Aim
Heaven Or Hell?
Death fucks me off. You're never going to know what its like until it happens, and when you do find out, you cant tell anybody what happens so everyone is left wondering and waiting. Do you just become a ghost? Left to live among the living, unseen and forgotten? Or do you go to a better place where everyone you love is. Or is there a heaven and a hell. A purgatory to be sorted into your afterlife destination. Heaven or Hell? Its a tough choice that you cant even make.
I like to think that there is an afterlife. That we forget all the hearbreak, torment, happiness, grief and laughter we've experienced and start a new life with all the knowledge of our mistakes. Not having the memories, but the common sense not to make the same mistakes. Frank thinks differently. He thinks there is a heaven and hell. There is some higher power that doesnt love us all like we've been told, but does decide if you get to go to heaven. He believes there is a devil downstairs to punish us for our "sins."
He also believes he is going to hell. For half an hour he sat with Linda and has been blaming himself for her death. He says he should have known we would be in Chloe's apartment. He should have been more aware. He says that if he hadnt been stupid enough to open the door calmly then he never would have been tied up which lead to Cole texting Linda from his phone. No matter what I say he wont stop muttering about it all being his fault.
Because of the grenade going off, people had obviously heard and had called the cops. Frank didnt say one word to the cops. He just reluctantly let go of her body then clung to me, burying himself in my jacket and sniffing. I had told the police that we had just gotten home when the explosion had gone off. We had gone up to find her lying on the ground with the bullet in her. They seemed to have bought it, what with Frank's insane sobbing. But I think it was more letting Frank get over it before they talked to us. They took down our numbers and said they'd call us if they find anything.
Right now I was driving Frank back to his house to clean himself up. I had text Mikey and told him what happened so Frank didnt have to. He was slumped against the car door, staring out at the dark stores as we drove. The last thing he said was about twenty minutes ago. That he wanted to go home and to bed. That was it. He wouldnt answer my questions about him eating something first or anything at all. He was just silent.
I pulled into the driveway and turned the car off. I looked over at Frank who didnt seem to have noticed that we were here.
"Frank?"I said softly. He didnt react. I undid my seatbelt and leaned over. He was asleep. I sighed and got out of the car as quietly as possible as Mikey walked out the front door.
"How is he?"He asked in a grave voice.
"Not good. He's asleep right now though so I'm not sure what to do with him,"I looked through the dark windows to my poor baby sleeping uncomfortably.
"Can you carry him upstairs?"
"Yeah... He's covered in blood though. He needs a shower. I dont want him waking up in that state."
Without waiting for an answer I walked over to the car and carefully opened the door, sticking my hand in to stop him from falling out.
"Frankie? Pumpkin?"I said as I somehow got between him and the door. He mumbled something incoherent so I carefully slid an arm under his legs and one around his shoulders.
Very gently I pulled him out of the car and up the path to the house. The guys were all in the lounge looking sombre as I silently managed to carry Frank upstairs to the bathroom.
"Frankie?"I looked down at his face, snuggled against my chest.
His eyes slowly fluttered open,"Gerard please just put me to bed,"He said in a dead tone.
"I want you to take a shower first okay?"I said as I slowly set him down.
"I just want to go to sleep for a couple of years okay?"He sighed and stood there.
"Alright,"I sighed. I put the plug in and started filling up the bath. I went back to Frank and pulled his jacket off. He didnt put up a fight so I continued stripping him down, throwing the bloody clothes into the corner.
"Frankie can you lift your leg up for a second for me?"I asked softly. His leg went up in answer and then the next one when I tapped it. I turned the water off and turned the shower on.
"I dont want to bathe in bloody water,"I muttered when Frank looked at me confusedly. I stripped off of my clothes and pulled Frank into the shower with me.
I wrapped my arms around him and held him close as the hot water cascaded over us. I made sure Frank didnt look at the bloody water circling the drain. I kept him looking up at me, neither of us saying a word. When the water ran clear, I turned it off and silently prodded at Frank to get in the bath.
Without a word, slipped into the hot water. Frank was at my side, both of us submerged to the neck, and his arms were around my waist. I managed to get one arm around his shoulder. Once we were both comfortable, I felt the tears start slipping down my cheeks. We were both crying over the loss of the greatest woman we knew. She had been like my second Mum and I was devastated. Now that we I wasnt focusing on telling the police something, or driving us both home, the grief was washing over me like the water in the shower and I had no idea how to deal with it again.
"I deserve to go to hell,"Frank sniffed suddenly.
"Frank. Listen to me. This is not your fault. If you wanna backtrack from the cause of her death, keep going. Cole is the one who set it all up. He is the one who started this stupid fucking war. If you want someone to blame, blame him. Its all on him, Frankie."
Frank took in a deep breath and I felt him nod against my chest.
