Present Day, Dec 1st

"Thank you,"I waved to the cab as he drove away from the curb. I turned around and looked up at the house. Three years since I had been dragged away from here. Kicking and screaming the whole drive to the airport. I shuddered as I remembered accidentily punching Mom in the face as the security guard from the rehab had dragged me out of the car. I pushed the memory out of my mind for good and walked up to the front door of my childhood home. I was sweating profusely despite it being the first of December, and I was quite literally shaking in my boots. I took a few deep breaths in, letting them out slowly, and knocked on the door.

There was some yelling inside, definitely Mom yelling at Mikey to get the door. I was shocked to hear a dog bark loudly and start scratching at the door. Jesus, they got a dog?
"Yeah alright Mom I'm getting it!"I heard Mikey yell from just behind the door,"Down Arya get- Mom! Can you please get Arya?! Whoever you are I'm sorry. Just trying to get rid of the dog!"
"Uh- take- take your time!"I called back. Another minute later, the door opened.

"Sorry about that I-"He froze, mouth hanging open and eyes wide.
"Hey,"I gave a small wave and a smile and took in how much taller Mikey was. His hair was different too. All black instead of his mousy brown. And he had a fringe.
"Mom!"Mikey shouted suddenly, backing away and turning down the hall to go into the lounge. I wasn't too sure what I should do so I just stood there, putting my bag down next to me. Why was it so fucking heavy anyway? I barely had any possessions.

"Oh my god..."Mom was suddenly in the doorway,"Gerard!"She screeched and hugged me tightly.
"Mom,"I sighed into her hair. She squeezed me even tighter as she broke into tears.
"Why didn't you say you were coming back? Why didn't you call at all?"She sniffed.
"I wasn't allowed,"I lied,"When I got out I wanted to surprise you,"I let go of her and looked at Mikey over her shoulder, standing awkwardly in the hallway.
"Do I not get a hug?"He asked slowly, looking down then at me through his new hair style.
"Of course you do,"I smiled widely and practically flew at him.

"I missed you bro,"He whispered into my hair.
"I missed you too,"I mumbled. A huge part of me was regretting not calling them over the past three years spent in rehab and working in a comic store but every time I had told one of the workers that I wanted to use my call time or picked up a phone, I hadn't been able to actually dial the numbers.

"So what happened? I know you got out after a year and a half, the doctors called to let me know. How was California? Come sit down and have a coffee,"Mom gushed and dragged me through the front door and into the lounge. The couches and tv had moved from when I had last seen it but otherwise it was still the same old living room I had played with Mikey in when we were little. The rug was still there, worn and frayed. There was still a stain in the corner from when I had spilled spaghetti.

"Mom just-"
"Go get some coffee, Mikey. Gerard, wait til your brother's out here before you talk. Oh! I'm so glad you're back!"
"Mom calm down!"I shouted and grabbed her arms to steady her."
"Sorry sweetie but-"
"Don't apologise. Don't you dare... I'm the one who needs to do that,"I said quietly as I sat down on the squishy red armchair. A film of tears covered Mom's eyes as she sat down on the couch opposite me.

"Mikey! Get in here!"Mom called suddenly.
"But I'm not done yet!"He replied, clatter mugs onto the counter.
"I don't care Mikey just come here,"I called.
"Your brother has something he needs to say now get in here before I drag you in here myself,"Mom said in the voice that she only ever used if you had done something to seriously piss her off. It was a voice to be scared of it. Obviously it still held its scary factor because I heard Mikey swear, thump something down, and come into the lounge.

"What?"He sighed and leaned against the door frame. I tucked my legs up underneath me and looked down at my shaking hands.
"As soon as I was sober... I- I started thinking of how I could say this but sorry just didn't seem enough... Never the less, I am sorry. For everything. Now that I'm better, I'm ready to make amends. I cannot begin to explain how terrible I feel for what I put you guys through. Especially, I was too angry to say it at the time, but Mom. When I accidentily punched you at the airport? I- hate that I did that to you. I'm sorry."

