December 2nd

Black. Everything was black. A wide expanse of velvety black. I couldn't see anything. No matter where I looked, it was all black. A sudden burst of colour erupted across my vision. Bright red with slashes of silver and hazel. With it came an incredibly strong feeling of sadness and coldness. I could feel myself shivering.

"Jesus christ,"I gasped, sitting up and panicking. When I managed to calm my breathing and get my eyes adjusted to the light I was able to untangle myself from the curtains on my bed. I was down at the end of it, almost falling off. I crawled up my bed and grabbed my phone. Three in the morning.
"Mother fucker,"I groaned and slammed my head back down into my pillow, falling asleep instantly.

*

"Gerard! Phone for you!"Someone shouted. I opened my eyes as my door opened,"Gerard this is someone about a job,"Mom said urgently. I sat up straight and kicked my blankets off of me, tumbling through the curtains. Mom handed me the phone and grinned at me.
"Hello?"I croaked.
"Hi, Gerard. It's Daisy here from Sweet Things? We'd like you to come in for an interview today at two o'clock if thats possible?"
"Yes! That- thats definitely possible. Thank you,"I gushed, wide awake suddenly. Mom's grin grew even wider.
"Brilliant. Just- ask for me. I'll be around."
"Awesome. Thank you so much. I'll see you later then,"I grinned back at Mom, unable to contain my glee as I ended the call.

"I got an interview!"I grinned.
"Oooh well done you! Where is it?"Mom said as we walked out.
"Oh uh it- it's just at this uh this bakery place a few blocks over,"I yawned. My dream came back to me suddenly, almost making me stop walking.
"Oh well thats nice. If you get the job you can start paying rent,"She grinned at me, pouring out a cup of coffee for us both.
"Wouldn't have it any other way,"I smiled and took my coffee from her,"I'm just gonna make a call. I won't be long. Kay?"
"Alright sweetie."

I poked my head into the lounge, hoping Mikey was in there, but the only sign that he had been here was two full cups of coffee sitting on the coffee table.
"Where's Mikey?"I called as I walked to my bedroom.
"Gone to have lunch with Alicia and this friend of hers."
"Oh. He could have asked me if I wanted to come."
"You were sleeping. I told him not to wake your jet lag."
"Mom I don't have jetlag,"I muttered, closing my door to Mom's rambling.

I flopped onto my bed and grabbed my phone, pressing star 1 to speed dial my therapist.
"Gerard! Hey! How are things?"Jade gushed.
"Good! Good. They took my return really well. Everyone was happy to see me. Ray did punch me but then he hugged me,"I chuckled.
"Ray's the one with the hair right?"
"Yeah,"I smiled, picking at a loose thread on my bed cover."
"So. You need to talk to me about something or do you just miss me?"

"I need to talk to you because I miss you,"I said, rolling onto my stomach to stare into my closet.
"What did you want to talk about?"Jade asked. She could always tell when something was bothering me.
"The dream is back."
"Oh no. Which one?"Jade said sadly.
"Darkness then colours. But it was worse last night because I felt this horrible sadness and coldness. I woke up freezing cold and tangled in my blankets."
"Right. Was there anything more defined in this one?"
"The silver was curved. It- it almost looked like a ring,"I scratched my head, begging the memory of the dream to come back properly.

Jade was silent for a moment,"What do you think it means?"
"This is probably gonna sound weird as shit but the- the colours all together almost seemed really familiar... Like- like they belong to a person and I know that person... I dunno..."
"That seems normal..."Jade said slowly.
"Liar."
"Yeah that's a little weird,"She said. I could hear the girn in her voice.
"What's the time?"I yawned again, feeling sleep start a battle to take over.
"Almost half twelve."
"Oh shit. I need to get ready. I have a job interview at two,"I said, jumping up and going to my closet.
"Lucky you! We can have a skype call tonight say eight?"
"Yeah that works. Long distant sessions,"I grinned.
"Awesome. Good luck!"She said loudly and hung up. I threw my phone behind me and grabbed my nicest cleanest clothes before dashing into the bathroom.

*

"Gerard can you please get that?!"Mom yelled as someone knocked on the door.
"Uh- yeah gimme a sec!"I shouted, struggling to pull my head through my t-shirt. I stumbled out into the hall towards what I hoped was the front door,"Who is it?!"
"Alicia! I'm coming in!"She called back. The door opened nearby,"Oh dude. What the hell happened to you?"
"Shut up. I was putting it on in a rush and I got stuck,"I sighed and stopped moving,"Help me."
"Frank just go and sit in the lounge. I won't be long I just have to sort this bozo out."
"Okay,"A small yet deep voice said. Alicia grabbed my arm and led me back into my room.
"Barely known you two days and I'm already helping you get dressed. What does that say about you?"She said as she tugged on my t-shirt.
"Ow- I don't know. That I'm an idiot?"I grumbled.

