3rd Dec.

"Holy shit,"I stared at the screen, trying to take it in. There was just over six hundred bucks in my accounts. I stared and stared, fighting the urge to get it all out and go home to see Mom, claiming I had seen the error of my ways and I was ready to be a family member again. It would be the lie of the century but it would get me a hug from her. But what if she found out? She'd kill me. I pushed aside the thought of my useless Mom and started thinking about bills and food. Rent. Bills. Food. That was what I had to do. I took it all out in cash and stuffed it into my wallet, leaving for the power company.

*

"That red there. That is definitely the better one,"The clerk smiled at me, pointing at the bright red hair dye.
"Okay great. Thank you,"I smiled back and grabbed the one she had indicated along with the bleach. With my rent for the next two weeks paid off, the cable, power and water companies happy and enough food for two weeks in my trolley, I had just enough to spoil myself. My hair was going back to how it used to be.

"That comes to one hundred and thirty four dollars,"The lady at the cash register said, staring at me expectantly.
"Awesome,"I grabbed out the last of my money and handed it over to her, feeling like a little part of me went with it. She gave me the six bucks change and I took all my bags, ignoring the dread at walking all of this home in the cold.

*

"Good lord, Frank. Why'd you bring the emo back?"Lily joked the second she caught sight of my old haircut's return.
"Ha ha,"I laughed at her sarcastically, going out back to put my apron on. The first hour of my second to last day of work went by fast. But then Miranda turned up.
"Jesus fucking christ. Looking like a faggot wasn't enough then huh? Had to make it an emo faggot?"Miranda shoved past me and made me spill the coffee that I was about to take out.
"Dammit,"I muttered, setting it down and wiping the burning hot coffee from my hand.
"You should watch where you're going,"Miranda said, shoving into me again as she walked to the coffee machine. Instead of getting upset. I got angry.

"You seem to have a habit of walking into me. Maybe I'm not the one that needs to watch where I'm going. Slut,"I said as I cleaned up my coffee and walked out into the dining area, the look on her face making my smile a genuine one. I went back around and shoved her out of the way,"I'm on coffee today. You need to take orders,"I smiled at her as someone walked inside. Miranda gave me a look of outrage, shocked at my sudden defensive side, and moved over to the till to smile at the guy with dirty black hair. I turned to the order screen and waited for his order to come up. Long black. Simple. I got it done in record time, smiling widely at Miranda who looked pissed off. I hadn't cut since I had met Alicia and I felt bloody good about life.

I walked around into the dining area and scanned the room for the customer. I spotted him and started walking over. He was bent over the table, drawing something. I was two tables away when he looked up at me and I walked into a table, dropping the coffee in the process. I felt myself coil up inside as I watched the mug shatter and the coffee go everywhere. I was never going to hear the end of this. Especially after just having told Miranda to watch where she was going. Fuck.
"Oh my god are you okay?"The guy was suddenly on his knees in front of me, picking up the pieces of my broken coffee.
"I- I'm fine,"I stuttered out. I could see Miranda in the corner of my eye looking so fucking smug as she made a coffee. Lily came out of her office and took a look at the scene.

"Frank don't make a customer pick it up,"She hissed. I was just frozen.
I watched as the guy slowly straightened up, setting the broken pieces on the table I had walked into as he said,"I got the big ones but you'll need to mop up the coffee and get the little bits."
"I-"
He finally looked at me properly and froze.
"You- your hair- I"He stammered. I had no idea what he was trying to say.
"Frank go on your break. Sir, I'm so sorry about this. What was your drink?"Lily came over, shoving me away.
"I- A a long black but I..."His words faded away as I staggered into the room out back, feeling like throwing up.

"Well done,"Miranda came and leaned on the doorframe, watching me slip my apron off and falling into a seat. I took in a few deep breaths and tried to calm myself. Why was I having an anxiety attack over this?
"Miranda make that man another long black,"Lily pushed past her and came to stand in front of me,"Frank you okay?"
"I uh..."
"Because the guy said you didn't look too well. He wants to talk to you,"Lily said quietly.
"What? Why?"I looked up at her, feeling the adrenilane leave me.
"I don't know. Go ask him yourself."