I looked up at them finally. Mom was crying of course and Mikey looked like he was trying not to cry.
"It's good to have you back, Gerard,"Mikey croaked, proving that the tears were threatening to break out,"Just gonna grab the coffee,"He muttered and left.
"Give me a hug, Gerard,"Mom sniffed. I got up and sat down on the couch next to her, wrapping my arms around her neck tightly.

"So what did you do in California for a year and a half?"Mikey asked as he set down two mugs of coffee. I eagerly grabbed one and took a mouthful, ignoring the heat as Mikey left and got his drink.
"I got a job at a comic store and basically just saved my money. I took a night art class that was twice a week. Made a few friends. Just... Lived really..."
"That sounds pretty good,"Mikey sat down in the seat I had just vacated.
"It was nice. But eventually I knew I had to come back here and at the store where I worked the manager told us in a meeting that business wasn't good and they had to let someone go so I volunteered so I could come back here."

"Well I'm happy to hear you sorted yourself out Gerard. And I'm extremely happy you're back home,"Mom stood up with her coffee,"But I need to leave for work. They changed my shifts so I'm working nights now."
"Still working at the hospital then. Thats good to know,"I smiled,"What about you Michael. Still playing video games with the guys?"
"Basically. But I also get to play video games for a living. I work in a store and I'm always on the floor tidying shit up but mostly, demonstrating how a game works,"He winked at me.
"Thats fucking awesome."
"Damn straight."

Mom finished her coffee, leaned down and gave me a big kiss on the cheek before grabbing her keys from the coffee table and leaving.
"Try and clean up a bit will you? Love you!"
"Bye Mom!"We yelled in unison. Mikey and I saw in silence before he got up, sat down in front of the television and turned the X-Box on.
"What are we playing?"I asked as he threw a controller at me.
"Tha zombie one you bought me,"Mikey muttered.

"Oh good. I need to catch up on kicking your ass,"I said as the game powered up and Mikey sat down next to me.
"Yeah yeah. Whatever,"Mikey muttered as a new game was started. Within seconds Mikey was down to one life.
"One life already! You must have gotten worse while I was- fuck you,"I growled as Mikey literally stabbed me in the back.

This game was one of my favourites. It was a complete fight to survive. While fighting off zombies, you had to kill other players so that the zombies feasted on their brains instead of yours.You started out with three lives and you gained one if you killed three zombies in five seconds or something. At the moment, I had five lives and Mikey was down to his last.
"Seriously, I don't think I've ever seen someone suck so much,"I grinned as I shot Mikey down and won.

"Alright fine. You win,"Mikey dumped his controller in defeat as his side of the screen oozed blood and left the words 'game over'.
"Look at that I'm second on the- score... board..."I trailed off, staring at the high scores in horror,"Who the fuck is Ali and where are all my high scores?"I growled as I punched in my initials.
"That would be my girlfriend. Alicia,"Mikey snorted,"She's better than you."
"You have a girlfriend?"I turned and looked at him.
He nodded,"Met her at work. She's funny, kind, hot and she likes video games. A.K.A, my soulmate."

"I want to meet her,"I stood up and followed Mikey into the kitchen with Mom's empty mug.
"She's working til five today but she's actually coming over for dinner tonight so you're in luck,"Mikey dumped the dishes in the sink and leant against the bench to watch me look around in wonder. The walls had been painted a nice dark blue as opposed to the horrible mustard they used to be.
"Awesome. How long you been dating? And how much of the house have you guys changed?"I asked, motioning for him to follow me so I could explore.
"Almost a year now. And a lot."

"How much is a lot?"I muttered as I peeked into Mom's room. It was still the same set up but the carpet was new and the walls were painted a pale green to match the bedspread. I closed the door and looked at the closed door to my old room. I wasn't sure if I felt ready to go in there after all this time. The last time I was in here I had been screaming about how much I hated them all.
"Your room has had a big make over,"Mikey said quietly. He moved in front of me and opened the door,"It was the last one we tackled after everything else."

