"Frank are you okay?"Lily peered at me over her book.
"Fine."I muttered and turned the page of mine. It was currently boxing day and I felt like shit. I was so embarrassed and ashamed by what I had done to Gerard I hadnt even told Lily. I had told no one. Barely spoken to anyone in fact.

"Frank its boxing day. Claire is gonna wake up soon and is probably gonna want to play in the last of the snow. You're gonna have to cheer up at some point."Lily sighed. I glanced at her before continuing reading. She sighed again heavily and went back to her book. I wanted to tell her, I really did, but it was like I wasn't in control of anything anymore.

Lily and I looked up at each other as two quiet knocks sounded on the door. I stared at her for a second before going back to my book.
"For fucks sake."Lily grumbled as she got up from her bed and went to answer the door. I kept staring at the centre of my book, knowing fully well it was for me when Lily cleared her throat.
"Frank? Can I talk to you?"

I looked at the door to see Ryan standing there awkwardly, his long brown hair covering most of his face. He looked so sad, like he had been crying. I nodded and stood up. Once I got closer I could see the telltale signs that he had in fact been crying.
"See you later Lily."I mumbled as I followed Ryan outside.

"Whats up?"I asked casually then winced at how stupid I sounded,"Sorry. You okay?"I opted for that one.
"Its okay."He snorted, smiling at me for a second, before his face fell again and he turned away from me.
"Ryan whats wrong?"I took a step closer to him. He turned and opened his mouth before Brendon called for him on the floor below. I went to yell that we were up here but Ryan slapped his hand across my mouth and dragged me into the bathroom.

Before I knew what was happening, he had locked the door and was listening intently.
"Ryan whats happened between you two?"I sighed and sat down on the toilet seat.
"Hold on. Wait til he's gone."Ryan whispered. I nodded and sat there in silence as Brendon padded about outside. He went into my room then came and knocked on the bathroom door.

"Frank are you in there?"
"Uh yeah I'm just about to um. Take a shower."I called as Ryan urged me to lie.
"Have you seen Ry?"
"Uh he came by like a minute ago but because I was about to have a shower he left."
"Oh. Okay. Thanks."Brendon sighed through the door. A few seconds later his footsteps disappeared and I rounded on Ryan for an explanation.

"Yesterday Brendon and I had a fight because I- but um yeah I went home and then he called me earlier to come over so I did and immediately he started bitching at me and I just- wanted to get away from him for a little bit so I thought I would come talk to you."Ryan wasnt looking at me. He was staring at his hands.
"What did you guys fight about?"I asked quietly.
"Just something I told him..."Ryan mumbled so quietly I barely heard him.

"Well what did you tell him?"I sighed. He wasnt telling me something.
"I- Just that I thought I had feelings for someone else and he went completely ballistic. I tried telling him it didnt mean anything and that I still loved him but he wouldnt listen. And now he is just really angry at me and I dont know what to do because I really hurt him and wish I had never told him in the first place."Ryan said it all in a rush.

I stared at him for a second. Oh god. He- I-
"Fuck."I breathed.
"Y-You feel it too?"Ryan whispered, looking at me through his hair. I slowly nodded, closing my eyes in anguish. I had tried so hard to ignore it. Done my very best to squash it down and out of my life but no matter I had done the attraction was still there and now that Ryan had spoken about it they were jumping out at me, yelling at me to do something about it.

"Well I dont know what to do about it."Ryan sighed,"I mean, I still love Brendon to death but... We havent been very good lately. And like... I think... Its not something I would act on but- I just dont know what I should fucking do..."
"I love Gerard. This... Whatever it is... Its nothing. We need to ignore it. I dont want to ruin what I have with Gerard."Even though I already had.
"I- I know. I completely understand. I want to try and explain to Brendon but I- he just wont listen you know? He wont even let me try and understand."Rya n groaned and rested his head in his hands.

"I know what you mean. Gerard is like that too."I sighed before I could stop myself.
"So you and Gerard aren't okay?"
"Well yeah but... No. I sort of... Broke... Up with him. Over a stupid stupid reason because I'm such a stupid fucking drama queen and all I want to do is go see him and tell him I'm sorry and that I still love him but I just cant bring myself to do it I dont know why its just fucking stupid just like me."I did my best to hold in the tears but of course they started trailing their way down my cheeks and then Ryan was in front of me, wiping them away with his soft thumb.

