Photograph That I Gave You
I'm drunk I suppose
We left the church with one intention and one intention only to get completely drunk. The street we step out onto looked like it came straight from an episode of The Brady Brunch with quaint houses and a fewquainthousesandafew neat shops so we decided we must be more than walking distant from a bar and waited at the city bus stop.
We board the bus and look for some vacant seats. We are met by hostile staring.I can almost here them wondering, who the fuck are these guys in suits and eye liner?
We hurry to a spot in the very back,hidden from judgeful eyes.
"Just like highschool," I mutter ironically
"You were the emo kid in the corner too eh?"
laugh and nod, "Still expecting someone to call me a Satanic faggot."
"Don't forget the occasional heartfelt go kill yourself," he adds I throw my hands up, "God I know! What is wrong with kids?"
"And they wonder why I had fucking revenge fantasies..."
I give him a disbelieving look then laugh, "Reason 259 why you are a strange person," He blushes adorably.
"You haven't actually been counting."
"Gerard Way you dare underestimate me?!" I gasp incredulously giving him a playful shove.
"Hey!" He exclaims almost falling off the stiff seat.
"Could you keep it down?" the woman in front of us says turning to give us a disapproving glare.
"Uhm, what the fuck lady? it's a bus not a mortuary," I retort sharply.
"Hush Frankie baby don't let her bother you,"Gerard coo's sweetly wrapping an arm around me.
She rolls her eyes but turns back around with out another word.
"Thanks,"I tell him earnestly. I have a tendency to overreact.
"Just for you Frank," he replies softy, beginning to retract his arm from around me. I quickly lay my head down on his shoulder forcing him to continue the embrace.It's the comfort I've been craving. It almost feels like the reason it took me so long to recover from the shock was because he wasn't around but I was too wrapped up in myself to realize that. Now that we're together again I never want him to leave. I feel like if he does I'll relapse into depression. I don't know what it is I just know I need him
The bus screeches to a stop and not knowing where we are but deciding it must be better than here, we get off. This must be the more downtown area of what ever this town is called, again I haven't been out much.
"Well, you see any place we can get hammered?"
"I think there's a sports bar a block from here," he says assuredly walking in that direction.
Sure enough we come to a small building marked Daniels. The main income seems to be fishermen out for a good time so it isn't exactly the classiest place.
"Can I see your ID?"Asks the young bartender.
"Every fucking time," Gerard groans under his breath.
I don't blame her. Gerard looks a lot younger than he is and I'm fucking short.Thankfully we both have our wallets and show her some identification.
"Gerard Way....now where have I heard that before?" She chews her red fingernail
"Uhm I've been in here the past coup-"
"You're in that band!" she declares excitedly, "Oh, heh yeah,"
"Wait don't tell me..."she smiles and looks up still chewing her nail. It's a cute expression and that posses me off for some reason,"It's Medical Romance or something right?"
"Yeah close enough can we just get some drinks?" I snap.
"Oh, well what would you like? We have a great select-"
"Vodka," I answer immediately, "and cranberry juice." It's the first thing to come to mind and I just want her to shut up, something about her really annoys me.
"And you?" She grins at Gerard and twists her black pony tail.
"I dunno same thing."
"OK great," she writes it down in her little notebook.
I pull him by the arm to a table at the far back of the room. The lighting is darker than outside, then again it's only around 7 and a mellow Beatles song is playing out of the staticy speakers in the back. When I say arm I really mean wrist, which he nervously pulls away from. Of fucking course, he doesn't want to basically hold hands. We sit at a wooden table hugging the wall. Most eyes are fixed to the football match on the TV so we don't have to worry about being judged. Not that we care. t's just really a mood dampener- not that I'm trying to set a mood or anything! Damn it Frank what is with you today?!
I haven't really seen Gerard since the murder, we haven't even played any shows together. Now that he's here I suddenly feel self conscious. He looks so pretty sitting there in the half light, his black hair with a slight curl framing his pale face, expressive hazel eyes the closest shade to green locked on the flickering television. Damn it! It's like this short break between us has forced me to take a step back and look at our relationship and my feelings towards him and suddenly I'm confused.
"Uhm, good game?" I ask stupidly more to fill the growing silence than anything.
"I guess," he answers tearing his gaze from the screen.
"I don't even think I know the rules exactly," I admit.
"I had no choice, my dad was a huge sports fan. Tried to get me into it but uh as you can see that didn't work out."
"I dunno, I can totally see you as the jock type,"
"Oh yeah totally," he agrees sarcastically, "What else I dye my hair red?"
I smile at him with all my teeth. "You never know."
He scrunches up his nose and returns the grimace. I laugh. "Holy shit."
" What?" he asks so self conscious it's almost fearful.
"You have tiny teeth."
"I do not," he mutters from the side of his mouth careful to keep his teeth hidden.
"And you talk from the side of your mouth," I add amusedly.
At that moment our drinks arrive and I say thank you meekly feeling guilty for being so rude to her before. Gerard just nods so he doesn't have to show his indiscrepancies and she walks away a tad disappointedly. I stare at him amusedly waiting for him to take a sip
He sits there with lips pursed together in a thin line, his gaze flickers upwards. I keep staring with a growing smirk.