"Oh wow..."I stepped into the room, shocked by how different it looked. The carpet had been replaced with a plush forest green one and the walls had been completely done. They were now a nice yellow colour that you could tell would have been hard to find. My old bed was gone and had been replaced with a new wooden four poster bed complete with green curtains. The drawers had been replaced with a matching set and my old mirror, covered in band stickers, was gone and had a nicer smaller one with an ornate frame in its place. The only smell was of some sort of sweet smelling air freshner and a faint smell of paint. No smell of vomit, piss or alcohol.

"It looks amazing..."
"Mom, Alicia, Pete and I did it. Come check out my room,"Mikey dragged me out suddenly. He pushed me through his doorway. The walls were all black except for one purple wall. The carpet was white but Mikey had a new rug that was also purple. He still had his old double bed but it had moved out into the open. On one of his bedside tables was the usual stuff I was used to seeing but on the otherside were things that very obviously, belonged to a girl. I walked over and stared down at them,"Pretty serious then."
"Look above the bed,"Mikey said. I looked up and saw two purple handprints, one smaller than the other one.
"Thats sweet,"I turned and smiled widely at him.

"Look at me like that all you want but I'm happy,"Mikey shrugged his shoulders and left. I took one last look at the handprints, ignoring the stab of jealousy, and left Mikey's room.
"Do you think Mom will be okay with me moving in with her until I can get a job and an apartment?"I asked as I dragged my suitcase down the hall.
"Dude. I still live here. She'll be fine,"Mikey called from the kitchen through a mouthful of food.
"Yeah but you're only nineteen. I'm three years older than you and given everything I put her through, I think it's only right."

"True... I'm sure she'll be fine, Gerard. The last time we saw you, you told us you hate us and punched Mom. That was three years ago. She's just glad t have you back not drunk."
"But still,"I muttered as I pulled open the closet. One of the shelves held all my CDs. Another my books and another held me DVDs. Most of my old clothes were gone but a few tops and jackets were left along with a pairs of shoes that had been signed by the members of Metallica.
"Mom threw out most of your clothes but I made sure she kept your band shirts, favourite jacket and the shoes,"Mikey alerted me to the fact that he was behind me.
"Thanks,"I muttered as I opened my suitcase and started pulling clothes out.

"I uh- I called the guys. Told them to come hang out."
"The guys being...?"
"Ray and Gabe. Bob's at work and Pete's at uni."
"Who the fuck is Gabe?"I asked, putting clothes on coat hangers.
"Oh, this guy I met at work. He used to be friends with Pete in third grade. Then he moved away but now he's back and I work with him,"Mikey said happily.
"Cool. How long til they get here? And did you tell them I'm back?"
"Pfft. Nope. You can scare the shit out of them."

I picked up a top and dumped it back in my suitcase with a groan,"I can't be bothered unpacking."
"So do it later. And shut up. Ray and Gabe are here,"Mikey said from the hallway. I listened closely as the front door opened and the sound of Ray's voice reached my ears and a much deeper voice started talking.
"The X-Box is set up just put a game in. I'll get us some drinks,"Mikey shouted.
"Alright! Which game am I kicking your butts with today?"The deep voiced guy who I assumed was Gabe chuckled.

"Dude. You ready?"Mikey poked his head in my door, a stupid grin on his face.
"As ready as I'll ever be,"I sighed. I felt nervous at seeing Ray. I didn't know Gabe so I didn't give a crap about him, but the last time I saw Ray I had cursed him out and said some very nasty shit.
"Don't be nervous. Ray will forgive you. He knows what addiction is like. You do remember his older brother went through the same thing right?"
"I know I just- what I said..."I sighed, getting up and walking over to him.
"Oi! Where are these drinks you promised us, Mikes?!"Gabe yelled.
"Yeah yeah I'm coming!"Mikey grumbled,"Gerard, it's Ray. Just make sure you say sorry and that you didn't mean it. You know he'll forgive you."

