Mixed drinks

I sat awake smoking a cigarette on my bed.
Looking to the side where Gerard rested.
Having his arms around me. Having his hands on Bert.. his ex.
I still can't get that thought across.
Maybe Bert hurt him? Thats why he was so violent..?

I have to call him .. no i need to.

--
No answer, Calling, waiting. Line goes dead.
Voice mail.
I freeze, i cant just say nothing like i called him at least 7 times. He's gonna want a reason.
But its too late. Line goes dead again and i hang up the phone in frustration.
God dammit. Im in love. This is killing me. He probably doesnt like me the way i like him.
I dont want to get rejected. Especially by him.
He's so smart and cute and nice and all i ever dreamed of. He's into guys but who would like a guy like me? So small i cant even reach the top shelf and awkward and just plain stupid.

Who would like a guy like me?

____________

Just realizing i have a day off tomorrow, This is gonna work out even better.
Im gonna go to Gerard's house, considering he doesnt like answering his phone.
Shit. What if he doesnt want to see me? What if hes mad at me for hanging around bert?
No. I cant let my what ifs stop me/

I begin to walk in the direction i think his house is. Its about 8pm, darkness is slowly falling, not to mention i should of brought a jacket because its fucking cold.

Passing stores i never really knew existed, 'why not one more glass?' that of course is a alcohol store. The temptation is real but so is .. I gasp when i realize i still have weed in my pocket. But Gerard. Stay on track Frank this is your chance to make your friendship stronger and i cant let my fix take over.

I look at my phone and it reads 10pm. Holy shit. Its late and also freezing. My cardigan isnt doing much to prevent my arms from falling off. Did i mention i have no idea where i am? I swear im gonna get stabbed any moment now.

Soon enough i come across a little store that i hope sells cigarettes.
Walking in and the heat from the store crashes into me giving me the feeling of warmth everywhere. I kinda just stand there enjoying the moment mean while everyone around me staring. I find some packs. Grabbing four and bringing them to the counter.
"20.12 please" The young girl says
I give her the little money i have saying thanks and walking back into the winter like wheather.

As i was walking i see a silhouette of Gerard. I stop, carefully maneuvering myself behind a car. I watch as he goes into the store, As expected. He buys cigarettes too.
When he walks out i feel butterflies erupt in my stomach. Should i confront him? Or wait until he goes back to his house?

I mentally scream at myself as he's walking away. I follow him like a ninja or a murderer. Which ever works. Hiding behind poles, mail boxes, fire hydrants.
Its not long until we reach his house. Before he walks the pathway to his door he turns around. Instinctively i put my head down pretending im just smoking -and totally not following him-

"Oh hey man! Do you think i can also light my cigarette?" Gerard asks cutely
Shit fucking. He doesnt know its me.
I pass him the lighter. His fingers graze mine and i hold my breath.
Exhaling as he gives it back.

"Thanks kid, Not very many people give up their identity when following others. Nice to know theres different kinds in this world" Gerard speaks blowing the smoke into the cold air.
Wait. Is what is trying to get at? Does he know its me? Maybe he knows ive been following him or else why would he bring that up?

"Have a good night, but id much rather prefer you dont try to kill me in my sleep" Gerard smiles before walking up to his door. Opening it. Walking inside. Closing it. Hearing the click. Locking it.

I sigh sliding down against a pole onto the cold cold ground.
What am i gonna do now? I dont know how to get back home and I found Gerard's house.
He knows that someone -i- was following him. Though im not gonna try killing him but i do indeed need to talk to him but how.
Im such a pussy oh my god. He's so good at talking to people.

Taking out the pot and cigarette, Unrolling and emptying out the tobacco and adding the grams inside the paper. Hey now i can feel like a failure in front of his house.
Smoking. Feeling the drug entering my lungs then to my brain. Vision gos blurry.
Man i havent done this in a while.

