Taking Chances

“Oi. You could at least keep it in your pants at school.” Mikey laughed as I shove myself to my feet, hands flying to my hair in shock; eyes wide in embarrassment and shame, I felt my cheeks turning a bright red, while Gerard swore and yanked his pants back up.

“Damnit Mikey! What the hell?” I didn’t mean to yell, but my embarrassment made my voice louder than normal. Mikey just shrugged and gave me a look that clearly told me to calm down.

“Geez Frank, calm down okay. I’m sorry, but you guys did leave the door open; and I needed a ride home. I missed the bus.” He really didn’t look upset or surprised but the same could not be said for Gerard. He had his back to his brother; he was leaning on his hands on the edge of his desk, his head hanging, his beautiful eyes closed, and his cheek flaming. His expression screamed his shame; his lips were pressed tightly together, like he was trying so hard not to cry. I melted inside. This was all my fault; I had done this too him, I had taken it too far. I felt tears rise to my eyes as I looked at Gee.

“Just get out of here Mikey.” I took a deep breath and looked up at my best friend’s confused face.

“Look man, I said I was sorry.” Mikey looked more hurt than anything. I tilted my head towards his brother, and pleaded him with my eyes to just leave quietly. Mikey looked at Gerard and his expression changed to one of empathy and care. He glanced at me and nodded; shrugged his backpack back onto his shoulder, and backed out of the room, and walked away.

I stepped over to Gee’s side, slide my arm around his shoulders and leant forward to try and get him to look at me. Gerard turned his face away, his whole body tensing but in a completely different way to earlier. I felt him withdraw entirely and knew in that moment that he wanted nothing to do with me. But I didn’t walk away. I hadn’t lied when I said I wouldn’t be able to let him go. I held him tighter, pulled him into me and wrapped my arms around him, holding Gee close as his shoulders began to shake from his silent sobs.

Gerard clung to my shirt, his face pressed to my shoulder and cried. I knew from experience how much it hurt to hide something like your sexuality. It killed you inside; and you needed to come to terms with it yourself before you could share it with even your closest family or friends. But Gerard hadn’t gotten a chance do any of that. I had exposed him, quite literally, before he was ready. I had gotten him started down that path, but it was a long road to acceptance; and you had to accept it yourself, before others would.

But Mikey catching us, it was a huge shock. Gerard would never get the chance to sit down with him and explain. He would never get that comfortable, happy feeling; that feeling of having someone totally accept what you are sharing. It didn’t matter that Mikey wasn’t upset, or judgmental; all that mattered was that Gerard hadn’t said it himself. I whispered soothing words, and just held Gee until had calmed down a bit and stepped back himself. I smiled at him, and wiped his cheeks gently with my thumbs, holding his angelic face between my unworthy hands.

“I’m sorry Frank. You shouldn’t have had to see me like this.” I shook my head and kissed Gee lightly on his cute pixie nose.

“If I never saw you like this, what would be the point? You can’t fake heart-break, you can’t fake feelings like this. Besides, I know how hard it is to deal with; I’ve been through this myself.” I could see on his face that sharing more of my story would help. I let my hands fall from Gee’s face and took his hand instead and led him behind his desk, gesturing for him to sit. After he had I sat on his desk and took a deep breath.

“My father wasn’t the most accepting person. He always bad mouthed any gays we saw whether on tv or in public. He would go on and on about how unnatural they were and how they were going against God’s word and would burn in hell. One weekend, he was supposed to be away on work, and I had my best-friend, Alex, over. We were sitting on my bed, just talking at first; but we soon realized that we both sort of wanted more from life; more from each other. My father walked in on our first-and last- kiss. He grabbed my Alex by the hair and dragged him all the way to the front yard, and kicked him until he stopped moving. When
I tried to get him to stop, he turned his anger on me. I was in hospital for two months. I never did see Alex again.” Gerard looked horrified and it was his turn to hug me. I still felt guilty for what happened to Alex, but my father’s reaction didn’t bother me much anymore. He was just a closed minded, abusive dick; his opinion didn’t count for shit. I told Gerard so and he seemed surprised.

“But how did you get past it?” His expression so earnest it almost broke my heart.

“It took time, and my mom helped a lot. She was always there for me.” I smiled and stroked Gee’s cheek gently. “And now I’m here for you.” I hopped off of the desk and smiled. “C’mon on Gee, we should pack up. We both need to get home and get some rest.” Gerard nodded, he looked better already.

“Don’t worry Gee,” I swung my back pack over one shoulder and put the other arm around Gerard’s shoulders, “We can meet up after school tomorrow; talk about it. You could even hang with us at lunch if you aren’t busy.” Gerard looked so excited.
"That sounds great." I hugged him tight to my side and we walked out to the car park; both of us looking forward to tomorrow.

Notes

Aww poor Gee :( but YAY Frank :D Hope I didn't disappoint. I love comments so let me know how I'm doing so far.

Rock 'n Roll, Pansies
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