"Hurry the fuck up! I didn't come here to yell at you!"Ray laughed,"Dude I'm totally kicking your ass."
"I'm fucking coming! Jesus christ you didn't actually come here for drinks anyway. Fuck,"Mikey rubbed his face,"Come on."
I took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly to brace myself, then followed Mikey down the hall into the kitchen.
"I'll bring Ray's drink and mine. You take yours and Gabe's,"I grinned. Mikey nodded and grabbed two drinks from the bench and left.

"Dude where's my drink. What kind of shit waiter are you?"I heard Ray say.
"They're coming. Calm yo tits, dude,"Mikey retorted.
"Yeah, who's bringing them?"Ray asked as I walked into the lounge, holding our drinks.
"Me,"I spoke up. Ray's and Gabe's head's snapped to look at me in the doorway.
"Who's this?"Gabe smiled at me. He had short floppy brown hair and even when he was sitting down you could tell he was tall as shit.
"Holy fucking shit dick,"Ray stared at me, his mouth hanging open as I set our cokes down on the coffee table and looked back at him.

"Uh... What's up?"I shrugged my shoulders. Ray didn't say anything, just staring kept staring at me. I glanced at Mikey who was staring at Ray with a look of amusement,"Dude stop staring you're creeping me out."
"Fuck I-"Ray blinked at looked at Mikey's grinning face. Gabe just looked confused. Ray stood up and took the two steps to get in front of me, pulled his fist back and socked me in the jaw.
"Ah! Fuck! Jesus christ!"I clutched at my face, staggering backwards to get away from him,"What the fuck?!"
"Ray what the hell?"Gabe looked at us in fear.

"You fucker,"Ray uttered out. He walked towards me, backing me into a wall,"You complete bastard,"He smiled and grabbed my shoulders to pull me into a hug. I froze for a second before relaxing into the hug, almost choking on his crazy hair.
"You didn't have to hit me,"I said when he let go of me.
"Ah, yeah, I did. Don't worry though I won't hit you again,"Ray said as we sat down,"Mikey hook up two more controllers would you?"
"Why do I have to do everything?"He grumbled, shooting us glares as he got up and did it anyway.

"So what's up?"Ray asked as we all started killing zombies.
"I- well. I got out of rehab a year and a half ago. Got a job at a comic store. Started a night art class. When my class finished I started thinking about coming back home. My boss said that business wasn't good and they had to let someone go so I volunteered so I could com back here,"I said, doing my best to fight off about ten zombies.
"So would that be them firing you or you quitting?"
"Not sure... I guess... Both in a way. Mikey are you even focused?"
"Shut up."

Just as Mikey got game over, a doorbell rang. When did we get a doorbell?
"Mikey you can answer it because you're dead,"Gabe laughed as he shot me.
"Fuck you all,"Mikey sighed and got up. He drank the last of his coke before getting up and leaving the room.
"Hold on, shush,"Gabe paused the game and stared at nothing. I could just imagine his ears perking up underneath his hair.
"What are we-"
"Shhhhhushshsh,"Gabe flapped a hand in my direction.

"Awesome. Alicia's here,"Ray sighed,"Better finish the game up because she'll want to join us probably."
"Why do we have to rush to finish?"I asked, barely taking notice of Ray and Gabe killing me til I got game over.
"Well you're out. It's fun to play against Alicia. Trust me,"Ray nudged me,"Move over."
"But I-"
"Move! I need a better spot!"
"Jesus christ,"I got up as Mikey lead a sobbing girl into the lounge, his arm around her comfortingly.

The TV clicked off and we all looked.
"It's not fair!"She wailed. Mikey looked perplexed as to what he should say. Instead he just pulled her onto his lap and held her tightly, murmuring something in her ear. I looked at Ray and Gabe for a clue about what the hell was happening but they both just shrugged at me.
"She was fired,"Mikey mouthed to us. Oh. It took a few minutes before she was able to calm herself down enough.

