"Thank you! Merry christmas!"The girl smiled at me on the street. I gave her a weak smile back and continued walking. Then I realised that I needed that money for the bus to get back home. Looks like I was walking. Two weeks ago Gerard had gone into juvee. I had visited him twice but then he had told me to stop because it was just depressing him even more. Which of course depressed me.

"Hey uh... Are you okay?"It was the girl collecting charity. She had her arm on my hand and was looking at me like I was going to kill myself. Was I? I wasn't too sure if I had gotten to the stage of wanting to die. I knew I was depressed but I was pretty sure I didn't want to die. Because then Gerard would have no one there when he got out. I realised I had been thinking ten seconds too long.

"Uh yeah I'm fine."I smiled, a bigger smile than the first one I gave her. Her red santa hat was so bright it was starting to hurt my eyes a little.
"Oh okay... Well... If you want to talk I'll be here tomorrow and the day after. Same time."She smiled softly. I nodded and mumbled a thanks before turning away.

Christmas was in 2 days and Lily wanted me to be there for it but I promised Gerard two days ago that I would be there on christmas. The times I had visited him he hadnt said much. Just that everyone gave him shit in there. One thing he said that astounded me though was that the youngest boy there was 13. He had made friends with Gerard on the first day. Gerard has said that he was in there because he was trying to fit in at school and they dared him to break into a house and steal a piece of cutlery or something stupid but it was a prank and that the person who lived there was the mum of the guy that dared him. Stupid fuckers.

I stopped walking as I spotted something up ahead.
"For fucks sake."I mumbled and started to turn around but stopped. Going back the way I came meant having to go past that girl. Going forward meant going past The Magic Bean. I looked back to where the girl was ringing her bell as people walked past her, ignoring her. I took one look at Gerards car parked outside and started walking again.

"What time do you finish- this?"I asked her and gestured to her half empty bucket filled with loose change and a couple of notes.
"Uh I get off in-"She checked her watch,"10 minutes. I'll meet you in that diner across the road kay?"She smiled and pointed behind me.
"Um okay."I stuttered and started for the diner.

When I walked in a little bell rang above the door and the smell of fries and milkshakes hit me. Fuck I was hungry. I sat down in a little black booth in the corner and enjoyed the feeling of sitting.
"What can I get ya?"A woman that looked familiar was suddenly standing over me. She was smiling brightly and had a notepad ready.

"Uh I'm really sorry but I havent got any money. I'm just meeting someone. She might buy something though."I said awkwardly.
"It wouldnt happen to be the pretty lady across the road now would it?"The woman asked me and sat down.
"Uh... Yes?"I wasnt too sure how she knew. Maybe she had been watching for some reason and had seen me talking to her.
"Thats my daughter. This is my diner."The woman smiled and relaxed into her seat.

"Oh its um... Very nice."I smiled weakly.
"Boy, you dont look so good. And-"She grabbed at my wrist and felt how bony I was,"Boy you are skinnier than a noodle. Lemme get you something. Chocolate shake?"She said and stood up. Fuck. I hated it when people did this. But I could tell she wasnt going to take no for an answer so I just nodded meekly and let her do her thing.

She was back within two minutes, putting a plate of steaming fries in front of me and the most delicious chocolate shake I had ever seen in front of me.
"Now tell me. Why did my daughter pick you?"She asked me, resting her chin in her hands as I slowly started eating.
"I uh I dont know... I gave her my change and she just asked me if I was okay and said that if I ever needed someone to talk to that she would be there tomorrow and the day after at the same time."I mumbled as I took a sip of the drink. It tasted better than it looked.

"Let me tell you somethin' about her. She dont just talk to anybody that comes and gives her change you know. She dont like people. She almost got killed by one. After that happened she just- stopped talking to people... Until of course the week before christmas when she goes and does that. It confuses the heck outta me."The woman was staring at her daughter through the slightly steamy window.

"Why is she talking to me then?"I whispered. The girl was packing up her things now.
"What makes you think I know? Ask her yourself."The woman smiled at me then stood up,"You make sure you eat all of that, you hear me?"
"Thank you m'am."I mumbled and took another chip. She nodded at me then walked away right as the bell rang and the girl walked in.

"Mornin mama."The girl smiled at her mum then spotted me,"I'll be one second, Frank was it?"The girl disappeared behind the counter before I could yell at her. How the fuck did she know my name? I stared at the seat opposite me trying to figure out how on earth she knew my name when suddenly she was sitting where I was looking and was smiling.

"You're wondering how I know your name?"She smiled and leaned back into her seat, looking grateful.
"Yeah..."I mumbled as she snagged chip.
"Girl dont you go takin' that boys chips. Cant you see he's just skin and bones? Let the poor thing eat."Her mum called from over the counter.
"Yes mama."The girl called back and rolled her eyes at me and made me snort into the whipped cream and made her start laughing her ass off.