I stared at Lily's back in thought as she left. I took in a few breaths, absently scratching my arm, before realising what I was doing.
"Dammit,"I muttered as I felt it broke open. It didn't really hurt anymore. I had gotten so use to it. Maybe thats why I was finding it so easy not to cut. I pulled my sleeve up and held down on the small spot that was bleeding slightly. The sooner they healed the better. I pulled my sleeve back down when it seemed to have stopped bleeding and grabbed my water bottle from my bag and went out into the dining area. The guy was at a different seat, in the corner. Away from everyone. I walked over slowly, unsure if I should sit at his table, when he looked up and stared at me weirdly.

"I uh... Lily said, my boss, she said you wanted to talk to me?"I asked, standing next to the table and looking down at him. My eyes drifted from his familiar face to what he was drawing. It looked like panels for a comic.
He cleared his throat and kicked a chair out smoothly for me to sit down. Without even thinking I fell down into the seat, setting my bottle down and staring at him.
"You uh... You just- you look really familiar,"He coughed out.
"I know. I mean like- you look familiar as well,"I stammered. Why was my heart racing? Why was I going into another anxiety attack? I could feel it happening. My palms were sweating like crazy, every hair on my body was standing up, begging me to remove myself from the situation. And still, I sat there.

"Whats your name?"He asked me quietly.
"Frank. You?"
"Gerard."
That sparked a memory. I scrabbled at the blurry memory floating towards my mind but lost it when Gerard said,"I- I think I had a dream about you..."
"What?"I looked up from his drawing at his face.
"I- nevermind. I must be going insane. What- whats that little thing under your lip?"
"Oh,"Instinctively I sucked my lip into my mouth before realising what I was doing,"I used to have a lip ring."

Gerard stared at me, a weird look on his face.
"Sorry I- I'm Alicia's boyfriend's brother,"He spluttered out suddenly.
"The one caught in the top?"I asked, drinking some of my water.
"Yeah. Mikey told me to meet you. He said I would like you..."Gerard said slowly, looking up at Miranda as she came over with his new coffee.
"Why did it take so long to make that?"I asked as she set it down.
"I- I don't know. Ask Lily,"Miranda mumbled to me,"Sorry about Frank over here. He's a bit of a mess because we've had to fire him,"She smiled widely at him. She was about to hit on him.
"Oh it's no problem at all,"Gerard replied, taking a sip of his coffee and looking across at my face, I had no idea how I looked, probably like shit, and it was making me uncomfortable.
"Just lemme know if you need anything. Anything at all,"She smiled even wider at him,"Frank your breaks over."

"Is Lily still out of the office?"I asked, not even saying goodbye to Gerard as I jumped up and followed her away.
"Yup. Looks like you're back on dishes freak. Make sure you don't trip over,"She smiled as we moved behind the counter. I trudged into the kitchen area and stared at the mess of the breakfast dishes. I grabbed the scrubbing brush and started washing them, hating every second of it. As I scrubbed and stacked them, my thoughts drifted to Gerard. I couldnt understand why he seemed so familiar. I had only met him once. And I hadn't even seen his face. And why was I familiar to him? He had nice eyes. And despite looking greasy as shit, his hair made me want to run my fingers through it over and over again. Styled around his face and the blackest black.

"Oi dickwad. Lily needs you,"Miranda suddenly pulled me out of my thoughts. I dropped the plate I was washing, dried my hands and went out the front. There were barely any customers at all.
"Frank I need to run to the supernarket to get more milk. I wont be five minutes but I need you on the coffee machine,"Lily said, already on her way out.
"No problem,"I muttered.
"What? I make much better coffees than him! His coffees are shit!"Miranda burst out. It was useless though. Lily was on the phone and out the door. I ignored Mirandas muttering and went to the coffee machine. There was nothing to be made so I started cleaning, fighting the urge to push my soggy sleeves up.

"Hey. Found something I can do for you?"Miranda said behind me in that sickly sweet voice.
"Uh yeah. Can you get Frank for me?"Gerard asked. I spun around and walked straight over, trying not to look too smug.
"What can I do for you?"I smiled at him.
"You left your bottle at my table. And I would also like another coffee,"He smiled over the counter at me.
"Thank you,"I took it from him, fighting the grin as Miranda backed away angrily,"Long black again?"
"Definitely,"He smiled and handed me five bucks,"Keep the change,"He said with a wink. I blinked as he went and sat back down at a table round by the coffee machine. I ran the order through and went over to the coffee machine where Gerard was telling Miranda he wanted me to make the coffee.

