The Ghost of You

Frank's POV
I was broken. The boy I adored, I protected, I loved didn't want me. He loved somebody else. I was not good enough for him.
The pain was overwhelming and I did not know what to do. So I just said there hour for hour day for day. I did not move and I did not answer Gee when I said something.
I wished I could die. I wished I could kill myself- again. But you can't kill what's already dead.
After I died I swore myself I'd never feel like that. But here I am now.
Alone and invisible like ever.
Why was I still here? There was no need to protect Gerard anymore. There was no need for anything.
I was supposed to go to heaven or to hell. I did not care. I just wanted away from here.
I could not stand his smile when he thought about the boy he loved.
The boy that could make him happy when I couldn't.
Austin once told me that we are Ghost 'cause we haven't found true love yet. We can't die before we were with the person we loved truly and limitless.
I found that person but I knew what Austin meant. And I could not believe that the life was really that cheesy. I mean you have to kiss your soul mate before you can go to heaven or hell? It's ridiculous.
And impossible. I'd never kiss Gerard Way. He found his soul mate even if he is mine.
I am destined to suffer for ever watching my love love loving someone else. Watching my parents live in constant pain until they die.
After a few weeks I decided to met Gerard's boyfriend. I needed to know what kind of person he was. And when I found out I screamed.
It was Justin. The boy who bullied me for years, the boy who destroyed my life.
He was the one who saved Gerard. I broke down. Pain filled my chest and it was the only thing I could think about.
Why him?
He was a monster just like Gerard's father.
But when I saw him joking around with Gee making him laugh cuddle and kiss I realized that I was wrong.
Maybe I did deserve the torture he put me through. Maybe I was the monster not him.
I mean I put my parents through all this. I could not blame him. I made myself bleed until I blacked out. I took so much pills and drank so much alcohol until I puked. I did this. Not him.
I was the monster.
How could I be mad at Gee? Or even at Justin? They love each other, they heal each other.
I did not belong there.
The pain made breathing really hard. It was the most gruesome feeling I ever had.
It felt like I was drowning but I could not die.
And the feeling never really stopped.
I saw Justin and Gerard about a month ago and I still felt this way. But I could not forget him and I could not let him go. I was still protecting him even if he didn't need it. He was happy.
I left him a note telling that I had left but that I'd still pay for the room. The part about leaving was a lie but it was easier like that. It didn't even bothered him.
The days went by and I followed him. Not talking, not thinking. All I could feel was pain.

Notes