"So how did you know my name?"I asked once I had cleaned my face and she had stopped laughing.
"I saw you that one night at The Magic Bean. Mama dont know I bin' there though so keep it to yourself."She smiled and took off her coat, revealing a Misfits t-shirt. Fucking awesome. Then I really started to take her in.

She had long red hair and bright blue eyes that somehow matched her smile. They just sparkled. Then there was the black Misfits t-shirt and for some stupid reason I looked under the table like a fucking weirdo. She had black converse on and black skinnies. This girl was alright.
"What are you doing?"She asked when I came back up.
"Uhh... I honestly dont know."I mumbled and smiled as she laughed and grabbed another chip.

"Well I'm Jess. I uh I saw what happened... On the news..."She stared at me sadly,"About your boyfriend? Going to juvee?"She raised her eyebrows at me when I didnt respond.
"Oh that. Yeah."I looked away from her intense stare and out the window. It had been forecasted to snow like it had the past week but the snow was just late this winter. The fucking cold wasnt though.
"I dont think its fair. He shouldnt have even been found guilty. I mean, look at what the guy did. The jerk-off."She grumbled and stared drinking some of my drinks. This girl was acting like Lily. She even reminded me of Lily. Just without the crappy music taste. But she wasnt Lily and I shouldnt be talking to her about these things.

"I uh I have to go."I stood up and started panicking over nothing.
"Sorry I didn't mean to upset you I just- I wanted to help."She sighed. I looked towards her mum who was watching us curiously. I remembered what she said about Jess not talking to anybody and slowly sat back down.

"Why are you talking to me?"I asked bluntly then flinched at how rude it sounded,"Sorry I didnt mean for it to come out like that I just- yeah."
"What did my mother say to you?"Jess sighed and sent her mums back a glare before looking at me and waiting.
"Uh just that you dont like people and that uh you were almost killed and after that you stopped talking all together pretty much... or something."I muttered. It sounded stupid now.

"God dammit. I'll be back okay?"She growled then got up and left. I watched her as she moved behind the counter and went out the back. I listened hard over the quiet music playing and heard yelling. Awkward. I stared down at my chips as they continued yelling, getting louder and louder. Ten minutes had gone by when Jess stormed out yelling,"Mama! Its not your life! I'm going out."

She marched over to me and grabbed me by my arm,"Come on. Lets go."She tugged me up and dragged me outside into the cold air. We said nothing as we started walking down the road.
"Fuck arent you cold?"I asked as I realised she didnt haver her jacket.
"I'll be fine when we get there."She mumbled and sped up, still dragging me. Thats when it became a struggle because I knew where we were going as soon as I spotted the car again.

"Oh no. I'm not going in there."I stopped walking and almost tripped as she kept dragging me. I fought back but she continued to ignore me,"Jess come on!"I yelled and managed to yank my arm out of her grip.
"Frank I know you dont want to go back in there but you have to at some point. It will be good for you. See old friends, drink some coffee, hear some music."Jess smiled and grabbed me again, stronger this time.

"No Jess! I dont want to!"I yelled at her again. There were so many people on the other side of the street for some reason but none on this side. A few people were looking at us weirdly but must not have thought of a girl pulling a boy along the street.
"Frank come on."She sighed as we reached the car. I stared inside and could just make out Gerard's bag. It was where he left it last. I closed my eyes as Jess pulled me inside.

The familiar smell of coffee, sweat and adreniline flooded my ears as she pulled me straight to a table and sat us down.
"Oh my fucking god Frank!"Di screamed in my ear. There was a band playing quietly in the corner. It wasnt too busy either.
"Hey Di."I mumbled and started examining my arm. Jess had really fucking hurt me.

"Do you guys want your usual?"Di smiled, looking from one of us to the other. So Jess was a regular.
"Yeah thanks."Jess smiled and continued watching the band.
"I guess so."I sighed and turned my eyes to the band that was playing. It was Spencer and Jon.

"These guys are alright."Jess said as she drummed her fingers along to the beat. I couldnt tell but I was pretty sure it was a Smashing Pumpkins song.
"They are arent they. I need to get Brendon and Ryan to meet them."I said more to myself.
"Who?"Jess tore her eyes away from the singer and looked at me.
"Uh nothing. Talking to myself."I smiled.

I looked around for them but I couldn't see them at all. If the car was out there then at least Bob had to be here. Bob was looking after the car while Gerard was away so he had to be here.
"Who are you looking for?"Jess asked when she noticed me craning my head over the other heads at tables.
"Just- no one."I sighed and relaxed into my seat. I really didn't want to be here. I couldnt handle it. All I could remember was the night before the trial. The night when I had walked away from Gerard. Everything. It fucking sucked.