I got to work, taking care with the shot's creamer. Long blacks could look delicious or like complete shit and Miranda's had looked like crap so I was determined to make it look good. Once it was done I took it round to him, being careful not to walk into any tables.
"Well done! You didn't walk into any tables!"He grinned.
"Ha ha,"I laughed sarcastically.
"Only joking,"He sat back and stared at me as I set it down.
"Why are you looking at me like that? Stop it,"I took a step back as Lily walked back in with two bags of milk.
"Fag you're back on dishes,"Miranda called suddenly. I turned around and went back behind the counter.

"Frank put your sleeves up this time,"Lily called as I went past. Fuck.
"Sure thing, Lily,"I muttered. I stood at the sink and slowly pulled my disgustingly wet sleeves. I couldn't pull them up a millimetre without some sort of cut or scar showing. I stared at my wrist for a minute before letting out a groan. Fuck it. I pulled my sleeves right up just as Miranda came and stared at me.
"That's disgusting. That is actually really disgusting,"She said through a mouthful of the cake she was holding.
"If it's so disgusting then why are you staring?"I sighed as I got stuck in. I was barely halfway through the huge pile.
"How can you handle looking at yourself? Do you ever wake up and look in the mirror and just think about how gross you are?"Miranda asked loudly,"I mean, you're super skinny. Not the nice skinny though. The ugly skinny. And I bet you have more cuts all over your body. And to top it all off you like dick. Therefore you're a disgusting human being,"She smiled at me cheerfully before walking out. I did my best to hold in the tears, I really did, but I couldn't stop them from sliding down my cheeks. My shoulders shook with silent sobs, desperate to get out and make a sound.

"How dare you?!"Someone outside spat. I froze, listening carefully.
"I'm sorry?"That was Miranda.
"You cannot talk to someone like that. That is what makes someone a disgusting human being,"Jesus that was Gerard. I dropped the dishes and went outside to see what was going on. Gerard was standing about three feet away from the door, just at the edge of the counter, blocking Miranda's way.
"I'm sorry but how is this any of your business?"Miranda asked in a bored tone, looking down at her nails.
"It's my business because that is my fucking friend and you just talked to like that. What gives you the right to say something so despicable to a human being?"Gerard looked at her incredulously as Lily slowly walked over, her eyes flying between the two of them.

"Is everything alright here?"
"Everything is fine,"Miranda sighed.
"No everything is not fucking fine. You have the most disgusting employee I have ever met,"Gerard glared at Miranda. Lily glanced at me, taking in my bare arms before nodding.
"I do apologse Sir. Tomorrow is his last day working with us,"Lily said. Gerard narrowed his eyes, finally noticing me.
"I wasn't talking about, Frank. I was talking about this little bitch in front of me. She was talking to him in the most disgusting way I have ever heard,"Gerard growled.
"Oh I uh-"
"The fact that you immediately assumed it was Frank pisses me off even more. I am clearly tallking about the girl in front of me because I am in front of her glaring at her,"He turned his glare onto Lily.
"Gerard don't- don't worry about it,"I found myself saying,"It's not worth it."

"Not- not worth it?! They're treating you like a piece of shit in the sewer! You deserve so much better than that!"
"It doesn't matter okay! She's been treating me like that ever since she found out I'm gay what's going to change her mind now? Please just leave it,"I sighed, pulling my sleeves down, feeling exposed and vulnerable suddenly.
"I am absolutely appalled by this. I want my money back for the coffee and I'm telling everyone about this. Frank I don't think you should continue working today or even come into work tomorrow. Come on,"Gerard looked at me pleadingly.
"Frank I've paid you for tomorrow already,"Lily said in a warning tone.
"Tough shit. I'm sick,"I spat at her feet. Literally. I went into the locker room, grabbed my bag and walked back out.

"Hey everyone?!"Gerard called suddenly.
"Oh god,"Lily groaned as everyone in the shop stopped drinking and eating and looked over at Gerard who was climbing up onto a table.
"These two women here are terrible. Their coffees aren't the greatest but that's not the worst thing. No. The worst thing is how they've treated my friend Frank here,"Gerard pointed down at me,"Insulting him and poking fun at his personal problems and struggles. I would not buy anything from here at all."
"Also,"I spoke up, taking a step forward,"There's a cockroach problem in the kitchen and the owner likes to reuse food when she can. Ask for your money back and tell everyone!"I smiled as Gerard jumped down,"Adios bitches,"I smiled at Miranda and Lily's horror stricken faces and left with Gerard.