"Babe, what happened?"Mikey asked quietly.
"I- I yelled at a customer again. I know it's my own fault but its still not fair. This guy was making fun of my scars and I just gave in and yelled at him,"She sniffed,"And now I feel like shit not only because I lost my job but because of what he said and I just-"Alicia looked up and she changed the direction of her sentence,"Mikey as much as I know and like your friends, can we talk in your bedroom?"She sniffed.
"Of course. I won't be long you guys,"Mikey stood up, keeping his arm around her waist as they walked out and into Mikey's room.

"So that's Alicia."
"That's Alicia,"Ray agreed.
"Mikey really likes her?"
"Loves her. They said the big words on their six month and they gave us something to make jokes about that night,"Ray winked at me.
"Dude did Mikey- oh my god!"I grinned,"Didn't think he had it in him."
"Neither did we,"Gabe sniggered,"Alright lemme finish kicking your butt Raymond so Alicia can come out and kick both of our butts. You know she'll want to as well."

"Yeah, yeah. You're all talk, Angel,"Ray retorted.
"I told you not to call me 'Angel' jesus christ,"Gabe grumbled. To prove how much the name irked him, he shot Ray dead and won.
"Alright no need to kill me over it,"Ray sighed, stretching into his seat.
"So who are you?"Gabe turned to me suddenly, making Ray start laughing.
"Oh. I'm Mikey's brother."
"I didn't know he had a brother."
"Yeah he kept pretty quiet about you actually. Bob, Pete and I are basically the only ones who know what happened on those days."

I swallowed whatever I had been about to say as a wave of shame washed over me. Had I really been so bad that Mikey had been ashamed to talk about me in anyway? I brushed the thought aside as Mikey returned alone.
"She's pretty cut up so I'm making us some coffee. You guys want some?"He asked.
"Yeah I could go for some,"I sighed, grabbing my empty glass and shoving it at Mikey before sitting back down.

"Do you want any help sweetie?"Alicia called from down the hall.
"Oh no its fine,"Mikey called back. The only sound came from Mikey in the kitchen and Ray texting on his phone at the speed of light.
"Sorry about that guys,"Alicia sighed, almost literally appearing in front of us. She sat down in the airchair and pulled her feet up onto the couch. Wrapping her cardigan around her tightly.
"Nah it's fine. Did Angus yell at you?"Gabe asked.
"Yeah. And you know how he is when he gets angry,"Alicia sighed, wiping away tears as her eyes fell on me,"Who- who are you?"

"Mikey's brother,"I muttered. Even though it was completely his choice, I was still a little pissed off he hadn't at least told people he had a brother.
"Oh! I thought you were in California?"
"No I uh I came back today. Surprised Mom and Mikey,"I smiled as Mikey came in and sat a coffee in front of me and handed another one to Alicia.
"Aw that's nice. I'm Alicia, Mikey's girlfriend,"She smiled widely, lighting up her small face.

I hadn't gotten a proper look at her earlier but now that she was looking at me and wasn't crying I realised Mikey wasn't joking when he said she was hot. I wasn't bothered by girls at all but this girl was gorgeous. Her long hair was black with purple streaks and she had a lip ring as well. From what I could tell, she was wearing a Ramones shirt so I could tell why Mikey was with her.
"Yeah he told me. I'm Gerard,"I smiled.
"I know. He told me,"She winked as she moved over for Mikey when he came in with his coffee.
"Bob's getting picked up by Pete and then they're coming here."Ray said, looking up from his phone finally.

"Awesome. Did you tell them Gerard's here?"Mikey asked.
"Of course. It was the only way I could get persuade Pete to give Bob a lift here and back."
"Damn, he could have scared them or something,"He sighed.
"Tough shit. Come on, Alicia, you wanna kick some zombie ass?"Ray asked.
"Fuck yes,"She sighed as a phone started ringing.
"God dammit. What does she want now?"Gabe grumbled as he stood up with his phone,"You guys play. I've gotta take this call."

