
My Chemical One Shot Collection
It's Not Just A Band
I sat by myself at the bar, my fingers tapping against the shiny wood counter as I took another swig of beer. I could feel the alcohol trickle down my throat with a burning sensation before settling itself. It was late at night and all patrons of the bar had left. I was left alone, save the weary bartender who was washing glasses. I put my now empty glass back down on the table and eyed the bartender expectantly.
"Sorry pal," He shrugged lazily while still polishing a glass, "You've reached the limit." I grumbled under my breath, but nonetheless pushed a wad of bills across the bar before standing up to leave. I shrugged on my black leather jacket. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and hit the power button lighting up the screen. 13 missed calls, all from the band and Brian, and 46 text messages. I sighed deeply before turning it back off and shoving it into my jacket pocket. I would get ahold of them eventually, I just wasn't in the mood right now.
I pushed the door to the bar open and stepped into the chilly night. The street was completely barren, and even the sounds of emergency vehicles racing off to go save the day and other big city noises were almost muted. It was definitely a dull night.
I walked into the alley beside the bar and leaned against the wall, my black clothes helping me melt into the shadows. I sighed again as I pulled out my lighter and a pack of Marlboro cigarettes. I bent over slightly, and using my hand as a shield lit one. I brought it to my lips and leaned against the wall, letting the smoke and nicotine engulf me. I sighed in content as I closed my eyes and blocked out reality.
A small gasp startled me and I jumped a little. "Gerard...Way?" A timid voice asked. I opened my eyes, taking another drag of my cigarette . A teenage girl stood in front of me. She was dressed in black skinny jeans and awesome combat boots. Under her black hoodie she had on what seemed to be a Green Day shirt. Her most startling attribute though was her electric purple hair and lip ring. She couldn't have been older than eighteen or nineteen. I frowned to myself, wondering what a girl like her was doing out at this time of night. Soon though my bad mood found its way back to me.
"Yeah, that's me, the amazing fuck up Gerard Way at your service," I muttered without sarcasm. She just grinned cheekily at me before moving to lean against the wall next to me. I shuffled slightly to the side to make room for her while she lit her own cigarette. I just wanted to be alone right now, but that didn't mean I was gonna act like a douche. We stood in silence for several minutes before she finally spoke.
"You wanna talk about it?" She asked. Not in a nosy I-want-to-get-all-up-in-your-business way, but more of in a friendly matter, like she actually did care. I sat up from the wall to stub my cigarette out with my converse before turning to study her. She just looked back at me, occasionally taking a drag of her own cigarette. I thought it over. It might actually be nice to talk to someone who wasn't in the band. I had pretty much guessed she was a fan since she knew my name, but something told me that it would be okay to confide in her.
"Yeah that would be nice," I agreed eyeing my converse. When I looked back up she was grinning again. She leaned away from the wall before crushing the remains of her own cigarette.
"Perfect," She said still holding the grin on her face. "C'mon, there's a 24 hour coffee shop just around the corner. We can talk there." She turned on her heel and strode out of the alleyway, not bothering to glance behind her to see if I was coming.
~~~
"Maia Bailey," She told me as she held her coffee up to warm her face before taking a sip. We were the only two customers left in the 24 hour coffee shop. The old lady who had served us had retreated to the back with a worn down romance paperback book. It hadn't taken me long after we had reached the little coffee shop to realize that I didn't even know her name. "Of course I always thought a name LIKE Shadow would be awesome," She mused breaking me out of my thoughts. I gave her a weak smile.
"Yeah, Shadow would be an awesome name. It would suit you." I guessed I spaced out looking into my coffee, because a few seconds later I saw a hand being waved in my face. "What?" I asked still spaced out and dazed. Maia leaned back in her seat sighing and frowning slightly.
"I said what's up. You seem really down tonight," She leaned forward towards me again, and I could see actual concern in her eyes. I ignored her for a couple of minutes and traced patterns on the faux wood table before finally sighing. I squeezed my eyes shut and pinched the bridge of my nose. She waited calmly and silently for me to begin. Her gaze was towards her coffee when I began speaking, but it snapped back to my face when I spoke.
"Lately I just don't get the point of it," I began. My eyes met hers, hers imploring and full of questions and sympathy. "I don't get the point of the band," I was expecting a gasp of shock or maybe a look telling me I'm stupid, but Maia gave me none of those. She just studied me and almost silently urged me to continue.
