Kill This Venom From My Heart

"Frank I...." Gerard starts before trailing off and biting his lip as he sits up and I sit up fully too, swallowing hard as I glance down at my still extended hand, the ring box feeling like it weighs a ton and Gerard opens his mouth again to say "Don't you think it's too soon?" As soon as the words register in my brain my heart stops for a few seconds before it begins beating again painfully, each beat feeling like a slow agonising death. "I mean, I love you Frank but this is huge and...." "It's fine, I get it" I say as I snap the box shut, climbing off the bed and ignoring Gerard's protests as I scoop up my clothes on my way to the bathroom. Just as I reach the door Gerard's warm fingers wrap around my wrist but I don't turn, not wanting him to see the tears in my eyes so I harshly tug my arm out of his hold and step into the bathroom, slamming the door behind myself, locking it before I drop my clothes on the floor and I take a few steps across the room before I sink to my knees and I reopen my hand, the closed ring box still in it and I let out a pained whine as I throw the box across the room, hearing it hit the wall as I break, tears streaming down my cheeks as I sob softly, my heart feeling broken. "Frank" Gerard calls softly through the door a few minutes later and I let out another soft whine but don't reply. The door knob rattles before Gerard says "Please, please come out or let me in," his voice sounding scared. "I....I can't" I choke out softly and I hear Gerard shuffle around outside the door before he goes silent again and I spend another few minutes on the floor before I pull myself back up and I redress, taking a deep shaky breath to try and pull myself together before I walk over and open the door, walking straight past Gerard who is sitting on the floor beside the bathroom door, dressed in his boxers and under shirt and I quickly cross the room, once again ignoring Gerard's protests as I walk out the door, letting it shut behind me as I walk down the hallway, pressing the button for the elevator and just as the doors open I hear my name being called again but I can't face him right now so I step in and press the button to go down to the lobby, the doors quickly closing and I lean back against the wall, sighing in relief before the elevator stops and I step out, crossing the lobby and going outside, the midnight air chilling so I pull my suit jacket tighter around myself as I cross the parking lot and head down the street. I walk along in the dark until I find a nearby park, crossing the grass to an outdoor table and I sit down, grabbing my cigarettes from my pocket and lighting one, smoking it quickly before lighting another and I chain smoke three before my phone starts ringing and I pull it out of my pocket, coughing lightly before I clench my eyes shut and hit the answer button.

"Frank? Baby? Where are you?" Gerard rushes out and I remain silent, my eyes clenched shut as I feel a whole new wave of hurt wash through me. "Frank, please" he pleads, his voice wavering and cracking at the end and I can tell he's crying. "What Gerard?" I ask, breaking my silence and my bottom lip quivers as Gerard says "Where are you?" I remain silent for a few seconds, considering telling him to leave me alone but I know that's being selfish so I take another deep breath before saying "I'm in the park." Gerard hangs up and just as I light up another cigarette Gerard comes running over to me, kneeling on the seat between my open legs and his hands cup my face as he surges in and kisses me, desperation evident in his actions, the kiss harsh and bruising before he pulls away and in the street light shining on us I notice the small diamonds on the band sparkling brightly, the ring securely around Gerard's left ring finger.

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