Chapter Twelve: Fear And Optimism.

Gerard opened his eyes ever so slightly, and a bright light came over him. Trying not to burn his retinas, he blinked a few times before really trying to open them fully. He was in a white room that smelled like rubber gloves and plastic. He tilted his head slightly and looked around. He was in a hospital room. The brightness of the room was painful to him, after being so used to the dim lighting that James' place had offered.

Was he finally free? The idea seemed too good to be true. Then he looked down at his bed and saw Mikey on the edge of the mattress, asleep, using his own arm as a pillow. Gerard felt himself smile.

"Gee?"

Gerard looked up. He hadn't seen Frank in the corner of the room, but there he was. He must have realized Gerard was awake. Frank walked over to him, and Mikey awoke to the sound of his footsteps.

"Gee!", Mikey chirped happily, throwing his arms around his brother once more.

"Hey guys.", Gerard said in an extremely raspy voice, while returning Mikey's hug best he could. "What uhhh...?"

"James is dead.", Frank said bluntly. Gerard hung his head slightly.

"I killed him...", Gerard whispered.

He remembered it vaguely. He had wrestled with James for the gun for a while, and, scared for his life and the lives of his friends and brother, he had not hesitated in twisting the pistol in James' direction with all his might and pulling the trigger.

"Don't worry dude, we talked to the police about it, they agreed it was self defense. You're not going to be charged with anything.", Frank smiled at him. While the legalities of it weren't the only issues Gerard had with having murdered a man, let alone his first boyfriend, Gerard did his best to take comfort in that fact.

It was over, and there was nothing left to do but to move on.

~

Frank was throwing Gerard's DVDs everywhere. Gee glared in annoyance. It was Frank's turn to stay with Gerard tonight, and he wanted them to have a movie marathon. Problem was that he wouldn't pick a single god damn movie. Using his wheelchair, he tried to gather some of the ones Frank had thrown on the floor in his search. The doctors had told him it would be six months at the earliest before he could walk again, and he used the wheelchair whenever he wasn't in physical therapy.

"God damn Gerard, you own the shittiest films." Frank scoffed as he looked at the cover of The Mothman Prophesies.

"Shut up Frank. You wouldn't know a good movie if it hit you in the face."

"Oh right, and you have great fucking taste. I mea -- OW!", Frank yelped as a DVD case collided with his head. He looked at Gerard, who had thrown the DVD, and was smirking bemusedly. To Gerard's surprise, Frank's face split into a huge grin.

"My God Gee, that actually hurt!"

"And you're happy about that why?"

"You managed a really good throw! Your upper arm strength must be getting better!", Frank smiled.

"Oh right...", Gerard smiled back.

Frank picked up the movie he had thrown. It was Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

"Aw, sweet!", he laughed. Texas Chainsaw Massacre was one of his favorite movies. He set up the DVD and went to go help Gerard into the bed. Hopping up next to Gee, he pulled the sheets over both of them and let Gerard cuddle into him as they sat upright against the headboard.

"So, are you excited about tomorrow?" Frank asked.

"What do I have to be excited about?"

"Um, you're seeing Lindsey for the first time in like months. Bandit too." Frank looked down at his friend, confused. The MSI tour was finally over, and they were on a plane back home as they spoke. He had thought Gerard would be ecstatic.

"Well of course I'm excited to see them...it's just...", Gerard looked at Frank with sad eyes. "I don't know how they'll react to me..."

"Gerard, there's no reason they'd react to you any different than they did when they last saw you." Frank tried to reassure him.

"Have you seen what I look like underneath my shirt, Frank?"

"Gerard..."

"The minute she does... God, she's never going to want to touch me again..."

Gerard had started rocking back and forth as he often did nowadays, tears filling his eyes. Frank put his hands on his shoulders to steady him.

"Hey, hey, stop that.", Frank wrapped his arms around his now shaking friend, who seemed ready to have yet another break down. He had been having small ones here and there since he got out of the hospital. "Listen to me, you are beautiful. I don't care what that asshole told you, what any of those assholes told you. You are seriously one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen, and that hasn't changed a single bit since this whole thing happened. These scars, these scars don't make you ugly. They just show how strong you were. They show what you were able to survive. In a way, they make you even more beautiful to me then you ever were before."

"Yeah, well, what if she doesn't see it that way Frankie?", Gerard sniffed.

"Then you come right back to me. I'm not letting anyone hurt you. Never again."

Gerard sighed and buried his face back into Frank's chest. A flash of lighting came upon them from the window, as a new thunderstorm began to roll in. Frank held Gerard close, and while they both knew that Frank could never protect Gerard from every bruise or scratch the future held, or vice versa, they also knew that as long as they had each other, for the most part, everything would be okay.

Both trusting and loved, they stepped into the storm together.

END.

Notes