"It's okay" She reassured me, grabbing my arm and giving it a squeeze, "If you need to vent just let it all out. I promise I won't stop you or say anything till you're done." She gave me a small smile. I gave her another weak one back. Secretly though I was relieved. I hadn't vented to anyone about this and it was pulling me down. It was about time I had it off of my chest.
"Its just..." I broke off but then just went with it. "I want to save peoples lives, I really do. But the other day I began to realize something. I'm not doing anything for kids really. Sure I sing some songs with inspirational lyrics in them but that's it. I'm not saving them from depression, or being abused, or rape, or being bullied at school. In the long run I'm not doing shit for those kids. And if I'm not helping people then I just don't get the point of the band." Maia sat silently through my whole rant. She nodded at the right moments and watched me the whole time to show me that I had her full attention. Never once did I see judgment pass across her face. When I was finally done with my rant we sat in silence again, both just sipping at our going cold coffees. Again she was the one to break it.
"You listen to lots of music right?" She asked staring intently into her coffee with a thoughtful look. I began to answer her but she held up a hand to stop me. "Don't... answer that. I already know the answer." I shut my mouth and listened. Her hands wrapped around her mug trying to warm them. "Music inspires people. Maybe it doesn't save them from a certain situation, but it certainly makes them a hella lot better. That's what My Chem does Gee. It makes people see the better side of things. You and the others make songs that people can connect too." She said it not with a pleading voice trying to convince me, but more like stated it as a fact.
"Yeah, I guess," I shrugged half heartedly, still unconvinced. "I still don't know if I want to finish up the new album though. The motivation just isn't there anymore." I stared unhappily into mug of cold coffee. I was in such a bad mood I didn't even finish my coffee. I shoved the mug across the table and buried my head in my arms in its place.
"Oh Gee," She whispered quietly her voice only now filling with sympathy. Suddenly a piercing sound caused me to jump and lift my head up. "Sorry!" She apologized slipping her hand into her pocket and producing her cellphone. "Just give me a sec..." She tapped the screen before putting in to her ear. I wasn't trying to eavesdrop but since I was near her I heard her side of the conversation anyway. "Hey...yeah...yeah...but!...yeah...the coffee shop...you know the 24 hour one...a friend...okay fine...bye" She sighed in annoyance and sent a glare out the window. "So I guess my loving father decided to care for me for once. He's gonna be here in like five minutes to pick me up." She looked at me sadly, but with also a slight calculating look on her face.
"S'okay" I told her trying to hide my disappointment, She really was nice to talk to. Again she got that look like she was trying to decide whether or not she wanted to do it or not. Finally she seemed to make up her mind and pulled a sharpie out of her boot.
"It's my number one rule," She told me when she saw my amused look. "Always carry a sharpie with you. You never know when you're gonna need it. She grabbed my arm before I could ask what she was doing. She uncapped the sharpie and scribbled something down before recapping the sharpie and allowing me to have my arm back. I looked down to see ten numbers quickly jotted down. "It's my number," She informed me jamming the sharpie back into her boot. It didn't look comfortable but I wasn't one to judge. "I'm not hitting on you or anything. I mean yes you are gorgeous. And no I don't regret saying that, but something tells me I won't be able to convince you you're wrong. That means I'm gonna have to show you." I stared at her, the confusion plain on my face.
"I don't get it..." I trailed off as I was blinded by the headlights of a pickup pulling into the parking lot in front of me. Maia turned around in her seat cussing as she saw it.
"Yep that's my dad." She stood, reaching into her pocket for some cash. I stopped her though with a hand on her arm.
"Let me pay, you've already done enough," She looked as if she were about to protest so I gave her my best puppy dog eyes. I grinned as she consented and reached into my own pocket for my wallet. I threw the money down on the table along with a tip before standing up and walking with her to the door. She looked slightly nervous and kept biting her lip and staring at the floor. Finally she looked up and made eye contact with me.
"Gee, I know you're confused with what I said before about showing you, but please trust me. It'll make sense soon." She promised looking me in the eyes. Then she reached in and hugged me. I felt sudden tingles travel through me. Not in a romantic way, but more of electrical impulses going through my entire body. It didn't hurt but it felt weird. She pulled away quickly and pulled her hood up before pushing the coffee shop door open. She took a step out before turning around to face me a final time. "Oh and Gee?" She called out.