Outside, the wind was bitter and the sky was threatening to burst. My wet sleeves clung to my arms and made it even worse for me. I hadn't brought my jacket with me today.
"So uh... Thank you. For that. You didn't have to do that,"I said over the whistle of the wind as we started walking up towards Symonds Street.
"I did have to. I'm not the type of person to sit by and listen to someone go through that sort of abuse. I just cant believe someone could say something like that,"Gerard basically hissed, the anger still bristling off of him in waves.
"Well either way, thank you,"I glanced at him through my hair to see him staring hard at the ground as we walked.
"Can- can we just stop in the video game store? I just want to see my brother quickly."
"Mikey right?"I said as we slowed to a stop.

Gerard didnt answer me, just went straight inside, me following close behind.
"Angus. Yeah hi. You don't know me but I sort of know you. Is Mikey around?"Gerard was talking to the guy that had dealt with Alicia and that dickhead of a customer the other day.
"Who's asking?"The guy stood up straight and folded his arms, making him look very intimidating.
"His brother, Gerard."
"Mikey doesn't have a brother. I should know. Don't lie to me. Who are you?"He stared down his nose at Gerard, clearly thinking he was superior.
"God dammit he didnt tell you about me? For fucks sake,"Gerard sighed,"Look I am his brother okay?"
"Mikey has worked for me for two and a half years. I should know if he's got a brother or not. Now you can tell me the truth or leave."
"Fuck. Mikey?!"Gerard called suddenly.

"Yo!"Mikey walked out of a door and spotted Gerard,"Gerard. What are you doing here?"
"I need to talk to you,"Gerard grabbed his brother and dragged him away from a confused looking 'Angus'. I watched Gerard start ranting and raving at his brother as they walked around a set of shelves and out of sight. I sighed and started wandering myself.
"Wait Frank's here?"I heard Mikey say a few shelves over.
"Yeah I- I don't know why but I think I dreamed about him,"Gerard sighed. I stilled and peaked through the gaps in the shelves. I could just see a strip of their bodies two rows over.
"But- you haven't met him before have you?"
"No I haven't. And it wasn't him exactly but it was more- the- his- his colours? This sounds fucking weird,"Gerard sighed.
"Damn right it's weird. What do you mean by his colours? When I met him there was only one colour. Black."

"Black, red, hazel and cold silver. Those are the colours I dreamt about and I have a fucking painting from my night art class in Cali with those colours. And it sort of makes sense now. Black and red hair, hazel eyes and the silver lip ring."
"Frank doesn't have a lip ring,"Mikey said.
"He used to.
"How do you know?"
"He told me."
"What else did he tell you?"Mikey asked.
"Not much actually. He's a little... I dunno. Shy? Socially awkward?"Gerard sighed.
"Alicia said he- I mean I don't want to go spreading shit about the poor guy but-"
"He self harms? Yeah I saw."
"What, did he show you?"
"No he- he must have been doing the dishes or something. He walked out when I was bitching at that cow and his sleeves were up."

"H-how bad?"Mikey asked quietly as they started moving again.
"Completely covered. From wrist to elbow,"Gerard sighed quietly.
"Jesus..."
"It- it looked horrible. It made me really uncomfortable..."I didnt stay to hear the rest. Just backed away from the shelves and legged it out of the store. Fuck. Fucking talk shit about me. I marched away furisouly, swiping the tears away as I turned onto Symonds. Fuck them. I wasn't some sort of charity case that they could just feel sorry for and be nice to me in person but then go talking about me behind my back. Fuck them.
"Fuck!"I shouted out,"Ugh!"
"I jammed my key into the lock as soon as I arrived and slammed the door behind me. Thank god I had paid the rent already. I was in no state to handle my landlord bitching at me.

