"Finally."Gerard growled and wasted no time in grabbing me and pulling me on top of him. I started to giggle but it was muffled by Gerard's lips connecting with mine. I closed my eyes instantly and pushed against him, deepening the kiss by opening my mouth and inviting him in. He accepted the invitation and ran his tongue over the roof of my mouth, making me shiver slightly. I grabbed at his shirt and tried to pull him even closer but it didnt do much.

"I fucking love you Frank."Gerard whispered practically into my mouth. That in itself was the hottest thing ever to me. And then the fact that he was saying he loved me made the moment sweet.
"I love you too."I smiled back.
"This needs off."Gerard mumbled as he started kissing along my neck and tugged at the collar of his hoodie.

In answer I sat up on his lap and pulled it off. He sat up as well and pulled off his jacket. I kissed him again and started undoing his shirt while he ran his fingers under my t-shirt, goosebumps following where ever his fingers touched. He started kissing my neck again now that it was more exposed. I clutched at his back helplessly. I couldnt help but grin at the fact that Gerard was my boyfriend.

"Oh fuck Gerard."I gasped as he started teasing my nipples while sucking on my collarbone. I pushed him back onto the bed and took my t-shirt off completely, throwing it away to the ground to be forgotten. I turned back to find him staring at me with such an intensity that I found it hard to stare back. I felt myself blush all over as his eyes raked over my tattoos and skin.

"Gerard I dont want to."I found myself saying before I had even registered the thought properly.
"What?"Gerard's eyes suddenly flicked to mine, hurt shining in them.
"I know. I- I do want to but... I just... Dont."I mumbled.

Gerard sat up properly, hinting at me to get off of him by twitching his legs but I didnt, I stayed firmly where I was and looked him straight in the eye to explain.
"Why?"Gerard sighed and ran a hand through his hair. I blinked and bit my lip as the sight of him with his shirt open and his hair ruffled main my dick that little bit painfully harder.
"Because. As much as I want to. I just- this is really hard to explain."I sighed and looked down at my hands.
"Well I'll do my best to understand. Just please tell me."Gerard tilted my face to look at him, worry etched at the corners of his eyes making him look older. Way too old for me.

"There is something wrong."I splurted out,"With me with me."I pushed on as I saw the mini freakout bloom over his face.
"What do you mean?"
"Like... something keeps nagging at me. I feel like there is something wrong. Like I've forgotten something. It's been bothering me from the back of my mind since yesterday. I just feel like... If I did go ahead I- I wouldnt enjoy it? No. Like I wouldnt be focused on it properly. And that wouldnt really be fair to you."I sighed feeling completely stupid.

"Frank... What happened?"Gerard asked quietly. I watched his face as a range of emotions raced around. The most recognisable one I saw was jealousy. Fucking jealousy. He thought I had fucking cheated or something.
"I- nothing. I just- I dont know."I thought back to christmas eve. The day after my weird dream. I stared into space, not taking in whatever Gerard was saying as I recalled the dream. Then it dawned on me.

"Fuck. Holy fucking shit. Fu- oh my fucking god!"I screamed and jumped up.
"What? Frank are you fucking listening to me?"Gerard grumbled.
"There- what happened to Deans place? All his stuff?"I rounded on Gerard and ignored his confusion.
"What? I dont fucking know I think some of it was taken in as evidence but most of was set to be auctioned off."Gerard sat up and started doing his shirt up,"Frank whats gotten into you?"
"Fuck- my dream. I- there was a camera."I started pacing.

"What?"Gerard stood up and grabbed me by the shoulders, making me look at him.
"There was a fucking camera. And it was on. Jesus. You guys were probably filmed fighting and- shit!"I smacked my hand against my head and grabbed my t-shirt from the floor. I shoved it on and pulled Gerard's hoodie over top as well.
"Frank you said this was a dream right? What happened in the dream?"Gerard pulled me back from the door.

"Uh yeah I um. It was right after you had shot him and then I turned the light on and saw a- um a toolbox. The camera next to it with a flashing red light and a broom then I saw you guys with Dean dead and Lily- Claire came down and Lily was already untied."I clenched my eyes shut as the confusing dream swamped my mind,"And then Dean was alive and- he grabbed Claire and then you all started laughing at me then I woke up."I muttered as I realised he thought I was insane.