"Yeah?" I replied watching her.
"Keep my number. You're gonna wanna call me in the morning." With that she turned and walked out the door, melting away into the night and leaving me on my own.
~~~
It was after four in the morning by the time I dragged myself into my apartment. Even with the coffee I had at the coffee shop and the on the go one I bought for the way home, I was still exhausted. I trudged to the bathroom, intent on being clean before I totally passed out for the night and possibly the next week. After I was satisfied with my hygiene I padded off to my bedroom, barely having enough energy to slip out of my clothes and into clean boxers before I collapsed on the bed. I was asleep the second my head touched the pillow.
~~~
I was in a room with multiple doors. I realized I was dreaming right away. It was a large circular room, with four doors. Slowly as I watched each one faded until there was only one. Well guess that leaves me with a wide variety of choices I thought dryly as I walked towards it. I twisted the handle and the door swung open.
I stepped through the threshold into a bathroom. It was a normal bathroom, but that's not what caught my attention. What caught my attention was the figure hunched up by the toilet. They were obviously crying and instinctively I reached out to them. I frowned though as my hands passed right through them. Instead I watched as the figure-- a girl from her long blue hair-- got on her knees beside the toilet and leaned over. I watched as she took two fingers and began trying to cause herself to throw up. It surprised me when I realized I could faintly hear her thoughts. You ate too much...you're so fat...just throw this up and don't eat tomorrow... I could feel myself tearing up as I witnessed it. Suddenly the girl jerked and stopped. That's when I heard it. Playing in the background. The first chords to Welcome To The Black Parade. The girl turned and I saw her face. Her eyes were rimmed red and there snot coming out of her nose. She looked vaguely familiar. I studied her while she, still crying, sang along quietly. I couldn't hear her thoughts now, but I could almost feel her emotions. She felt inspired and more confident. The song came to a close and slowly she stood up and pulled a sharpie from her pocket. In bold thick letters she wrote "We'll Carry On" on her forearm. With that she wiped her eyes and walked out of the bathroom. Suddenly it clicked. The sharpie. I thought the girl looked familiar. It was a younger Maia.
Suddenly the bathroom faded till I was just surrounded by grey mist. Another door appeared out of nowhere. I walked over to this one as well and opened it. I was greeted by the same scene as before. I stood patiently in the corner as I watched her cry, this time not bothering to reach out. I already knew how this would work, and in the end it would turn out all right. I watched as the scene from before repeated itself. Now that I paid attention though I realized that music had been playing the whole time. I spied her phone nearby. Maybe she had been using to block out the noise she would've made. Maia knelt down just like before. I once again heard her thoughts in my head. I tried to block them out knowing that it would all be okay in a couple of moments. The previous song ended and I waited for Black Parade to play. It never did. Instead Pick Up The Phone by Falling In Reverse started. Maia didn't stop this time She just kept throwing up, holding her blue hair back as she did.
I did reach for her now, trying desperately to stop her even though I knew it was a dream. I tried screaming, I tried pulling her away, I even tried knocking things over to get her attention. Nothing happened. It was like I was just a ghost. I couldn't help her. Suddenly she changed, not a lot, but she was wearing different clothes and in a slightly different position. Then she changed again. And again. And again. She got taller and her hair grew longer until it was the length and color it was today. The only difference was that she was skinnier. Unhealthily skinny. She looked weaker too, nothing like the Maia I had met.
I realized what I just saw though. My Chem wasn't there for her, and I just witnessed how it affected her. I broke down into sobs. When I finally could see again there was nothing but grey mist and another door. Tiredly and wearily I reached for the handle and turned it.
I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that it wasn't the bathroom. Instead it was what appeared to be a bedroom. Since Maia-- a slightly older than the previous Maia-- was laying across the bed, I assumed it was hers. The walls were black and grey, and covered with band posters. I grinned when I saw the majority of them were of me and the band.
Maia who had been laying on her back staring blankly at the ceiling suddenly curled in on herself and began sobbing. Again her thoughts filled my head. I'm not good enough...What's wrong with me?...I'm a waste of space...I'm fat I'm ugly...No one cares. Depression was hitting Maia full force. She shrieked and cried into her pillow. Finally she crawled over to her bedside table and grabbed her iPod. Even though she plugged in her headphones I could hear what she was playing. Headfirst For Halos. This was followed by many other songs done by us. including I'm Not Okay, The World Is Ugly, Desert Song, and The Light Behind Your Eyes. Soon she was only sniffling, and even that soon turned into exhausted sleep. Another time change happened only this one showed her waking up. She looked at her iPod and just smiled before lying back down. Seeing how this scene was over, I waited for the grey to come. When it did, I was ready. I confidently walked up to the new door and walked in.