I stomped upstairs and fell down onto my bed, letting the sobs out. Of fucking course this would happen. Who was I kidding? How did I let myself actually believe that maybe, just maybe, I could have some proper friends. Before I realised it I was opening my drawer and reaching for my blade but I froze when I looked at it glinting in the dim light from outside. The wind rattled the windows in the deathly silence, making me jump and drop the blade. It clattered to the ground and stared up at me, daring me to pick it up and put it to my skin.
"Fuck,"I sniffed. I picked it up and went back down to the street. I wiped away the last few tears as I walked to the closest drain just around the corner.

"Good fucking riddance!"I shouted as it dropped through the grate and into the murky water, disappearing from my sight instantly. A weird sense of relief flooded through me. I stood up straight, staring down at the drain.
"Holy shit,"I croaked. A gust of wind made me realise just how fucking cold I was so I brought my arms around me and put my head down as I made my way back round to the door to my flat.
"Oh fuck!"Someone shouted out as I walked into them.
"Jesus I'm- not sorry,"I changed the direction as I realised who I was looking at.
"Frank. Where did you go? Have- have you been crying?"Gerard asked, worry flitting across his face.
"I left. To go home. Excuse me,"I muttered, pushing past him to get inside.

I shut the door behind me as fast as possible, hating the fact that he now knew where I lived. There were a few knocks on the door but I ignored them as I went upstairs and into my shitty flat. I took in a few deep breaths and decided to take a nap before I cooked myself my first proper dinner in about a month.

*

"Frank, you can't let anyone make you feel bad about who you are. Okay? You're a fantastic person with awesome hair and you deserve better than what your mother has given you,"Greg said quietly. I didn't know what to say to that. I continued shooting the monster on the tv screen.
"Frank are you listening to me?"He sighed. I stopped shooting suddenly. Greg wasn't sitting on the couch behind me anymore.
"Greg?"I looked around for him.
"Frank I'm right here,"The monster on the screen said. I scrambled over to the tv, my palms flat against the screen as the monster staredmat me.
"Greg why are you in there?"
"You put me in here. Why did you do that, Frank? Why would you do that to me? Haven't I given enough to you? I took you in, completely altered my lifestyle for you. I taught you not to care about others thoughts. Why would you kill me?! WHY DID YOU LOCK ME IN THIS BOX?!"He screamed at me. I backed away in horror as my character in the game started shooting at him again.

"Frank stop it you're killing me! Stop shooting me!"
"I'm not shooting you!"I cried out frantically. I hit the couch and someone's knee. I spun around as fast as someone can when they're on the ground to see Gerard with the controller. He started laughing manically as Greg the monster died on screen. The controller turned into a huge blade suddenly and Gerard fell to the ground next to me.
"Gerard no what are you doing?"I asked nervously.
"Poor little Frankie with no one to love him. I'll love you though,"Gerard grabbed my arm and pulled me closer. He shoved my sleeve up to reveal a mangled arm. He raised the giant blade and looked me in the eye,"It's okay."
"No!"I squeezed my eyes shut as he brought the blade down and started slicing at me. Instead of pain I felt warmth.

I opened my eyes to see that every time Gerard moved the blade, parts of my arm healed. I watched as he continued until my arm was completely whole again, a few scars the only proof of what it had looked like before.
"It's okay,"He whispered as he gently kissed the scars.
"I... Gerard..."I stammered out.
"How do you feel?"He asked me quietly.
"I dunno. No pain I guess..."
"Well that's going to change,"Gerard grinned suddenly and cut me across the scar.
"What? No! No!"I shouted out in pain. My free hand started thumping the ground next to me as my arm burned worse than it had ever burned before.

I opened my eyes as the thumping became louder and woke me up. I looked around in a panic as the light burning sensation made its presence known. I looked down at my arm to see half of the cuts open and bleeding again. My nails on my other hand were covered in blood. I had been scratching.
"Mr Iero! You're friend is here!"My landlord yelled through the door suddenly. Oh. He had been knocking.
"I-"Don't have any friends. As I panicked about what to do the door opened and Gerard poked his head through. Fuck.
"Hey Frank sorry to barge in but the little asian guy said to just go in. Whoa. Nice place,"Gerard closed the door behind him and looked around. He poked his head around the screen door to my bedroom area and immediately spotted the blood.

