The Ghost of You

Gerard's POV
It was the most perfect kiss ever. It felt so right so much better than with Justin. There was so much love and my tummy was full of butterflies.
But when I opened my eyes Frank was disappeared.
“Frank?” I asked “Frankie? Where are you”
I thought he just went invisible again but when I didn't answer I started to worry. Did he leave me?
He wasn't here, he didn't answer and we just kissed.
Was it so terrible for him? I felt my heart breaking in million pieces, again.
It was just to much. Everything bad went through my mind.
Mikey's death, Dad's alcoholism, Dad hurting mum, Dad killing mum, Dad hurting me, Dad almost raping me, Justin hurting me. And now the only good thing in my life left. Frank.
I couldn't stand this pain any longer. I felt like I should cry but I didn't I made my decision and I won't doubt it. I won't regret it. I'll follow mum and Mikey, I told myself.
I planned my suicide often enough to know what I had to do next. I searched for a rope and made the loop I practiced so many times.
It didn't even took 20 seconds.
I wrote a note. I'd love to call it a letter but it wasn't. It was one simple sentence dedicated to no one.
“I have to end this torture”
I packed my stuff and gave it to a charity organization, I almost scared myself. I should feel something shouldn't I?
But I didn't. This procedure felt experienced.
About a year ago I sat everyday in a forest. It was like a fairytale and I always knew that that was the place I’d took my last breath.
I still felt nothing which was weird. I'd end my life in about 30 minutes. I'd die. I should feel something. I should regret things. I should cry. I should miss people. I should feel the urge to stay alive. But my will to survive died with my mum. I looked forward to what would happen.
I never believed in hell or heaven. I just believed that you'd sleep forever. Not feeling anything. Not knowing you are there.
But my mum prayed everyday. She believed in hell and heaven.
I know that people used to think that you won't get into heaven if you killed yourself. I didn't care.
Nothing can be worse than this. This was living hell and it didn't matter if I would end up in another one cause at least I tried.
I knotted the rope on a limp. I hummed the songs my Guardian used to sing to me. Crash, The light behind your Eyes and the lullaby I can't remember the name of.
I felt peaceful.
I climbed on the tree and secured the rope again. The I put the loop around my neck.
I knew how I had to put it to break my neck. I didn't want to suffocate. I wanted a fast painfull death and I arranged that. The tree was high enough to do the rest for me.
I closed my eyes and I felt myself smiling. Then I jumped.
I felt nothing which surprised me cause I was sure I'd feel when the rope would “catch” me.
I felt surprisingly good and not dead. That scared me but when I opened my eyes to check if I was still alive I looked into the most beautiful eyes. They were hazel and belonged to Frank.
He looked sad. Didn't he want to see me?
“What did you do? I'm so sorry I didn't want to leave.. I love you!” He cried and I couldn't help but smile due to the sound of his voice. It was so comforting.
When I finally broke the eye contact and looked around everything was white. There was a golden door and it seemed like a choir was singing behind it.
“I am dead, ain't I?”
“You are” He still looked sad. “I wish I could have help you. I wish I could have save you.”
“I don't” I whispered and starred back into his eyes. I leaned in and kissed his forehead. “Now we can be together. No one will tear us apart.” I smiled, hesitantly I added, “I mean if you want to..”
His eyes started to shine and a wide smile spread on his face. “There's nothing I have ever wanted more”
I smiled like an idiot and took his hand.
“Come on then” I cheered. He laughed and we went together through the golden door which led us into heaven.
When the door opened I saw something that made me cry instantly. There was my mum and Mikey and they ran towards me hand in hand. I ran too and when I finally reached them we hugged and smiled and cried. I still hadn't let go of Frankie's hand and I never would.

Notes

This is the end. I hope you all liked the story :-)