I wasn't too surprised when I walked back into the bedroom again. This time though all the My Chem posters were gone, replaced by blank empty space. Maia was on the bed just the same as before and started crying at the same time. I sat on the bed and held my head in my hands I didn't really want to see this.
I felt the bed shift as she reached for her iPod. I knew this time My Chem wouldn't play though. Instead I heard a crash. I shot up, confused by the sudden noise. There was her iPod in pieces on the floor. A particular sharp piece caught her attention. I watched helplessly as she scrambled across the floor to get it. She picked it up and ran it over her wrist, whimpering as it cut through her skin. I thought that I would be prepared for this but I was wrong. I broke down into tears again. When I looked up, no new door greeted me, but Maia's lifeless body as her wrists dripped crimson. I screamed and covered my eyes. When I once again opened them I was surrounded by grey and another door.
"Please!" I begged. I had long forgotten the fact that it was only a dream. "I don't want to see any more! I've had enough!" I was on my knees crying and pleading to anyone. Suddenly someone touched my shoulder. I looked up through my bloodshot eyes. Maia, the Maia I had met was staring at me with a look between sympathy and sadness.
"You think you do, but you don't fully understand yet," She told me gently pulling me to my feet. "It's almost over. Just a few more things you need to see." She said encouragingly. With a final push towards the door she disappeared. I took a deep breath, steeling up my nerves before shoving the door open.
This door got right to the point. I was again in the bedroom, but it had changed slightly. Some furniture had been moved around and new posters added. A breathed a sigh of relief when I saw the My Chem posters still hanging in their place on the wall. Another slightly older Maia sat cross legged on her bed. In front of her lay a razor and a bottle of pills.
I walked over and knelt down next to the bed to watch. She was crying and shaking. She would reach for the items in front of her before letting out a sob and yanking her hand back to her side again. This time her thoughts didn't come to me, but I didn't need them. I understood perfectly. Mainly because I too had once been suicidal. I really should have been use to it now, but it still tore me apart to watch her in such pain. I let myself cry as I watched her debate taking her own life. I wanted to reach and and comfort her. To hug her and let her know that it was going to be okay, that she would survive this. She got off her bed and began pacing the room, still crying. Finally she stopped, tears still streaming down her face. She ran over to her drawer, pulling out a CD. I couldn't see what it was, but guessing from how the dream had gone so far, it was probably one of ours. My theory was proved a couple of minutes later when I heard the beginning to The End.
She sat back down on the bed and hugged her knees to her chest. I sat beside her, adding my silent support. It suddenly occurred to me though that I was supporting her. Maybe not me in person, but the band and our music. I was beginning to understand what Maia meant about our music. Maybe we did save lives. As I was spacing out thinking this I saw Maia out of the corner of my eye stand up. The Black Parade was just finishing up. I frowned. I hadn't thought it had been that long. Maia grabbed the razor and the bottle of pills. I immediately jerked upright, worried about her. My worry wasn't needed though. She simply walked over to her window and opened it. In one swift movement she had tossed both the razor and the pills. She turned away from the window after a moment with a small sad smile. She walked over to the radio and began the process of replaying the CD. The colors faded into grey again.
Just as was expected, another door appeared. To my surprise though Maia appeared again, looking just like she did at the coffee shop. She smiled and gave me a small satisfied wave.
"You're starting to understand now," She told me with a grin. "There's only two more doors now. I'll see you next when you're done." She gave me another wave before fading into the misty grey once again. I steeled my nerves again. I wasn't quite sure what would greet me through the next door, but judging by how the dream had been progressing and how the doors worked, it wouldn't be pleasant. I turned the knob, already having slight regret.
Once again I was in Maia's bedroom. I cringed when I saw the empty space on her walls where the My Chem posters should have been. I turned to see Maia on her bed, the same as before. Crying her eyes out with the pills and the razor in front of her. I walked up to her and hugged her. I didn't care if she couldn't feel it. I felt like I needed to do something. I couldn't stand watching people be in pain. I knew what was coming next and that killed me a little inside.