Alicia gave my top one hard tug and pulled it off of me completely,"Yes. That's right,"She smiled at me and handed my top to me.
"I'm burning this bastard of a top tonight. Care to join the bonfire?"I threw the evil top down to the floor and found a different one.
"Yeah sure why not. Frank and I can burn our work uniforms. We both lost our job yesterday. Lucky for him they've given him a weeks notice. Just grabbing something from Mikey's bedroom. See you tonight!"She called as she left before I could ask who the hell Frank was. I checked my face in the mirror and decided this was the best it was going to get.

"Mom I'm off now! I'll see you at dinner!"I called, grabbing my phone, wallet and jacket before leaving the house,"Fuck its cold,"I muttered as I pulled my jacket on. I grabbed my iPod out of my pocket and turned it on. Metallica started blasting into my ears, giving me a fright. I turned it down and trudged off down towards Symonds Street. Alicia and whoever Frank was can't have gotten far ahead, they had only left about two minutes before me. I stared up the street and saw two figures right at the very end. I watched as they turned onto Symond Street. Damn they were fast. I hurried after them before realising they probably weren't going down Wellesly. Bugger. I wanted to meet this mysterious Frank. I had heard Alicia talking to Mikey about how worried she was for him. Mikey had gotten a little jealous and had asked if he was good looking and if she liked him. Alicia just completely shot him down. She was pretty damn awesome. I pulled my jacket around me tighter and made my way to Sweet Things.

*

"You- you want to hire me? Oh my gosh thank you so much,"I grinned widely, fighting the urge to kiss Daisy.
"We're happy to have you with us,"She grinned back.
"Wow okay thank you oh man. Uh when do I start?"
"Whenever possible,"She smiled.
"Great uh day after tomorrow?"
"Sure! I'll email you the shifts and times. Tomorrow we can sort out the details of pay and your uniform and all that stuff tomorrow because I've got a meeting to get to. Just come in at nine tomorrow,"Daisy stood up and held her hand out,"It was lovely to meet you. I look forward to you working with us."
"Nice to meet you too. Thank you so much oh my god,"I grinned, shaking her small cool hand.

She flicked her long black hair over her shoulder before walking away. I stood there for a second before turning around and leaving, desperate to go and see Mikey at work so I could tell him the good news. I walked as fast as I could through the pouring rain out onto Wellesly Street. In the two minutes it took to get to the end of Wellesley and onto Symonds I was soaked through to the bone, teeth chattering and body shaking. I decided to just run the rest of the way, almost skidding over when I turned onto Elliston Street. I slowed down once I reached the video games store.

"Gerard!"Mikey chimed when I walked in,"To what do I owe the torture?"
"Dick,"I smiled, watching him stack games on a shelf,"I came to tell you that I got a job."
"Really? That was pretty quick. They must be desperate to take you on."
"Fuck you man. Be proud of me for getting a job this fast,"I shoved him lightly.
"No I am I am sorry,"He grinned at me,"I really am happy for you, Gerard."
"Don't get all soppy on me. You had your chance for that yesterday,"I looked away as memories of three years ago drifted through my mind.
"Is that the only reason you came here?"Mikey asked, flattening a box loudly.
"Uh yeah I guess. What time do you finish? We can go catch a movie or something with the guys."

"Innnn three hours. I'll text the guys on my break,"Mikey said as he started walking towards the counter, me following behind.
"Great. I need to go and buy some stuff now so I will catch you later,"I gave a small salute and left the store,
"Buy me something pretty!"He called as the door shut behind me. I stood and looked. It had been a while since I had been here but Elliston Street was pretty much the same. There were a few new shops but otherwise everything was the same. I turned left and started my shopping.

*

"Did you buy me something pretty?"Mikey poked his head into my room as I powered up my new laptop.
"Yes I did actually,"I stared at my bags, trying to find the right one. I spotted it far away and groaned as I got up from my bed,"Here,"I pulled out a bottle of girls perfume.
"Something pretty!"Mikey almost ran over and snatched it out of my hands.
"Don't spray it in here,"I said absently as I tried to speed up my laptop.
"It doesn't actually smell that bad. I'll give it to Alicia,"Mikey said, slipping it into his pocket,"What else did you buy?"
"Laptop. New phone. Some CDs. We still going to the movies?"I said as I connected to the internet. God bless wi-fi.
"Yeah Pete and Gabe can make it but no one else can. Sorry. Too last minute,"Mikey said as he walked out,"We're leaving soon so be ready!"

