You only hear the music when your heart begins to break

*Gerard's POV*

"Gerard you.." Mikey stared back at me with wide eyes ".. You're awake" I saw tears he'd been holding back, slip down his anger-reddened cheeks, and I saw the fight leave his body. I let go of his fist, it wasn't really like I could've actually held it back if he'd let it fly, so I was glad that the shock of seeing me up and about, had halted him in his tracks.
Stepping back, I leaned heavily on the counter behind me, as my legs were threatening to give way "I'm sorry Mikes.." I croaked out, my throat feeling like I'd been swallowing razor blades ".. This isn't Frank's fault, it's mine"
Mikey was staring at me, while Ray checked on Frank. God, I hope he's ok.
I could feel my knees shaking, and I knew I had to sit, before I fell.
Pushing off from the counter, I staggered over toward the seating area we have on the bus. I think I must've resembled Bambi, all shaky legs and, well, red hair.
I felt a hand grab onto my elbow, and another wrap around my waist, as they supported me over to the sofa. I looked up "Thanks Ray.." I murmured, as he deposited me on the worn leather seat. He just nodded, a tight smile on his lips, then he returned to care for Frank.
I wanted to be doing that, but I guess it's not my place to anymore.. Not now he hates me. Besides, not really sure I'd be much use, when I can barely walk 5 feet without help.
After a moment, Mikey sat down on the arm of the sofa. He couldn't even sit near me "Gerard.." He began, quietly, staring at his hands as he played with his fingers.. a thing he always does when he's angry or upset. Huh. Guess I'm in for it now ".. I found the bottle.." Oh.. FUCK! My eyes started to water, and I could feel my breathing getting choppy ".. Why Gerard?.. And, and how long?"
I couldn't look at him. I couldn't see that disappointment that I KNEW would be in his eyes now. Sighing deeply, I scrubbed shaking hands over my face, and prayed he wouldn't blow up at me, like he did to Frank. Oh God!.. I need Frank!..
But I can't have him, and I know that.
Yes!.. I heard him tell Mikey that he still loves me. But how CAN he?.. Why WOULD he?
I'm just a fat, ugly, useless drunk.. and he'd be better off if I never existed.. Or if I did what I seemed to have been on the verge of doing for as long as I can remember, and ended my worthless life..
I'm snapped out of my internal mutterings, by a semi-hard punch to my arm "GERARD!.. Fuckin' ANSWER me"
I flinched away from Mikey, then sagged back against the sofa "I'm sorry.." I groaned, pitifully ".. I just.. I.." I hung my head, hiding behind my curtain of red hair ".. I want to.. to die, Mikes.." I whispered out, hearing him gasp to my right. I'd never said those words out loud before. He remained silent. I carried on after a minute or so ".. You'd all be better off if I wasn't around"
Mikey scoffed, loudly. I turned confused eyes his way "You're such an IDIOT sometimes Gee.." He laughed. It sounded hollow. Wrong ".. Why the FUCK would you think we'd be better off?.." I shrugged and looked down at my bare feet ".. WE WOULDN'T!.." He said forcefully, grabbing my shoulders and turning me to face him. I kept my head down ".. Look at me Gee.." I looked up through my hair. Mikey sighed, sounding defeated ".. We wouldn't be better off.. There would be a hole in all of us.." He pointed to his chest ".. Right here"
I shook my head sadly. They'd be ok. They probably wouldn't even miss me "Frank would be happier.. If I wasn't here, screwing everything up all the time" I murmured.
"Fuck YOU Gee.." My head snapped up toward the bunk area. Frank was there, leaning his weight awkwardly on Ray's shoulder ".. Don't you DARE even THINK that.." Ray helped him to limp across the room to us. I sat, open mouthed ".. I LOVE you, ya moron.." He flopped ungracefully onto the sofa next to me, and took my hand in his ".. I'm SO sorry for ever saying I didn't.. And for all the other shit I bin spouting lately.." I felt Mikey's weight leave the sofa, behind me.. But kept my eyes trained on Frank ".. I just.." He closed his eyes for a moment, as he searched for the right words to say ".. I thought you needed.. more"
I wasn't sure what to say, and my mouth had gone dry. Frank was staring at me, expectantly. GOD, I could do with a drink right now.
Pushing that thought to the back of my mind, I took a breath. I could feel myself shaking, and I was certain Frank could feel it too "I don't want more.." I whispered, my voice failing me ".. I just want YOU"
The bus shuddered to an unexpected stop, and loud cursing came from the drivers cabin. Ronnie sounded pissed. What the fuck happened now?...

Notes

Hi there chipmunks, Geesgirl here again..
Come on peeps, comment for us, and peace out
<3