Neverenders

It was a beautiful autumn day in Belleville, New Jersey; the leaves were the perfect blend of yellow, orange and red, the sky a crisp blue. The kind of day where a sweater was optional – even though I was huddled up in one of his oversized ones; I was always cold now – the grass was still green and the kids were just starting to go back to school: their own private hell.

He would have loved this day.

He would have sat on the balcony with me as he cracked jokes, laughing in that silly giggle he had, or maybe pulled out his acoustic guitar, giving me my own personal show.

Instead I was sitting on the balcony, sipping on a beer and chain-smoking cigarettes.

Alone.


I was always by myself now.

Friends and family stopped by on occasion, but to live alone and have no one else making food in the kitchen or using the shower was foreign to me. Every day I woke up to no one and nothing.

I was finishing a cigarette when the phone started to ring, bringing me from my thoughts, shrilling from its place on the coffee table in the living room. I rose from my spot on the balcony and shuffled my way through the sliding glass doors separating the balcony from the living room.

I grasped the phone and pressed the talk button, bringing it to my ear.

I heard someone breathing on the other end, but didn’t say anything myself.

“Nicole?... Come on answer me, please.”

It was Kyle, my best friend. He was always there with a shoulder to cry on and a cigarette to share.

He’d been calling every day, checking up on me. More than likely just to make sure I was still breathing.

He sighed on the other end, making me pay more attention to the device in my hand.

“I’m coming over; I’ll be there in half an hour.”

I blinked and pulled the phone away from my ear, clicking it off.

I grabbed a smoke and lighter of the table and lit it while walking towards the bedroom. I needed clean clothes and a shower, but the shower would have to wait until later after Kyle left. I walked down the hall towards our room. Correction my room now, there was no him to share anything with anymore, no shared cigarettes or cases of beer, no pizza’s with too much cheese. No one to hog the bed at night, or steal the last of the chips in the cupboard; there were no more stolen glances across rooms, or rushed kissed goodbye as one of us left for work.

I wiped at a tear that ran down my cheek, as I looked for a clean shirt in the closet. I slid on some ripped jeans and a Pink Floyd shirt; the very one I was wearing the day we met.

I walked back into the living room and turned on the radio, Green Day instantly filling the room.

Within a few minutes I heard a light knock on the door and got up, reluctantly leaving my perch on the couch to answer the door.

Kyle stood on the other side, a case of beer in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

“You look like hell.”

He muttered a small smile on his face.

I smiled weakly back and opened the door wider, letting him walk into the apartment.

He put the beer in the fridge after grabbing us two and joined me on the couch, plopping himself down beside me, and putting a comforting arm around my shoulders.

I popped the tab on my beer and gulped down half of it, earning a concerned gaze from Kyle as he took a couple of sips from his.

“Mikey called me yesterday.”

I nodded and lit a smoke, exhaling before drink more of my beer.

“He wanted to know how you are.”

I looked over at him, taking another drag.

“Tell him I’m just fucking peachy.”

He chuckled at my response.

“I told him to meet me here, I hope you don’t mind.”

I froze, wanting to reach out and slap Kyle right across the face; I hadn’t seen Mikey in months.

“You what?”

I spat.

“I told him to meet me here today; he’s off work right away. He’ll be here soon.”

“What made you think that would be a good idea?”

My raised voice echoing off of the walls.

“Come on Nicole! He’s worried about you. We all are.”

I shrugged Kyle arm off of my shoulders and stood up, facing him.

“Yeah it really shows how concerned you all are; when day after fucking day I am here all by myself.”

That hit home and I knew it would. I guess you could say I had a knack for hurting the people that mattered most.

We both went silent, as Kyle hung his head.

“Nicole, you know it’s not like that. But we all can’t be here all of the time. It’s just the way it is.”

My cheeks burned red; knowing he was right.

“Kyle…”

“It’s fine Nic.”

I took my spot back on the couch and rested my head on Kyle’s shoulder.

“Are you doing alright at least?”

His voice was gentle but probing. I sighed before answering.

“Honestly, not really. Some days are better than others, but they all suck.”

He nodded trying his best to understand, although he probably never would. The guilt I carried around from that day was all consuming; tearing me apart and slowly killing me.

I was mid-thought when another knock at the door pulled away me from the couch.

I wandered to the door and upon opening it it revealed the one and only Mikey Way standing there, his hands in his pockets and a sheepish look on his face.

“Hey Nicole.”

“Hi Mikey, come in.”

He stepped through the door and took off his shoes before standing before me, looking down at me through his glasses.

“How are you?”

His question was direct, like he wanted an honest answer and not some bullshit ‘I’m okay’ that I used far too much.

“I’m surviving I guess.”

I said as my eyes moistened up some, Mikey’s already sad face fell even more and before I knew it he pulled me into a tight hug, his arms wrapping around my shoulders, my face against his chest; and that’s when I cried.

I cried long and hard; not the pretty type of crying, but the type where my face got red and blotchy and my nose started to run. When I’d finally somewhat collected myself I choked out a few words.

“I miss him so much Mikey.”

He rubbed my back and led me into the living room, placing me on the couch beside Kyle as he took the seat next to me.

I leaned my head back and looked around the room.

There was a desk with my typewriter placed on it, along with papers, pens, books and empty cigarette packs. There was a TV on its stand with a bookshelf beside it full of movies, comics and more books.

The walls full of posters and artwork, some of it mine, some of it his.

My eyes fell on a flyer for a Bouncing Souls show; it was from our first date. He’d picked me up in his run-down truck, a stolen bottle of rum hidden under the seat; it was gone before we even hit the venue.

I smiled fondly at the memory; I could still smell the cologne he was wearing that mixed in with the smell of cigarette smoke and mint gum he’d been chewing.

Leaning forward for my cigarettes I started to remember the first time we met and when my life change forever.

The very first day I met Frank Iero.

Notes

Hey Everyone!
Here is the very first chapter of 'Neverenders'!
I'm pretty pleased how it's coming along so far, and I should have the second chapter up in the next few days, if not sooner.
If you've read 'Cemetery Drive' you're going to notice a lot of similarities and that is completely on purpose, as 'Neverenders' is a edited re-write of 'Cemetery Drive' more or less, but will contain a whole lot more, while taking away some of the elements as well.

So let me know what you think.
Rate, Review, Subscribe, all that other good stuff.

Helena.