"Wait I didn't agree to this what- Mikey! Come back!"I stared at my door, hoping he would come back but the only response I got was the shutting of his door,"Well fuck you then."
I checked my emails and found the roster from Daisy. I had 34 hours starting the fourth of December. Awesome.
"Hey Gerard have you met Frank?"Mikey was suddenly back in my room, sitting down on my bed and closing my laptop.
"Oi I'm busy,"I glared and opened my laptop back up.
"I asked you a question. Answer me,"He shut it again.
"Dick!"

"Answer my question!"Mikey mimicked my voice.
"What was it? Do I know who?"I sighed, moving out of the way so I could deal with my annoying little brother.
"Frank. Frankie. The little guy that made Alicia feel better,"Mikey poked my leg with his toe.
"Quit it. And no I haven't met him. Although I did have my head stuck in a top when he was at the door with Alicia. Does that count?"
"No it doesn't- wait what? Why were they here?"
"Alicia had to grab something from your room,"I got up from my bed and poked through my bags until I found the right one.

"Oh right. But anyway. You should meet Frank. You'd like him."
I pulled sat back down onto my bed with the bag,"Yeah who is he? Where did he come from?"I asked as I emptied out the bag.
"You know how Alicia turned up crying?"Mikey asked, watching with interest as I started drawing the Misfits skull onto my new white chucks.
"Mmm."
"Well he was at the store. He made her feel better and then she found out that he-"Mikey stopped talking suddenly. I looked up from my shoe at him.
"That he what?"
"I don't think I should say. I mean Alicia told me because she needed to talk about it but it's not really my place to go telling other people..."

"So don't tell me. Just tell me who the hell he is and why Alicia felt comfortable bringing him inside when she doesn't even live here,"I sighed, going back to my shoes.
"Okay well she found out he is going through the same thing she went through and now she wants to help him. He had lunch with us today before I started work. He's a quiet guy but he seems to be interested in the same stuff as us and when he does actually talk he's pretty funny,"Mikey said, lying down on his chest across the foot of my bed.
"Why are you telling me this? I'm sure I'll end up meeting him at some point,"I muttered as I moved onto the other shoe.
"I don't- I don't know I just wanted to know if you'd met him... He works in the cafe down the road from work."

"Didn't he lose his job?"I moved my hand away and stared at my shoe, trying to figure out why it looked weird,"Does this look weird?"I held my shoe in Mikey's face.
"Little bit yeah. And yeah he did. How'd you know?"
"Alicia told me. Which brings me to another thing. I cant make it to the movies tonight,"I said, grabbing the twink and fixing my shoe.
"Why? Why does mentioning Alicia remind you that you are busy?"
"Jesus calm down. She's bringing Frank to my bonfire,"I muttered.
"Excuse me? Bonfire?"Mikey sat up and stared at me, a comical look of confusion on his face.
"Yeah we're burning our shirts."
"What? Gerard explain."
"Don't worry. What movie are we going to see?"I chuckled, looking down at my shoe.

"I- we don't know yet. We're choosing when we get there."
"Hey why did I hear a dog the other day?"I asked suddenly, the thought basically hitting me around the head.
"Oh! Right. We were looking after next door's dog, Arya, while they were away on holiday. They actually got back the day you got here. Mom took her back before she went to work."
"Oh. I thought you guys had gotten a dog."
"Fuck no. Alicia's allergic."
"Right well I'm done,"I said, holding my shoes up,"We going to the movies or what?"

*

"That movie kicked ass!"
"Fuck yeah man! When all the suits turned up and basically saved the day! Jesus christ!"Bob agreed with Ray.
"Jesus, that dance that Tony did when he was testing the new suit? Fuck me that was cute,"I gushed. Pete, Gabe, Bob, Ray, Mikey and I had just gotten out of the movie theatre having just seen Iron Man 3. It was almost midnight and I was exhausted.
"It was only in 3D for the sake of being in 3D but still, it was fucking awesome,"Mikey said.
"I don't understand though,"I said as we slowly started walking towards the bridge across the Pixel River. I would never ever understand the name of the river,"If he destroyed all of his suits, how are they going to do the next Avengers movie?"
"I'm not sure... Maybe he'll build a new one?"Ray shrugged his shoulders.
"Yeah but if he got the shit out of his heart then he doesnt need the thing which is what powered the suit right?"