"Fuck you," he says quickly suppressing a smile and I laugh.
"I am totally right!"
"So what's that, reason 213-14?"
"Try 260-61."
"God damn and I thought I was doing so well to act like the rest of you."
"You," I lift my glass "Will never be like the rest of us and that is something to be thankful for."
He clinks his glass to mine,"Cheers."
We guzzle down the alcohol greedily "This is shit," I gasp.
"Yeah," he squeaks dryly.
I giggle and call for more.
"I'm telling you Gee I will find the guy who murdered Jay and Dahvie I'm like a fucking Sherlock with this stuff,"
"OK sure Frankie," he smirks at me and I give him my best intellectual expression. He just laughs at me with that sweet feminine laug.h
We slam down barely enough cash to buy our drinks onto the counter and stumble onto the now dark and fuzzy street.
"Wait, I gotta fix your hair," I say adamantly pulling strands of it into place.
"Oh thanks Frankie I probably look like shit now."
"Nah," I assure him, "You're like the prettiest guy I know and guys aren't even supposed to be pretty."
"That's not fair cuz so are you except-"
I trip over my feet and send the two of us crashing against a brick wall by the two of us crashing against a brick wall.
" Ow," he groans. "You are such a damn idiot, you know that," Our bodies are pressed together and our faces side by side. He runs his hands through my hair.
"Fuck you," I whisper leaning in and brushing my lips by his ear. A warmth I've been craving blossoms inside me. I feel his arm curve around my waist .Beneath my mouth I feel the pulse in his delicate veins quicken.
"Frankie?"
"Mmhmm," I murmur against the soft skin of his jaw. "D-don't do that," he says reluctantly. "I'm not doing anything," I murmur earnestly my faint kisses nearly reaching the corner of his mouth. "Please," he insists tilting his head a way from me, regret painted all over it.
"Why?" I whine .We were both having a good time for once. what could possibly be wrong with something that finally felt right?
"I'm the last person you should get close to," he murmurs with sad glassy eyes.
"No, you're the first, you make me laugh and your talented. You're the only one I feel completely comfortable around a when I'm low you make the bad things go away but not for good just as long as youre around.
" Y-you cant Frank,"He says his voice shaking, "You can't care about me,"
I press my head against his collar bone and feel hot tears slslde down his neck one by one.e, "I need to " I reply softly, " Because you dont,"
He gently pushes me away and looks into my eyes with heartbreaking desolation, "Come on Frank, it's a long walk back.
We board the bus and look for some vacant seats. We are met by hostile staring.I can almost here them wondering, who the fuck are these guys in suits and eye liner?
We hurry to a spot in the very back,hidden from judgeful eyes.
"Just like highschool," I mutter ironically
"You were the emo kid in the corner too eh?"
laugh and nod, "Still expecting someone to call me a Satanic faggot."
"Don't forget the occasional heartfelt go kill yourself," he adds I throw my hands up, "God I know! What is wrong with kids?"
"And they wonder why I had fucking revenge fantasies..."
I give him a disbelieving look then laugh, "Reason 259 why you are a strange person," He blushes adorably.
"You haven't actually been counting."
"Gerard Way you dare underestimate me?!" I gasp incredulously giving him a playful shove.
"Hey!" He exclaims almost falling off the stiff seat.
"Could you keep it down?" the woman in front of us says turning to give us a disapproving glare.
"Uhm, what the fuck lady? it's a bus not a mortuary," I retort sharply.
"Hush Frankie baby don't let her bother you,"Gerard coo's sweetly wrapping an arm around me.
She rolls her eyes but turns back around with out another word.
"Thanks,"I tell him earnestly. I have a tendency to overreact.
"Just for you Frank," he replies softy, beginning to retract his arm from around me. I quickly lay my head down on his shoulder forcing him to continue the embrace.It's the comfort I've been craving. It almost feels like the reason it took me so long to recover from the shock was because he wasn't around but I was too wrapped up in myself to realize that. Now that we're together again I never want him to leave. I feel like if he does I'll relapse into depression. I don't know what it is I just know I need him
The bus screeches to a stop and not knowing where we are but deciding it must be better than here, we get off. This must be the more downtown area of what ever this town is called, again I haven't been out much.
"Well, you see any place we can get hammered?"
"I think there's a sports bar a block from here," he says assuredly walking in that direction.
Sure enough we come to a small building marked Daniels. The main income seems to be fishermen out for a good time so it isn't exactly the classiest place.
"Can I see your ID?"Asks the young bartender.
"Every fucking time," Gerard groans under his breath.
I don't blame her. Gerard looks a lot younger than he is and I'm fucking short.Thankfully we both have our wallets and show her some identification.
"Gerard Way....now where have I heard that before?" She chews her red fingernail
"Uhm I've been in here the past coup-"
"You're in that band!" she declares excitedly, "Oh, heh yeah,"
"Wait don't tell me..."she smiles and looks up still chewing her nail. It's a cute expression and that posses me off for some reason,"It's Medical Romance or something right?"
