"Just fuck off okay?!"I shouted. Lily flinched but didnt back away. Instead she moved closer. Glaring down at me angrily.
"Frank. What happened? Did you call Gerard? Did you even bother to see him?"She growled. I looked away and tried to sidestep her. She had me almost backed into the corner and I did not want to be trapped there so she could yell at me for being moody. It was two days before the trial and I was fucking nervous and scared and I just had so much fucking guilt.

"No. I havent spoken to him since christmas day."I sighed as she followed me about the room, not lettng me get away from her.
"Well why the fuck not?"
"I-"Gave another guy a blowjob and had one from him. I suck. He wont want to see me. I'm too stupid. I cant face him without fainting from the fucking guilt. I had fainted again the other day when Brendon had been talking to me about how weird Ryan had been lately, telling me every detail of what Ryan had said. He hadnt said anything about me but Brendon knew he had feelings for someone. It was only a matter of time before Brendon figured it out.

"You what? Frank fucking talk to me! Please."Lily sat down on her bed and watched me pace about the room. I just had to tell her. She will know what to do. She always does. She'll help me. Just fucking tell her you stupid fucking coward. I grabbed my hair and tugged at it with a frustrated groan.
"I'm a coward okay! I- I ch-cheated."I broke down. I fell onto my bed and just stared at the ceiling as Lily was silent for all of about two seconds.

"You fucking what?!"She screeched and was suddenly looming over me. I couldnt even tell what she was thinking right now. I didnt need to because suddenly she was yelling at me about how bad it was and how stupid I was and who was it? and when and where and why.
"Lily please stop yelling. I know it was the stupidest thing I could ever do but I-"I started to cry. Fan-fucking-tastic.
"Dont you say you love the guy dont you dare!"
"No I dont love him I just- I dont know what it is about him I just cant help myself."I sobbed, my tears leaking down the sides of my face and soaking into my hair.

"Who was it?"Lily asked quietly. The bed sagged slightly to my left as she sat down next to me.
"R-Ryan."I whispered. Lily didnt say anything. Instead she got up and left. I groaned and rolled onto my stomach as the door slammed and I heard her stomp downstairs. I was such a fucking bastard. No matter how much of a bastard I was I still needed food. So I got up and followed Lily downstairs to the dining room for lunch.

-time lapse-

"I'm not hungry anymore."Lily shoved her plate back and stood up from the table. She hadnt said a word to me. Not one. Just staring angrily at me from across the table. And of course Ryan was fucking here. With Jon and Spencer. And they were all sitting down the end, talking about their new band and what they should be called and the song Ryan had wrote for Brendon. It was enough to make me go back upstairs but I hadnt been eating properly since Ryan and I... so I needed to eat.

Lily stalked off with her plate into the kitchen, dumping it loudly on the bench, and went upstairs.
"Geez. Somethings got her ticked off."Brendon laughed. He was two seats away from me. I looked at him and saw that he was smiling at me. I tried to smile back but it didnt turn out right.
"Yeah I better go talk to her."I sighed and put down my fork.
"Frank can I-"
"I'll see you guys later."I waved over my shoulder. I did not want to talk to Ryan. It was awkward enough without him trying to talk to me.

"Lily please tell me what you think I should do."I sighed once I was inside my room. She was sitting on her bed, book in her hands but it wasnt open. She was just staring at the cover.
"What happened? Tell me everything. And I mean, everything."Lily turned to face me and gave me the scariest look I had ever seen from her, proving just how angry and serious she was about this all. I slowly sat down on my bed and stared at my hands, picking my nails.

"I couldnt stop myself. When it seemed like Gerard was going to shut me down I freaked. I lost control of everything. No matter what I did I couldnt stop myself from telling him I was done with him. That I didnt want to wait. When I was saying goodbye on christmas day."I whispered quietly. Recalling that day made me feel sick. I could hear Gerard's voice now, breaking, hurt.
"And this thing with Ryan... Whats all that about?"

"That. Is nothing. Nothing is happening anymore. For some stupid reason we both felt... something. Not an actual attraction, we both still love Brendon and Gerard but... We just... I dont know why we did it. We both have been having a rough time with our boyfriends and just- went too far... We both said that it was stupid and that it shouldnt have happened but- fuck Lily I cant stop thinking about it. I dont want to keep this to myself I should have told you from the start I'm sorry."

Lily was silent. I looked over at her through my hair to see her deep in thought.
"You cant tell Gerard."She said finally.
What? "What?"
"As much as I hate this... If you tell him. It will kill him."
"No but Lily-"
"You didnt hear him on the phone Frank. You need to go see him. Now. Tell him you love him. You do love him dont you?"
"Of course I fucking do. I just have been going through a tough time. Needed a distraction."I mumbled.
"Come on. Are you ready to go?"Lily was getting up, sticking her jacket on and staring at me.
"I guess."I got up and put my jacket and shoes on. So we left. To go see Gerard for the first time in 11 days.