"Hi Frank. Pete and Mikey arent here right now. I think they went to that coffee place."Pete's mum smiled.
"Oh okay. Thanks."I said, trying to catch my breath. I had ran the whole way so now I was exhausted and I knew I didnt have the energy to even walk there.
"Did you want a ride?"She asked me, smiling as I stood up straight, fiddling with Gerard's sketchbook.
"Yes please."I gasped. Why had I run? It wasn't christmas day yet. That was tomorrow.

-time lapse-

"Thanks!"I called and waved to Pete's mum. Gerard's car was parked outside which meant I could score a ride from Bob afterwards. I walked inside and was shocked to find only three people sitting down at a table. Otherwise the place was empty. One of the people turned around and waved at me.
"Hey Frank. What are you doing here?"Di asked as I walked over to her.
"I uh... Pete and Mikey arent here are they?"I sighed as I noticed Ray's hair and Bobs large shoulders. I glanced up at the stage where they had all been looking and saw Pete standing up there.

"Yeah they are. Mikey's in the loo."Di grabbed a chair from a near table and motioned for me to sit down.
"I need to talk to Mikey. Urgently."I said, ignoring the seat and instead marching towards the bathroom.
"Frank hey. What are-"
"Mikey he's gonna do it again."I said, my voice suddenly trembling again.
"What? Who? Cole? Do what? Whats going on?"Mikey was scared.

"I- I left Gerard's sketchbook in my room and Lily looked through it and, I know dont worry I yelled at her, but then she showed me a drawing. A comic Gerard had done. And- I- he- fuck!"I screeched as the feelings racing around my body took over. I couldnt lose Gerard completely.
"Fucking hell Frank."Mikey grabbed me as I stumbled backward, unable to hold up my own weight.

"Mikey whats wrong with him?"Bob came over and helped Mikey lower me down onto the floor.
"I- dont know. Frank! Show me the comic!"Mikey yelled in my face, trying to get me to focus. But I couldnt. All I could picture was Gerard hanging from a rope in a prison cell, cold and alone. My breath hitched in my throat and made me cough.

"Someone get him some water."Bob called over his shoulder. I shook my head and fumbled for the dropped sketchbook. I flicked through the pages, doing my best to ignore the pictures passing before my eyes but I managed to spy something that looked a lot like Gerard and I together on his bed, until I found the comic, renewing all the fear and dread inside of me. I shoved it at Mikey and mumbled a thanks to whoever had passed me the water. I gulped it down like it was the only thing to stop me from dying. It sure as hell felt like it.

"Oh Frank... You are such a worry wart."Mikey laughed slightly.
"I'm sorry but what?"I choked.
"Gerard isnt going to kill himself tomorrow. It might have been what he was feeling like the day before his trial. But he isnt actually going to do anything."Mikey held my hand and squeezed.

"No Mikey I know him he is-"
"Frank you've barely known him two months."Ouch. That hurt. I looked away from Mikey's angry and a little scared face."Frank look at me. I've known him my whole life. I knew him when he went through depression the first time. He isn't going to do anything stupid. He wouldnt want to leave you."Mikey squeezed my hand again and helped me up.

"Mikey no matter what you say I wont change my mind. I may not have known him long but I'm closer to him than almost anyone else. He is going to do it tomorrow, I can feel it."I glared at Mikey's face. Staring into his eyes. He was scared. He didnt want to believe it. He didnt want to have that horrible feeling of 'I'm going to lose my brother' again.
"Frank I-"
"Mikey I know you're scared. You dont want it to happen again. But not believing it wont change that fact. We need to stop him."I tried to make Mikey see. For a second it almost looked like he did but then he shook his head and moved away from me.

"Frank you're just gonna waste your time."
"Well whatever then! So what?! I'll go see him and if he isn't going to kill him self then thats good! I'll still get to see him so thats fucking fine! But if he is going to kill himself then I will fucking be there to fucking stop him you stupid fuck!"I screamed. I took in a deep breath and realised that everyone was looking over at us. After I had stood up Bob had gone back to the others and now they were all staring at me.

"Bob can you give me a ride?"I sighed as I left Mikey standing alone, looking like he was going to stab someone and burst into tears at the same time.
"Uh yeah sure. Where to?"
"The house. Steven will give me a lift tomorrow."I mumbled, more to myself than anyone else. Bob nodded and followed me outside. We got into the car in silence, not one word being said at all.

We drove in silence as well and I knew that Bob was thinking of the last time he saw me. I had been such a bastard to him. I felt the air in the car clog up as those thoughts surrounded me.
"Bob I'm sorry... About the last time I saw you..."I mumbled suddenly. I had to clear the air between us. That saying made so much sense right now I had to fight not to laugh at myself.

