Gerard's POV

I stared around glumly at the happy people. Their stupid smiles and loud laughs were surrounding me. Making me want to curl up and die. Across the room I could see Frank drinking shots with that guy with the pretty eyes. I had had the misfortune to bump into him in the bathroom earlier on.

"Leave Frank alone,"He had said,"He doesn't love you anymore. You're just trouble."
"So what he loves you now?"I had snarled up at him. He was slightly more than me. Very obviously, he could take me out. But that hadn't stopped me from getting angry.
"Pfft. No. Haven't known him long enough. My daughter is friends with Claire,"He laughed in my face.

"So how would you know if he loves me or not?"
"He told me. That first night we slept together, couple of months ago, the morning after he told me it was a mistake because he had a boyfriend that he loved back home,"He had slurred, almost spitting on me as he talked.
"Look, I've known Frank for damn near ten years. Alright? You've barely known him six fucking months. Why don't you just fuck up and off for me."

He snorted at me,"Doesn't make a difference how long you've known him. He still said to me, Claire and Lily, that he doesn't love you anymore. You need to move on,"He suddenly turned compassionate, looking at me sadly and placing a hand on my arm,"There's no point in putting yourself through this torture. Move on to someone better."

Before I could say something back he had wiped his wet hands on my arms and left. Right now, the guys were all laughing loudly, grating against my nerves. I took one look at them all looking merry before getting up with a groan and pushing through the people. I made my way outside and pulled my smokes out of my pocket.

There were a few people sitting on a bench smoking but I didn't feel like standing awkwardly next to them or having to make conversation so I turned and started walking down the sidewalk. I passed a few shops and rounded a corner, lighting up as I went.

There weren't many people on the street, a man with a hoodie across the road. I woman on my side, walking towards me in a rush. I continued walking until I found myself at a park that I hadn't even known existed. I walked across to sit on one of the swings, turning into a fourteen year old girl, thinking about how bad life sucks at a playground.

I stared into nothing and tried to figure out what to do. I really needed a drink but I was determined not to get drunk. I couldn't remember much from last night but I could remember Frank saying how much he had needed it. If blue-eyes was right about him having a boyfriend, it cant have been a very good relationship if he was cheating and telling me he needed it. Maybe there was hope for me.

I pulled my phone out with a sigh.
"Fuck,"I groaned. I had been gone damn near an hour. How had the time even passed that fast? I jumped to my feet and jogged back to the hotel. Mikey would be shitting himself. I burst back into the hotel foyer and froze at the scene playing out in front of me.

"Cas you had no fucking right,"Frank glared up at him.
"I was trying to help you. Jesus Frank, you dont need to get so mad,"He glared down at him, swaying on the spot.
"No need? You told a huge fucking lie!"Frank growled.

"Oh really? Is that why you drink so much? Just like I said last night Frank. You're too afraid to face up to your feelings. You're almost thirty years old. Grow the fuck up,"He spat at him, shoving him backwards. Oh fuck no.
"Hey! Don't you touch him!"I shouted, marching over with my angriest walk.
"Oh look who it is. Mr Problem Causer,"Cas spread his arms wide as if he was welcoming me.

I opened my mouth to say something but then all this shouting ensued. At first I thought it was someone to stop us from arguing but then I saw Patrick and Lindsay leaving the room followed by people shouting out cat calls and wishes of happiness. Frank, Cas and I took a step back to watch them leave.

I couldn't help but smile at them. Once they were out the door and everyone was slowly filing back, I looked to where Frank and Cas had been standing but they were gone.
"Gerard!"Someone shouted. I spun around, hoping it was Frank but it was just Mikey looking furious.

I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly as I joined everyone heading back to the dancefloor.
"Gerard don't ignore me. Where the hell have you been?"
"I went for a smoke."
"Well it would have been nice to know. I thought you had gone to do something stupid,"He said quietly as we stood at the edge of the dancefloor.

I looked at him like he was an idiot,"I'm not going to try and kill myself again. Alright?"
"Yeah but the last time I caught you trying to sneak off, thats what you said. But you still did try. So I'm sorry if I get a little worried alright?"Mikey looked at me seriously,"Just fucking talk to me."
I nodded,"I'm sorry Mikey. I didn't mean to alarm you."

He shook his head,"Just- don't do it again. Alright?"
I nodded again and sighed,"I think I'll have one drink."
"Don't get as drunk as you did last night,"Mikey patted me on the back before moving around the side of the dancefloor back to our table.

I squeezed between people and arrived at the bar,"Can I get a shot of vodka and a scotch on the rocks?"I smiled at the bartender.
"Sure thing,"She smiled back and went to make my drinks. I jumped up on a barstool and stared at the black countertop.

A minute later she thumped them down in front of me with a wink. I took my shot of vodka quickly, screwing my face up at the burning in my throat.
"You wanna know what we were arguing about?"A voice said close by as I took a sip of my scotch.

I turned and almost spat out my drink.
"When I saw you leave for whatever reason, I got another drink. He told- Cas told me I could stop drinking because he had solved my problem for me."
"Frank-"
"I asked him what he meant and he says 'I told that guy you've got a boyfriend back home and that I dont love you anymore'. I was sooooooooo angry,"Frank slurred, tumbling off of his seat to sit next me.

"Frank-"
"I told him he shouldnt have lied to you like that. Told him he needs to butt out. Then I think thats when you came in and saved me!"He slapped his hand on the back of my shoulder. I could barely breathe. That guy, Cas, had lied to me in the bathroom? I took a big gulp of my drink.

"He's gone back to our room. He told me he was leaving tonight. I don't even know why i brought him here,"Frank let go of my shoulder and thumped his head down on the bar. I had absolutely no idea what to say.

