screamed
“liar” gerard shouted stamping on my face over and over until i couldn’t feel my face
“let, me, go” i cried
“how about we beat you then let you go?” gerard smiled
Greg let me go and took my things, he and matt lit a fire a few feet away and began to burn my things they weren’t mine so i didn’t shout for anything
“night night frank baby” gerard hissed in my ear then it went dark.

Notes