"I-Its okay I guess... Mikey told me about your visit today..."Bob sighed as he turned onto my road.
"No It's not okay. I treated you like shit all because I'm a fucking wuss. You didn't deserve it at all. I'm sorry I just- I'm going through a lot of shit right now. Fucking Cole kidnapped Lily last night and fucking everything is getting to me."I sighed.

"Yeah Mikey told me about that as well. Is she okay? They didnt hurt her did they?"Bob asked, real worry sounding in his voice. I looked at him curiously... He didnt like Lily did he?
"Yeah she's fine."I sniggered as Bob's face broke out in relief.
"Although she uh... She um..."I couldnt think of anything to try and get him to freak out.
"She what?"Bob said as he pulled up to the curb and turned the car off. He turned to look at me seriously.

I burst out laughing. He fucking liked her!
"Dude you like her dont you."I grinned. And he blushed. Fucking hilarious.
"No I dont. Thats just stupid."Bob stuttered.
"What, liking her is stupid? You dont think she is 'like-worthy'?"I stared at him accusingly but couldnt keep a straight face when a shit load of feelings rolled across his face.

"Okay fine I fucking like her but I- Frank stop fucking laughing!"Bob smiled.
"How the fuck can I not?!"I choked out as my sides started hurting. I was hardly laughing at Bob now. I just couldnt stop laughing.
"Dont you fucking tell her dude. If you tel her I will rip out your intestines and make you fuck them and eat them."Bob said half seriously.
"Oh dont worry I wont. I have too many things on my plate right now to do that to you."I wiped the tears away from my eyes as Bob relaxed slightly.

"Okay well I better go. Lily will be wondering where I am."I smiled as I undid my seatbelt.
"Kay well... Take care. Are you sure you dont want me to give you a ride to see Gerard tomorrow? I thought we were all gonna go see him in the afternoon."
"Yeah but Mikey-"
"Mikey is scared he is gonna lose his brother again. He will end up coming with us just to be safe. So dont worry. I'll pick you up at 1 okay?"

"What if thats too late though."I whispered.
"Dude you know it wont be. You know it wont. Its gonna be okay."Bob leaned over and hugged me. I closed my eyes and hugged him back, trying to hold in the fresh tears. I nodded and let go of him. I really needed to talk to Lily.
"Right. I'll see you tomorrow."Bob smiled. I nodded again and waved as I got out of the car.

I walked carefully up the steps and up to the front door. Most of the snow had melted now so it was just icy wetness. I walked in the front door and scuffed my shoes on the mat.
"Frankie!"Claire screamed from the top of the stairs. I smiled as I heard her stomping down the stairs to the floor above.
"Hey kiddo!"I smiled as she appeared at the top of the stairs in front of me.
"Frankie!"Claire shouted again and started racing down the stairs.
"Be careful Claire."I warned her. I could just see her flying down these steps.

"Hey."I groaned as she slammed into me. She smiled up at me with a look in her eyes. I knew what she wanted to do.
"Frankie can we go-"
"Of course we can!"I grabbed her under arms and lifted her up onto my shoulders as she giggled.

We started racing upstairs. Which was a mistake. As light as Claire was, it was difficult to round a corner at the same speed without losing my balance. Which is exactly what happened halfway up the next set of stairs.
"Fuck!"I screamed as Claire started falling backwards. I grabbed at her feet and stopped her falling just in time. She swung down at hit my back. At that point I had lost whatever balance I had left and started to fall backward.

"Ahh Frankie!"Claire screamed as I stumbled backwards down one step but couldnt stop myself from falling.
"Jesus!"I yelled as someone's hands were on my back and stopping me from falling. I grabbed the banister, wondering why I hadnt done that earlier, and regained control of myself. I turned around after the person who had saved us had taken Claire and put her the right way up. She was currently gripping my leg like fucking... Just really fucking hard, it was starting to hurt.

I ignored the pain and let the shock sink in. Jack was standing there looking confused, scared and fucking awkward.
"What uhm... What?"I stuttered. I couldnt believe that fucking Jack had stopped me from falling.
"I know. I dont know either."Jack confessed, scratching the back of his head as he looked around.
"No but seriously... What?"I said again. Unsure if this was real or if I had actually fallen and was unconscious. Jack was just a part of my imagination.

"Look, Lewis told me about last night and that... Lily didnt deserve that. She had nothing to do with it at all. If Cole wants revenge he needs to do something to Gerard. Not other people to try and get to him. I'll talk to Cole for you and get him to back off. He cant do much til after boxing day though so you can relax for the holidays."Jack wasnt looking at me. He refused to look at my stunned face. He just kept looking down at his hands or past me up the stairs or over the banister to down the stairs. He didnt want anyone to know he was actually being nice.