"Oh jesus, Frank are you okay?"He rushed over, sitting on the edge of the bed.
"I- Don't!"I yanked my arm away, pulling the blankets over me. I was only in my underwear and a t-shirt. No way was he going to see the scars on my legs.
"Sorry I was just... Trying to help..."Gerard mumbled and sat back slightly, not as close.
"I don't need your help,"I snapped, looking away,"Why are you here? In my fucking flat?"
"Oh well I uh when I found out you left Mikey joked saying you probably heard us talking and I sort of panicked and went after you and you saying you're not sorry sort of confirmed it and then Mikey gave me a call saying that he just checked the security footage and said you were two rows away so you probably did overhear us. I don't know what you heard or anything but I don't- I'm not-"
"I know you guys pity me. I know my scars and cuts make you uncomfortable. I don't need your fucking pity and awkwardness. I don't need any of you. Now please just leave,"I sighed.

"No- Frank that's not what I mean! Because I only just found out today that Mikey's girlfriend Alicia used to cut. Mikey knows what she went through and shit so I dunno I guess he sort of understands and Alicia definitely knows what you're going through and you obviously didn't hear the rest of what I said because I said that it makes me uncomfortable knowing that I sort of got off easy with my- problems while there are people like you going through a lot worse shit. I- I don't want you thinking I'm throwing you a pity party. I need a fucking- drink so-"Gerard broke off and looked through the murky window onto the rooftops of other shops. In the distance you could just see the tops of the trees surrounding the park. I looked at him and sighed.
"What did you mean dreams about me?"I asked suddenly.
"I- don't know. I- the colours."
"And a painting?"
"Mmm hmm."

I looked down at my arm and sighed again. The blood was dried up now and was sticky as shit.
"Can I see the painting?"I asked as I got out of the bed, making my way to my small bathroom at the end of my bed.
"I- sure,"He said behind me. I flicked the light on and started gently washing the blood from my arm. It was then that I remembered I was in my underwear. Fuck. There was no way I could walk out with him not seeing the big thick red scars on my thighs. Failed suicide attempts.
"Can I grab a glass of water?"Gerard asked suddenly, saving me the panic.
"Yeah just- yeah,"I muttered. As soon as he was gone I darted out and grabbed my jeans, pulling them on as fast as possible, wincing as my arm brushed against my side as much as it possibly could.

"Did I wake you?"Gerard asked, walking into my lounge. Or more, the floor space in front of the door that held one small couch and a tv that cost less than my fucking phone.
"No I was just- sleeping,"I walked out and stood there awkwardly.
"Dude it's fucking freezing in here. Don't you have any heating?"Gerard shivered.
"It's broken,"I muttered.
"Does your landlord know?"
"Probably not,"I looked around, trying to see this place from a stranger's point of view. But I failed. It had been my home for three years. As much as I hated the place and wanted somewhere better to live, this was still my home.
"If you tell him then he'll fix it."
I snorted unattractively,"I doubt it."

We stood there in silence. Me trying to find a comfortable position for my raw arm, threatening to bleed again, and him looking around, occasionally stealing glances at me.
"So do you want to see the painting then?"He asked suddenly.
"I guess so... I've got nothing better to do. I was just trying to pass the time til I had to make dinner. I'll just grab my jacket."
Ten minutes later we were on our way up Symonds Street. We were both silent as the wind ruffled us.
"I think... I figured out... Why I dreamt about you..."Gerard said slowly.
"Why?"
"Do you- are you- did you know a guy named Greg? Died about three years ago?"
"Taught art?"
"Yeah."
"Greg is my godfather."

"Holy shit dude. He taught me. I don't remeber ever meeting you cause I was- I have the worst memory but I dunno. Maybe being back in Chesterton has made me have a dream?"He shrugged his shoulders.
"But you said you did the painting like last year or something..."
"Oh... True... Huh..."
We continued on in silence as I tried to place his name and face. I never met any of Greg's students. They were always there when I was at work. The only time I met a few was at the wake of his funeral. I could barely remember that because I had gotten a little drunk and it was so long ago. Something jumped out though. Gerard hitting on me.

I stared hard. Ignoring the look from some unknown relative of Greg as he passed by and continued staring. Pushing through the blurryness of the alcohol so I could focus on his shoes.
"Misfits,"I mumbled as they became clear. A little blurry round the edges but hey. I blinked back the feeling of numbness and sat back in my seat to continue my staring at the ground, nursing a warm beer that was almost finished. The next hour passed very slowly as I sobered up, inch by inch. All around me were people I had never ever met or heard of once, drinking and laughing as if someone hadn't just died. Friends of Greg's family. Not friends of Greg. Aside from his wife I was probably the only person who actually knew how great Greg is. Was.
"Heyy Fraaank..."Thomas, one of Greg's sons, sat down next to me and slapped a hand down on my shoulder, interrupting my staring at the floor.