_______________

I wake up to the sound of people walking and cars speeding.
I can barely take out my phone to check the time. It feels like my whole body turned into an icecube. Clattering my teeth together as i manage to check the time 7am. I fell asleep in the cold. Im such an idiot im probably gonna get sick now and die of hypothermia or some shit.

Standing up in uncomfortable pain as my legs crack from being stuffed and exposed to the freezing air. Well i guess its time to talk to Gerard, im a;ready kinda dying so why not.
Walking. Clattering. Stopping at his door. Deep breath in. Deep breath out.

Knock Knock

I hear shuffling coming from inside then the door swings open.
"Surprised you didnt try coming through the window last night" Gerard laughed
I would smile but it would hurt to much
"g-g-gerard" I jitter
Gerard's laugh forms into a more nervous one as he looks me up and down
"Come in" He says letting me follow him into the heat generated house.

I sit on the couch waiting to be asked why im here. Wait for it.
"So tell me, why are you here?" Gerard asks sitting in front of me
"I-I-I wanted t-to talk to y-you" I trip on my words from stress and how cold my body still is
"Please tell me you didnt stay outside all night to just .. talk" He says in a worried hopeful tone
I smile from the thought of me falling asleep really high in the middle of the night, outside in the freezing cold.
"Jesus Frank," He whispers getting up and leaving me to shake on the couch.

Gerard comes back with three heavy blankets.
"Lay down bud,"
I do as told and he puts the warm blankets over me.
Kneeling down to talk to me face to face again.
"Youre such a fucking idiot" He sighs
"I-I k-k-know" I smile
"No but seriously, What the fuck? Its below 0 out there and you fucking-"
I put my head underneath the covers hinting for him to just shut up because talking is to hard.
"Okay fine, I gotta check your tempature though. To make sure your heart doesnt react to how stupid you are for staying outside for 12 hours." Gerard says leaving me to get warm

___________________

time lapse
___________________

I open my eyes to see Gerard staring at me intently drinking coffee.
"Uhh" I say quietly
"Oh good youre awake, How you feeling kid?"
"I'd be better if you'd stop calling me kid." I said sternly yet tired
"Okay okay jeez." He raised his hands in front of his face.
"So did you make me food yet?"
"God youre like a dog, always having someone to take care of you making sure you dont fuck shit up" He says
"No im not! Well i mean like-"
"Shh im just joking" He whispers petting my cheek
My face heats up and i take my chance, latching my arms around his neck, putting my face into his shoulder.
"Aww" Gerard sighs hugging back
"You would think its cute" I laugh
"Well duh, youre fucking adorable man" He coos
I hug him tightly humming.
"So what did you want to talk to me about?"
"Bert" I sigh
He flinches and i nudge the crease of his neck
He says a faint 'oh' and stays still. Frozen in place as i try to get him to move again.
"Yeah uhm, He was my drug dealer way back when i was a teenager" I reply
"Bert always brought me to parties and like got me into really bad things" Gerard adds
"He's a good person though" I whisper and Gerard parts from me looking into my eyes concerned.
"you think im joking dont you?" I respond a little quieter.
"No, it just worries me. Dont want you getting hurt i guess"
I trail my eyes down to his jacket.
Out of the blue, i start unbuttoning it.
Gerard looks down at my hands questioning what im doing
I take off his jacket, putting it on.

Gerard laughs all cute looking at me
"Dude youre like drowning in it"
"Thats okay" I smile swinging around the long sleeves
"You look good, despite the fact how tiny you are"
I frown looking down at my hidden hands.
"Dont give me that look, you know youre cute"

-------

I get dropped off at my apartment still wearing Gerard's jacket.

God i feel like a high school girl keeping a jacket from her boyfriend. Though i find it really cute to share clothing.

I sleep with it on taking in the wonderful scent of
gerard

Notes

This chapter is so bad, i apologize. I typed this when my parents were in the room and they wouldnt stop talking about shit i didnt even know.