"What are you doing this for?"I asked blatantly.
"She didnt deserve to be crushed by you..."He motioned to Claire,"She doesnt deserve anything thats happened to her. I saw you guys on the news... And I'm sorry for calling you a murderer. Anybody who does that to a little girl deserves to be dead. I dont think Gerard should be in there either."Jack finally looked at me, full on sincerity shining in his eyes.
"I uh... I dont even know what to fucking say... Thanks?"I laughed slightly. Jack smiled and nodded.

"So uh... No more shoulder rides up the stairs?"He said, backing down a step.
"Definitely."I picked Claire up and put her on my hip.
"I'll uh... See you later Jack... Thanks. For saving us and um... Everything else."I muttered and quickly turned away. I rushed upstairs, not as fast as last time, and burst in to find Lily reading her book.

As soon as I saw her I couldnt help but snigger as Bob entered my mind.
"What are you laughing at?"Lily put her book down.
"Nothing. Dont worry about it."I said as I put Claire down,"Claire go put the whichever cd that you want on. I just need to talk to Lily."I motioned for her to come outside with me.

"What is it? You're scaring me Frank."Lily said as I closed the door. For a split second I almost told her about Bob but managed to hold it in.
"Dude you wont believe what just happened with Jack."I gasped and proceeded to tell her what had just occurred on the stairs.
"Thats just fucking weird... If he hadnt stopped you guys from falling I would have thought he was up to something."Lily said and pulled me back inside as music started playing extremely loud.

It took me a second to realise what Claire was doing but when I did I almost shit myself.
"Claire get off!"I screamed and rushed in. I yanked her off of Gerard's bed and moved her onto mine. I hadnt touched Gerard's bed since the night before the trial when he and I cuddled all night.
"I'm sorry Frankie."Claire said. She looked scared. Lily was looking at me like I was insane. I spose I was. I just didnt want to lose the smell of Gerard.

"Its okay Claire... I'm sorry for yelling at you but just- stay off Gerard's bed from now on kay?"I said as I started the music again.
"Are we still gonna play?"Claire's eyes lit up as I pretended to put a guitar around me.
"Yeah!"I grinned down at her. She grinned back and stood up properly on my bed.
"I'm going downstairs."Lily sighed as the music kicked in and I turned it up.

"Dont wanna be an american idiot!"Claire screeched over the top of the music somehow as we thrashed about the room while Lily left us.
"One nation controlled by the media!"I yelled into Claires smiling face. She kept shooting me glances, waiting for the moment I would pick her up and swing her about. I continued 'playing' til the end of the song. And through the next one. She looked slightly sad once Holiday started. Halfway through I grabbed her and grinned as she started squealing in delight.

We fell back onto my bed laughing and gasping for air.
"That was fun Frankie."Claire gasped. I nodded as we slowly caught our breath. I got up and turned the music down as someone thumped into the room angrily.
"Dinner is ready!"Some kid I had seen a few times shouted at us.
"Aye?"
"Dinner is ready. I have been yelling for five fucking minutes. Excuse my language."He got a hold of himself and blushed slightly when he glanced at Claire.

"Oh sorry. And dont worry about swearing in front of her. She knows not to swear til shes in high school."I said as I turned the music off completely and picked Claire up.
"I'm hungry Frankie."
"Well thats good because dinner is ready."I said as I tickled her under the chin. She giggled as we followed the kid down the stairs and into the dining room.

"Hey Frank sit next to me!"Sarah patted a seat next to her. I glanced at Lily who was sitting across from her and she nodded. I put Claire down and she went running to sit next to Lily. I sat down in the seat and smiled at Brendon and Ryan who were next to me. They both looked very satisfied with themselves. I smiled and shook my head as Taylor and Steven started bringing out the dishes. Immediately I smelt roast pumpkins, potatoes, parsnip, everything you could think of.

Then Steven went back into the kitchen and brought out a massive plate with a giant fucking roast turkey on it.
"Uh shouldnt we be having this sort of lunch tomorrow?"Someone asked rudely.
"Well not everyone is going to be here tomorrow. It's the way its always been here. Christmas eve, everyone's friends come over for dinner. Christmas day you go where ever the fuck you want."Steven said. not even taking his eyes off the steaming bird.

I looked away and started dishing some veges for myself.
"Tuck in everyone!"Taylor called to the people still sitting there, wondering if they should start eating. Everyone was silent as we started eating. I looked around at everyone. It was fucking christmas and no one was talking. I sighed and set my knife and fork down.

"Merry christmas everyone!"I stood up and smiled at everyone at the table. A few kids I had seen at school but some kids I had never seen before.
"Yeah merry christmas!"Lily grinned at me.
"A toast!"Steven stood up and held up his glass of wine. I grabbed the glass full of water next to my plate and held it up.

"Merry christmas!"Steven yelled. Everyone yelled it back and then everyone were clinking their glasses together. And then there was talking. And laughing. And just general happiness floating about the table. It was nice.
"So Frank. You going to see Gerard tomorrow?"Sarah asked through a mouthful of mashed potato.
"Yeah."I mumbled around my broccolli. I did not need thoughts of Gerard right now. I was doing my best to stay cheerful.

