Kill This Venom From My Heart

Two days after I fly back out to join the tour again we play our first show back and I still haven't heard from Gerard, not even a text message or voicemail and I feel myself grow even more pissed off, not going to be the one to break the silence we have going now and Jamia has succeeded in her goal to drive us apart. I am sitting backstage after the show, my performance not the greatest for a first show back as all the stress has made my stomach worse than ever and I try taking medication and eating but swallowing anything, even drinking water just makes things worse and I feel my stomach clench even tighter as the rest of the guys move around me, changing and collecting everything back up so we are ready to leave and Bob comes over and takes a seat beside me, asking if everything is ok. "I'm done" I tell him, not going into any more detail but I see his eyes wander my face, taking in the pale skin and defeated expression I know I have and he just shakes his head before wrapping his arm around my waist. "You know if you want to talk...." Bob starts but I shake my head before saying "Thanks but you really don't want to hear the shit I have going on at home right now and I don't really want to talk about it." "Ok, but if you change your mind" he offers, squeezing around my shoulders gently before letting me go and standing again and I find myself smiling a little at his offer as I push myself to stand too and we make our way out to the bus, signing a few quick autographs on the way but I sneak off before the rest of the guys and go back to my bunk, climbing in and curling up with the blankets pulled over my head and I clench my eyes shut as I desperately try to will myself to sleep, not having gotten a proper nights sleep since the last night I spent in my bed with Gerard days ago and I'm still very much awake when the rest of the guys come back to the bus and we start moving. I have no idea how long I lay in the dark for, the guys having gone from excited post show chatter to everyone quietening down and moving to their bunks and the steady sway of the bus as it moves along the road doesn't help the nausea I feel at all and it suddenly becomes too much to bear, my body rolling out of my bunk and I make my way to the bathroom only to find the door locked and before I can do anything else I vomit all over the floor instead, a loud pained whine escaping me as I heave again and the constriction of my stomach muscles feels like its killing me and I drop to my knees in the puddle of my own vomit as I heave again, powerless to control it anymore and a few seconds later the bathroom door opens and the light shining in my eyes is blinding as I hear Ryan's voice say "Oh fuck Frank what's wrong?" and when his body moves, blocking the light shining directly into my eyes I see that the puddle of vomit I'm kneeling in and am covered in is bright red and chunky and I lift my head to look up at his face as I feel the room start to spin around me, everything going fuzzy around the edges and I vaguely register warm arms wrapping around me from behind before everything goes black and I pass out.

I wake up a few hours later in a small hospital room, an IV in the back of my hand and no one else is in the room with me. I sit up, slowly throwing the covers off me and while the pain in my stomach is still there I find that its just a manageable dull throb now and as I reach down to tug the needle from the back of my hand, knowing I don't need to be here hooked up to it I notice I'm dressed in a hospital gown and I groan softly to myself as I look around the room, not spotting any of my clothes and as I reach for the needle again the door opens and a nurse comes in with Bob, frowning when she sees me sitting up and I pause in my movement as she comes over and asks how I'm feeling. "I'm fine now, do you have my clothes?" I ask as I turn my attention on Bob and he shakes his head before the nurse interrupts to say "Mr Iero we are going to need you to stay here for a day or two and....." "No, I'm fine now take this needle out and I have a tour I need to get back on" I tell her and she frowns before turning to Bob for help and Bob shakes his head before saying "Frank I really think you need to...." "Bob, I'm fine now" I tell him, catching his eye and after a few long seconds of us staring at each other he sighs and nods before telling me he will go and get my bag of stuff and he will be back soon and when he's gone the nurse turns to me and says "Mr Iero I really......" "I'm fine and I'm not staying" I tell her and she sighs in defeat and nods, telling me she will send the doctor in as she leaves the room and ten minutes later a doctor comes in and tries to tell me I need to stay, starting to tell me things I've heard a million times before and I cut him off by finishing his sentence and he looks a little taken aback before recovering and I tell him "I've been dealing with this for a lifetime, I know my body" and he too sighs softly in defeat and accepts that I know myself and agrees to discharge me, Bob showing up with my clothes a few minutes after he's done and he tells me I'm free to go, giving me another prescription of a medication I'm almost out of.

When we finally leave the hospital Bob and I grab a cab and on the ride to where the bus is he tells me that they already cancelled tonights show and when I go to object he tells me it's already done and it's too late to go back on it now and when we reach the bus I go inside and everyone asks me how I'm feeling, showing concern but I shrug it off as I join in on the chatter in the front lounge, Bob making me some herbal tea and I smile up at him in thanks, the guys all trying to decide what we should do with our new found night off, a couple of the techs suggesting things in the area to do and just as we all decide on bowling and dinner, my stomach still bothering me but I figure I can go and just take it easy and relax I hear the bus door open and when I look up I see the tour manager coming on board followed by the last person I expected to see on the bus, Gerard. "Oh my god' he chokes out when he spots me, rushing across the small space and launching himself into my lap and I quickly sit my cup on the table beside me as I wrap my arms around his waist, burying my face in his hair as I feel my neck getting wet from his tears and his body shakes slightly against mine before I pull him closer, shushing him softly until he pulls back to look at me, one of his hands coming up to stroke down my cheek as he says "What happened? Are you ok?" and I smile softly before saying "How about we go somewhere a little more private?" Gerard glancing around and noticing that we are being watched by everyone and he giggles softly in embarrassment before standing from my lap and I stand too, taking his hand and leading him through the bunk area to the back lounge where I clear a space for us on the couch there and as I sit back down Gerard sits in my lap again rather than beside me, his arms immediately wrapping around me again and he leans in and presses a soft kiss to my lips before pulling away and saying "I love you so fucking much and I don't want to fight anymore."

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