"So I noticed that you beat all of my scores. Looks like I've got my work cut out for me,"I said as the game started up.
"Damn straight,"She giggled,"It only took me a couple of hours to completely clear 'GAW' from the board. Too easy."
"These guys have told me how good you are and how you always beat them but that doesn't mean much considering they suck. I think you're gonna have to prove that you don't suck."
"Proof enough for you?"She said smugly as she made Mikey get game over, killed me and scored herself a life. Jesus fucking christ.
"Mikey? I finally have some proper competition. Don't ever let this girl go,"I grinned, feeling the competitor in me wake up.

Barely three hours back and I was already playing video games with them like when we were in high school. It was as if the four years between the end of high school and the day they locked me in my bedroom didn't happen. The thought made me feel warm and bubbly inside. I only hoped it would be the same out in the public where the possibility of a one night stand from years ago remembered me. That had never been a good road to go down in the past and people in a town like this don't forgive and forget as easily as my friends and family do.

*

"I don't have enough dinner for them all. No. They can't stay,"Mom said firmly. Mikey's face fell. Mom slammed the fridge shut and looked at us,"I barely have enough for the unexpected Gerard. What makes you think I have enough for every single one of your friends?"
"They aren't my only friends,"Mikey mumbled. I snorted into my coffee and looked away as Mikey scowled.
"Mikey you know what I mean. Go and send them home,"Mom sighed as she started chopping up carrots.
"Fine,"He sighed and left,"Oi pricks get out of my house!"

"How was your day?"I asked Mom, grabbing a knife and joining her side.
"It was okay."
"I'm glad they let you go home early because of me."
"Well Josie knew what happened so she was happy to cover for me,"Mom yawned.
"How is she?"
"Good. Her and Ralph just got married. You remember Ralph right?"
"Yeah, yeah he was Dad's best friend right?"
"Yeah!"Mom exclaimed as Mikey and Alicia walked in.

"What's this?"Mikey sighed, sitting down at the table and pulling Alicia into his lap.
"Gerard remember's Ralph."
"Oh right. Oh I saw him on my way home from work the other day,"Mikey said.
"Did you talk to him?"
"No he was walking in a rush up Symond Street on the other side of the road."
"Symond Street? What day was this?"Mom stopped cutting veges and looked at Mikey.
"Uhhh... Tuesday? Or wednesday. Definitely one of those."
"Josie said he was working late both those nights... What time was this?"
"Around six. After I finished work."

Mom stared at Mikey, processing his words.
"Hmm... Must be an explanation,"She muttered and went back to cutting veges. She looked concerned. When I asked if she was okay right before we all went to bed she said she was fine but I could tell she wasn't. I may have been away for three years and drunk for four years before that but I knew when she wasn't okay. What Mikey had told her about Ralph was bothering her. There wasn't much I could do about it so I gave her a hug and a kiss, hugged Mikey and went into my bedroom.

I flicked the light on and stared. The bedspread was different. The carpet was different. The walls were different. The bed itself was different. The drawers were different. Everything was different and I loved it. I smiled to myself and went and sat down down by my suitcase, forcing myself to put everything away. It was barely eleven at night but I felt exhausted. It had been a long day. I reached the bottom of my suitcase and sighed happily at the sight of my favourite painting. It had been the one to get me an award and I had no idea why it was so good. It seemed to mean something to me but I had no idea what. It was just red and black streaks everywhere with one silver curved streak in the middle and two hazel coloured splotches close to the top. My teacher had been determined to put it in a frame so now I had this painting of mine in a frame. I placed it on my dresser before giving up and pulling my jeans and top off before climbing into my new clean bed that smelt good, falling asleep almost instantly into dreams of red and black and hazel and cold silver.