"You got a present for him?"Sarah questioned me. She didnt seem to be getting my vibe of not wanting to talk about him.
"Yeah. His sketchbook. Remember?"I smiled.
"Oh yeah. Haha woops."Sarah laughed at herself and continued eating. I turned away and stabbed a piece of potato. I wish Gerard was here. It would have been a lot more cheerier. Instead of me sitting her all depressed.

"Hey Frank."Lily called me as she helped feed Claire. I looked up at her and she mouthed the words,'You okay?' at me. I nodded and smiled quickly. She gave me a look then went back to Claire to stop her from playing with her turkey.
"Hey Frank. When is that bean place open again?"Brendon asked next to me.
"Uhm. Day after boxing day."I said around my mouthful.
"Cool thanks. Will Spencer and his friend be there that day?"He asked casually.
"I dunno. Probably. Every time I've been there they have been."I said, thinking back to all the times I had ever set foot in The Magic Bean.
"Sweet. So Ry, I think we should chanfe the chord to..."Brendon turned to Ryan and left me to eat again. I looked at Sarah and saw her talking to the girl next to her.

I sighed quietly and started sawing the the skin of my pumpkin. I kept going until I had diced it up into tiny little squares. I shoved my knife and fork down as once again I was reminded of Gerard. I was sitting at his carving in the table again. I stared at my plate as I traced it with my finger lightly.

"Is everyone finished?"Taylor boomed me out of my thoughts. I looked around to see that everyone had in fact finished,"Because desert is coming."Taylor grinned as Steven got up and left. Taylor winked at me then followed Steven out. Weird. I sighed as I realised whatever it was they were bring out there was no way there was going to be any room for it on the table. I got up and started walking around the table, collecting plates. I circled round to the hatch through to the kitchen and shoved all the plates through. Then I started grabbing the dishes of food. Most of them still heavy with food.

No one was helping. Some people were watching me as I cleared the table. Some were still talking to their friends. Lily was sending me an apologetic look as she cleaned Claire's face. I stared at the dish with the turkey. I couldnt stand the smell of it. It was gross. I tried to ignore it as I started to pick it up but before I had even gotten a good hold of it I was turning away and gagging.

"I'll take it dont worry mate."Taylor was suddenly there, patting me on the back. I nodded and went back to my seat as Taylor took away the meat and Steven finished bringing out the dessert.
"What the fuck is that?"I pointed to a weird crunchy cream cake type thing with weird green fruit sitting on top. There were three of them.

"That,"Taylor said as he came back in and sat down,"Is fucking pavlova."
"What's that?"Sarah asked next to me, staring at it curiously.
"Merangue. Its a traditional dessert from New Zealand. Its got a good taste and its pretty damn hard to get right."Taylor informed us all.
"Sounds pretty good."I smiled and started cutting it up into slices. Lily passed me a bowl that Steven was setting down in front of everyone so I put a slice in.

Sarah passed me her bowl and winked at me, making me giggle as I gave her a slice. Suddenly Brendon was there with his and Ryan's bowls.
"Come on man."I sighed as I put a slice in each of their bowls."
"Thank you Fraaank."Ryan flicked his hair and smiled at me. And I almost melted. I had never noticed how cute he was. Okay stop those thoughts.
"Its okay."I sighed and smiled at them.

"Hey Frank you wanna get us a slice?"Someone asked from the end of the table. I looked down and spotted Lewis and Michael. I just wanted to get some for myself first but they were right down end of the table and had nothing in front of them. I nodded at them and waited as Lewis slid two bowls down towards me. I dished them up a slice and slid it back.
"Right."I mumbled under my breath. I grabbed my slice and sat back down. I took a bite and actually did melt. It was fucking amazing,"Taylor you did a good job."
"Thanks."Taylor smiled at me from a few seats down.

I sat in silence as everyone around me talked about everything. Lily was looking after Claire. Brendon and Ryan were now feeding each other and Sarah was talking to her friend. I finished my pavlova and shoved my bowl forward. I felt sick. I slowly stood up and went into the kitchen to grab a glass of water. I leaned against the bench as I looked around at the millions of dishes. The sink was full of hot bubbly water and there was a drying rack half full of dishes next to it. I put my glass down and before long I had my sleeves rolled up and my hands in the sink.

The warm water was soothing on my hands as I slowly scrubbed plates.
"Frank you dont have to do that."Taylor said behind me. I shook my head at him as he started to help me.
"I'm fine I dont mind. I just want some alone time."I sighed as I continued washing.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah... Could you make sure no one comes in?"I asked hopefully.
"Yeah yeah no problem."Taylor said sadly and left me alone to my thoughts.