"If its the last thing I do, I'm going to kill him. This is going to sound cliche but I'm going to avenge Mum. I'm going to avenge Kevin's Dad. I'm going to avenge Chris and Derek and John. They didnt deserve to die. They were good guys. The were kind and loving and did not need to die on a mission to find you. I'm going to avenge everyone that is dead because of Cole. No matter what, he is going to go to hell."
The End
I like to think that there is an afterlife. That we forget all the hearbreak, torment, happiness, grief and laughter we've experienced and start a new life with all the knowledge of our mistakes. Not having the memories, but the common sense not to make the same mistakes. Frank thinks differently. He thinks there is a heaven and hell. There is some higher power that doesnt love us all like we've been told, but does decide if you get to go to heaven. He believes there is a devil downstairs to punish us for our "sins."
He also believes he is going to hell. For half an hour he sat with Linda and has been blaming himself for her death. He says he should have known we would be in Chloe's apartment. He should have been more aware. He says that if he hadnt been stupid enough to open the door calmly then he never would have been tied up which lead to Cole texting Linda from his phone. No matter what I say he wont stop muttering about it all being his fault.
Because of the grenade going off, people had obviously heard and had called the cops. Frank didnt say one word to the cops. He just reluctantly let go of her body then clung to me, burying himself in my jacket and sniffing. I had told the police that we had just gotten home when the explosion had gone off. We had gone up to find her lying on the ground with the bullet in her. They seemed to have bought it, what with Frank's insane sobbing. But I think it was more letting Frank get over it before they talked to us. They took down our numbers and said they'd call us if they find anything.
Right now I was driving Frank back to his house to clean himself up. I had text Mikey and told him what happened so Frank didnt have to. He was slumped against the car door, staring out at the dark stores as we drove. The last thing he said was about twenty minutes ago. That he wanted to go home and to bed. That was it. He wouldnt answer my questions about him eating something first or anything at all. He was just silent.
I pulled into the driveway and turned the car off. I looked over at Frank who didnt seem to have noticed that we were here.
"Frank?"I said softly. He didnt react. I undid my seatbelt and leaned over. He was asleep. I sighed and got out of the car as quietly as possible as Mikey walked out the front door.
"How is he?"He asked in a grave voice.
"Not good. He's asleep right now though so I'm not sure what to do with him,"I looked through the dark windows to my poor baby sleeping uncomfortably.
"Can you carry him upstairs?"
"Yeah... He's covered in blood though. He needs a shower. I dont want him waking up in that state."
Without waiting for an answer I walked over to the car and carefully opened the door, sticking my hand in to stop him from falling out.
"Frankie? Pumpkin?"I said as I somehow got between him and the door. He mumbled something incoherent so I carefully slid an arm under his legs and one around his shoulders.
Very gently I pulled him out of the car and up the path to the house. The guys were all in the lounge looking sombre as I silently managed to carry Frank upstairs to the bathroom.
"Frankie?"I looked down at his face, snuggled against my chest.
His eyes slowly fluttered open,"Gerard please just put me to bed,"He said in a dead tone.
"I want you to take a shower first okay?"I said as I slowly set him down.
"I just want to go to sleep for a couple of years okay?"He sighed and stood there.
"Alright,"I sighed. I put the plug in and started filling up the bath. I went back to Frank and pulled his jacket off. He didnt put up a fight so I continued stripping him down, throwing the bloody clothes into the corner.
"Frankie can you lift your leg up for a second for me?"I asked softly. His leg went up in answer and then the next one when I tapped it. I turned the water off and turned the shower on.
"I dont want to bathe in bloody water,"I muttered when Frank looked at me confusedly. I stripped off of my clothes and pulled Frank into the shower with me.
I wrapped my arms around him and held him close as the hot water cascaded over us. I made sure Frank didnt look at the bloody water circling the drain. I kept him looking up at me, neither of us saying a word. When the water ran clear, I turned it off and silently prodded at Frank to get in the bath.
Without a word, slipped into the hot water. Frank was at my side, both of us submerged to the neck, and his arms were around my waist. I managed to get one arm around his shoulder. Once we were both comfortable, I felt the tears start slipping down my cheeks. We were both crying over the loss of the greatest woman we knew. She had been like my second Mum and I was devastated. Now that we I wasnt focusing on telling the police something, or driving us both home, the grief was washing over me like the water in the shower and I had no idea how to deal with it again.
"I deserve to go to hell,"Frank sniffed suddenly.
"Frank. Listen to me. This is not your fault. If you wanna backtrack from the cause of her death, keep going. Cole is the one who set it all up. He is the one who started this stupid fucking war. If you want someone to blame, blame him. Its all on him, Frankie."
Frank took in a deep breath and I felt him nod against my chest.
"If its the last thing I do, I'm going to kill him. This is going to sound cliche but I'm going to avenge Mum. I'm going to avenge Kevin's Dad. I'm going to avenge Chris and Derek and John. They didnt deserve to die. They were good guys. The were kind and loving and did not need to die on a mission to find you. I'm going to avenge everyone that is dead because of Cole. No matter what, he is going to go to hell."
The End
7/10/13