I watched as helpless as before as she picked up the pill bottle, twisting the cap open. It took her several attempts because of how bad her hands were shaking, but finally she forced the cap off. I felt the tears form once again in my eyes as I watched her take half the bottle. The sobs broke out as I watched her make two deep cuts across both of her wrists. I watched as she bled all over the bed, watched as her life slowly slipped away. Even though I reminded myself over and over that it was only a dream, I still screamed and cried as she died. I felt insanely guilty. This wouldn't have happened if My Chem existed. It's all my fault. I squeezed my eyes shut, praying to whatever God there may be that when I opened them I would be surrounded by the grey mist.
Thankfully my prayer was answered and I wrenched my eyes open to the familiar and comfortable grey mist. Yet another door stood in front of me. According to Maia this was suppose to be the final door. That confused me. Usually I had to live through a scene twice. One in which My Chem existed, and one in which it didn't. That must've meant that this door was going to show me something different. Bracing myself for the worst I turned the handle for what I hoped was the last time and stepped through.
This was definitely different. Instead of one scene, glimpses of many passed in front of me as if on a screen Each one showed Maia at different points of her life. Maia dancing around her room jamming out to Dead!. Maia singing along with a friend to Burn Bright. Walking through the school halls listening to I'm Not Okay. Playing Helena at a grave. Crying and listening to Disenchanted. Going through a breakup and listening to I Don't Love You. Running around with fangs singing Vampires Will Never Hurt You. Being bullied and crying to Thank You For The Venom. More and more scenes passed by. I watched as a whole girls life, with My Chem a part of pass by in front of me. I didn't realize I was silently crying until the screen went black and the grey faded back. I felt someone hug me sideways.
"You see?" Maia said wiping away my tears and giving me one of her small smiles. "My Chem really does save lives. You guys have saved me multiple times throughout my life. I don't know where I would be without you guys. There are so many other people like me too. People who's whole lives your music effected. So I could understand if you didn't want to continue the band. Everything ends at some point, but I don't want it ending with you thinking that you did nothing to help kids." I looked at her and I felt a grin forming on my face.
"I can see that now," I told her honestly. I would never again doubt the power of music, and more importantly, I wouldn't underestimate how much My Chem actually did help kids.
"Then my job is done," Maia said pulling me in for a hug. It felt good to actually be able to wrap my arms around her after not being able to throughout the whole dream ordeal. "Now it's time for you to wake up. You have things to do, such as working on a certain new album." I grinned down at her.
"Yeah," I told her ruffling her purple hair. "I suppose you're right. You seem to generally be." She let out a small childish giggle before leaning in. She kissed my cheek then pulled away.
"Bye Gee," She whispered.
~~~
I woke with a start. I knew that I had been sleeping, and dreaming, but I also knew that what just happened was real. I don't know how I knew that, or how to explain what just happened. I just knew that I fully believed Maia now. Maia! I looked at my arm, praying that the sharpie hadn't worn off. It had a little bit, but the digits were still pretty clear. I grabbed my phone from the dresser and turned it on. More missed calls and texts from the band greeted me. I sighed. I knew they needed an explanation for my sudden depression. They also needed to know when we were going to all get back together to finish the album.
First things first though, I was going to put Maia's number into my phone contacts. She was right last night when she had told me that I would want to call her in the morning. I also knew just from the short time of knowing her that she would kill me if I called her before calling the band. With another sigh I scrolled through my contacts till I found Brian. I felt a huge grin fill my face as it rung. I was excited again. I couldn't wait till we started recording. He picked up on the fourth ring.
"Gerard where the hell have you been!" My grin only got larger as he yelled at me.
"Calm down. I'll explain it all later. In the meantime I need you to get the band together at the recording studio. We have an album to make."
I grinned as those words came out of my mouth. I had never been more excited to make an album, Cause I finally realized that My Chemical Romance is not just a band. It's an idea, and a life saver. And hopefully it always will be.
Notes
So this is my I guess you could call it side project as I work on Bright Lights That Cast A Shadow.
This is my first shot at writing a one shot. It is actually already posted on my wattpad and on archiveofourown. so let me know what you think
Okay goodnight my tiny Frank sized killjoys. Or drink coffee and stay up. I don't care
I think...i just died inside... Thanks alot
8/21/14