"Thomas,"I mumbled.
"You know how I hate to be that guy buuuut you're sort of bringing the mood down. Do you think you could maybe perk up a little bit?"
I slowly turned to look at him, shock bursting through every other feeling, fixing Thomas with an incredulous face,"Your father just died. Two days ago. We burned his body two and a half hours ago... And you want me to cheer up?"
"I know we only just said goodbye to him and all but we're celebrating his life right now! Not mourning. The time for grief is over."
"Thomas I-"
"Mom said if you don't stop scaring the guests with your gloomyness you'll have to leave. For good,"Thomas gave my shoulder one last slap before leaving again, spoothing his gelled down black hair and talking to some uptight pricks across the room.

I glared at his back before his words actually hit me. I wouldn't put it past Shirley to kick me out. She hated me. The only reason she let me stay here was because of Greg. I was the only person in his family to actually enjoy doing some of the same shit as him. During the day he went to work at the law firm he owned, in the evening he would come home and have dinner with his stupid perfect family then watch a family movie with them or something but then, after everyone else had gone to bed, he would come and play video games with me again til three or four in the morning, eating pizza and drinking god knows what. Weekends would be his art lesson time. Thats when I was always working.

Suddenly Shirley was in my face, glaring right back at me.
"Frank. If you can't cheer up a bit then please go somewhere to be alone. These are Greg's work friends. Collegues. They know nothing of the freak living in our spare bedroom. Please, you already made a scene with your snotty sobbing at the funeral. Please don't tarnish the business."
"Fine,"I sighed. I resisted the urge to kick her out of the way, instead silently standing up and stumbling away. I grabbed a bottle of champagne on my way and continued wandering around a bit until I found myself in Greg's art room with the bottle half empty.
"Stupid fucking Shirley. 'Ooh don't tarnish the business. Don't scare the rich people with your freaky face. No one likes a gaaaaaay.' "I slurred as staggered around. This room was a lot bigger than I thought.

"Oh shit,"I slurred as I noticed someone sitting at a desk, staring up at a chalkboard that had been split in half. One half was coloured in solid red and the other solid blue. There were smears all through it but that could have been my eyes. The person in there hadn't noticed or heard me. Like most people. He was muttering. He got up and stagged over to the board, swiping his hand straight down the middle, merging the line into a hazy purple smudge. He turned around and froze when he saw me.
"Uh- sorry. I was just-"
"Bringing me another drink. How sweet,"He smiles lazily at me, looking me up and down, swaying on the spot.

For some reason, the thickness of my mind cleared up a bit, making it easier to take in this guy.He had dirty looking black hair, style just above his shoulders and around his face in a messy sort of bedhead way that was doing wonders to Frank's dick. Black eyeliner was smeared around his eyes. I couldn't figure out if it was meant to be like that or if it was the results of tears and alcohol. I decided to go for the latter because the guy sniffed and wiped at his eyes, spreading it even further.
"Don't hog it then,"He said suddenly, walking around the row of three desks to stumble in front of me. He was even more drunk than I was. Before I could do anything he had snatched it from my hands and was sculling it down eagerly.

"I'm Gerard. I was one of his students. I'm guessing you are too right?"He sniffed again, his voice breaking either from tears or the alcohol.
"No I'm his godson,"I said, shuffling around to where he was sitting back down in the middle desk. I sat down, or more fell down, into the seat on his left and stared at the board as well.
"This was the last piece we were working on. I can't remember what it is right now but I know it was an important one to Greg,"Gerard sighed,"Two days ago. I brought in my sketch and he gave me some very good constructive criticism and I got shitty and left. Two hours after that his heart flipped a shit and now here we are."
"I uh... I have no idea what to say,"I tear my eyes away from the board that seems to have a lot more meaning after Gerard's very basic story.