"True... Huh,"Bob said thoughtfully as we walked to the middle of the bridge, Pete and Gabe lagging behind.
"Who cares, they'll figure it out. You guys noticed those two?"Mikey said quietly, pointing to Pete and Gabe leaning over the edge of the bridge, close together and talking quietly.
"Mmm. Never would have thought Pete would be interested in a guy. Ever. He was always such a manwhore in school,"I smiled, watching Pete laugh at something Gabe said.
"Mmm. Come on, lets go,"Mikey pushed away from the fencing of the bridge and started walking back down to Elliston Crescent.
"Aren't you going to Alicias?"I asked, following close behind as Ray and Bob started talking about something.
"Yeah. That's why I don't want to be too late."

*

December 3rd

I trudged through the snow as fast as I could, trying not to let my teeth chatter so much. Stupid fucking Mom wanting me to go home and put some fucking chicken in the fridge. Why had she put it out so early in the morning anyway? It only made it thaw out too quickly. And it didn't help that Mikey had made a big joke out of it, laughing at me as I left the coffee shop. I rounded the path and rushed up to the front door, fumbling to hold my key straight and put it into the lock. When the door opened I walked in, stamping the snow from my feet and shutting it quietly behind me. It was fucking freezing. It was almost new years eve and the weather was the worst in a long time. There was a loud noise down the hall that made me freeze. I pulled my gloves off and grabbed an umbrella from next to the door.

"Hello?"I called softly, taking a few tentative steps forward. I couldn't hear anything else so I walked a few more steps, peering into the lounge and kitchen when I passed them. Nothing. My bedroom door was open and was how I left it. Mikey's room looked impossible to even get inside. Which left Mom and Dad's room. They were both at work right now. I raised my umbrella and slowly pushed the door open.
"Holy- fuck Dad!"I dropped my umbrella and stared at him hanging from the ceiling. For a whole two seconds I was stuck there on the spot, taking in the piece of paper sitting on the bed, the fallen chair and my Dad. Eyes closed, body limp as he slowly spun. I turned around and ran to the kitchen, grabbed the first sharp knife and sprinted back, grabbing the chair and standing up. I sawed at the rope as fast as I could, swearing when it broke and he fell to the ground with a horrible thud.

I grabbed my phone and called for an ambulance and police, telling them what had happened while I checked his pulse. Nothing. When the lady on the phone had reassured me that they were on their way I started to call Mom but just stopped. Dad's body was just lying there in a twisted heap. Unmoving yet still warm like he had just woken up. I stumbled backwards, dropping my phone without even realising. I hit the wall and sank to the ground, feeling the tears spill over and fall down my cheeks and onto my neck. Some time later someone knocked at the door. Try as I might, I couldn't make myself get up.
"Hello? Is there anyone in there?"They thumped on the door,"Step away from the door if you're there!"

I stayed still as they started bashing the door in, breaking through within seconds. Another few seconds and they were in the room, going straight to my Dad. One of them peeled off and came over to me, going on about me being in shock or something.
"Gerard was it? Do you want to come into the kitchen and get a hot drink?"She smiled kindly at me.
"My- my Mom I- I didn't call her I couldn't-"I finally tore my eyes away from my Dad's lifeless body and looked at her, my vision blurring with tears.
"Do you want us to call her?"She asked as the paramedics took the body away. I nodded numbly, barely noticing as she pulled me to my feet.

I sat down on the bed and watched as she called Mom from my phone. I looked to my left and stared at the note covered in my father's handwriting. I picked it up and looked at it for a second before screwing it up and throwing it at the wall. I put my head in my hands and stared at the ground, trying not to focus on anything.
"No- no I live here that- thats my Dad! Dad whats wrong?!"It was Mikey. That completely put me over the edge. I broke down as his footsteps sounded in the house,"Gerard?!"
"I- over here!"I managed to croak out. He appeared in the door way, clocked the noose and the chair and his face just crumpled up.

A policeman walked in and started asking me what happened.
"I- my Mom sent me home to put some chicken in the fridge and when I got inside I heard a noise so I crept down here and- I- I found him just hanging there.."I whispered,"I need to put the chicken in the fridge,"I stood up.
"No sonny, don't worry about the chicken okay? Your mother will be here soon. Just drink the tea that Belinda is making you and just relax okay?"He kept his hand on my shoulder.

"Gerard will you shut up!"Someone yelled. I opened my eyes with a gasp.
"What?"I croaked out. struggling to identify where I was.
"You've been moaning about fucking chicken for ten minutes. I got home from work two hours ago now please let me sleep!"Mom yelled through my door.
"I- sorry,"I mumbled, rolling onto my stomach as the dream came back to me. Mother fucker. I felt around for my phone and speed dialled Jade.
"Gerard hi. I can't talk for long. I have a session in ten."
"The- the dream is back."
"The dream?"Jade asked, worry filling her voice.
"Yes."
"How are you doing? Got any cravings?"
"No not yet. I only just woke up."