This was bad. This was very very bad. I wanted to push him away. To shove him out the door and to never see him again. To shower and wash his strong smell off. But instead I was watching him wipe the last tear off of my face, his palm was now stroking my face and I couldnt stop myself from leaning into him, closing my eyes as I slowly stood up to face him properly. Every ounce of my heart was screaming at me to walk away but right now the rest of me wasnt listening.

"Ryan I..."I had no idea what I even wanted to say. But it didnt matter because then he was kissing me. And I was kissing him back. And then I was gone in the kiss. His lips were different to Gerard's. Smoother. They had a different taste. He tasted like strawberries. As wrong as this was... It felt so right. Ryan's hands were gripping my face but now they were moving through my hair. Travelling down my back. I grabbed at his hips and on instinct pulled him closer to me. He moaned as our crotches grazed and immediately my mouth opened of its own accord. His tongue slowly crept into my mouth, exploring it tentatively.

Ryans hands started moving up underneath my t-shirt. His fingers were a little cold and made me shiver against him. I gasped into his mouth as he dragged his nail lightly down my back. Suddenly everything sped up. Ryan was tugging my t-shirt off, I was pushing off his jacket, and he was running his hands all over my chest. I felt my pants tighten as Ryan moved his mouth onto my collarbone.

I gripped helplessly at his back as he slid down onto his knees and started unbuckling my jeans. I tangled my fingers through his messy hair as my dick sprung into view, already fully hard and slick.
"Fuck."Ryan let out a breath as he grabbed my hips and moved me around to shove me against the wall. And then his mouth was around the head of my dick. I shouted out and bucked my hips forward as his hand gripped the base of my dick and he slowly started taking me in. Ryan makes a noise that travels down my dick and through the rest of my body.

I pulled one hand away from his hair and bit down on it, trying to hold in the bitch moans that Ryan was pulling out of me as he moved his head up and down up and down. The sounds Ryan was making from my dick sliding through his wet lips were obscene, ratcheting me up even higher. I groaned quietly around my hand as the pit of my stomach warmed up and then before I could even warn Ryan I was coming right in his mouth.

"Oh fuck oh shit."I gasped as Ryan pulled off. My fucking come was dripping down his mouth. Right before it dripped onto his thigh he swiped it away with his finger and licked it clean. Neither of us said anything as he slowly stood up and kissed me lightly on the lips. Before he pulled away I grabbed his shoulders and held him in place. He moaned into my mouth as I grabbed at his belt buckle and struggled to get it undone. Ryan broke away and looked down to help me. The second it was all undone we both yanked his jeans down, me following them down to the floor.
"Fuck Frank."Ryan whispered as I started jerking him off, pre come leaking out, making it easier for my hand to slide.

The first taste of his dick made me moan so loud. I started sucking, moving my head forwards and backwards. My shoulders started hurting and for a second I couldnt figure out why. Then I opened my eyes and realised that Ryan had me in a vice grip, like he cant even stand without help. I couldnt stop myself from moaning louder and squeezing Ryans hip hard, digging my nails in partly.

I hollowed out my cheeks and took in as much as I could, relishing the taste of him. Ryan groaned and his hips jutted forward. I pushed on hips and moaned from the pleasure of his taste. It was so fucking good. He squeezed my shoulders so I quickly moved away from him, opening my mouth to taste him even more
"Oh jesus god fuck Frankie."Ryan shouted out as he came over my face. I kept jerking him off, riding out his orgasm, not stopping until he giggled cutely and pulled me up.

"Shit."I sighed as he rested his forehead against mine.
"I know. This is bad."He breathed, tickling my face and almost making me kiss him again. We stared at each other as we buckled our pants up properly.
"This didnt happen okay?"I finally managed to push him away from me. He nodded and took a huge step away from me. I licked my lips before walking out of the bathroom.

I slowly walked back into my room to find it empty. I sighed and flopped down on my bed. What had I done?