Not Good Enough

Frank's POV


Frank slowed down once he was out of sight of Gerard's house. He was glad it was dark out, it made him feel safe. He wrapped his arms around himself and sighed. He just...couldn't be close to people. His body was all wrong and he was constantly aware of it. When any part of him touched other people, he felt like they were aware of it too, and that was a terrible feeling.

Suddenly he went from feeling sad to feeling mad. He was so fucking stupid. He wanted Gerard, right? Why not just let it happen? He growled under his breath, punching a tree before remembering that punching trees fucking hurt.

By the time he got home it was bleeding a little and he bandaged it up, looking at his reflection in the mirror with an expressionless face, feeling numb.

He turned off his light, looking out his window and up at the night sky. It was beautiful, really. And so was Gerard. The world wasn't all bad. Just...mostly bad. After a few more minutes of watching the stars he felt a little more at peace with existence, but his last memory before going to sleep was still a pillow wet with tears.

-

He went through his first few classes the next day in a strange haze of daydreams. He couldn't stop thinking about Gerard. But he just couldn't bring himself to believe that Gerard could really want someone as flawed and broken as Frank felt.

After school, Gerard finally found him, catching his arm.

"Hey! Where have you been?"

Frank shrugged. "At school."

Gerard rolled his eyes. "Well obviously. But I haven't seen you."

"I was..." Why not just tell the truth? He was screwed anyways. "I was avoiding you..."

"What? Why?" Fortunately, Gerard seemed more confused than hurt.

Frank sighed "I- I don't know...I've been thinking, maybe there's a reason I've never had any friends. Maybe I'm not ready, you know? I don't pass and I don't-"

"Pass?"

"Yeah, you know, pass as male...no one ever fucking gets it right."

"Frank, you do pass."

"Then tell me why everyone thinks I'm a girl." Frank knew he probably sounded angry, but he wasn't. Just frustrated that he didn't have the words to make Gerard understand what he was feeling.

"They don't. Not everyone anyways. But these people have known you for a long time, and people are stupid and stubborn and they don't want to change. They'd rather have another punching bag."

"Gerard..."

"Frank. If those kids hadn't told me I never would have known."

"...yeah, you would have."

"No, I-"

"I would have told you. Eventually."

Gerard didn't seem to know how to respond to that. "Uh...can I ask why?"

"Because..." Now that he had been asked why, he couldn't remember the answer. "Well because...if I didn't then you probably would've ended up walking in on me while I was changing or something and I refuse to let my life become a stupid transphobic romcom." It was a little more complicated than that, but it was an acceptable answer for the time being.

Gerard gave him a small smile at that. "Well, I'm glad you trust me enough to tell me."

Fuck, how had Gerard known what he was thinking?

Gerard just grinned at him. "Wanna watch the second Hobbit movie now?"

Frank nodded, giving him a small smile in return. "Sure."

Notes

Wow, an update! Amazing! Yeah idk I finally remembered this thing so enjoy.