Casting Shadows

Getting Skeeter to rest is a challenge. Since I had to go back to school, I can't supervise her all the time either, so when I am home, I try to be strict. Emphasis on 'try'. She knows how to soften me up; in fact, it doesn't even require much effort. One look from her, the way she sings whatever term of endearment she chooses for me, and that adorable smile when I smirk at her in response, half annoyed, half flustered. I let her get under my skin because I enjoy it, sometimes secretly but most of the time, not so secretly.

Living together is a strange experience. It's only been a few days but every morning when I open my eyes to find her next to me, I'm moved by how it's already changing me. How not only sharing a bed every night but occupying the same space, is giving me a whole new perspective on things. Walking into the kitchen in the morning, I catch myself taking every step more consciously, trying to intensify the feeling in order to identify it. While making coffee for myself and tea for Skeeter, I do the same thing. As though it would actually slow down time and give me an opportunity to revel in it. That's usually when Skeeter either calls 'Hurry up!' from the bedroom or interrupts my weird state of mind by taking matters into her own hands. I'm convinced she shares the sentiment though, since I notice that same look in her eyes, one that I haven't seen before. I kiss her, grab my toast and coffee and I'm out the door before I can spend more time trying to figure things out. But when I return after my last lecture to find her waiting for me with the biggest smile on her face, the feeling is back even stronger than before. I love her so fucking much.

We spend our first weekend living together sorting through my stuff and making room for it. Skeeter convinced me she feels well enough and promised to let me do most of the work, or at least work that requires a bit more physical effort. So while I attempt to put up a couple of new shelves, she tries to find the perfect place to display my Star Wars action figures before folding my clothes and putting them in neat piles since I have packed them up quite carelessly at the dorm. She's humming some B52's song and I suddenly stop what I'm doing and look at her.

'What?' she asks, putting another one of my Iron Maiden shirts aside. I have too many of these.

'This is so weird.' I point out as I walk over to her, not able to explain what I mean but not worried because I know she gets it.

'It is.' Skeeter nods with a smile. 'But it's nice.'

'Yeah.' I pull her into a hug and immediately get goosebumps from the way she snuggles up to me. 'It feels like an exclusive slumber party no one else is invited to.'

She giggles and looks up at me, and obviously I have to kiss her. I successfully kept my need for her hidden this whole past week, knowing that it would only encourage her to disregard her precaution but I can tell that this time I won't be strong enough. It's odd but at times I feel bad for wanting her as much as I do. Which is incomprehensible, especially now that we don't have to be ashamed of our relationship anymore. Perhaps I just have to get used to not feeling like this. And it's not like it ever stopped me in the past.

I lean into the kiss a bit more and Skeeter wraps her arms around my hips, her hands sneaking under my shirt and caressing my skin. It's like she knows I'm trying to resist her and she doesn't want me to. Do I want to? If I'm being honest, no. Before I can contemplate some more, her tongue is in my mouth and her body is pressed up against mine, her fingernails digging into my skin. It takes exactly five seconds for me to get hard and she clearly enjoys the power she has over me when she moans into the kiss as she feels me. I remember how embarrassed I used to be about it until I found out that she liked it. And I remember how good it made me feel the first time I realized that the effect I have on her, although less obvious, is equally as strong. To deny the fact that sex has mostly helped us forget about things we should have dealt with differently would be wrong but that doesn't mean that it wasn't good. Still, I'm well aware that now that we got rid of so many negative feelings, there is much more room for positive ones and while it freaks me out, it also excites me.

Skeeter pulls off my shirt and her hands are all over me in an instant. It takes a fraction of a second to overcome the hint of discomfort I feel as her fingertips brush over my scars, then it's replaced by the ever growing warm and fuzzy sensation that her touches always cause. Our lips are still glued together, and my heart is picking up even more speed when she deepens the kiss. It's hard to explain the feeling you get when your brain shuts off, when you think about nothing except the person you love and how good everything feels. The desire to stop time and capture the moment comes back with full force.

We make it into the bedroom and over to the bed where there's still some of my laundry but I throw it to the floor and Skeeter pushes me down on the mattress before climbing onto my lap. I groan as I kiss her again, trying my best not to lose all control over myself; I don't want this to be over before it even begins. She takes off her sweatshirt and I reach back to undo her bra clasp and add the piece of fabric it to the pile of clothes that's now on the floor. Her hand takes mine and guides it to her breast where I squeeze gently, my thumb brushing over her nipple. God, I love her breasts. She always jokes about them being too small, but they fit perfectly into the palms of my hands and I'd like to think that it's meant to be like that. Silly, I know.