I rubbed at my eyes, trying to push the sight of Dad lying on the ground away.
"Gerard you know that so long as you can fight the cravings then this won't even be considered a relapse of any kind."
"I know I just... I thought they were gone you know?"I sighed, the image of him Mom's blank face burned onto the back of my eyelids.
"Gerard you remember when you told me about your Dad? How you said the drinking was the only way to stop the nightmares?"Jade asked softly.
"Mmm hmm."
"Well think about it. The first few weeks you were having them almost every night. After your first six months, they stopped. You had a blip six months after they stopped and that was only because it was almost new years. You haven't had any since then. Almost two whole years Gerard. The only reason you've had one now is because you're back home and it's December. Don't let it get you down okay? You're gonna be fine."

"I don't have you here though. It's going to be hard,"I sighed.
"Gerard. You don't need me or alcohol to get through this okay? You went five months without me. You can do this. I know you can because you've done it before. Remember that okay? I have to go now. I'll call you tomorrow okay?"Jade said firmly.
"Yep okay. Talk to you tomorrow,"I hung up with a sigh and buried my head under my pillow, falling asleep almost straight away.

*

"Gerard you lazy fuck get the hell up."
"Fuck. Off,"I grumbled, gripping my pillow tightly as Mikey tried to pull it off my head.
"Gerard it is past lunch o'clock. Come on, even Mom is up,"He punched my head through the pillow and got left the room.
"I fucking hate you,"I groaned and surfaced from the mess of blankets and pillows. In the five minutes it took me to actually get out of my bed Mom had yelled out about cooking breakfast despite it being 'lunch o'clock'. I staggered out into the hallway and down to the kitchen where Mom was at the bench cooking bacon and eggs.
"I wont have any, Mom,"I yawned, feeling the need for proper coffee.
"I wasn't cooking you any,"She replied.
"Gee thanks,"I muttered, drinking a glass of water.

I went back to my room and pulled some wrinkly jeans on and a t-shirt that was probably messier than my hair. I went to my mirror and stared at myself. I was wrong. My hair was worse than my shirt. I tried smoothing it down a bit more before giving up all together and leaving,"I'm just going for a walk!"I called as I headed out the front door. Instead of walking towards Symonds Street I made my way down to Newton Road. Someone was walking towards me on the other side of the street and they were staring at me. I kept my head down and picked up my pace but I knew I was done for when they shouted,"Oh my fucking god! Gerard?!"

I looked over and stopped walking as they crossed the road.
"Gerard Way right?"The guy looked at me incredulously, a big smile on his face.
"Uh- yeah. Sorry I don't remember-"My last word was cut off at a punch to my jaw,"Oh fuck!"
"You fucker,"He growled as I stagged away from him. He stayed at the edge of the curb, glaring at me.
"What the fuck was that for?!"I shouted, spitting blood out onto the sidewalk. Jesus fucking christ that hurt so bad.
"You seriously don't remeber me? Fuck you,"He took a step closer. I matched him, backing away as I swished my tongue about my mouth, ignoring the metal taste of my blood as I felt for any loose teeth.

"I dont. I was an alcoholic okay? Can you- jesus this hurts. I'm sorry for whatever I did to you okay? Whether I gave you some sort of a disease or just didn't call you back I'm sorry. I was drunk for four years so just- sorry."
"I don't give a fuck. You broke my brothers fucking heart,"He spat. Literally, on my feet.
"Dude I already fucking told you I don't remember anything and that I'm sorry! Jesus fucking christ do you have to be a dick about it?"I glared back at him, willing the bleeding to stop. I couldn't even find where it was coming from.
"Fuck you. You better watch your back,"He gave me one last look of pure anger before storming back across the road.

"Jesus. I really need a drink now,"I found myself saying. I straightened up as I realised it was the beginning of a craving,"Coffee."
I spat out some more blood and continued walking up Newton Road, onto Waterloo, went past my new work and went through the park onto Elliston Street. Mikey's words of Frank drifted into my mind so I walked up the street towards the cafe where I had been told he worked.

Notes

here is a link to the picture of the town that i drew bc i really want everyone to know the layout and stuff idk why
http://25.media.tumblr.com/af7862831b90524a81ee4d7a429ca06d/tumblr_mm2frg9f0h1rof87xo1_1280.png