"You know, for three and a half years I was angry at you. Angry at myself really. But I took it all out on you. That day when the warden told me your message? That you were going to stop trying to contact me? Thats when I realised how much I needed you to need me. I think thats when you chopped a great big whopping chunk of my heat off and took it. You,"Frank looked at me, giggling like a little boy,"You didn't even need to be near me to do it. You just- left... Gave up..."

"I got out of prison and tried calling you. It just kept ringing and ringing. Thats when I met my best friends. Deandra, Marcie and Vicky. And then Miranda. Great girls. You'd like them,"Frank pointed at me,"When we finally got the house done and my shop open we went out for celebritytory drinks. That was the start of my drinking problem. I would always have one night stands with guys that reminded me of you. Too drunk to remember my choice. I've tried filling the hole in my heart with booze and strangers. It works for the night but in the morning the hole's empty again. So I do it again, hoping that maybe this time it will stay full."

"This one day, I was looking at a picture of me, Claire, Lily and Mum. Thats when I thought that maybe, they were why I had this hole in my heart. I went looking for them. That's when I met Cas. He hit on me my first night in Odessa. The morning after, after the third guy left, he went out and bought coffee and donuts for us. Thats when the hole was half full. Then I found Claire and Lily and everything in my life was perfect. They filled the rest of the hole and I felt good."

Frank turned in his seat,"You should see 'em Gerard. Lily is so much older and so confident. Happy. She's got a job and an apartment full of furniture she paid for herself. I'm so proud of her. And Claire. She's so big now! She's fucking awesome. Witty. Talented. Beautiful. So proud of her as well. After everything she's gone through, she's turned out fan-fucking-tastic,"He smiled a sad smile at me.

"Frank..."I said softly, trying to take in what he was telling me.
"I'm sorry for bothering you,"Frank sighed and left. I turned and watched him go. Watched as he stumbled past tables towards the bathroom. I felt terrible right now. I should be feeling something like sympathy for Frank. But all I could think abotu was that Cas had lied to me in the bathroom. I couldn't let myself hope that he still loved me. But I knew I could hope that Frank was just as lonely as I was. If it weren't for the band I probably would have spiralled downwards like him.

I finished my drink and asked for another, needing it desperately after that.
"Hey Gerard you okay?"Mikey was suddenly at my side.
"Uh- yeah,"I faked a smile for him as my drink was set down in front of me. Already I could feel it having an effect on me.
"You sure? You wanna talk about anything?"
"No... Not really... Not right now anyway,"I sighed, drinking down most of my drink.

"Okay well... I'm here for you when you do want to talk. Kay? Slow down on those as well,"Mikey nudged my empty glass and left me alone. I took in a deep breath and finished my drink before leaving the bar. I needed fresh air. I made my way to the doors and stepped out into the foyer.

"Come with me,"Someone whispered in my ear, an arm snaking around my waist.
"Frank I-"
"Please, Gerard. I need this. I need you,"He said quietly, pushing me towards the elevator. The need in his voice pushed all other thought out of my mind.
"Your room?"
"Cas is gone already,"He answered back.

We were silent in the ride upstairs. Close enough to touch but not actually touching. When the door dinged open, Frank strode out, grabbing my hand in the process, to march us down the hall to his room. Frank opened the door for me, letting me go in first. I walked in and turned to watch Frank close the door quietly, leaning against the door.

"Gerard..."Frank said to the door. He turned around and looked at me from beneath his hair, eyes dark and full of mystery. Heflicked off the light and took a step closer,"Gerard...I haven't been honest with you... or myself for that matter...I miss you. I whole fucking lot. I want you back in my life. I need you back in my life."

He took a deep breath before taking the last few steps towards me, wrapping his arms around me as his lips connected with mine, causing that spark to go off in my stomach. My hands found his hair as he pushed me backwards and down onto the bed. The next few minutes passed by in a blur. I was still trying to get over what Frank had said.

"Gerard are you okay?"Frank whispered in the darkness, pulling my shirt over the top of my head.
"I- yeah,"I smiled at him a genuinely happy smile. He probably couldn't even see me.
"God I've missed your smile,"Frank said softly, dragging a hand down my cheek.

He kissed me but for some reason, I pulled away.
"Gerard, what's wrong?"Frank put his forehead on mine, his hands on my shoulders.
"I don't think I- I don't think I want to..."I said quietly. I had no idea where this was coming from.
"Why?"He breathed on my face.

I closed my eyes and swallowed the golf ball in my throat,"I don't feel comfortable. Something seems... Off..."
"Is it because I'm drunk?"
"Maybe... Not sure..."

Frank kissed me softly on the lips,"I'm not gonna force you to or anything. I'm actually a little tired anyway. We can just lie for a bit. If you want?"
"That- that would be nice..."
Frank nodded and climbed off of me. He pulled his pants off and climbed into the bed in just his underwear as I did the same.

After a few seconds of awkwardness, he was resting his head on my chest and my arms were wrapped around him.
"I'm sorry, Frank..."I whispered.
"Don't worry about it,"He sighed sleepily, snuggling closer to me.

"Goodnight Frank."
"Night, Gerard."
I closed my eyes and willed the sleep to come.
"I love you,"Frank spoke into the darkness,"I still do. Never really stopped,"Frank pushed himself up and looked at me.
"I love you too Frank. I always have, always will."

He leaned up and pressed his lips to mine. He went to pull back but I placed my hand on the back of his head and held him there til I needed air,"Promise me you'll remember this in the morning. Promise me."
"I promise,"He kissed me again before snuggling back down. I couldn't sleep after that. I just lay there, holding him, full of sunlight.