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From Russia With Love

Chapter Nine - Razmyshleniya

She was restless that night, plagued by nightmares of the day before that had turned her entire life on its head. She was woken by an owl calling out in the shadows of the trees edging the house. It was so dark in the house she could barely make out her own hand in front of her eyes, but the moon filtered through the canopy basking the scene outside in comforting silver light.

She was overwhelmed with sadness and fear. Images kept flashing to her mind, replaying scenes from her childhood over and over in her head. Running through the fields of the estate as a little girl, barefoot in a frilly dress as she chased her older siblings in the sunshine. White winters where everything was coated in powdery snow, dressed in so many layers she waddled instead of walked, hurling snow balls at her brothers and playing till her Mother sent the staff to go and fetch her. Fidgeting as she sat for hand-painted portraits with her parents and siblings in stiff, starched dresses, works that were to join those of their ancestors, marking their place in Russian history. Up until yesterday she’d had a family, somewhere she belonged, today she felt like the lone survivor of a shipwreck on a deserted island.

What would she do when she got to America? She really didn't know much about the place except for what she’d seen in movies and Gerard’s tales of living there as a little boy and attending elementary school. There was nothing she could do for Russia from the States, it had to be left to the military now, so what would she do then? Sit around looking pretty till Gerard returned? Definitely not. She was determined to learn to look after herself without needing his help, but how? She wanted nothing more than to honor her family and make them proud. So many questions unanswered that she was desperate to know the answer to. There was little she despised more than not knowing what lay ahead.

She turned onto her back and sat up on her elbows for a moment, trying to make out Gerard’s face in the darkness. His form was still and quiet, but it was so pitch black she couldn't see his face at all. Sighing, she lay back down and stared at the blackness of the ceiling, allowing herself to fully feel the darkness that seemed to swirl around inside her now. So much grief, so much loss, more than anyone should ever have to deal with. Everything she ever had, everything she ever was, lay in tatters. The only thing left was her country, and she’d have to say goodbye to that soon too. She squeezed her eyes shut and hot, salty tears flowed silently down her face.

Even with Gerard next to her, there in the dark, she had never felt more alone than in that moment.

Notes

Short chapter but another one will be put up today :)

Comments

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Jackie Jackie
12/15/17

Thank you for the update!! It was a surprise & wonderful!

I’m so sorry to read about your husband. What a difficult & heartbreaking thing to go through. Thinking of you.

Jackie

Jackie Jackie
12/14/17

I love this story!! It’s so good!

Has it Really been two years since an update?

Jackie Jackie
11/30/17

I literally screamed when I saw this update.

AccidentalMurder AccidentalMurder
11/25/15

You've got quite a few loyal readers that will stick w this story no matter how long the break is.