"Yeah close enough can we just get some drinks?" I snap.
"Oh, well what would you like? We have a great select-"
"Vodka," I answer immediately, "and cranberry juice." It's the first thing to come to mind and I just want her to shut up, something about her really annoys me.
"And you?" She grins at Gerard and twists her black pony tail.
"I dunno same thing."
"OK great," she writes it down in her little notebook.
I pull him by the arm to a table at the far back of the room. The lighting is darker than outside, then again it's only around 7 and a mellow Beatles song is playing out of the staticy speakers in the back. When I say arm I really mean wrist, which he nervously pulls away from. Of fucking course, he doesn't want to basically hold hands. We sit at a wooden table hugging the wall. Most eyes are fixed to the football match on the TV so we don't have to worry about being judged. Not that we care. t's just really a mood dampener- not that I'm trying to set a mood or anything! Damn it Frank what is with you today?!
I haven't really seen Gerard since the murder, we haven't even played any shows together. Now that he's here I suddenly feel self conscious. He looks so pretty sitting there in the half light, his black hair with a slight curl framing his pale face, expressive hazel eyes the closest shade to green locked on the flickering television. Damn it! It's like this short break between us has forced me to take a step back and look at our relationship and my feelings towards him and suddenly I'm confused.
"Uhm, good game?" I ask stupidly more to fill the growing silence than anything.
"I guess," he answers tearing his gaze from the screen.
"I don't even think I know the rules exactly," I admit.
"I had no choice, my dad was a huge sports fan. Tried to get me into it but uh as you can see that didn't work out."
"I dunno, I can totally see you as the jock type,"
"Oh yeah totally," he agrees sarcastically, "What else I dye my hair red?"
I smile at him with all my teeth. "You never know."
He scrunches up his nose and returns the grimace. I laugh. "Holy shit."
" What?" he asks so self conscious it's almost fearful.
"You have tiny teeth."
"I do not," he mutters from the side of his mouth careful to keep his teeth hidden.
"And you talk from the side of your mouth," I add amusedly.
At that moment our drinks arrive and I say thank you meekly feeling guilty for being so rude to her before. Gerard just nods so he doesn't have to show his indiscrepancies and she walks away a tad disappointedly. I stare at him amusedly waiting for him to take a sip
He sits there with lips pursed together in a thin line, his gaze flickers upwards. I keep staring with a growing smirk.
"Fuck you," he says quickly suppressing a smile and I laugh.
"I am totally right!"
"So what's that, reason 213-14?"
"Try 260-61."
"God damn and I thought I was doing so well to act like the rest of you."
"You," I lift my glass "Will never be like the rest of us and that is something to be thankful for."
He clinks his glass to mine,"Cheers."
We guzzle down the alcohol greedily "This is shit," I gasp.
"Yeah," he squeaks dryly.
I giggle and call for more.
"I'm telling you Gee I will find the guy who murdered Jay and Dahvie I'm like a fucking Sherlock with this stuff,"
"OK sure Frankie," he smirks at me and I give him my best intellectual expression. He just laughs at me with that sweet feminine laug.h
We slam down barely enough cash to buy our drinks onto the counter and stumble onto the now dark and fuzzy street.
"Wait, I gotta fix your hair," I say adamantly pulling strands of it into place.
"Oh thanks Frankie I probably look like shit now."
"Nah," I assure him, "You're like the prettiest guy I know and guys aren't even supposed to be pretty."
"That's not fair cuz so are you except-"
I trip over my feet and send the two of us crashing against a brick wall by the two of us crashing against a brick wall.
" Ow," he groans. "You are such a damn idiot, you know that," Our bodies are pressed together and our faces side by side. He runs his hands through my hair.
"Fuck you," I whisper leaning in and brushing my lips by his ear. A warmth I've been craving blossoms inside me. I feel his arm curve around my waist .Beneath my mouth I feel the pulse in his delicate veins quicken.
"Frankie?"
"Mmhmm," I murmur against the soft skin of his jaw. "D-don't do that," he says reluctantly. "I'm not doing anything," I murmur earnestly my faint kisses nearly reaching the corner of his mouth. "Please," he insists tilting his head a way from me, regret painted all over it.
"Why?" I whine .We were both having a good time for once. what could possibly be wrong with something that finally felt right?
"I'm the last person you should get close to," he murmurs with sad glassy eyes.
"No, you're the first, you make me laugh and your talented. You're the only one I feel completely comfortable around a when I'm low you make the bad things go away but not for good just as long as youre around.
" Y-you cant Frank,"He says his voice shaking, "You can't care about me,"
I press my head against his collar bone and feel hot tears slslde down his neck one by one.e, "I need to " I reply softly, " Because you dont,"
He gently pushes me away and looks into my eyes with heartbreaking desolation, "Come on Frank, it's a long walk back.
Notes
Happy Thanksgiving to all you Canadians out there.
*Sigh* why do all the best stories have the most heartbreaking plots? Why do I always read the sad ones, knowing I'll cry every chapter? Why do I thrive off of these sad stories? Why are they my favorites?
7/1/15