"You don't have to say anything I guess... You were probably closer to him than I was anyway,"Gerard muttered and slumped forward, resting his head on his arms as he continued to stare at the board. I watched the side of his face for a moment, watching the way his jaw clicked ever so slightly. My eyes dropped down to his feet.
"The Misfits!"I burst out as I recognised the shoes from earlier.
"Excuse me?"Gerard drawled, turning his head slowly as if it was a huge effort to focus on me.
'Dude your shoes are awesome man. Did you buy them like that? Where? How much?"
"Oh thanks. I bought them plain and painted that on. Cost me thirteen bucks all in all. Damn good buy,"Gerard winked at me.

I felt myself blush so I looked away, down to the floor.
"What's your name?"
"Frank."
"How are you doing? I'm not the best sort of person to talk to about this sort of shit but you know, I'm here... If you need me..."Gerard trailed off, looking away to study the rest of the room like he'd never been there before.
"You- you just met me and you're asking me to give you that sort of trust?"
"No I- I just meant- cause you looked so sad and I- I don't know... It doesn't look right on you. I bet you'd be much cuter if you smiled,"Gerard looked at me again, a small smile on his face. I couldn't help let a small smile onto my face. Gerard smiled even wider, close to giggling.
"Stop it,"I giggled.
"I'm not doing anything,"He winked again and turned in his seat to face me.

I stared at him, uncertain why he was staring at me so weirdly.
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Because you're really cute,"He said simply. I slumped over the desk and buried my face in my arms, feeling stupidly giggly and hot and sticky. My clothes felt too tight. I lifted my head slightly and looked through my hair to see him still smiling at me. At the sight of me peeking he started laughing through his nose.
"Shut up,"I buried my face again.
"No,"He said. The sound of his chair scraping back reached my ears. I fought the urge to look again. My mind went fuzzy as Gerard's hand trailed around my neck, resting where my scorpian tattoo was.

"I want to draw this. Can I draw this?"He asked quietly. I nodded.
"Well sit up so I can see it."
I looked up to see him staring at me expectantly, pencil and paper already in his hand.
"Do- is it light enough?"
"No can you sit on my desk?"Gerard said, grabbing a chair and pulling it in front of the middle desk. I switched seats and sat with my side to him, my head tiled to the side for a better view.
"Thats perfect,"Gerard whispered, pencil scratching away,"Hold on. Stay still,"Gerard's chair scraped a bit and suddenly his cool fingers were tilting my head towards him.
"What are you-"

Gerard's lips tasted of cigarettes, alcohol and paint. A weird taste but I wasn't complaining because I was so lost in the kiss suddenly. His hands were all over me, pulling me to my feet and against his body. Before I knew it, my dominant side had kicked in and I had him sitting on the desk, me standing between his legs taking charge. It didnt take long before I was sinking to my knees, Gerard's bare chest in sight.
"No..."Gerard mumbled.
"What?"I froze, looking up at Gerard. Standing beneath the light, his outline was lit up. He looked almost like an angel. He mumbled something and moved away from me.
"Gerard what do you mean?"I stood up again, watching as he stumbled backwards, doing his shirt up. I don't know if it was the alcohol or my hearing or Gerard but whatever he said next, nobody knows.

"Why did you leave?"I croaked, my voice raw from lack of use. We were almost at his house now.
"Sorry?"
"At Greg's wake. Why did you leave after I- almost- gave you a- a blowjob?"I stammered out.
"I left?"Gerard stopped walking. I stopped and looked back at him.
"You left, muttering all this crap to yourself."
"I thought I-"Gerard looked away in thought, turning things over in his mind. After a full three minutes I tried to get his attention.
"Gerard? You okay?"
"You son of a bitch,"Gerard broke out into a smile suddenly.
"What the fuck is going on?"I sighed.
"You- I thought- this is why I cant get your colours out of my head!"Gerard screamed suddenly.

"Uh..."
Gerard almost skipped towards me, tackling me in a hug,"You! It's because of you! The morning after I thought I had slept with another stranger again! It was because of that thought that I decided to actually get through rehab! Oh my god it is basically because of you that I'm not an alcoholic!"
"Jesus christ,"I spluttered as Gerard let go of me and started walking again casually. I should have been confused about the sudden fault of his not drinking but I was more interested in why that hug made my stomach decide to show off it's ability to do somersaults.
"Come on,"Gerard called over his shoulder, walking up the path to his house. I hadn't even realised we'd walked this far. I decided to ignore the feelings for now and follow Gerard. I still did want to see his painting after all.