"Jess!"Someone all too familiar shouted across the room.
"Pookie!"She screamed back and jumped up to run across to whoever had shouted it. She jumped on him and he spun her around, making it impossible to see who it was. When he finally put her down I took in who it was. Pete. Kissing Jess. Not full on kissing but he had kissed her none the less.

"Come on, I want you to meet someone."She smiled and grabbed his hand to tug him along. When Pete's eyes clocked mine his face contorted into something weird. Not guilt more like... Surprise.
"Frankie hey. Didn't expect to see you here. How have you been?"Pete asked and sat down next to me.
"Oh you guys already know each other."Jess smiled and sat down on the other side of Pete.

"Dude I'm dating the bassist of his band of course I know him/"Pete laughed. Okay maybe he wasnt cheating on Mikey.
"Wait how do you two know each other?"I asked. I was so fucking confused.
"We grew up next door to each other. Until of course her mum bought the diner and they moved down the road."Pete smiled and fell back into his seat. Okay I was dumb for thinking he was cheating.

"And uh... What um what did you call him?"I asked Jess and made Pete blush to the high fucking heavens.
"Pookie."Jess said simply. I arched an eyebrow in the hopes of her explaining but she just sat there staring at another band that was playing.
"Alright."I mumbled and watched them as well. Then I spotted Jon and Spencer walking over to a table that had two people seated at it that I felt extremely awkward seeing.

"Hey Pete who are you here with?"I asked, trying to sound casually and not scared off my face.
"Mikey and Bob. You dont want to see them do you?"Pete asked me quietly. I didnt want to say it so I just shook my head and stood up.
"I need to get out of here."I gasped. I felt like I couldnt breathe properly.

"Ah tell your mum thanks Jess. Bye guys!"I called as I rushed outside and took a deep breath of fresh air. Why was it so suffocating in there? Why didnt I want to see them? All sorts of questions were spinning around in my head making it difficult to see. I mentally slapped myself and realised I was leaning against Gerard's car. I squinted and could just make out Gerard's sketchbook protruding out of his bag.

Thats what I wanted to give to him for christmas. It would be the only thing to stop him from going insane. I sighed as I started walking back inside.
"Bob! Hey Bob!"I yelled as I spotted him leaving the bathroom.
"Frank! Hey! How are you? What are you doing here? Where have you been?"Bob smiled and walked over to me immediately.

I ignored all of his questions and asked him,"Can you unlock Gerard's car? I need his bag."
"Oh okay... Where have you been?"Bob asked as we walked outside. I stayed silent and waited impatiently for him to unlock the car, tapping my foot noisily on the ground. The second the door was unlocked I was in there, reaching for Gerard's bag. I took in a breath and smelt him immediately. I closed my eyes and slipped, taking in the smell of him.

"Hey you okay?"Bob asked behind me, his hand on my back.
"I'm fine."I snapped and hooked my arm through the straps on the bag and got out.
"Sorry... Just trying to help."Bob mumbled.
I looked at him through my hair and said,"I dont need your fucking help okay? Just leave me alone."I glared at his back as he walked back inside sadly. I was such a fucking bastard.

I fumbled Gerard's bag around so I could pull out his sketchbook. I flipped past three or four drawings of his mum and found the one of me.
"Holy fuck."I whispered. He had added colour. It was fucking beautiful. There were dark brown streaks in my eyes mixed with solid hazel. My hair was a perfect charcoal black and just- holy fucking god it was amazing. I shivered as I realised I was covered in light snow. When had it started snowing? I shook off the snow from my shoulders and started off towards the house.

-time lapse-

It was pitch black on the street, the only light was on the corner of the next block. There were no lights on in the house either. I wasnt surprised though. It was probably after midnight. I started walking up the icy steps, trying not to slip and break my neck, when I heard a shout behind me. I spun around which was stupid because immediately I slipped and fell down all 5 steps. I groaned as the snow melted and soaked through my jeans straight away.

I jumped up when I heard the shout again. It came from behind the house to the side. I started moving down the side of the house, my feet crunching in the snow. It must have been thicker over this side of town.
"Frank! No please!"She screamed. I froze as the voice echoed in my head and wormed its way down to my stomach and ate away the chips and shake I had eaten earlier.

Another scream unfroze me as I started marching further into the back garden. I stopped when I reached the back fence and saw that behind it was a forest. Lily screamed again. For fucks sake. Why did it have to be deep in the fucking forest? I sighed as I climbed over the short fence and started making my way through the now deadly silent trees. I treaded carefully, listeninf out for anything at all. Then I saw the small fire up ahead.