"Frank thats-"
"I know its stupid, I'm stupid. I'm sorry I'll just- lets just go downstairs."I turned away from him and went outside. He was hot on my heels, tring to grab me but I managed to dodge him as I rushed downstairs.
"No Frankie please wait!"Gerard shouted after me. I ignored him and locked myself in the bathroom on the next floor. I sat down on the edge of the bath and started to take some deep breaths.

"Frank come on please! Let me talk to you!"Gerard called through the door. I shook my head even though he couldnt see me. He didnt believe me. He thought I was stupid. He didnt understand. I sighed and stared at my hands. My nails were ragged from biting and picking at them. I knew I was being stupid and immature by hiding from him in here but I just didnt want to face him.
"Gerard please just leave me alone."I sighed and stood up. I opened the door to his startled face and raised hand.

"Frankie please. I dont think you're stupid. Or that its stupid. I just think that you shouldnt put so much faith in something you saw in a dream. Even if that camera did record everything, it will have filmed me shooting him. Thats not gonna change. I stil shot him. I still have 5 months left. It's gonna be fine."Gerard pulled me into a hug. I just stood there. Stiff as a brick. I took a deep breath of Gerard in and pushed him away.

"The fact is, you dont believe me. You were too busy freaking out to see anything. Lily was tied on the floor. I was the one who turned on the light. I was the one who had the dream about it. If it was just a dream then why cant I leave it alone?"I glared at him. He just stared at me the same way he had earlier. I pushed that thought away and pushed past him.

"Frank come on. This is probably the one chance I'll get to actually leave that place and you wanna leave it like this?"Gerard followed me down the stairs. Thankfully everyone was downstairs. I think a few people were in their rooms but everyone we knew was downstairs.
"Yes Gerard. I'm gonna leave it like this."I stopped on the step below him and looked up at him, exaggerating just how much shorter I was compared to him,"Because you said you would try to understand but you didnt. You barely gave it a second thought."I turned around and continued downstairs.

"Hey guys. You look... flushed."Mikey giggled as we marched into the lounge where they all were.
"Yeah well."I grinned and went to sit down next to Lily, not giving Gerard another glance. Claire climbed onto the empty seat next to me, forcing Gerard to sit a few seats away from me.
"Gerard are you okay?"Bob asked as Gerard sighed quietly.
"Yeah I'm just a little sad to have to go back."He lied. I could feel his stare on me but I refused to look away from Claires face. She was silently playing with my lip ring.

"Well we better get you back. Sorry. Its close to 6."Bob sighed and got up.
"Okay then."Gerard sighed again and got up. I picked Claire up, kissed her on the cheek, and placed her on Lily's lap.
"Be back soon okay kiddo?"I smiled as she waved at everyone.

"Gerard when will you come back?"Claire asked as she watched us all start walking out.
"Not for a long time sorry."Gerard coughed out.
"Where are you going?"
"Um. England. To meet the queen."Gerard smiled and came over to hug her. I couldnt move away without showing how mad I was at Gerard to everyone.
"Wow! Tell her I wanna be a princess of rock!"Claire giggled as Gerard put her back down.

Gerard hugged Lily as well then before I could stop him he grabbed my hand and tugged me out after the guys. I couldnt help but feel that little bit safer that I usually do with Gerard's hand in mine.
"Ready to go?"Bob asked as we all got in the car. Gerard took one look up at the house before nodding and getting in the front seat. I followed in and sat down on his lap. He did the seatbelt up over us and wrapped his arms around me. I closed my eyes as Bob pulled away from the house.

-time lapse-

"I'm not finished with you."Gerard whispered so quietly in my ear as we hugged, his breath tickling the side of my neck.
"Well I'm finished with you."I whispered back. I could feel the tinge of guilt and the wave of regret hit me the moment Gerard pulled away and looked me in the eyes.
"You dont mean that."He whispered, louder than before.
I nodded and turned away from him,"I do. I dont wanna wait. I'm sorry."It was like everything was doing whatever the fuck it wanted without my permission.
"Frankie please! Come back!"Gerard called as I left him inside the visiting room to join the guys who had just left the room.

The pain in Gerard's voice made the tears spill out and cascade down my cheeks.
"Hey Frank. It'll be okay. You know that."Mikey put his arm around me, taking my tears as sadness for saying goodbye to Gerard. I had no fucking idea why I had just done that to Gerard. I knew I was over reacting, majorly, but I just couldnt stop myself. And I couldnt make myself turn around and go back to him. No matter how much I wanted to go back and tell him I didnt mean it and that I still loved him but my feet wouldnt work like that. Next thing I knew we were in the car and driving off. It was too late.