I opened my eyes and shut them straight away. The room was spinning. My right arm was numb, my legs were numb, and my ass was killing me. I opened one eye and looked to my right to see a guy that looked vaguely familiar lying on his stomach on my arm. He was naked like me. I looked down and saw a long lump lying across the both of our legs. I very slowly pulled the blanket up and revealed a pair of feet.

"Fuck..."I sighed and started sliding my arm out from underneath the guy. I must not have done it carefully enough though because he opened his eyes and cracked a half smile half grimace before rolling off of me and onto his back.

"Sorry,"I muttered. I looked down again and, despite the fact that I had no idea who this guy was, I quietly woke him up, dragged him up so his head was on the pillow and he wasn't causing our legs to die. He mumbled a thanks and fell straight back to sleep. rolled over so my back was facing him and pulled the blankets over us all before snuggling down and closing my eyes to try and sleep away this hangover.

-time lapse-

When I woke up again, the guy in the middle had his arms wrapped around my waist and his face buried in my neck. I enjoyed the feeling of having someone else's warmth wrapped around for a minute before his name popped into my head. I banished the thought and pulled myself out of the guys arms.

My head wasn't hurting as badly as it had been however many hours ago so I was able to drag myself out of the bed completely to stagger into the bathroom.
"Oh shit I'm sorry,"I stumbled backwards into the doorway when I found a guy hunched naked over the toilet seat.

"Nah nah its fine,"He coughed and managed to make himself look at me after spitting into the toilet,"I just had a lot to drink last night is all."
"Yeah I'm sorry about that I have this habit of-"
"Dude dont worry about its complete- oh fuck,"He turned away from me and started hurling into the toilet bowl.

I cleared the bile out of my throat and went back into my room and fell down onto the small couch in the corner. The guy who had been cuddling me was sitting in my bed looking like he was dying.

"What the fuck even happened last night?"He looked over at me as the guy in the bathroom stumbled out.
"I'm not sure... I'm disgusted in myself to say that I cant even remember either of your names I'm so sorry,"I groaned and put my head in my hands.

"I'm Max,"The guy fromt the bathroom said.
"Castiel,"The guy in the bed said and fell down onto his back with a groan. There was a flash of me standing over him while Max kissed my neck behind me but I shoved it away straight away.
"I'm Frank,"I muttered.

"So uh- as much fun as last night was- if I could just remember it that is- I need to get back to my girlfriend,"Max said suddenly, scooping clothes from the floor and pulling them on in a rush.
"Girlfriend?"
"Yeah I- I'm bi. We got into a fight when I finished work yesterday and I ended up getting drunk. Last night I was going to come here where the cute guy I flirted with was staying,"He muttered, turning his back on us as he pulled his shirt on.

"Well good luck man,"Castiel sighed.
"Yeah uh- sorry if we get you into trouble or whatever,"I muttered.
"No dont be sorry its completely my fault okay I'm just gonna try and make things right. Thanks for a fun night guys,"Max nodded at me before leaving.

"I'm gonna take a shower,"I decided out loud. I grabbed clean clothes from my bag and locked myself in the bathroom,"There's some aspirin in my bag!"I called through the door. I turned the shower on and forced myself to get in straight away.

The shock of the cold water on my back felt amazing. Even though there was mould in all the cracks of the tiled wall, the roof was rotten with damp, and the water was a pathetic dribble, it still felt like the best shower I'd ever had. I closed my eyes and moved my head into the water stream as Miranda suddenly popped into my head with those knowing eyes. I shook them away as there was a knock on the door.

"Uh- yeah?"
"I'm gonna get some coffee. You want some?"Castiel called through the door.
Inwardly I groaned. Why couldnt he just get dressed and go? "Uh yeah sure. A- a hazelnut latte I guess."
"Alright I'll be back soon,"He said. A few seconds later I heard the door shut.

Five minutes later I was out of the shower and calling Miranda.
"Frank? What's wrong? Where the hell are you? Deandra called me yesterday to say that you had gone to Washington to find Lily and Claire. What the fuck!"She shouted at me straight away. Fuck.

"Miranda I'm sorry but I needed-"
"You needed to just leave without telling anyone? I bet if Deandra hadn't walked in then you wouldn't have fucking told anyone! Frank,"He tone softened,"I know you miss them and I know you want to see them again but you cant just leave like that."

"Yeah okay. Look I know I should have thought it through but I'm here now,"I sighed and stood next to the window, looking down onto the busy street.
"That Lisa girl is in today. She's really good. You need to try her coffee when you get back because its really good,"Miranda sighed. I could hear the noise of the shop in the background.

"Really? Thats good. Anyway Miranda I did a bad thing,"I groaned as the reason for my calling her walked inside the hotel down on the street.
"Last night?"
"Yes. I went to go get dinner and this guy bought me a drink and then suddenly we're drinking together and we both got drunk and I swear I did not want to take him back to the hotel I swear to you but he was too perfect. I woke up this morning and there were two guys in my bed and I just dont know anymore..."

Miranda was silent for a moment before she yelled,"What the fuck is wrong with you Frank?!"
"I don't know I just-"
"You know what? I do know what's wrong with you Frank. You have a hole in your heart. You have been trying to flood it with booze and guys that you never remember but its not working because deep down you know that there is only one thing that can fix it Frank. I've been trying not to say anything for so fucking long but this is getting fucking ridiculous. You need-"

I hung up as Castiel walked in the door holding two coffees and a bag of food,"Uh hey."
"Hey. I got some muffins,"He smiled widely and shook the bag slightly.
"Awesome,"I moved from the window and threw my phone in the direction of my bag just as it started ringing.

Castiel watched me as he handed me my coffee. I muttered a thanks and turned my phone off. He pulled out a chocolate muffin and sat down on the couch.
"So uh... Last night..."I sat down on the bed and took a small bite of my muffin.

Castiel cleared his throat and said,"Frank I really like you but I can tell that you aren't in any place for a relationship or anything at all really."
"I- what?"I looked over at him. He looked nervous.
"I'm guessing you dont remember much of last night?"He sat his muffin down and looked at me seriously.

"I- no. Not really no,"I looked away, embarrassed, and sculled some of my coffee, enjoying the burning sensation in my throat.
"When you started getting really drunk you wouldn't really stop. As soon as you finished a drink you would get another one. You kept going on about some guy and how you get worse than him when you drink or whatever."

I nodded and continued staring at the floor. Unable to face the truth of what he was saying.
"You wouldn't tell me who the guy was. Then you said something about how much you needed him. Thats the last I can remember..."
"I have a habit of getting people drunk when I drink... Sorry,"Was all I said. He nodded and looked away.

I closed my eyes and tried to process what Castiel had told me and what Miranda had been trying to tell me. I didn't want to face it. I had done so well in not letting it get to the front of my mind. But there was nothing I could do about it now. Three years of alcohol abuse and one night stands would not stop me from missing Gerard.