'Gerard...' she moans and it makes me dizzy to hear her say my name like that. Perhaps because sometimes it still feels foreign to me that I'm loved like that, and by someone who I adore so much.

She seems to be in a bigger hurry than I am but my urge matches hers soon enough. I feel her hand on my erection, teasing me through the fabric of my jeans and I beg her not to at which she gives me an apologetic yet cheeky look. I smirk and lean up to steal another kiss from her while she opens my belt and unzips my pants.

*

I'm obsessed with the look on his face when I straddle him; it's almost as if he comes there and then. His head is pressed back into the pillow with his eyes shut and his mouth slightly opened, holding his breath as I guide him inside of me. Watching him, I blush slightly as I once again realize that I'm the one making him feel this good and it becomes my firm goal to make him feel even better. I bite my lip as he fills me up, indulging in it. In the past we didn't always take the time to enjoy these moments but now that we're as close as we can be, neither of us is in a rush.

'Baby...' I whisper, caressing his chest, and he smiles before his eyes flutter open again and meet mine. His smile becomes even bigger.

'I've missed you.' he breathes.

'It's only been a week.' I say, raising my brows in a playful manner and he grabs my hips as I start moving on him.

It's only been a week since we slept together, yes. But it's been a lot longer since we've been together like this.

'You've missed me too.' he knows he's right, there's not even a need to state it.

I nod and lean down to kiss him. It already feels different although I can't quite say how. Maybe because for the first time, nothing else is on our minds. There is nothing we have to distract ourselves from. Right in this moment, I'm happier than ever before, because Gerard is the only thing on my mind. He feels amazing, and although we have to be careful due to my recent appendectomy, the sensation starts building without delay. The way he looks at me really gets me; I love how his eyes never leave mine, I love how flushed his cheeks are and how he pants every time I move. Most of all, I love how absolutely perfect we are together. How perfect we've always been together. It doesn't take long until the feeling gets so intense that I pull him up so I can kiss him and hold on to him.

'I don't wanna hurt you.' Gerard nudges my nose with his and my fingers thread into the hair at the nape of his neck.

'You're not.' I assure him but he's still extra careful with me and I'm surprised by how much I like it.

Normally, my impatience would have made me desperate by now but there is a time for fucking, and there is a time for making love. And right now, it's the latter. As sappy as it sounds in my head, it feels too good to be embarrassed about it. Is this part of growing up? Abandoning the silly ideas you have about how things should be like, the insecurities you feel when they aren't, just to realize that reality is so much more enjoyable without the expectations? Gerard and I finally have something real and it takes me breath away in a way that I didn't see coming. We are so close because nothing stands between us any longer.

When my orgasm hits me, it takes me by surprise. Almost as though it happens in a dream from which you wake up thinking 'Huh? What was that?' before realizing and blushing insanely. It's not like I've never had an orgasm before. Actually, I had plenty for my young age. But this one? Gerard's lips are attached to my neck and I gasp, still shaken up. He finds it funny, obviously, and giggles. That sound is enough to make my body tremble again and I push him away before it gets too much.

'Cute.' he beams as he nestles up to me and I wrap the sheets around us.

I shut him up with a kiss, also trying to hide just how flustered I am. Why does this affect me so much? I knew things were going to change but apparently I wasn't prepared for the sheer magnitude of these changes. Now would usually be the time when I'd feel guilty, after the heat of the moment subsides and my heartbeat slows down again. Somewhere in the back of my mind, there would even be a voice telling me I shouldn't have done it. I'd make up excuses. We're drunk. He was sad. I was sad. It made us forget about our fight. It made us forget about everything. None of this is happening though. No guilt, no voice, no excuses. Instead, the heat comes back and my heart is pounding violently in my chest once more. Our kiss deepens again and I pull him on top of me, my legs around his hips. He's inside me again with one gentle thrust and I moan into his mouth, clinging to him desperately because I can feel yet another orgasm swiftly approaching. I hold back though, wanting to relish it this time; being so close to him, knowing that he feels the same way. Gerard's lips leave mine and cover my face with soft little kisses, whispering my name against my skin. When my breath quickens and my body begins to shake, I hug him even closer, savoring his warmth. He groans as I tighten around him but keeps going, in an almost painfully slow way. I squeeze his hand when it finds mine and forget everything around us for the second time tonight.

-

I look at him while I play with his hair. I assume he's asleep but then he opens his eyes.

'Will you marry me one day?' he asks, sounding like a little boy who's asking for a cookie.

I'm not surprised by his question. Even if it was a proposal, which it isn't, I wouldn't be surprised. So I nod without hesitation, and he smiles and sighs happily before closing his eyes again.

Notes

Well I had fun writing this chapter so I hope you had fun reading it ;)