Just Think Happy Thoughts

My eyes fluttered open to a poorly lit room with gray cement walls. I must have been in a basement. I shivered from the cold air passing by my body. I went to get up, but I couldn't. I looked up to see my arms cuffed to the post of the bed I was laying on. When I looked down an overwhelming feeling of horror washed over me. My body was completely bare with not even a blanket to cover it. My legs were tied with rope to the end of the bed. I struggled to break my hands free but the cuffs only irritated my wrists. I wondered where the fuck I was as I continued to struggle to try and break free. I heard a creaking down the stairs and I snapped my head up in immense fear. My body trembled as an undead looking creature walked towards me. I started to panic and struggle harder as what I thought to be a zombie approached me. As it got closer I realized I was being delusional, it was only a costume. I knew who it was. Matt. I started to scream for him to get away from me and ripped my arms back and forth trying to wriggle out of the cuffs, only to have them cut into my wrists. Matt approached me and took a hold of my arms.

"What do you want from me!?" I shrieked, tears now streaming down my face. If I thought I knew fear before, it faintly compared to the fear I felt now.

"I already got what I wanted" he said, a smile forming on his lips.

"Wha... What do you mean?" I quavered, my body shaking more violently than before.

"It seems you have forgotten. I'll show you" he said. He let go of my arms for a brief moment to unbuckle his belt and pull his pants off. Then he made his way between my legs, hovering over me and pinning my arms to the bed with his hands. All I could do was scream and cry and battle beneath him. His warm breath was near my face and then his lips crashed onto mine, muffling my screams. I felt his hips move forward and just as he was about to do the unthinkable I heard someone screaming my name.

“Kairi! Kairi!” he shouted. At the familiar voice, my eyes snapped open and I jumped up. Frank was staring at me, wide-eyed. My mind eased as I realized I was safe.

“It was just a bad dream” I whispered, a single tear escaping my eye.

“Holy shit you scared the fuck out of me” Frank said, pulling me into a comforting hug. “Are you okay? You were whimpering in your sleep and I’ve been screaming your name and shaking you, trying to wake you up for the past five minutes.”

“It was just a bad dream” I repeated. I tightened my grip on Frank and rested my forehead on his shoulder.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked. I looked up at him and shook my head no.

“I’m okay now Frankie, really” I lied. Before I could dwell on thoughts of earlier it struck me that I was with Frank, in his bed, and I had no idea how the fuck I got there. I looked around confused.

“You blacked out when he found you so he carried you back here” Frank said, as if to answer my thoughts. I cocked my head to the side, unsure of who he was. “Gee.”

“Gerard was the one who followed me” I said, relieved. “But where is Gee? And um, why are you…”

“Gee’s downstairs on the couch. We brought you up here so you could sleep well, but I just couldn’t leave you alone. I was worried” Frank explained. He looked down at his fidgeting hands. I put my hand on his chin and tilted his head up so he was looking at me.

“Thank you Frankie” I smiled and he smiled back.

“About last night. When we saw you run out we got really freaked. I told Gee to go after you to see what happened. What did happen Kai?” he asked. His smile faded and concern was written all over his face.

“Oh I was just…” I began. I tried to think of what I could say. I was too embarrassed to tell him what really happened. “I was really drunk and I guess my anxiety got the better of me.”

“Are you sure that’s all that happened?” he asked, a look of disbelief in his eyes. “Kai you can tell me the truth.”

“It is the truth” I lied. I hated lying to my friends but I just couldn’t tell him right then.

“Well I’m glad you’re okay then” he said with a smile. Then he yawned and rubbed his eyes. When he looked at me again I noticed his usually vivacious hazel eyes were bloodshot and drooping.

“Did you get any sleep?” I asked him, changing the subject.

“No, not really. I had to make sure you were okay” he said. I looked over at the clock to see it was already ten o’clock in the morning. Frank had stayed up the whole night to make sure I was okay. I felt a pang of guilt in my chest.

“You should sleep Frankie” I told him. He accepted my words and laid down on his bed making himself comfortable. I got up from the bed and and tucked him into his blanket. His eyes slipped shut within seconds. “Sleep tight.” He was beautiful even when he slept and I couldn’t help but plant a soft kiss on his forehead. He was out cold anyway so he wouldn’t notice. I gave him one last look and turned to go downstairs and make a cup of coffee. I stopped in the bathroom on my way. When I looked in the mirror I saw that most of my makeup had come off but what was left was smeared all around my face. I looked awful. I couldn’t believe Frank had just seen me like that. I washed my face off and started towards the kitchen again. When I got downstairs I saw that Gerard was already up on the couch watching cartoons. Mikey was still sound asleep on the other couch.

“Good morning Gee, join me for coffee?” I asked him as I walked by him and made my way into the kitchen. I went over to the coffee maker and put a pot on to brew. Gerard followed behind me.

“Good morning, Kai. Sleep well?” Gerard asked. I looked over to see an obvious smirk on his face. I ignored his gesture and poured two cups of coffee. I handed him one then walked over to the table and took a seat. He came over and sat next to me. “Are you alright? I mean last night when I found you, it looked like you had been crying and-“

“Gee I’m fine. I was just really drunk that’s all. I guess I’m not a very happy drunk” I lied to him. That was the third lie of the day. I sipped my coffee and wondered if I would ever have the guts to tell any of them.

“Whatever you say Kai. Where’s Frankster?” he asked, happily sipping on his coffee like it was the only thing in the world that kept him sane.

“He’s sleeping. He actually just went to sleep. I feel so guilty Gee. He stayed up all night to make sure I was okay. I ruined his birthday” I said. I rested my head on the table as an all too familiar feeling swept across me. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned my head to see Gerard looking at me with a frown on his lips.

“Kai nothing’s your fault. If anyone ruined Frank’s birthday it was that damn bitch Jamia” he assured me. He finished his coffee and got up to pour another cup.

“What happened with Jamia? Did she do something?” I asked. I had missed the outcome of that situation and was curious.

“Nothing. I mean there was a lot of yelling for a while. But we just wound up dragging her ass outta there and her friends followed her out” Gerard explained.

“You should have just started with that” I pointed out. I lifted my head off the table and started to sip on my coffee again. My wrist caught my eye and I noticed it was red, fearing that my dream was real. I shook it off, remembering Matt had grabbed my wrists pretty hard last night.

“We should have but our heads weren’t clear at the time. Anyway, I think Frankie had a lot of fun before she showed up. Don’t worry so much Kai” Gerard said, joining me at the table again.

But I was worried. I was worried about Frank. I was worried about them finding out the truth. I was worried about the bruises forming on my wrists. I was worried about worrying so much. I was worried about seeing Matt again. No, I was terrified about seeing him again. It would have to happen on Monday. As anxiety overcame my existence one again, I continued to claim that I was okay.

Notes